nothing touches, why?

Former Member

ok im female and since i started having sex im finding that nothing ever touches meon my clit during it, we have tried alsorts of positions and followed instructions for doing such things as CAT, but still no better, there is that much room in there the gap is at least 2 inches and thats the nearest we can get, it dont matter if hes on top or i am its always the same, it gets so frustrating as i have never had an orgasm from anything and yet everywhere i read it always says to get on top of him as its guarrenteed!!! not with us its not, it just dont work at all.

now i know we are having all sorts of other problems at the moment, but i would really like to find out what on earth we are doing wrong.

Former Member

I think I'm right in saying a lot of women don't orgasm during sex anyway. Have you tried other things? (like oral?) It might be that sex just isn't enough for you.
There's a lot of useful things on here (if you go to the sex and relationships section) that might be worth a read

Former Member

nothing, its normal. Most sexual positions dont touch the clit very much or at all. Most women get their orgasms from their partner playing with it, rubbing it and licking it, before or after sex, not during it

Former Member

so why is it when i read stuff that it always says that a woman going on top is guarenteed to get her there then? that she can grind on his pubic bone???? how????? there is no way we even come close to being able to do that

Former Member

nothing is guaranteed, ever.

I dont usually come during penetration at all in any position and i dont consider myself to have any real difficulty orgasming in general. Just during sex, is not am common way for a woman to come.
I dont know why its sort of seen as the ultimate in sex for this to happen as its so unnattainable for most. A guys generally got to get down there with his tongue for most women to get off

Former Member

well that never works for me either. i find it very boring and mainly end up falling asleep. i just end up laying there and wondering what on earth hes trying to do. if i cant pull him up then i do that or i just get plain bored

Former Member

something else i just cant get my head around is this,

if your doing it in reverse, facing his feet, how on earth is that going to ever touch your g spot? im mean if the curve of him is a upward one, and a womans g spot is towards her belly button then facing backwards would have him heading towards your spine surely?

Former Member

failingrepeatedly wrote: »

well that never works for me either. i find it very boring and mainly end up falling asleep. i just end up laying there and wondering what on earth hes trying to do. if i cant pull him up then i do that or i just get plain bored

he's trying to give you a good time , if it isn't working then you need to communicate with him that the technique is not quite right. He clearly wants to please you, but you need to tell him what feels good and what doesn't.

Former Member

**Summer-Raindrops** wrote: »

he's trying to give you a good time , if it isn't working then you need to communicate with him that the technique is not quite right. He clearly wants to please you, but you need to tell him what feels good and what doesn't.

:yes:

Former Member

well the easy part of that is to tell him that its either hurting me or i cant feel anything of its not doing anything or simply "are you still in there"

telling him anything more than that is impossible as nothing has ever worked. its ll the same to me bland blandness

Former Member

Give up and have a wank instead

Former Member

im not a fan of doing this at all and its him that wants me to because its not far on him having to do all the work, so yes i would rather he did give up and have a wank instead, but thats not what he wants to do!!!

Former Member

no i imagine not, he probably wants to have a fulfilling sex life with his wife that you both enjoy

Former Member

you seem quite derogatory and sour towards your partner when he is only trying to do nice things for you. If you know what feels good for yourself then you need to be showing him. You will never be able to acheive orgasm with him all the time you are harbouring so much resentment/anger towards him. Sexual happiness is as much to do with your head as it is your body. Do you actually want to have a fufilling sex life with him?

Former Member

"you seem quite derogatory and sour towards your partner when he is only trying to do nice things for you. If you know what feels good for yourself then you need to be showing him. You will never be able to acheive orgasm with him all the time you are harbouring so much resentment/anger towards him. Sexual happiness is as much to do with your head as it is your body. Do you actually want to have a fufilling sex life with him?"

what nice things is he trying to do? and no i dont have a clue what feel good for myself, i try but it dont do anything at all so how can i show him something that dont do anything? i thought i wanted to try and sort out our sex life and make it much better, but to be honest im not sure if its even possible anymore, he wont even put any effort into it anymore, guess im wasting my time worrying about it when it is all onesided.

as for being angry and resentful, well yes i feel im justified when you consider everything over the last 28 yrs

Former Member

if you feel so much hatred and resentment towards him because he has stopped trying when after 28 years STILL he cant make you happy, then i think its time to cut your losses and leave him and let him try and find real happiness elsewhere

Former Member

i never said i felt hatered and resentment its just that how can we ever sort any of this out if he doesnt do something? you cant improve on anything if you only do it once every 4-6 months!!!

Former Member

what pleasure can you possibly hope to acheive by him putting his cock in you, when you have never ever experienced happiness or pleasure at anything in your entire life, not even your childrens first smile or first words. Not even your own wedding day.
Seriously. Hes fighting a losing battle. You need to work on learning about yourself, and finding what it is that can make you happy, before you even start worrying or complaining about your husbands sexual technique, because if youre not in the right frame of mind, then NOTHING he does is going to feel good

Former Member

for your info the day i got married wasnt for me and my husband it was for him and his mum!!!! i was just someone who turned up and wore a dress, it had nothing at all to do with me, from start to finnish

as for my kids, his mum was involved so much with the kids that i hardly ever saw them, so thats why i never saw any of the first with them as she had took over

Former Member

It seems like he's given up because you're both frustrated you're not getting anywhere. You get frustrated with him because its not doing anything for you so he thinks he may as well not bother in the first place.

