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Am i a boy or girl?

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you were seriously uncomfortable in a mans body, you would NOT want anyone to see you as a man.
    Xx
    i don't mind anyone seeing me as a man because i've live as a man so i'm used to people seeing me as a man but i don't like living in a mans body. I wan't to do girls stuff i'm very feminine. I like dressing up as a girl
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knoppix wrote: »
    i don't mind anyone seeing me as a man because i've live as a man so i'm used to people seeing me as a man but i don't like living in a mans body

    You don't get what I'm saying, do you? Louise, who is uncomfortable in her current body, doesn't like being seen. How can you be transgender, yet be perfectly okay in people seeing you as a man?
    Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you were seriously uncomfortable in a mans body, you would NOT want anyone to see you as a man.
    Xx

    actually every trans person is different, yes I may have deleted all my pre transition photos from facebook, but I know some people who are ok with them being up there, infact I know one person who has put pictures up of his whole life to show his change from female to male.
    so yes while many trans people may be very uncomfortable with pre transition pictures up, some are not so uncomfortable, but this in no way makes them less trans
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You don't get what I'm saying, do you? Louise, who is uncomfortable in her current body, doesn't like being seen. How can you be transgender, yet be perfectly okay in people seeing you as a man?
    Xx
    i'm unfomfortable with people knowing i'm transgender and i'm uncomfortable with people calling me he, him, hes, guy and etc also i wouldn't tell people not to call me he, him, hes, guy and etc but i would tell them to stop calling me he, his, he, guy and etc if i transitioned
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    frenchhorn wrote: »
    actually every trans person is different, yes I may have deleted all my pre transition photos from facebook, but I know some people who are ok with them being up there, infact I know one person who has out pictures up of his whole life to show his change from female to make.
    so yes while many trans people may be very uncomfortable with pre transition pictures up, some are not so uncomfortable, but this in no way makes them less trans
    ya i agree and if i transitioned then i wouldn't be comfortable with male photo up and my status as trans mtf. I would either be comfortable with my gender as male and my male photo up or my gender as mtf and a female photo up also i don't mind having mtf on now
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knoppix, the problem is that no body knows what is in your head , heart or soul but you.
    You came on on here for advice but you dont act on it you just keep posting the same random thoughts which are very confusing.
    You obviously feel inside that you are trans but in your case i really feel you are confused over what that means, not everyone who is trans feels the need to completly chance their gender everyone is diffrent.
    Playing with barbies and wearing a skirt does not mean you need to be a girl.
    You simply have to move things on for own sake, maybe you need to make contact with a local group who could talk to to you on a one to one basis , listen to what they say , ask them to recomend a trans friendly GP in your area.
    You need too get your mum on board other wise nothing is going to happen until you are older and it will just be harder and more painful, you said in a previous post that you had told your mum so i dont understand what the problem is there.
    You must start presenting as a female or no body is ever going to take you seriously.
    This is not an easy path to take and i am only doing it because i am 110%
    positive that i am female, it has already cost me and those people around me a lot, i have lost friends and people who i really loved have gone from my life including my own dad!
    What my mum and sister and other family members who have stood by me have lost or are putting up with god only knows so dont do this on a whim jsut be very very sure about your feelings.
    And also please dont think my story and journey are typical because they are not, this journey really started when i was about 3 or 4 i guess and only know have things started to move ina postive direction, but i have had amazing support and encouragment and love not all girls in my position are half as lucky.
    I cant put into words my emotions and feelings i never have been able to, but it not about clothes and make up its not about being pretty and girly its so much deeper than that its a constant ache inside that never goes away, i could maybe say more but its perhaps to personal for a general forum.
    I wish you luck but you need to get help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Knoppix, the problem is that no body knows what is in your head , heart or soul but you.
    You came on on here for advice but you dont act on it you just keep posting the same random thoughts which are very confusing.
    You obviously feel inside that you are trans but in your case i really feel you are confused over what that means, not everyone who is trans feels the need to completly chance their gender everyone is diffrent.
    Playing with barbies and wearing a skirt does not mean you need to be a girl.
    You simply have to move things on for own sake, maybe you need to make contact with a local group who could talk to to you on a one to one basis , listen to what they say , ask them to recomend a trans friendly GP in your area.
    You need too get your mum on board other wise nothing is going to happen until you are older and it will just be harder and more painful, you said in a previous post that you had told your mum so i dont understand what the problem is there.
    You must start presenting as a female or no body is ever going to take you seriously.
    This is not an easy path to take and i am only doing it because i am 110%
    positive that i am female, it has already cost me and those people around me a lot, i have lost friends and people who i really loved have gone from my life including my own dad!
    What my mum and sister and other family members who have stood by me have lost or are putting up with god only knows so dont do this on a whim jsut be very very sure about your feelings.
    And also please dont think my story and journey are typical because they are not, this journey really started when i was about 3 or 4 i guess and only know have things started to move ina postive direction, but i have had amazing support and encouragment and love not all girls in my position are half as lucky.
    I cant put into words my emotions and feelings i never have been able to, but it not about clothes and make up its not about being pretty and girly its so much deeper than that its a constant ache inside that never goes away, i could maybe say more but its perhaps to personal for a general forum.
    I wish you luck but you need to get help.

