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no we dont, i dont go out with him to eat because that is all we do, eat, no talk, no laughing just eat!!! i dont go to the cinema or watch films as i dont get it, it holds no interest for me at all, its the same with the tv aswell, i find it totally boring. we got a canoe last year, its a 2 seater thing trouble is he cant tell his left from right and when i see a rock or something im desparately trying to avoid it and he cant hear a word a say, and then i get blammed for hitting it (the canoe is inflatable) what do you mean feel connected?
do you like spending time together? do you miss him when he isn't there? do you look forward to seeing him after being apart?
sort of, i worry abouthim at work esp if i hear of something going wrong at the chemical plant, they make cianide and other dangerous chemicals,
When you have sex do you like it? when you wonder if he wants to do anything at night do you feel dread or do you look forward to it (taking the pain out of the equation)?
whats to like about it? i do it so he is happy for a while, so that he can get a nights full sleep,
Oh this makes me so sad
left here right hand there rub for 10 mns move left arm push legs open rub a bit more is she wet? no, get out lube spend 5 mns putting in on everywhere then move into position sorry i didnt mean that try again push harder or its gone in ok you al right? ok in out in out in out in out do you want to move?
ok im done, thats what its like
feel connected - like there is a bond ,that he brings something good into your life, like you wouldn't be the same without him.
"whats to like about it?" plenty, sex provides a physical gratification and helps you feel close. The fact that you can say this reflects your whole attitude towards it. you dont seem to accept that sex is pleasurable and you are stopping yourself from feeling it. If penetration hurts there are other ways of pleasuring each other without it, but you wont allow yourself to accept this for whatever reason.
it would be worth building a hobby together to promote bonding between you both, if you felt more loved and connected outside of the bedroom it would improve things in the bedroom too including your communication. Don't have sex for him, this will only increase your resentment of him, instead look for ways to improve both of your happiness overall.
if you don't feel like this is something you want to do, then maybe it's time to end it.
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=8261425&page=1
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/improverelationship.htm
well you need to adress this if it bothers you, stop being so negative and look for ways to improve it. TELL him that this doesnt make you happy and stop complying with it. if you let it happen it will keep on happening.
he bought a motorbike a few yrs back as we used to go out on that when he was younger, i refuse to go on it, he scared me stiff a while back, and when i talk tohim about it he cant seem to understand that he and his actions put my life in danger, so til the day im certain hes listened to me and can ride the bike without scaring me again then i wont go on it. he refuses to ride it at low speeds that i may be able to handle, i also asked him to stay near home in case i had to get off and walk home, nope, not worth getting it out for doing that. so i dont go.
If penetration hurts there are other ways of pleasuring each other without it, but you wont allow yourself to accept this for whatever reason.
yeah sure there are, i do accept that there maybe other ways, i just cant find any thats all.
communication - dont get me started on this one, its the reason for all this trouble in the first place, its never got any better and certainly nothing good has ever come from it.
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in what way do i have a block? its me thats doing the trying not him! its not me that provides the shit sex, its him! nothing good has ever come from us talking about anything, all i get is the constant put downs and sarcasim of him, i try and try to ignore it and make himlisten but its always the same but when pulled up over doing that he doesnt even know what hes done!! there are so many times i wish i have a video of him when hes doing these things, just to prove im not going mad and imagining it all.
You have a clitoris, it works but it's your responsibility to find out how it works. All you have done is tried a few things and then given up, saying "oh well, it doesn't work for me, i wont bother anymore". you will never get anywhere if you can't press your own buttons. you might think you are trying but you aren't really are you?
The shit sex is the result of you putting up with it - if you put up with it he won't know what he is doing wrong. It takes two people to have shit sex. You need to know what feels good and show/tell him so he can make it good for you. You have already decided that sex with him is always going to be shit - it's reflected in your attitude and comments about him. If your husband is sarcastic and puts you down it is probably a reflection of how you make him feel - its a vicious cycle>>>>> You feel shit about your relationship which is reflected in your attitude towards him, he then feels shit and takes it out on you, you then feel worse and it all carries on in a cycle.
The sex will never be good all the time the relationship is as bad as you make it out to be.Men derrive alot of their self esteem from their sexual prowess - u seem to have little respect for him and his feelings.28years of making love to an unresponsive plank of wood isn't going to have done much for him or his self esteem. You don't seem to have anything good to say about him. you come across as if you dont think there is anything good in your relationship...you cant even say you love him..you need to fix all these things first.
there are lots of things on the internet on how to improve a relationship. if i were u i would read them, start communicating with each other and stop trying to have sex for awhile. And don't harp on about how communicating doesnt work coz if you were communicating right it would. if it hasnt worked you aren't doing it right either one or both of you.
my clit might be on my body but that doesnt mean it works, its got no feeling in it at all, other than i can feel pressure and temperature that is it and when i say temperature i mean extreme cold like ice or red hot heat, and nothing much inbetween.
you cant talk to a man that doesnt want to listen can you? i have told him repeatedly that im not happy about the sex we had, and why, although there is very little i can suggest to improve it cause i have no idea on what that would be, and what do i get from by the way of comunication, oh, do you want a drink? shall i get ........................................... wtf!!! the man wont talk to me simple as that!!!
