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since I can't post on LiveJournal here's what's been missed.. failed suicide attempt, first cut for 8 weeks. they told me there was nothing for me to cut with the lying deceiving bastards.
:banghead:
Good luck anyway. You're right, you made great progress. I know I get pissed with you sometimes but coming to the meet showed a lot of strength, well done.
I saw a girl (whilst in a Q in WHSmith) who had to wear a short sleeve shirt for her job serving the customers, with obviosuly self-harm marks all up her arms. I just felt all panicky. I don't know why but it provoked me - I wanted to, I suddenly could feel my arms really..oddly..I was breathing really fast and just found visually seeing her marks really overwhelming.
But I've calmed and refrained, and am proud of myself if not slightly afraid and very much aware of the harm I'm capable of doing to myself.
Malt xxx
I'm not saying it's infallible, but it's so easy to forget the good stuff when the shit keeps piling up sometimes.
It's so easy to forget what's worth living for, I always used a better future as an incentive, you feel like you've reached as low as you can go, there's always something better to try to strive for, though it's hard to see it sometimes...:yes:
Malt xxx
I read an article in the paper a few months ago, about self harm and how widespread its become. On the front was a picture of a lady holding her arms out. Her cuts and scars were some of the worst I have ever seen, some of them were fresh. I dont know how it made me feel exactly. Shocked at first, then empathetic, then scared, then horrified. But it never made me feel like cutting. It made me want to stop. I just thought 'I dont want to end up like that'.
I cut on saturday for the first time in ages, I cant remember the last time I did it apart from New Years Eve 2003. I felt weak and angry at myself so I punished myself, and it calmed me down afterwards. I havent told anybody but a friend of mine. I feel bad that I've let myself (and her) down. I feel like doing it a lot, especially when I lose my temper and feel down, but I really do try not to.
I really wanna cut, long and hard, but i cant be bothered feeling a twat tomorrow when im in work with short sleeves on.
It drives me mad until i do it though. grrrr.
Im so sick, my digi cam was near me last time i cut and couldnt resist. im not meant to like it that much!
Yeah I saw that when I was at work. Gave me the shock of my life....I came over all funny and shaky and had to go upstairs for ages cos I couldn't work!! Ended up seeing it about 30 times that day though (we sell papers so I kept having to put it through the till!). There was a thread about it on here when it first came out actually.
I really find that stuff triggering, I know others do to, so I think it was really insensitive to print it on the front page but I believe I did say this in another thread so I'll stop now!
It could be seen as insensitive, but for people like me, it made me want to stop.
I didn't find it triggering at all. It also raises awareness of the brutality of cutting and what it can really do to you if you carry on and let it control your life.
Though the actual article was quite good.
Ive tried distracting myself by staying online until late each night but i just HAVE to do it when i eventually go to my bedroom.
I dont need to go back to my doc for 2 weeks (when medication runs out), i dont really want to go back moaning already. What can they do anyway? surely its up to me? i just dont have the willpower not to do it.
The cutting is a symptom not a problem, always remember this. Solve the problems, and you solve the cutting.
too long.
If ADs aren't helping you then discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible. Counselling and therapy is the only long-term solution though.
Do you reckon that says something about the differences between our society and theirs? That none of them had a clue why you had marks on your arms. Yet in Britain or the US, people would instantly recognise it as the effects of self harm. Strange.
That's not *strictly* true. On the rare occasions I've let (accidentally I might add) people other than close friends see my self harm, none of them have said "oh, she cuts herself". One girl actually believed that it was my cat that had made my stomach look like it had been attacked by a thorn bush
Piccolo = female :thumb:
Anyhoo, my previous statement stands. We westerners are screwed up. Our governments are money-grabbing, war-poking, do-bugger-all-to-sort-out-our-environmental-issues-ing liars. Hypocrites. They make a poor example to the people they rule over. And this has NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to do with the thread. Goodnight.