    well said and agrees.

    This sin't an easy path Knoppix, my god I wouldnt go down it unless I was sure I am male.
    it says you live in lancashire on here, which I think is nearish to Manchester, if you want to PM me where abouts you are and I can recommend some LGBT youth groups you may be close to, I've said it a million times before but its the best advice I can give for you at this stage, is go to a LGBT youth group, meet other people who are in a similar position, talk to people and go presenting as female with a female name you want to be called, because the only way you will move forwards and know for sure is to start doing that.
    One of the best things I did was go to a group as male, introducing myself as Oliver, it was the first time I had done so and it felt great to be called that name and seen as a male and be referred to with male pronouns.
    so if you want to give me a PM saying where abouts you live and I'll give you some LGBT youth groups which are near by which would be good for you to go to.

    Louise-how are you doing?
    How is school going for you? I imagine its not long left now, when you are on your summer holiday will you be abel to live as female?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knoppix wrote: »
    i'm unfomfortable with people knowing i'm transgender and i'm uncomfortable with people calling me he, him, hes, guy and etc also i wouldn't tell people not to call me he, him, hes, guy and etc but i would tell them to stop calling me he, his, he, guy and etc if i transitioned

    Yet in one of your postings you called me a "boy" :yes:

    I dont think that everyone would realise how much it hurts so i dont think you should start bashing posters if they use the wrong title, even people i know personaly dont always know what to use :D

    I have naver had a bad comment on here i find the whole community a very tolerant friendly and welcoming place.

    If someone i know is trans called me by a male title then i would be insulted but otherwise i just think its a mixture of not knowing and a little embarresment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Knoppix, the problem is that no body knows what is in your head , heart or soul but you.
    You came on on here for advice but you dont act on it you just keep posting the same random thoughts which are very confusing.
    You obviously feel inside that you are trans but in your case i really feel you are confused over what that means, not everyone who is trans feels the need to completly chance their gender everyone is diffrent.
    Playing with barbies and wearing a skirt does not mean you need to be a girl.
    You simply have to move things on for own sake, maybe you need to make contact with a local group who could talk to to you on a one to one basis , listen to what they say , ask them to recomend a trans friendly GP in your area.
    You need too get your mum on board other wise nothing is going to happen until you are older and it will just be harder and more painful, you said in a previous post that you had told your mum so i dont understand what the problem is there.
    You must start presenting as a female or no body is ever going to take you seriously.
    This is not an easy path to take and i am only doing it because i am 110%
    positive that i am female, it has already cost me and those people around me a lot, i have lost friends and people who i really loved have gone from my life including my own dad!
    What my mum and sister and other family members who have stood by me have lost or are putting up with god only knows so dont do this on a whim jsut be very very sure about your feelings.
    And also please dont think my story and journey are typical because they are not, this journey really started when i was about 3 or 4 i guess and only know have things started to move ina postive direction, but i have had amazing support and encouragment and love not all girls in my position are half as lucky.
    I cant put into words my emotions and feelings i never have been able to, but it not about clothes and make up its not about being pretty and girly its so much deeper than that its a constant ache inside that never goes away, i could maybe say more but its perhaps to personal for a general forum.
    I wish you luck but you need to get help.
    if you read that post again then you will see that i said playing with barbies doesn't mean your gay it can mean your a bit feminine. and ya i know that being transgender doesn't mean you wan't to transition to a full and yes i know some transgender people decide to live as tranvestite and ya i know some transgender people won't risk transitioning
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Yet in one of your postings you called me a "boy" :yes:

    I dont think that everyone would realise how much it hurts so i dont think you should start bashing posters if they use the wrong title, even people i know personaly dont always know what to use :D

    I have naver had a bad comment on here i find the whole community a very tolerant friendly and welcoming place.

