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Thank you. Well therapy is quite shitty tbh. Idek how they can call it a type of therapy. When All we do is go round talking about our goal & how it is going & then they get a speaker to talk for the rest. ( a speaker from like a community, like today it was for exercise and they talk about their organisation) Like idek. I said my goal isn’t going great cause I am so suciidal & then they all just looked at me with sympathic eyes & then carried on talking lol. & Like I was thinking okay, no one cares. I can’t see far head let alone a goal so stressing me. And someone started suggestion maybe apprentership if I hate primark that much cause need money. & Later I was just like well yeah I can say this now but when I get home I’ll just start thinking about dying instead of thinking about my goal. I think I was totally depressing and they was all looking at me like wtf shut up you suicidal bitch lol.& the OT suggested I keep meeting up with them seperatly to look online with me for apperterships if I find motivation hard by myself. I don’t know just feeling shit because I know soon I will get really suicidal and see no point in living. But part of me wants to do something with my life and not kill myself. And guess no one can help me but myself. But just no one cares about how suicidal I am 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭suicide just seems to a constant option as soon as things get overwhelming & idk. Sounds weak. Feel overwhelmed and stuck. I dk what I want to do with my life
Thank you. Is just idk how safe I can keep myself sometimes & feel like it will only take a spilt second of completeee hopelessness & insense saddness & having the right things to kill myself & I will want to give up completly and will be dead. Which felt very close on New Year’s Day . They don’t care that’s how I feel and basically just tell me to not be lazy when I am depressed how Can I find motivation & wont even give me meds.
I guess i just feel like at some point I may have the means to kill myself and get that deserpate feeling that I may just get so angry & hopeless that I’d do it. I know dying may hurt but living really hurts:(
kathleen0172 said: ...Social media often lies. How about a break if it's stressing you out?
feel bit better today. been to recovery college this morming and signed up to peer support worker education essential information & signed up to the group interviews which is in March & aftwr group interviews they offer the ones they like for a 1-2-1 interview and ect to train to be a peer support worker stuff which soumds intwresting. i thought i was only goin to sign up to learn about it but can actually start trying to apply there. & signed up to the corses that go with the peersupport worker. now on way to group therapy so atleast i can ive done that this week ah
And the guy i had sex with asked if i want to come round his for dinner. I said to him right from the start i only want sex. But he seems to really like me more than that. And i don’t know what to say. And i dont want to lead him on. I dk if i like him like that. Because I dont want a relationship. and i dont want to just be a girl who only wants sex have no idea how to reply. I shouldnt have meet his parents as probably didnt help but didnt have much chioce. But definetly shouldnt of went subway with him. I am so disgusting.