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kathleen0172 Rampant Poster

I wish I was dead:( (safe)

About

Username
kathleen0172
Joined
Visits
251
Last Active
Roles
No Roles
Points
59
Badges
5
Posts
255
Gender identity
female
Favourite quote
"you can conquer hate by ignoring it. you can destroy it by loving the person next to you." - Chester Bennington (he's my fav singer btw :))

Activity

  • kathleen0172 was promoted to Rampant Poster.
    01:09 Comment
  • I wish I was dead:(

    (safe)
    January 16 Comment
  • I had bad dreams (having them every night tbh. stressed so having bad dreams and bad dreams are making me stressed, what a ciricle) :(
    January 13 Comment
  • I'm so tired. In every sense tbh. Tired physically, tired mentally, tired of mental anguish... Also tired of my sibling - btw it's not the "usual" sibling hate, it's like... My sibling and I are very different people in a lot of ways which makes it hard to get along with them. Also they've kinda delevoped a case of being super mean, narrow-minded and just, yeah, not fun... Gotta be quite frank, they're a spoiled brat. But I'm used to it tbh, living with them's always been hard. My family in general haven't been the easiest, but my sibling's just like... yeah.

    But anyways, ignore all that, my point was: Sooooo tirrrrreeedd :tired_face: :sleepy:
    January 12 Comment
  • Bad dreams:( 
    January 11 Comment
  • Great my sibling's back at being hard again :expressionless: it sounds mean of me I know, my family's just always been... difficult. And haven't ever impacted me well.
    January 10 Comment
  • I hate feeling anxious...
    January 9 Comment
  • It doesn't stop:( I'm so tired, I just... oh i dunno not sure if I do wanna be well or if I just want to die :/
    January 9 Comment
  • My chest and throat hurt it actually hurts. And I feel I'd be better off dead, I'm so useless and fuck everything up and I'm just so sad. :'(
    January 8 Comment
  • Feel so anxious and useless and unwanted right now, and also can't get my head to shut up :anguished:

    I'm going to get ready for the night and just pray to god I can handle things a lil better tomorrow. I'm definitely gonna go out cause when I don't it seems that stress/anxiety gets worse (i mean i love outdoors so it's kinda not a problem but also i'm like so tired)
    January 7 Comment
  • Going quickly between feeling weird and anxious to trying not to cry. I wish I could say I'll at least get a break when I sleep but I won't, I'll just fucking have bad dreams. Which will make me feel weird and anxious again tomorrow, which will make me have bad dreams. MAKE IT STOP, sigh.
    January 7 Comment
  • I'm not feeling or coping well:(
    January 7 Comment
  • So I'm going to go vegan (i've been vegetarian all my life but after reading about things the cruelty is horrible so vegan it is), just need to do some planning first. And my mom's gone and brought me lots of vegan milk to try :lol:
    January 6 Comment
    • Ariana
      Ariana
      I'm not vegan, but I am dairy free, so if you want any dairy free recommendations just let me know!
    • kathleen0172
      kathleen0172
      Haha, thank you Ariana!
    • Write a comment
  • Now i... just feel weird... need a break but you can't really get a break from your own head...
    January 5 Comment
  • I'm so tired. I just want to stop thinking :anguished: 
    January 4 Comment
  • And why the fuck did I join a support website when I prefer to keep it to myself, I'm in too bad of a place for it to help, I feel annoying for posting,  and when positivity makes me even sadder for some reason?? 
    January 2 Comment
    • Ariana
      Ariana
      Positivity sometimes makes me feel worse too. Like.... things aren't always as easy as just "think positive" and sometimes it can be upsetting seeing other people talk about positive things when we're really struggling. You're definitely not annoying for posting though. Sometimes it helps to just let it out to a friendly audience. Has to be better than keeping it bottled up anyway.
    • kathleen0172
      kathleen0172
      yeah, i guess that's it with positivity really. Just people seeming upbeat can make me feel worse, which I feel bad for - I want others to be happy, just that when they are, a part of me inside gets even sadder sometimes:( But yeah I feel really sad a lot so nothing new! Having studied my problems it seems to be depression and OCD or something, I haven't seen a doc just yet though. Sorry I'm rambling lol, anyway - thank you Ariana xo
    • Ariana
      Ariana
      Rambling is fine! I definitely get what you mean about wanting others to be happy, but feeling worse yourself when you see other people enjoying themselves. I find facebook is the worst for it. It makes it seem like everyone else is out there living fun and happy lives and really feels like it rubs it in your face that you're not. Sorry to hear you feel sad a lot. I do too. Taking the step to see a doctor about it is really scary. I only made myself do it relatively recently, but the waiting lists for treatment are so long. So I now have nice fancy names for the problems I have, but still haven't actually found any way to overcome them! xx
    • kathleen0172
      kathleen0172
      Haha, yeah. And I'm sorry to hear you feel sad a lot, sucks huh? I hope you find a way to overcome your problems. Hopefully I will too!
    • Ariana
      Ariana
      Thank you. Yeh I really hope we both can!
    • Write a comment
  • So my neighbour who I cat-sit for just gave me a huge box of chocolates cause she "can't face any more". She's very nice :)