"28years of making love to an unresponsive plank of wood isn't going to have done much for him or his self esteem. " erm hasnt he got a tongue? not once had he ever asked if there was anything wrong, he could have bothered to ask surely?
but he clearly does want to listen if he is doing thing to try and turn you on - that demonstrates that he cares about you and wants you to enjoy sex. Maybe the way he is going about things is wrong but it's down to both of you to find a way of communicating effectively that works for you both. Take some control back, if you want to put his penis in you a certain way so it doesn't hurt you then do it, and if he tries to take it out and put it in wrong then don't let him, show him how to do it so it's not painful for you - don't let him do things you don't want to, it's your body, he only has as much say as you want him to have. if certain positions hurt you then don't do them. If he is not listening then keep telling him/showing him til he does, and don't give up/decide you cant be bothered/lay there and let him carry on coz its easier - take the control back and you will start feeling better about things.
Look at ways to build your relationship outside the bedroom first and then move onto bedroom stuff - 28 years of bad habits is alot to undo and you both have alot of bad habits to unlearn.
you don't need temperature to get off, its about pressure and movement, work on that until it feels good. as for asking, 28 years ago the idea of sex was very different, as were mens roles, like i said above you both have alot of bad habits to break, he needs to get more comfortable talking about sex and communicating generally and you need to get to know your body and take some responsibility instead of putting all the blame on him.
just what is he doing to turn me on? cause i dont know
Maybe the way he is going about things is wrong but it's down to both of you to find a way of communicating effectively that works for you both.
obviously it is wrong, because i never knew that i was meant to be turned on or what that feels like.
Take some control back, if you want to put his penis in you a certain way so it doesn't hurt you then do it, and if he tries to take it out and put it in wrong then don't let him, show him how to do it so it's not painful for you - don't let him do things you don't want to, it's your body, he only has as much say as you want him to have. if certain positions hurt you then don't do them. If he is not listening then keep telling him/showing him til he does, and don't give up/decide you cant be bothered/lay there and let him carry on coz its easier - take the control back and you will start feeling better about things.
yup done that too, it became a 10 yr with no sex because he couldnt/wouldnt listen to me at all, til the day he turned around and said he was going to leave due to no sex and the fact he felt i didnt love him. so just how does any of that demonstrate that hes listened to me or has ever listened to me?
Look at ways to build your relationship outside the bedroom first and then move onto bedroom stuff - 28 years of bad habits is alot to undo and you both have alot of bad habits to unlearn.
you don't need temperature to get off, its about pressure and movement, work on that until it feels good. as for asking, 28 years ago the idea of sex was very different, as were mens roles, like i said above you both have alot of bad habits to break, he needs to get more comfortable talking about sex and communicating generally and you need to get to know your body and take some responsibility instead of putting all the blame on him.
i never said you need temperature to get off, i said thats all it can feel, as for pressure, its as good as moving your nosetip around, so how long does he need to do that for then? 10 mins 20 mins 1 hr?
YOU need to do it, not him. You need to know how your body works first and foremost. Noone else can do it for you. You have got it in your head that it isn't going to work, it is never going to feel good, you therefore have become a self fufilling prophecy. So until you open your mind and take some responsibility it will never work.
til 8 yrs back i never even knew i had a clit or what it was there for, so dont tell me its in my head and that i have turned my head off and convinced myslef it dont work, if it was going to work then it would have worked or at least announced its presence to me before then but hand on my heart and swear on kids lives i never knew i had it or what it did, i thought it was just a fold of skin thats all oh and i thought thats where i peed from too
Take one night for yourself where you can concentrate on exploring your body and what feels good. If it helps, get some tingle lube and put some of that on your finger, because the wetness will help with the sensation.
Read this back through and then honestly tell yourself that you haven't convinced yourself it won't work.
Hes never turned you on. You shouldnt have married him. You should never have even got into a relationship with a man that you never fancied or had never made you smile. Thats YOUR fault. You cant then realistically complain that 28 years later that the sex is shit.
i have been trying nearly every blooming day for the last 8 yrs!!!! i cant use that tingle stuff as it burns me worse than rubbing chilli powder into an open cut,
Have some fun on your own, work out what works for you. You won't get to orgasm, first time you try, by any stretch of the imagination, but you just might reach the point where you start to get wet. Until you can get there, you've not got much chance of getting anywhere near an orgasm.
And for getting started, fingers rubbing won't do it for me unless I am definitely all ready in the mood. A decent snuggle on the sofa, that then becomes a full on back rub however..........
i didnt know that he was meant to turn me on!!! he did tho and never once asked me or bothered to take notice of what i was or wasnt doing when with him.