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Everything's changing.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Jo,

    I just can't process it.. Shes been given the same diagnose as my nana had... And we all know how that turned out.

    I don't know how to feel about it all, part of me wants to hide and cry, another part of me just wants to give her a hug. I hate the relationship I have with her, but as horrible as this sounds, I hope she can maybe change that now, cause you know... Shes not got long.. I know that's horrible and I'm sorry.

    I really don't know if I could have the courage to text them again, I never really ment to hit sent, I was like just ranting to get it out of my system kinda thing. I just feel like I would be a bother to them. Sorry.

    *hug*
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    AndyAndy Deactivated Posts: 185 Helping Hand
    Hey Suzy,

    Just wanted to chip in and say that it's completely natural to feel nervous about contacting The Samaritans, and it?s quite unlucky that you didn't get the right support last time you tried, due to their technical fault, so can understand if that's maybe put you off a bit.

    However, this thread from Becki, may help you realise that it's very normal to be worried about contacting them and that sometimes it can be hard to reach out for the support you need. Maybe you could pop into that thread and ask Becki what the text service support is like, as I know you don?t like speaking to people on the phone - as it says in the thread, Becki's got some experience of using the text service and maybe that could help you understand what it's like before trying again.

    Remember that The Samaritans are there for people like yourself in times of need. It's exactly what they are there for. They are able to fill the gaps of support that sometimes our services, here at TheSite, don't always extend to.

    It really sounds difficult at the moment, what exactly is wrong with your mum, what's the illness?

    I don't mean to sound prying, but it could help us offer some more support in that area if we know a few more of the specifics and maybe other members of the forums have similar experiences that they will then be able to offer you some support on?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been banned from another support site that I loved for accessing support... I feel so broken, should I take this as a sign that I'm not ment to get help through this, that I'm ment to go through this on my own...? No one want's anything to do with me, clearly. So taking it as a sign that I don't deserve help and support sounds like a good idea.

    Because I don't speak English as my first language I dislike talking to them, my spoken English is horrible. Sorry.. I'm just being useless at all this :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just want to hide forever. The chance of anyone caring is slim. I don't know why I bother now. It would be much easier if I was away from here. I just I don't know.

    Bringing up this old thread cause what's the point in making a new one to say the same shit. Just lost all hope in everything now. I'm sorry for posting.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've tried to be strong... I cant be strong anymore. I'm sorry:(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's slowly getting worse.. As each day goes on we know it could be the last. She's in so much pain and there's nothing anyone can do.. It hurts knowing we can't help her. She's in the same stage as my nana was. This aint fair.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey suzy, :heart:

    I am glad you are able to use this thread to chat about things.

    Do you have anybody in your family who you can talk to about your mum, sometimes chatting to somebody who is going through the same can really help. I know in some situations it isn't possible but I think having somebody to chat to about what you are going through would help you *hug*

    Keep chatting to us, we care.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    Not really she never wanted the twins involved so they don't know... I know that's horrible sounding, but they know nothing about it. I do it on my own.. I've got noone really to talk to, just one of them things I guess. Thank you lots for the reply though *hug*
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am sorry you are going through this on your own. But the honest truth is your not on your own people do care.

    How are things at the nursery? Could you maybe speak to a GP about things, they may be able to provide you with some info for helplines and organisations of others who are going through similar to you
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nursery is going ok, really enjoying it gets me away for everything for a while. I know that sounds horrible. Kiddies are all so cute and tiny, they really make me laugh, even though I spend most of the day going 'Moo' 'Baaa' 'Oink!' Have the date for my first assessment to confirm on Monday which I'm really nervous about, I still need to check with the nursery about the math based game.

    I am however thinking about leaving college.. I know I'm on my second year and this is my last year and all that, but I really can't cope, I've only been back a week, and I've arleady had 3 panic attacks, been screamed at by a tutor for answering an urgent phonecall before class (despite her knowing what''s going on at home) it got me thinking. If I'm like this a week in.. What will I be like by the end of the year?

    With the GP for an emergency appointment there's over a two week wait. We don't have the option to like speak with another GP here, once your registered with one you have to stick with them.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am glad you are enjoying nursery, it doesn't sound horrible, it sounds like nursery is a positive outlet for you :heart:

    It's normal to be nervous before an observation/assessment. I used to be exactly the same, the best tip that I can give you is to be yourself and don't stress too much. If you need any help with anything let me know.

    Sorry to hear that college is tough for you. I reckon you should talk to your tutor about it before you make any decisions. Sometimes we can make rash decisions in the heat of the moment, and then regret things later. Does you college have a counsellor?