    Though of course I'm probably gonna give most of them to my relatives cause I'm sensitive about my weight and food everyday but particularly recently... Wish calories didn't exist that would be a lot easier for me :/
    January 2 Comment
  • Woken up feeling strange and sad and like a terrible person. It literally never ends. It's in every bit of my mind.  I can't do this. Everything's so hard. :anguished: :(
    January 2 Comment
  • I simply, just, can't do this anymore dude.
    January 1 Comment
    • Ariana
      Ariana
      Feel much the same right now too. Sending hugs your way and hoping tomorrow is a better day xx
    • kathleen0172
      kathleen0172
      aw thanks @Ariana , hugs to you too and hope you feel better <3
    • Write a comment
  • ffs make it stoooooooop i swear :anguished:
    January 1 Comment
  • I wish it was as simple as taking a deep breath, smiling and feeling better. I can't wake up. It's like... There's so much pain but I'm also kinda like, tired and detached, so I just feel so... UGH idk I just... Ugh.
    January 1 Comment
  • Ho ho ho guuuuuuys, not sure whether to think I'm a whiny brat or my mental state's even worse than I assumed... I'm not actually much of a whiny type (yeah, believe it or not huh), so... Probably the latter... :/
    January 1 Comment
  • feel like I'm going to cry (probably won't though).
    December 2018 Comment
  • idek i just feel awful :anguished: I just can't... just... :'(
    December 2018 Comment
  • There's no one I can talk to either. I haven't got any friends. My dad probably has enough on his plate. My sibling's a bitchy judgmental brat. My mom and I, it's hard to get along especially with the situation with her boyfriend. My gran, has to put up with enough of us already and also doesn't quite understand my problems (she's lovely, she just doesn't quite get it ya know). I feel unlovable anyway and I'm just too... fucking sad...

    But how can I be too annoyed with that, cause I actually don't like others around when I'm distressed. I tend to think I do, but when that happens I feel worse if anything. It's oddly fucking comforting to handle your problems on your own.


    December 2018 Comment
  • just come put me to sleep...:(
    December 2018 Comment
  • I'm so tired. I can't deal with everything, what the hell's wrong with my mind. I'm so miserable. :'(
    December 2018 Comment
  • Succeeded in getting out and eating healthier again. applause for me (when you feel depressed it's kinda hard to even succeed in that stuff xD)
    December 2018 Comment
  • Probably looks odd that I'm now speaking positivity when I'm suffering so much, but today (or technically yesterday now it's past midnight) I managed to eat healthier and go for a walk, and then actually took care of myself, so... Um, that's cool I guess. 
    December 2018 Comment
  • How I would love to just take every single fucking thing, crumple it together and scream :( I can't handle everything. Idk how to express how I feel to you cause like, it's bad and you honestly can't imagine.
    December 2018 Comment