kathleen0172 Fanatical Poster



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Music, physical activity, the outdoors, animals, helping others
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About me
14 year old girl in the UK. I get described as kind, calm, trustworthy, intelligent, empathetic, open-minded, adventurous. And I suck lol. I'm struggling a lot and am just... Trying to find the worth and beauty of life. ❤️


  • Help.
    May 23 Comment
  • ptw
    It's two years since Chris Cornell died :-( Whenever someone passes away, especially from suicide, I just kind of feel like I'm guilty to live. It may be someone I didn't personally know or anything, but it still makes me really sad. For them and for the family. I feel bad and like I'm selfish to try to just continue with my day. Also, with Chris, I know about him through Chester Bennington. He's, like, my favourite singer, and he was friends with Chris. Chester died not long after. So it's like the whole situation gets even more tragic.
    I don't know why I'm posting this really. I'm just sad for them and want to pay tribute in some kind of way. Even if it's just by saying rest in heavenly peace <3

    May 18 Comment
  • kathleen0172 earned the 25 Insightfuls badge.
    You received 25 Insightfuls. You're posting some good content. Great!
    May 15 Comment
  • kathleen0172 earned the 100 Agrees badge.
    You received 100 Agrees. You are clearly a fount of wisdom!
    May 14 Comment
    May 12 Comment
  • Life doesn't seem to be worth living.
    May 12 Comment
  • Kasa2103
    I hope that you are OK. I understand how you feel. Life can be so hard for anyone especially for people who suffer as much as you. Sorry if my message is confusing or unhelpful. I just wanted to help cheer you up for when you next login to the boards. Sending hugs and positive vibes to you. Take care. You are wanted on here.
    May 9 Comment
  • I hate myself.

    Am also just disappointed with myself. I feel like I'll never be who I want to. My looks are bad, my voice is bad, idk. :-(
    May 8 Comment
  • How did things even get this bad :pensive:
    May 7 Comment
  • Please help. I'm struggling so much.
    May 5 Comment
  • I have some serious psychological disorder. Woohoo.

    Okay, I'm kind of joking. Because I really don't know what's wrong anymore. There's nothing else I can think of besides depression. Alternatively, my feelings and thoughts are the outer reality and I'm just fucked...

    But the reason I said that is... This feeling I have. It's making just being alive hard. It's honestly hard to just brush my teeth or eat or anything. I don't know how to describe it. It's this feeling of discomfort, of being someone else, of that person being close, of being ashamed to live. It tends to happen with a specific person at a time. So, maybe it could be a famous person, for example. If I like them, relate to them, or maybe even if I don't... I kind of feel like I am them. Whatever I do, I have these thoughts of them doing the same thing. Or better yet, that they'd be judging me and hating me.

    When I think about it, I think it comes from self-hate. I guess I just feel really disgusting somehow. I also feel insecure - basically, particularly thanks to my sibling, it feels my childhood had a lot of stress and unpredictability. And I think that took a toll on my confidence. And so maybe deep down, I have this feeling that I'm going to be snapped at any moment because I'm annoying as fuck. I don't know. I just feel very unconfident and disgusting. And so I have these thoughts because I feel the need to be someone better, or because I feel like that person would hate me, or... I don't even know what tbh. If I was a different person (or at least more at peace with myself), this thought/feeling would probably go away.

    ...That was too much information. Lol. You're bound to get some satisfaction out of me if you enjoy hearing people's most honest and dark thoughts. Because I do it all the time ahah.
    May 3 Comment
  • I just created a guitar riff and now I love it and it's stuck in my head. Lol. Is that vain?
    May 1 Comment
  • It hurts:'(
    April 28 Comment
  • I just need it to stop. I think death is the only path. And I just want to sleep. I wish people would just let me die.
    April 27 Comment
  • I'd text Samaritans but A, texting is too much faff, B, I haven't got much credit, and C, I don't like leaning on them or taking up their time. I just feel alone and don't know what to do or how to cope anymore.
    April 27 Comment
  • Please help:'( idek how but please.
    April 27 Comment
  • I don't feel good. In the head. Need help.
    April 27 Comment
  • Please pray that I will actually get a good night's sleep for once tonight lol. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I'm hoping to get a steady 10 hours or so but that's probably not happening. If I succeed in going to sleep early, I just get woken up early by something.

