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you sound like you have a really closed mind towards anything sexual feeling good for you, which takes me back to my original points that it's in your head and only you can sort that.
any specific example of what he could say that would make you smile?
not doing something because he thinks he should???
not sure what you mean. Sounds very vague
him owning up and teeling the truth about the fact that yes he only tried it a few times in the first part of our marriage because he had heard about it and then admit that it wasnt for him, but after going to the therapy and the books that it made him feel that he should be doing this and thats why he has continued to try even tho he knows that it dont do anything and that i find it boring.
not agreeing to doing things that he doesnt want to do, if he really doesnt want to have sex with me anymore then he should just say so, and not tell me lies regarding this
Have you told him any of this?
yes i have
Its not working. hes fighting a losing battle because youre expecting to feel something good sexually, when youre neither attracted to, or have any good feelings about your partner and never have.
Sex is much much more about psychological feelings and emotional feelings than about ANY technique he does or doesnt have.
You could be having sex with the most talented stud in town but if you didnt fancy him or like him, then at best its going to feel annoying. At worst like rape.
I dont "want" you to do anything. Its about what you and your husband want, and it doesnt sound like its the same thing at all.
him reading it in a book that i got, and asked him to read is not the same as him taking any interest in it is it? lets face it its me on here not him, it was me that went to the doc, not him, it was me that went and saw the sex therapist and he only came when she said she needed to see him, he complained because he had to take time off work and sort that out.
i dont have a problem with sex and masturbation as such, i know thats what we are designed to do, but i really cant make it feel good or say it does when it just doesnt feel good at all, sex is a huge pain for me each and every time simply due to the fact that even tho i have repeatedly told him exactly where and how it hurts and even given him a demonstration of what hes doing wrong and how much pain it gives the very next time we do anything he does it again!!!!!!! so me going to all the therapy in the world isnt going to change that one is it?
as for going to another therapist, i cant, there isnt another one here, or one that our doctor can send us too.
sorry i just dont understand what your saying
if you love him and you want the rest of your lives together to be happy and have sexual fufilment then you need to look at yourself and your feelings.
If you feel the marriage is finished (and sexual gratification, love and affection are important in marriage) then i would still suggest that you seek some professional help as you do seem to have some negative ideas about your own self and there is something causing you to feel like nothing feels good for you. Your body should be capable of being aroused and finding things sexually apealing, so this needs adressing - or it may affect your next relationship too.
being capable and being able are 2 different things, unfortunately im not able
the idea that something would feel great and be appealing is one thing but its a reality for me that it simply doesnt meet to the idea,
its like saying that the best looking steak in the world should taste great and then you get your fork into it and find that its as tough as old boots, your just a bit
have they found anything physically wrong that is causing pain? You should be able to find more than one therapist. Where are you from? it may be worth looking into private provision if it is important to you that this is resolved
the problem is at the bottom of my vagina where it goes towards my bottom, the skin just inside there feels like its being cut with a stanley knife just on slight touch.
as for another therapist should and can are so far apart, there is no other therapsit that we can see, unless we went privately for, and we cant afford to see them privately simple as that.
You need to persist with the doctors. It took two years of me saying, 'it hurts when I have sex' for a doctor to even LOOK down there, let alone get a gynae to look at it.
sorry to be so explict
you do have to be persistant with doctors and keep pushing it, if it is affecting your quality of life then them telling you there is nothing they can do isn't really helpful and i'm sure you are within your rights for them to be trying to help you. However, you should still be able to orgasm regardless as it's your clitoris that is the important part here. You and your partner can give each other pleasure in a non penetrative way without even going near the part that hurts, but you have to accept that you need to do some work on yourself.
You need to persist with the docs and i'm sure that there is more than one therapist in the north east of England, you need help and the louder and longer you shout the more likely it will be you will get it. Don't take no for an answer.
so will he only have sex from behind then?
i have been trying to get help for this for the last 10 yrs now with hardly anything even slightly changing
its just he always uses the same method to locate things
yes i have tired putting it in but the trouble is once in he will then take it out and start again!!!
and as for me putting it in for the first time i cant because of the amount of effort required, it really needs so force behind it to get it in then.
why do i let him do it? how else is he ever going to learn how to do it without hurting me?
do i love him? i dont know, i dont know what love is really.
what do you mean by quality time?
do you like spending time together? do you miss him when he isn't there? do you look forward to seeing him after being apart?
When you have sex do you like it? when you wonder if he wants to do anything at night do you feel dread or do you look forward to it (taking the pain out of the equation)?