    I guess in a way it's good to have one port of call when you need somebody to talk to at your doctors. I know it must suck having to wait when you need to talk to somebody.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It just takes my min off everything that's going on. I've got just under a month for the observation thing, just need to hope the nursery allow me to do it. As it has to be a math based game, I'm gonna like draw out different people of kiddies tv shows and animals and stuff and get the children to count them and that kinda thing.. Cause like the nursery have their own way of doing things they don't like have set activites and stuff, they don't do things to like promote math development, so cause it's something that's new to the little uns I don't know how they will interact and that. And when someone new comes into the setting the kiddies go mad and try to climb over them and stuff, I like don't want it to look like I have no control over them if that makes sence..

    I've said to my tutor about wanting to leave, she said she would speak to the others and get back to me so I should know on Tuesday. But when I was at the hospital on Thursday it was recomnded that I stayed at college and leave nursery... Giving the nature of what I'm doing that's impossible, so I may have to leave on health grounds anyway. Which sucks, cause if I do have to leave on health ground I'll not be allowed to work with kiddies, so that's like my future down the drain. Whereas if I was just to drop out, I could come back when I've sorted everything out..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know what to do, what to say, or how to feel anymore... I just want to lock myself away from this.. Just so I don't have to deal with it all. I want my brother here with me. Miss him so much today it's just not fair that we have to wait till December to see him when his girlfriend is over living with him.

    Refusing to answer my phone now, Paul keeps phoning me, I'm guessing he's worried after what I said last night... Don't really wanna go into work tonight. I hate myself for what I've done.. Just wanna slip away from all of this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Resorted to hiding in the back store in work... Just want this shift to be over.. Blugh:( sorry
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Trying so hard to distract myself right now... Brains going into over drive, tried phoning Samaritans... Got through and put the phone down.. Just like wanted to hear someones voice.. So stupid. Just wanna hide right now, my heads racing I'm trying hard to ignore it, but it's impossible to... Feel horrible for using this thread in this way.. Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to be in work for 5:45... Yet I'm sat here in floods of tears. I think I'm starting to come down with something... All shivery and cold, far to emotional for my own good right now.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Sending you hugs.

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Giant owl hugs.

    The girlfriend ended with me last night... She found someone who more pretty and someone who's skinny... Her own words. Person I loved thinks I'm a disgusting mess... Good enough excuse not to eat now... *slips back into hiding*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Pretty much give up with everything now... Curling up I bd and never appearing again sounds amazing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Pretty much give up with everything now... Curling up I bd and never appearing again sounds amazing.

    Are you going to try to pop back into the Samaritans branch when you can? I can remember you saying that helped

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awh man I'm sorry you feel like this. :(

    Change happens to everyone though, everyone goes through it and it is difficult. Don't go through it alone though, talk to someone who can help you through it.

    Write your thoughts/feelings out, go for walks, speak to friends; anything that may ease the pain out.

    Like many of the others on this thread, i'm gonna say this, you've got the people on here to talk to as they can also help you with advice and what to do! We're all here for you :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    Are you going to try to pop back into the Samaritans branch when you can? I can remember you saying that helped

    Sent by Sony Xperia


    Depends on how busy I am gonna ne with college.... Chance is I wont be able to
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Depends on how busy I am gonna ne with college.... Chance is I wont be able to

    You need to look after yourself too

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just stopping breathing sounds amazing right now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    You need to look after yourself too

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    Need to pass this year though... It's more important.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Need to pass this year though... It's more important.

    If your not feeling good emotionally though you won't be able to give 100% of your concentration to your work

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    If your not feeling good emotionally though you won't be able to give 100% of your concentration to your work

    Sent by Sony Xperia

    I'm used to trying to balance everything.. Just need to get back into the swing of it all again. I'm never really ok emotionally, just never talk about it to anyone cause they think I'm attention seeking. The only person who I could really talk to has left me for someone better.. The only person who was really keeping me alive has gone. Feel so stupid for letting myself fall for her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    I'm used to trying to balance everything.. Just need to get back into the swing of it all again. I'm never really ok emotionally, just never talk about it to anyone cause they think I'm attention seeking. The only person who I could really talk to has left me for someone better.. The only person who was really keeping me alive has gone. Feel so stupid for letting myself fall for her.

    People on the boards don't think you're attention seeking. We just want you to get some support 😄 but of course it has to be when you're ready

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm...

    Facebook reminded me it's the other halfs 19th on Friday.. Was to go out for it.. Sat crying my eyes out now.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urges right now are fucking huge for the want of another word.
This discussion has been closed.