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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm just getting a little worried now, as I've received a letter on Thursday asking me to go and see a person at the area's mental health clinic next Tuesday. I'm quite scared, I'll admit. I'm hoping they don't decide to send me to hospital, I'm making some good progress now, what with the job searching and my university application.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *crosses fingers for kate* hoping for the best is the bestest thing for you to do sweetie :)

    since I can't post on LiveJournal here's what's been missed.. failed suicide attempt, first cut for 8 weeks. they told me there was nothing for me to cut with the lying deceiving bastards.

    :banghead:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    I'm just getting a little worried now, as I've received a letter on Thursday asking me to go and see a person at the area's mental health clinic next Tuesday. I'm quite scared, I'll admit. I'm hoping they don't decide to send me to hospital, I'm making some good progress now, what with the job searching and my university application.
    I'm sure you'll be ok, I've not known anyone be sent to hospital for less than severe anorexia or by showing up at A&E after trying to kill themselves, to be honest. Also, think it's generally your GP who sends you. The above may all be total shit tho, just in my experience...

    Good luck anyway. You're right, you made great progress. I know I get pissed with you sometimes but coming to the meet showed a lot of strength, well done.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    I'm sure you'll be ok, I've not known anyone be sent to hospital for less than severe anorexia or by showing up at A&E after trying to kill themselves, to be honest. Also, think it's generally your GP who sends you. The above may all be total shit tho, just in my experience...

    Good luck anyway. You're right, you made great progress. I know I get pissed with you sometimes but coming to the meet showed a lot of strength, well done.
    Thanks. I almost called it off on the day, but I managed okay in the end. I think I should be okay in the end. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I thought I'd post as recently I saw something which almost provoked me to self-harm and I didn't really understand why :( . I mean, I used to self-harm, thankfully haven't for a while although when i come under alot of stress, the cellotape comes out and scissors and blades are severely taped up!

    I saw a girl (whilst in a Q in WHSmith) who had to wear a short sleeve shirt for her job serving the customers, with obviosuly self-harm marks all up her arms. I just felt all panicky. I don't know why but it provoked me - I wanted to, I suddenly could feel my arms really..oddly..I was breathing really fast and just found visually seeing her marks really overwhelming.

    But I've calmed and refrained, and am proud of myself if not slightly afraid and very much aware of the harm I'm capable of doing to myself.

    Malt xxx :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I saw a girl (whilst in a Q in WHSmith) who had to wear a short sleeve shirt for her job serving the customers, with obviosuly self-harm marks all up her arms. I just felt all panicky. I don't know why but it provoked me - I wanted to, I suddenly could feel my arms really..oddly..I was breathing really fast and just found visually seeing her marks really overwhelming.
    That's partly why I never wear short sleeves, I've actually ruined my arms. I have no incentive not to do it now, the scarring's so bad it doesn't matter if I do anything more cos I can't ever show my arms again. I won't even change if my roommate is in the room and I have to apply for jobs where they have long sleeved uniforms.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SupaStar wrote:
    since I can't post on LiveJournal here's what's been missed.. failed suicide attempt, first cut for 8 weeks. they told me there was nothing for me to cut with the lying deceiving bastards.

    :banghead:
    *hugs* you've got my number if ya wanna rant or bitch:) oh and i've stuck fotos of my tattoo in my obsession thread :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno i just wanna know whats the point in all of this suffering? why do i keep going on just to get hurt there has to be a reason for all of this?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish I knew, Gav. I feel like I'm losing everything but every day I just have to think of one thing that's worth sticking around for and try to focus on that and make myself think of what's good in my life.

    I'm not saying it's infallible, but it's so easy to forget the good stuff when the shit keeps piling up sometimes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    but it's so easy to forget the good stuff when the shit keeps piling up sometimes.

    It's so easy to forget what's worth living for, I always used a better future as an incentive, you feel like you've reached as low as you can go, there's always something better to try to strive for, though it's hard to see it sometimes...:yes:

    Malt xxx :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I thought I'd post as recently I saw something which almost provoked me to self-harm and I didn't really understand why :( . I mean, I used to self-harm, thankfully haven't for a while although when i come under alot of stress, the cellotape comes out and scissors and blades are severely taped up!