Also, if you keep pressuring yourself to feel something, it will never happen. You need to relax and enjoy the ride, not worry about finally getting to your destination.

I would suggest you spend some time alone and find out what feels good for you. Buy a vibe, watch porn, get some massage oils, anything like that. But dont expect to start having mind blowing orgasms straight away, because you'll just end up in another vicious circle. Just relax and have fun.

Also you need to sit down with your partner and explain how you feel. Tell him you dont know how to help him get you off because you dont know yourself, and reassure him its not his fault. He's probably feeling very insecure because he cant pleasure his woman

Former Member

failingrepeatedly wrote: »

what nice things is he trying to do? and no i dont have a clue what feel good for myself, i try but it dont do anything at all so how can i show him something that dont do anything? i thought i wanted to try and sort out our sex life and make it much better, but to be honest im not sure if its even possible anymore, he wont even put any effort into it anymore, guess im wasting my time worrying about it when it is all onesided.

as for being angry and resentful, well yes i feel im justified when you consider everything over the last 28 yrs

Errm going down on you is his way of trying to give you satisfaction -obviously he is putting more effort and worry into it than you realise. you cannot change anything at all about your sexlife until a) you get to know what works for your body b) start apreciating that your partner wants it to be good for you and is demonstrating that c) start respecting him which you clearly don't, d) get some help dealing with your own negative feelings about sex which have caused you to put a psychological block on feeling any pleasure, and makes you angry and resentful.

Either you want to leave the past in the past and move on to have a more fufilling sex life or you don't, the only person who can make this happen is you, not your husband. The block is your problem not his, and nothing he does sexually will do anything at all until you adress the above.

Edited to aDD: you seem to have alot of deep rooted resentment to your husband on all fronts - this will all need to be dealt with too. Only you can decide if it is worth it and if you love him enough to move forward with life together, or apart.

Former Member

I would suggest you spend some time alone and find out what feels good for you. Buy a vibe, watch porn, get some massage oils, anything like that. But dont expect to start having mind blowing orgasms straight away, because you'll just end up in another vicious circle. Just relax and have fun.

i have tried all that stuff,

vib - endless buzzing
porn - sit there like a rabbit caught in the headlights no idea what the hell im watching it for
massage oils cant stand the stuff i have exceama and cant use one half the creams that are around anyway

Former Member

youre full of excuses.
if you didnt want to get married, then you shouldnt have. You made that choice. Did he force you into it. Has he forced you to stay put for the last 28 years? You need to take some responsibility for the choices you have made in life, and stop acting like a passive victim where its all somebody elses fault.
Youre not going to get another chance in life, and if you are still feeling resentful and havent found happiness by now after 28 years, then really, its unlikely to happen now.

Former Member

**Summer-Raindrops** wrote: »

Errm going down on you is his way of trying to give you satisfaction -obviously he is putting more effort and worry into it than you realise. you cannot change anything at all about your sexlife until a) you get to know what works for your body b) start apreciating that your partner wants it to be good for you and is demonstrating that c) start respecting him which you clearly don't, d) get some help dealing with your own negative feelings about sex which have caused you to put a psychological block on feeling any pleasure, and makes you angry and resentful.

Either you want to leave the past in the past and move on to have a more fufilling sex life or you don't, the only person who can make this happen is you, not your husband. The block is your problem not his, and nothing he does sexually will do anything at all until you adress the above.

:yes:

Former Member

a) you get to know what works for your body

tried many many times and cant find one single thing to report back to him about




b) start apreciating that your partner wants it to be good for you and is demonstrating that

how?
c) start respecting him which you clearly don't,

i cant respect someone when they continually tell me lies such as he loves going down on me!! yet how come it took 20 yrs where he maybe did that 6 times, and then when he saw the sex therapist and read some books he then tries to go down on me more since then? thats not someone liking it that s someone who has been shamed into doing something


d) get some help dealing with your own negative feelings about sex which have caused you to put a psychological block on feeling any pleasure, and makes you angry and resentful

been there done that didnt work simply bvecause he didnt listen to word she said and only did things halfheartedly and when he felt like it.

Former Member

so, whats the answer?

Former Member

name me one way he could make you happy?

Former Member

he could at least try and be truthful and mean what he says and not do stuff because he thinks he ought to be doing it

Former Member

at the end of the day this is not what i had posted on this thread about, i just wanted to try and figure something out as to why we cant do this position at all, yet it seems to be the one that should work out the best for most women from what i have read about it. once again he is the only person to have benefited from us trying it and me repeated failure of it.

Former Member

right, youre saying things that piss you off, but what could he do that would make you happy

Former Member

i did!!