Best Of

8 more days until my blood donation

@Sian321 not left my bed and I’m tired and fed up of having to mother people we FaceTime and it’s like “no don’t do that” “put that down” “listen to me” “don’t do anything stupid” “move it” “stop”

I’m tired of it, my boyfriend messaged me this morning because female k was trying to do something, it’s not my job to stop her

I feel so unwell today, I feel like road kill, my head feels like it’s rattling, my body hurt, I’m exhausted

My family are currently on holiday so I’ve been having to drive my cousin around and handle his post because he sells stuff online but doesn’t have a car. I’ve been dropping off all his items to be shipped and taking him to football and honestly it’s been overwhelming. On top of everything I’m already feeling overwhelmed trying to find my place in life and I feel like I’ve been dumped with responsibilities that aren’t mine. Housework is fine and I don’t mind doing a bit of that like running the washing machine loading the dishwasher taking out the bins as that is just doing my part. But breaks in my routine that aren’t for my benefit are tough and I don’t really want to voice my opinion because I can’t be bothered with arguments. I get really anxious when my routine is disrupted and this has thrown things off completely. I normally spend my evenings relaxing and getting support here through chat sessions but I’ve missed several of them due to all the driving. I hope I don’t seem down by saying this it’s just been a lot to deal with. On Wednesday for example I had to drop him halfway to meet someone who was giving him a lift to football. I don’t know why he couldn’t have just asked the guy to pick him up from our house. I’ve thought about it and he has a few options. He could pay for an Uber which is expensive but would take pressure off me he could ask the guy to pick him up fully he could get the bus which I know isn’t great as I hate it too or he could just skip football until our family comes back.

All this made me realise I need to be more assertive. I’ve told my family I won’t be doing this anymore and I only helped this week because no one else was around. It’s frustrating because it’s not that I don’t want to help but when it starts affecting my mental health and routine it becomes too much. I even started thinking that if I ever lost my car I’d probably just take the bus rather than rely on others. I did that during my course taking the bus daily because driving in the city centre was too stressful. I know routine changes will come when I get a job but that’s for my own benefit. Lately though my routine has been changing to suit other people and that’s what gets to me. I’ve still had a bit of time for PS5 and checking in here but it’s not the same. I’m taking him to football again this Sunday but I’ve decided that might be the last time. I’m probably quitting football after that potentially for good. It’s been getting less enjoyable anyway with people playing way too aggressively and blasting the ball hard not just one or two but several. With everything going on I think I just need a break.

@Sian321
Yeah it really does feel like I can't catch a break and it does get tiring, I have sleeping problems which are also under investigation so that really doesn't help anything.

I am at the doctors on Wednesday for them to do some basic checks and see if they can get me referred to someone to try find out about what is causing my weight to drastically drop.
The doctors have been good, they are trying really hard to find out the causes of everything.

To be honest I really just wish things were kind of back to normal as I really just want to get back at doing all the things I like doing. Like get back to doing my one day at work, go and meet up with my friend, be able to go for a walk and actually move around without it being such a difficult and tiring task.

I just want to have my life back if you get what I mean, I am only recently in adulthood and it's all gone bad, I am still trying to get qualifications to do something, when I was working I only do one day a week as that's all my health allowed me to do at the time but now I am unable to do any days at all.

I really do try and walk around the house and do some little jobs but I am mostly just layed out in bed exhausted as every little task takes away all the energy I have.

TW// self harm

Safe

Hey everyone,
Let's just say things are not necessarily going to plan for me right now and it is incredibly fustrating.
I had blood tests recently and found out that there is something low in it and I have to take medication for 4 months then get rechecked I mean it's kind of good as now we know why I have been having mobility problems but I just keep getting new things going wrong and it gets too much even though I am very much used to it.

I was in hospital Monday to Friday this week for a prolonged eeg so they can see if my brainwaves are also going crazy during the night and to find out if my medication is making a difference to my epilepsy during the day. This was alright apart from the sensory nightmare it caused me. We get the results of this in August.

Tw- mention of weight
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow due to some concerns as recently my weight has been dropping a lot and we can't figure out why and it was picked up on last week when I last saw my doctor about my mobility which is why I had the blood test.
So there is just a whole lot going on right now and it is very overwhelming.

I am trying my best to keep moving on despite all these problems right now. Trying to get into my daily routine, I have not been able to go to work for weeks which has been fustrating for me.

im gd thank you

Redemption wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

toffuna101 wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

hey

hey

hello!

toffuna101 wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

hey

hey

How are you both?

im ok thanks for asking. you?