    I saw a girl (whilst in a Q in WHSmith) who had to wear a short sleeve shirt for her job serving the customers, with obviosuly self-harm marks all up her arms. I just felt all panicky. I don't know why but it provoked me - I wanted to, I suddenly could feel my arms really..oddly..I was breathing really fast and just found visually seeing her marks really overwhelming.

    But I've calmed and refrained, and am proud of myself if not slightly afraid and very much aware of the harm I'm capable of doing to myself.

    Malt xxx :)

    I read an article in the paper a few months ago, about self harm and how widespread its become. On the front was a picture of a lady holding her arms out. Her cuts and scars were some of the worst I have ever seen, some of them were fresh. I dont know how it made me feel exactly. Shocked at first, then empathetic, then scared, then horrified. But it never made me feel like cutting. It made me want to stop. I just thought 'I dont want to end up like that'.

    I cut on saturday for the first time in ages, I cant remember the last time I did it apart from New Years Eve 2003. I felt weak and angry at myself so I punished myself, and it calmed me down afterwards. I havent told anybody but a friend of mine. I feel bad that I've let myself (and her) down. I feel like doing it a lot, especially when I lose my temper and feel down, but I really do try not to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    arrgghhh doing my head in tonight.

    I really wanna cut, long and hard, but i cant be bothered feeling a twat tomorrow when im in work with short sleeves on.
    It drives me mad until i do it though. grrrr.

    Im so sick, my digi cam was near me last time i cut and couldnt resist. im not meant to like it that much!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I read an article in the paper a few months ago, about self harm and how widespread its become. On the front was a picture of a lady holding her arms out. Her cuts and scars were some of the worst I have ever seen, some of them were fresh. I dont know how it made me feel exactly. Shocked at first, then empathetic, then scared, then horrified. But it never made me feel like cutting. It made me want to stop. I just thought 'I dont want to end up like that'.

    Yeah I saw that when I was at work. Gave me the shock of my life....I came over all funny and shaky and had to go upstairs for ages cos I couldn't work!! Ended up seeing it about 30 times that day though (we sell papers so I kept having to put it through the till!). There was a thread about it on here when it first came out actually.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    xapis wrote:
    Yeah I saw that when I was at work. Gave me the shock of my life....I came over all funny and shaky and had to go upstairs for ages cos I couldn't work!! Ended up seeing it about 30 times that day though (we sell papers so I kept having to put it through the till!). There was a thread about it on here when it first came out actually.
    I remember seeing it in Delhi cos I was dead excited about going out to buy a Guardian and then I just couldn't. All my friends had seen the scars on my arms by then so I guess they knew what was the problem even tho I didn't talk about it but I almost threw up. As if it wasn't bad enough having every damn' person in Delhi asking what had happened to my arms...

    I really find that stuff triggering, I know others do to, so I think it was really insensitive to print it on the front page but I believe I did say this in another thread so I'll stop now!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    I remember seeing it in Delhi cos I was dead excited about going out to buy a Guardian and then I just couldn't. All my friends had seen the scars on my arms by then so I guess they knew what was the problem even tho I didn't talk about it but I almost threw up. As if it wasn't bad enough having every damn' person in Delhi asking what had happened to my arms...

    I really find that stuff triggering, I know others do to, so I think it was really insensitive to print it on the front page but I believe I did say this in another thread so I'll stop now!

    It could be seen as insensitive, but for people like me, it made me want to stop.

    I didn't find it triggering at all. It also raises awareness of the brutality of cutting and what it can really do to you if you carry on and let it control your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't find pictures triggering, but it was very insensitive.

    Though the actual article was quite good.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im not sure what to do. This might sound really stupid. Cant stop cutting. I only used to do it every few weeks, but since tuesday ive been doing it everyday, sometimes twice a day, going deeper. I cant seem to stop.
    Ive tried distracting myself by staying online until late each night but i just HAVE to do it when i eventually go to my bedroom.
    I dont need to go back to my doc for 2 weeks (when medication runs out), i dont really want to go back moaning already. What can they do anyway? surely its up to me? i just dont have the willpower not to do it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not a case of "willpower" alone, the feelings that cause the triggers need to be controlled.

