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Really fed up and suicidal. MAY TRIGGER

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  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Hey shauine 

    try not to worry about the appointments for the blood test . I know that easier said than done but I worried with mine and it turned out that there wasn’t anything wrong there was just a couple of things that were borderline like my folate for example I just need to eat some more greens.It might just be something is borderline that they might want to just make you aware off . If it is something wrong it’s always something they an easily fix . I assume you had a blood test that covered all the vitimans Etc ? 

    Well done for being able to read back all through that again ( I hope you don’t mind I had a read of it ?) and I wanted to say that your not disgusting none of that was your fault so that don’t make your disgusting.

    When you see you CC could you ask if she/he could see you regularly until rape counselling get back to you just so you have that support ? Or even if they could have a 20 minute phone call with you each week ? Do you have a number for Rape counselling that you could ring ? Or know of where you could get hold of it .

    I thought when I was having my carers meeting on Friday and we were discussing what I want to do after L2 I thought of you when she started talking about apprenticeship, I know that you mentioned something about health and social care .  You can often start them from L2 and do maths and English alongside if you need to . Would you like me to dig out the Website where all the apprenticeship for everywhere are listed ? 

    Your doing amazing 💜
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Thanks. @Millie2787

    But i don’t know why but everytime i say what happened i feel like either people didnt read it or they didnt hear it because people are still nice to me afterwards & people can say stuff like "sorry you was forced to have sex" but no one ever said the disgusting parts back to me - that can remember and i am confused on if anyone hears me/know how disgusting it or find it so disgusting that their brain cant process it so ignore it. 


    Thank you but is just i do have a level 2 qualification in health and social care and have my maths and english - just finding anything higher than that seems impossible when i have £30 to my name until the 22nd and still own my dad £50 and my sister £35. So there seems no way out to prove my life. And basically i did try level 3 after school in college when i was young enough for it to be free - i went to near enough every class but towards end i was sectioned in hospital so i fucked it all up. 

    I know i could work more and save money for it but i could only work in retail or some dead end job and too much for me atm. Ive signed up to PIP but theyd probably decline and i feel like i am just maybe lazy and not mentally ill and if thats the case then life is not for me
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Hey 

    Sometime people don’t know what to say in situations like that doesn’t mean in anyway that your disgusting though I understand it can make you feel like that, I get it where is someone don’t reply to my question I think OmG I’ve upset them or annoyed then .

    Ahh so you can look at doing an advanced apprenticeship which is L3 equivalent . 

    Would you like the website where all the apprenticeship are stored . 

    Pip won’t decline you , you just have to be truthful on how much things really do affect you - you can always get in contact with citizen advice who can help you fill out the forms if you finding it difficult ? 

    Your doing amazing ! I’ve seen you come on so much since I’ve started on the board back in August ❤️
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Millie2787

    is not that people completly ignore me - no ones ever said it back to me - which i know is very minor thing but when i keep questioning myself if it did happen - is someone actually that fucked up to do that - when i feel people ignore what i say i feel more confused. 
    Tho it did definetly happen. Id have a pretty fucked up imagination at the age of 16 to make that up. 
    Know im making no sense. 


    And level 3 advanced are quite hard to find ://// i feel like im just lazy and fake and this is just life and i cant handle it 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Your none of those thing - I know it’s hard to find and it’s not ideal but slot of L2 apprenticeship lead in for you to carry on doing L3 if that’s something you wanted to keep looking at ?

    https://www.findapprenticeship.service.gov.uk/apprenticeshipsearch

    Thats the website incase tou just want to keep having a look , don’t give up ❤️
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    I know what i mean now/ how to explain ---

    i meant no one ever has seem to actknoweldged it has happened to me. From what i remmeber people can only ever say about forced sex. Anythjng else and no one has said back to me. And its hard to actknowlegde myself and feel like no one else wants to actknowlegde/accept it either. 
    I know that is probably weird thing to say. But i guess i get confused

    i did think about doing that but feel like would be a waste but thank you
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    No I totally understand what you mean ❤️ Do you maybe  find aswell because you thought about it so often you began  to doubt weather is happened - please tell me to shut up if that’s wrong ! 

    Its ok just thought I’d send you the link - keeping looking as companies start to advatise now with it coming up to near when college courses finish - you can also sign up on that website and they can send you email alert when new one gets popped on. Sounds silly do you have a CV ? 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Millie2787 said:
    No I totally understand what you mean ❤️ Do you maybe  find aswell because you thought about it so often you began  to doubt weather is happened - please tell me to shut up if that’s wrong ! 

    Its ok just thought I’d send you the link - keeping looking as companies start to advatise now with it coming up to near when college courses finish - you can also sign up on that website and they can send you email alert when new one gets popped on. Sounds silly do you have a CV ? 
    Yeah. I do question it all the time. And more so since i lied to the police because i am a disgusting scrum and lying and egarating what happened on that day is worse than what he did to me so i do remind myself that for when my urges to self harm get less and thoughts of suicide and deserve to die


    Thank you. But i do have Cv but they said theyd email me. But they emailed me load of shit that i didnt ask for now not sure any other ways
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Hmm I was gonna say my careers advisor gave me a really good bookelt that has a really good example and templete for CV if you ever wanted it.

    just keep looking each day I know it’s frustrating- even take a look on the NHS website as they have apprentice roles in health care assistants so might be worth looking there . 
    Have you ever thought of maybe a Childcare apprenticeship? If that’s something you’d like to do 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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