    If someone i know is trans called me by a male title then i would be insulted but otherwise i just think its a mixture of not knowing and a little embarresment.
    the reason why i called you a boy then is because i knew soo little about transgenderism but now i know nearly everything about the gender i know better of what to call you and that would be a girl
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    frenchhorn wrote: »
    well said and agrees.

    This sin't an easy path Knoppix, my god I wouldnt go down it unless I was sure I am male.
    it says you live in lancashire on here, which I think is nearish to Manchester, if you want to PM me where abouts you are and I can recommend some LGBT youth groups you may be close to, I've said it a million times before but its the best advice I can give for you at this stage, is go to a LGBT youth group, meet other people who are in a similar position, talk to people and go presenting as female with a female name you want to be called, because the only way you will move forwards and know for sure is to start doing that.
    One of the best things I did was go to a group as male, introducing myself as Oliver, it was the first time I had done so and it felt great to be called that name and seen as a male and be referred to with male pronouns.
    so if you want to give me a PM saying where abouts you live and I'll give you some LGBT youth groups which are near by which would be good for you to go to.

    Louise-how are you doing?
    How is school going for you? I imagine its not long left now, when you are on your summer holiday will you be abel to live as female?
    i've PMed you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    frenchhorn wrote: »
    Louise-how are you doing?
    How is school going for you? I imagine its not long left now, when you are on your summer holiday will you be abel to live as female?

    Hi Oliver, im actually doing great at the moment thanks, my emotions are in a happy place right now :thumb:

    I have times when all the pressure and worry just wash's over me like a wave, totally from nowhere it just comes out of the blue and im really low for a few hours but then it gradually starts to feel ok again i guess im not alone in that though.

    Not to long at college now thankfully just counting the weeks untill i can leave and start to think about the future. Maybe take a year out before uni if i get the grades of course, it would be nice to go to uni as Lou from day one. Need to look into that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knoppix wrote: »
    the reason why i called you a boy then is because i knew soo little about transgenderism but now i know nearly everything about the gender i know better of what to call you and that would be a girl
    Thats my point Knoppix dont criticise others is all i mean
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Hi Oliver, im actually doing great at the moment thanks, my emotions are in a happy place right now :thumb:

    I have times when all the pressure and worry just wash's over me like a wave, totally from nowhere it just comes out of the blue and im really low for a few hours but then it gradually starts to feel ok again i guess im not alone in that though.

    Not to long at college now thankfully just counting the weeks untill i can leave and start to think about the future. Maybe take a year out before uni if i get the grades of course, it would be nice to go to uni as Lou from day one. Need to look into that.
    do you goto a lgbt group
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Thats my point Knoppix dont criticise others is all i mean
    k sorry
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really glad your feeling good at the moment Louise, yeah I go through stages of major trangst, then go through stages where it doesn't effect me so much.

    I'm glad college will be over soon and that you can look forward now to your future.
    Uni's are pretty good about trans stuff, I came out half way through a year and they have been great. Of course if you have your deed poll done then they have to legally call you Louise, but even if you don't I'm pretty sure they would put down a preferred name for you, mine just did that.
    If you went with a deed poll done then its up to you whether you tell them or not your trans, there is no obligation to and if you tell staff then its illegal for them to out you, so students wouldn't have to know if you didn't want them too. Give me a PM if you want some info about uni's and trans stuff, I can either help you, or I know loads of people who I can ask for the info.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    frenchhorn wrote: »
    I'm really glad your feeling good at the moment Louise, yeah I go through stages of major trangst, then go through stages where it doesn't effect me so much.