    The cutting is a symptom not a problem, always remember this. Solve the problems, and you solve the cutting.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well yeah thats true, but sorting that takes a little longer.
    too long.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There aren't any quick fixes, it takes time and it takes effort. It takes the courage to get on the wagon and stop cutting, and it takes even more courage to pick yourself up again when shit happens.

    If ADs aren't helping you then discuss this with your doctor as soon as possible. Counselling and therapy is the only long-term solution though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is the 2nd AD ive tried and it has helped loads more than the other did. As for therapy, im waiting to have another go at it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel so crap. My appointment at my doctors isn't for ages coz they were really busy and I finally made sure my useless ex kinda guy person got that hint that he's messed me around too many times and he's not talking to me and i feel bad. And i've just had to bail out on going to an ann summers party tonight which would have been fun.:( I need a really big hug. But all my friends are all wrapped up in boyfriends and girlfriends. Argh.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    piccolo wrote:
    As if it wasn't bad enough having every damn' person in Delhi asking what had happened to my arms...

    Do you reckon that says something about the differences between our society and theirs? That none of them had a clue why you had marks on your arms. Yet in Britain or the US, people would instantly recognise it as the effects of self harm. Strange.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you reckon that says something about the differences between our society and theirs? That none of them had a clue why you had marks on your arms. Yet in Britain or the US, people would instantly recognise it as the effects of self harm. Strange.

    That's not *strictly* true. On the rare occasions I've let (accidentally I might add) people other than close friends see my self harm, none of them have said "oh, she cuts herself". One girl actually believed that it was my cat that had made my stomach look like it had been attacked by a thorn bush :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well yer, I see what you mean. For instance, most people didn't realise I had a problem, even when I lost 3.5 stone in just over 7 months. But if there were a lot of people asking him why he had cuts, it would suggest they've not seen anything like that before. I wouldn't (for some reason) think that Eastern cultures practice self-harming. Least not half as much as we do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But if there were a lot of people asking him why he had cuts,

    Piccolo = female :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice! i have selfharmd for about 3 years and thats not a problem to me! i dont mind doin it as i feel it helps me with my problems. My biggest problem @ the mo, it tha my 14 year old sister has started it. i was only two cuts the other day, when she was upset, but they werent proper cuts, just scratches. i am worried tha when my mum finds out she will blame me! i coul nt cope with this too. ive tried to tel her how stupid it is bu i cant reali preach as i do it my self. any tips i could give her, so it dont beome serious?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice! i have selfharmd for about 3 years and thats not a problem to me! i dont mind doin it as i feel it helps me with my problems. My biggest problem @ the mo, it tha my 14 year old sister has started it. i was only two cuts the other day, when she was upset, but they werent proper cuts, just scratches. i am worried tha when my mum finds out she will blame me! i coul nt cope with this too. ive tried to tel her how stupid it is bu i cant reali preach as i do it my self. any tips i could give her, so it dont beome serious?
    You need to look at yourself first. In this post, you say that you don't mind the fact you cut, and yet you also say it's stupid. In that case, do you do it because it's stupid? There's probably a reason why she's started self-harming. The best thing to do is talk to her, asking why she's started, what problems there are in life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Piccolo = female :thumb:

    :blush: thanky

    Anyhoo, my previous statement stands. We westerners are screwed up. Our governments are money-grabbing, war-poking, do-bugger-all-to-sort-out-our-environmental-issues-ing liars. Hypocrites. They make a poor example to the people they rule over. And this has NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING to do with the thread. Goodnight.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's not *strictly* true. On the rare occasions I've let (accidentally I might add) people other than close friends see my self harm, none of them have said "oh, she cuts herself". One girl actually believed that it was my cat that had made my stomach look like it had been attacked by a thorn bush :p
    People believe the easiest explanation after all. And incidentally I was not wandering round India with open cuts - they were scars and AverageJoe is right, it seemed like genuine curiosity. Happened in G-A-Y bar when I went out on New Year's Eve, I didn't have any cuts on my arms so I risked a sleeveless top and got about 9 or 10 people asking questions.
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