    Anyways I will happily fall asleep on you right now lol. Ah fuck that sounds a lil creepy ahahah. Point is, have I mentioned yet that I'm so tired?
    April 26 Comment
  • Help :pensive:
    April 26 Comment
  • think is allowed. **tw
    Uggh. My eating is bad and I'm not sure how to fix it. Basically, I overeat pretty badly - idk why, maybe at first it was because of tiredness, and now it's kind of a habit. But after overeating, I feel really bad. I feel scared that I'm gonna have a heart attack any minute, I feel so fat, and it just generally makes me feel unpleasant. And I tell myself every time, "I'm going to fix it starting from now". But then I just don't have the will power, so I overeat again, so I feel bad again. It's a rubbish habit for both my physical and mental health - but I just don't know how to make myself stop. I guess I need to try to work out why it happens, what could work as a substitute, and how to get the motivation to quit. I could literally quit - but it just feels sooooo hard to not give in to the temptation lol.

    April 25 Comment
  • I wish I was beautiful. Lol. I'm really not comfortable with myself in some ways. Rubbish skin, rubbish hair, rubbish figure. I guess I kind of like my eyes and eyelashes/eyebrows, but that's about it.
    April 25 Comment
  • I love the activity profile. Great space for me to just sob into without being as annoying - and I can delete my comments so don't need to worry about spam. Anyway.


    I must keep trying to talk to my dad about the doctors'. 'Cause I'm highly considering it. But as well as being uncomfortable and worrying about social services and all that jazz... I'm scared that there's no help. What if I don't have depression or anything and there's nothing they can do? What if what I'm feeling is true? What if no treatments work?
    April 25 Comment
  • Ugh for fuck's sake. I feel like I'm gonna cry. For no apparent reason except my brain torturing me.

    I'll try not to kill myself this year. I'll really try. Except I probably won't try... If I get desperate enough I won't try. I don't want to be "selfish" by putting my family in pain. But there's really only a certain amount you can take before you just die anyway.
    April 25 Comment
  • It's cool how much more comfortable I've grown on here. When I first started out, I was scared to even say my age. Now I've probably shared most things about my life on here. And I've been accepted and not judged. And constantly supported with kindness by you lovely people. It's cool. It's hard to believe I only joined in December. Thanks as always for caring, guys x
    April 24 Comment
  • Ohhhh dear. Feels like I may be getting worse again lol. I just have to try not to think 'cause if I do I'll end up drowning. And I fucking hate drowning.

    Uggh I should probably sleep now. As much as I like staying up late thinking about how the fuck to save myself.
    April 24 Comment
  • I feel really weird. It's probably tiredness and stress. I feel not fully awake and kind of like something bad's going to happen. I've been feeling that way quite a lot. It's not that nice but...

    I'm also trying not to think too much. 'Cause if I do, I'll fall onto the worser side of stuff again (when today I've been on the better side. Which is a little more hopeful and less upset, but still struggling).
    April 23 Comment
  • Have I done something wrong?...

    Feels like the community hates me. It's probably paranoia but I don't blame you if I'm right lol. And I've been looking back and I've been blabbering way too much recently. I'll try to stop. I'm sorry for everything. I don't know why I feel so miserable but it's gotten so intense
    April 23 Comment
  • Oh great. The tears are coming back. Brilliant.

    Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, just help me. PLEASE. I feel so fucking bad.
    April 20 Comment
    • Shaunie
      Im worried about you. I hope you keep seeking help on here <3
    • kathleen0172
      Aww thanks, all your kindness does make a difference to me <3
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