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Louise, you ARE a girl. No matter what you look like, no matter what clothes you wear, no matter what genitalia you have. You are a girl on the inside, and that is what counts. It doesn't matter what some doctor says, or how long you have to wear girls clothes for before you can fully "change" to being female inside and out... To me, and I'm sure to many other people, you are a girl called Louise who has very good fashion sense and is very kind and helpful.
Yeah, you may encounter a few objects as you climb the stairs of life. But once you reach those objects you have two choices; you can sit and cry on the step for ever or you can pick the object up, get it sorted with, and leave it on that step and just keep walking.
Right now, you are doing the later. You may have been born looking like a boy, but you have always been a girl really.
THAT Louise you lovely lady, is what counts
Xx
P.S. A little site that might help you feel more girly on the days when you are a bit depressed.... http://www.bbc.co.uk/switch/slink/
Why not start your own thread and you can get help specifically aimed at you?
Xx
I've made a thread. Click Here
Now its over i wonder if it was agood idea its really messing me up now having to go back to being a boy, it sounds strange i know but i was even starting to feel almost complete as a person and now its all back to normal.
I feel naked without my makeup and i feel like i have lost all my confidence again i'm back to feeling like a shy loner, the clothes feel really heavy as well its funny how you dont notice things until you go back to them.
Well i guess i just have to get on with it i know there are many people with real problems but it dont stop me feeling down in the dumps.
Good luck to all on your first day back i know its a shitty feeling for everyone :impissed:
And you aren't "going back to being a boy" you are a girl, and you know you are
Xx
Hey louise,
You could take it as a good sign (even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment).
What I mean is, you said you almost felt complete during your time as a girl, yet now you have to go back to being male for school and you hate it. Surely this can strengthen your case for surgery/hormones if you tell your doctor just how it felt to be a) louise and then b) male? Hopefully it will have convinced you and anyone else that you really do want/need a change? I think was a good idea for you to live as louise for the holidays.
And, as B-A said, why not wear a bit of make up to school? Just something subtle but that still gives you a bit of reassurance (if that is the right word).
I did go in a nice pair of jeans with a subtle pattern on the bum pockets no one commented except my own friends but i dont see how i can wear anything more fem without it being obvious maybe if its sunny a pair of sandals or flip flops. Tops are really difficult as the cut of them makes it obvious i did buy a couple of v neck t shirts but they look odd on me.
I am going to wear a little make up tomorrow just a little eye liner and masscara i have noticed a couple of boys in make up so it should be ok, maybe see if i can find a new bag at the weekend.
Awwww BA you always say the right thing xx
I thought about this last night,and this morning i did put a little on but then took it off again, i really don't know if it is the right thing to do.
It won't take away the feeling of frustration and desperation that i have to live with it just makes me feel a bit better about myself kind off like i'm being true to myself if that makes sense.But is it worth the attention it might bring whilst at college i always advice people never to come out at school/college but know i feel like screaming it out to everyone.
I can't really carry on like this its to painful i keep telling myself its only another couple of months but i'm so ready now in my head and in all others aspects of my life.
Maybe after a few days things will settle down i did feel better last night but this morning its just as bad.
At least i only have a few hours in college today so i can get home and sit in sun hopefully.
Have you finished college for good or have you still got next year too?
I know it's not quite the same thing, but try thinking of it as a uniform.
I don't have any really close friends at college more just people i pass time with they are friendly enough but this kind of thing would affect their lives at college to if they were known as my friends and i came out. I only actually have a couple of months till i finish my A levels which is why deep down i know it is best to keep quiet.
Oh my gosh, you are so wise. Those words have really helped me to get a perspective on this. I could kiss you xx
i wear the following:
pink and red flip-flops
T-Shirt with a little bit a pink design or writing on it and seeqins
it's the pink what makes me feel complet:)
works fine for me and nobody has ever noticed that i'm trying to make myself look like a girl and my parents haven't even noticed
The tension is killing me today i feel sick again as i do before every visit but im all alone at home watching the time go by very very slowly.
Appoitment is 1.45 and i have been ready since 10.00 lol, can't face anything to eat and cant concentrate on college work.
I should have got a morning appoitment
Louise
I'm definitely not bored of your posts. You're on a really interesting (and scary!) journey and I'm impressed every time I read something you post about what you're going through.
I hope the appointment goes well this afternoon
:yes: What Sera said.
Good luck for later too- only 1.5 hours to go now!
I agree with the two above.
Your postings are not attention-seeking in any way. Your posts are thoughtful and considered and its a honour for us to have such an insight into your life during such a sensitive period of self-discovery and personal growth. You just keep posting until I tell you not to!
Let us know what the doctor said (unless she gave you cookies, or a sticker, then I don't want to know :razz:)
but seriously, I hope it all went well!
Xx
Anyway i saw the gp and its very very good news i am being referred to a specalist :yippe:
I can't really put into words my emotions at the moment a mixture of extreme joy, relief and a little fear.
I know its still such a long way to go but now i feel im on my way and being taken seriously.
More waiting now of course it could be weeks before i even get an appoitment but im 100% happier now so i can deal with that.
On a minus point i made a complete tit of myself at the surgery, i was in floods of tears but with a stupid grin on my face when she said she was referring me. I went in the ladies to compose myself and when i came out i came over all light headed and had to sit in a room with a nurse checking me now and again for an hour before they would let me go.
Nurse said it was probably just a combination of not eating and all the emotions ( such a girl lol )
So anyway i am a very happy bunny and looking forward to a great weekend and a positve future.
Just hope the postie brings my appoitment soooon :thumb:
Xx
Do you ever get a tickle inside you when you are being told your going to see the gp on such a day because i do when i think about seeing the gp it's kind my mind can't wait to have gender reassignment.
also i get the same feeling when i think about the party i'm going this friday its my friends birthday shes a girl and its the first time ive got a tickling feeling when i cant wait until the party or etc and i can always wait until a party but not this one hmm it's like i'm going to do something pervy to her hmm
anyways good luck and keep posting:)
Loads of luck and keep posting
I think you are a boy, a confused boy, but nothing I've read from you is feminine. I think you should see a Dr, but I don't think you should pin hopes of your life being sorted or better on the idea of gender reassignment.
Just because someone doesn't write in a feminine way it doesn't mean they can't identify as female, its actually pretty rude to say to someone who is trans and identifies as female I think your a boy, how an earth do you know what is going on in their head, there are many feminine cis males, are they not men or masculine cis females, are they not women, let people identify as how they want to, you can't tell someone their gender just from reading something they have posted and also its just plain offensive.
Xx
If you were seriously uncomfortable in a mans body, you would NOT want anyone to see you as a man.
Xx