    I'm glad college will be over soon and that you can look forward now to your future.
    Uni's are pretty good about trans stuff, I came out half way through a year and they have been great. Of course if you have your deed poll done then they have to legally call you Louise, but even if you don't I'm pretty sure they would put down a preferred name for you, mine just did that.
    If you went with a deed poll done then its up to you whether you tell them or not your trans, there is no obligation to and if you tell staff then its illegal for them to out you, so students wouldn't have to know if you didn't want them too. Give me a PM if you want some info about uni's and trans stuff, I can either help you, or I know loads of people who I can ask for the info.
    i go through those stages aswell. When it bothers me i go really dizzy and feel quite light and drunk. I don't what it is but that's how i feel when i'm unfomfortable about it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    frenchhorn wrote: »
    Just because someone doesn't write in a feminine way it doesn't mean they can't identify as female, its actually pretty rude to say to someone who is trans and identifies as female I think your a boy, how an earth do you know what is going on in their head, there are many feminine cis males, are they not men or masculine cis females, are they not women, let people identify as how they want to, you can't tell someone their gender just from reading something they have posted and also its just plain offensive.

    It could also be pretty offensive to a woman to have someone who blatantly isn't claim to be a woman too, have you ever thought about that?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    katralla wrote: »
    It could also be pretty offensive to a woman to have someone who blatantly isn't claim to be a woman too, have you ever thought about that?

    Fair point, but I think this thread has moved on now and we need to go back to it being about support for the OP and other people who are posting about the real issues.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    It could also be pretty offensive to a woman to have someone who blatantly isn't claim to be a woman too, have you ever thought about that?

    I think I would only find it offensive if it was done maliciously, that said I am uncomfortable with Knoppix's assertion - because while I'm strongly in favour of self-identification that does require a degree of self-scrutiny that seems to be absent. I say seems, because Knoppix's communication is awkward - but that could be a result of learnt defensive behaviour due to trans* or other issues.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Frenchhorn found my post offensive, I was just sugessting that offense could be taken the other way too. Today, on these very boards, another member questioned someone's gender based on the style and content of their posts. I do think it's a legitimate reading of the performance of gender. Our speech and communication styes can be interpretted as gendered.

    The way I see it, yes, you can self-identify as whatever you want, but self-identity is only part of the equation when it comes to gender. Gender is a combination of our performance, and the reception of that performance. I could call myslef a white 6ft giraffe if I chose but, unless I were seen as a white 6ft giraffe and treated as such by others, my self declaration is unfullfilled.

    This is what Louise and frenchorn are thinking about when they talk of presenting as a gender with an audience, by dressing in gendered clothes and perhaps trying this in a 'safe' place like an LGBT meeting (in my interpretation). Being accepted to be the gender you self-identify as by others completes the equation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Fair point, but I think this thread has moved on now and we need to go back to it being about support for the OP and other people who are posting about the real issues.
    I agree but theres one more thing i need to tell you. I know it sounds quite weird but i went to school today with girls underwear on just to see what it was like. because we were doing horticulture (gardening) and we had to change into steal toe caps and the gardening teacher saw my socks and said are you wearing pink socks. i went bright red and said no the red carpets reflection is making them look pink and she agreed. lol i felt so comfortable but embarrassed also. anyway i also got figured out that because i'm a bit feminine and got called a gay boy by to boys but i just told them to piss off and said that they are going to say that face to face with a gay boy and going to get a good cracking. i also said that it's not gay boy it's gay, gay boy is a bit rude
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Knoppix wrote: »
    we had to change into steal toe caps and the gardening teacher saw my socks and said are you wearing pink socks. i went bright red and said no the red carpets reflection is making them look pink and she agreed.

    She sounds like a horrid teacher- since when did it matter what colour socks were?! To say that to you in the way you've implied is not very nice of her in my opinion. Colourful socks rock... to hell if you want to wear pink socks. It shouldn't be a talking point like that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She sounds like a horrid teacher- since when did it matter what colour socks were?! To say that to you in the way you've implied is not very nice of her in my opinion. Colourful socks rock... to hell if you want to wear pink socks. It shouldn't be a talking point like that!
    i knew what she was saying. she was saying it because its unlikely for a boy to wear girls clothing as that what i was wearing pink underwear. the socks are my sisters and they had a flowery neck which my trousers covered up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    geneve wrote: »
    I'm all for your change Louise, but this really stood out to me. Perhaps it is just me, but frankly I would feel totally uncomfortable and probably quite angry if I met you in the loos. You are not a woman in yet and I do not want to be sharing such a personal environment with a man. It might make you feel great but you're risking offending and upsetting anyone you meet like that. Loos and changing rooms are segregated for a reason.
    .

    You are disgusting Geneve. You really are. How would you know Louise had a man's body? Would you ask her to pull her trousers down and inspect? Because, if she went in the male toilet dressed as a women I am sure she also wouldn't be welcome!

    Louise, don't listen to Geneve, that was a HORRIBLE thing to say. You are more of a women than Geneve will EVER be, quite clearly. I'd rather share my toilet with you any day Louise :p
    Xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    geneve wrote: »
    I'm all for your change Louise, but this really stood out to me. Perhaps it is just me, but frankly I would feel totally uncomfortable and probably quite angry if I met you in the loos. You are not a woman in yet and I do not want to be sharing such a personal environment with a man. It might make you feel great but you're risking offending and upsetting anyone you meet like that. Loos and changing rooms are segregated for a reason.

    I know it's harsh of me to say, but truth is your change is going to impact those around you. Obviously your feelings are of main concern, but please do be sensitive to others, particularly in the doctors when people are likely to be a bit on edge or uncomfortable.

    Geneve i can understand your reaction and of course you are right to air your concerns.
    At what stage in the process of transition do you think it would be ok to use the ladies?
    I spend a lot of time as Louise and over the next year or so will have to start living full time in the female role, working (or uni) , socalising, shopping etc sometimes i need a wee.
    In this day and age where treatment is avalible at an early age and surgery is so advanced i dont think you should assume that you are going to encounter a 6 foot 18 stone bricklayer in a dress, transexuals are out and about and living amongst regular people the fact is you just can't tell.
    I am confident that i am accepted as a young woman where ever i go.
    I am very very aware of the impact my life is having on those around me and its a constant worry but please try to understand its some selfish whim, i really truely am female its an awful life i have in this ugly body and i hate every second of it.
    I would never use a communial changing room i realise that would be upsetting to other women, i am sorry if i offend you i really am, but i am not going to apolagise for being what i am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are disgusting Geneve. You really are. How would you know Louise had a man's body? Would you ask her to pull her trousers down and inspect? Because, if she went in the male toilet dressed as a women I am sure she also wouldn't be welcome!

    Louise, don't listen to Geneve, that was a HORRIBLE thing to say. You are more of a women than Geneve will EVER be, quite clearly. I'd rather share my toilet with you any day Louise :p
    Xx

    Thanks for your support BA :D

    Its ok for Geneve to have an opinion i understand that, its an emotive subject and people all have their own concerns.
    All i can say is that i am as much a female in my mind and soul as the next woman, i look act and feel like a young woman.
    Not everyone can accept that and thats ok i just want a little fulfilment and happiness i have no wish to alarm threaten or offend anyone but i am what i am i just can't help it.
    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Louisek wrote: »
    Geneve i can understand your reaction and of course you are right to air your concerns.

    I :heart: Louise. Maturity over irrationality!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    geneve wrote: »
    I'm all for your change Louise, but this really stood out to me. Perhaps it is just me, but frankly I would feel totally uncomfortable and probably quite angry if I met you in the loos. You are not a woman in yet and I do not want to be sharing such a personal environment with a man. It might make you feel great but you're risking offending and upsetting anyone you meet like that. Loos and changing rooms are segregated for a reason.

    I know it's harsh of me to say, but truth is your change is going to impact those around you. Obviously your feelings are of main concern, but please do be sensitive to others, particularly in the doctors when people are likely to be a bit on edge or uncomfortable.

    She's already said that when she's out and about she's taken for a young woman, why would this be any different in the toilets? It's not like she's going to get her dick out in the middle of the ladies' to show that she's got a male body.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    geneve wrote: »
    I'm all for your change Louise, but this really stood out to me. Perhaps it is just me, but frankly I would feel totally uncomfortable and probably quite angry if I met you in the loos. You are not a woman in yet and I do not want to be sharing such a personal environment with a man. It might make you feel great but you're risking offending and upsetting anyone you meet like that. Loos and changing rooms are segregated for a reason.

    I know it's harsh of me to say, but truth is your change is going to impact those around you. Obviously your feelings are of main concern, but please do be sensitive to others, particularly in the doctors when people are likely to be a bit on edge or uncomfortable.

    I'm sorry but that is one of the most hurtful things to say. How exactly do you know if someone is male or female as BA said are you going to want to see in their pants.
    As a trans man (female to male transsexual) I now use the male toilets, which is actually safer for me to do so, I've had abuse, odd looks and threats in the womens toilets and never felt safe or right in them. As Louise said trans people are just everyday people and most the time you would never probably notice them to be any different to cis males/females.
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