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Everything's changing.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    I give up... This hurts, I'm alone, scared, upset... Just a massive fuckup :(

    Your never alone because youve got us supporting you and me only a message away. Remember that

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have enough going on without me adding Yi it...

    I kinda deserved to ve alone after what I've done :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No matter what's going on in my life, I will always be there to support people that need help and right now your one of them.

    You don't deserve to be alone, no one does. It's an awful feeling, one I know all too well, but you have people here that want to help and support you

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stupid hospital... Stupid people stupid life :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Stupid hospital... Stupid people stupid life :(

    Wanna talk?

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No point... Just should not have been found.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    No point... Just should not have been found.

    Hey Suzy, I'm sorry to hear how low you've been feeling.

    It's important to remember that this community isn't able to offer crisis support and the way you have been expressing things sounds like you've been extremely on edge the last day or two *hug* We're really keen for you to get the right support in these situations as we want the best for you.

    So if you're feeling suicidal or having severe self harm urges then taking yourself to hospital as you have done before is exactly the right thing to do, or telling someone that you trust.

    I know you mentioned that phoning Samaritans isn't an option but texting could work for you as your written English is perfect - you can text on 07725 909090 any time of day or night.

    You can also contact Papyrus via email or SMS: email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
    SMS: 07786 209697

    These services are staffed by trained advisors and volunteers to help people in a crisis when they're feeling alone, scared and desperate so don't be afraid to get in touch. Our community isn't set up to provide that level of support though we will of course continue to talk to you about the things going on in your life and help in anyway we can :yes:

    As Becki says, you don't have to cope with this alone so please do reach out for the support available to you. Or, talk to us about what is holding you back from doing so?

    I know someone asked a while back about the possibility of seeing a different GP or registering with a different surgery - is this something you could try?

    I know the last experience wasn't all that great but if you can bring yourself to go back and let them know how you've been feeling then they should offer you some options for support.

    *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    No point... Just should not have been found.

    I'm sorry things are so tough right now but your doing the right thing in talking about how your feeling :)

    As Jo said, Samaritans have a great text service that I've used personally myself and they do offer some great space for you to offload :) please think about it. I know you said your not confident about talking over the phone but the text service is there for people like you. There's also an email service available too

    Keep strong suzy. We are all here for you 100% and want to help you best we can

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey owly, just wanted to comment and offer you some *hug*s :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm sorry.. Just for everything.. I know lots of people won't see this, but like just let them know I said sorry... I'm gonna go back into hiding again, I just can't cope with this anymore, just everything getting to much. I'm sorry for worrying everyone and upsetting them. Take care all.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Sending you big hugs *hug*

    Please reach out for support if you need it lovely, you deserve that. We are always here for you and we wont be going anywhere whenever you want to post for support feel free. :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    I'm sorry.. Just for everything.. I know lots of people won't see this, but like just let them know I said sorry... I'm gonna go back into hiding again, I just can't cope with this anymore, just everything getting to much. I'm sorry for worrying everyone and upsetting them. Take care all.

    We just want to be able to support you Suzy. Other services do too, such as Samaritans.

    If you need time out that's fine but just remember that we are here if you need to chat

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feel so alone tonight.. Just want to crawl into hiding tonight, I'm so tired, but sleep's just not going to happen. My sleeping pattern is messed up, I've not slept right in a few days. Just everythings going wrong... Everythings changing.. I hate it. I never really wanted to post something here.. But people where worried.. Stops people from worrying.. Sorry..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Feel so alone tonight.. Just want to crawl into hiding tonight, I'm so tired, but sleep's just not going to happen. My sleeping pattern is messed up, I've not slept right in a few days. Just everythings going wrong... Everythings changing.. I hate it. I never really wanted to post something here.. But people where worried.. Stops people from worrying.. Sorry..

    I'm sorry you were feeling alone last night. Sometimes lack if sleep, like you said you gave had, makes our emotions go all over the place so that can't be helping either. Is there anything you could do to help yourself get a bit more sleep?

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate the fact I can't sleep anymore.. It's almost like my head has forgotten how to sleep..My emotions are all over the place... It was noted in work last night, just how fast my emotios change, from one moment to the next. I can't remember the last time I've felt this shitty.. Nothing I seam to do is making me feel a tiny little bit better and it sucks. I'm trying to be ok for everyone else like the family and stuff, they don't need to know how I'm feeling. I wish I could tell the family how I'm feeling, but at the same time I know how they would react towards it, and being hurt and put down even more is something that I'm not willing to open myself up to if that makes any sence.. Anyway.. Sorry..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So it sounds like your unsure whether you actually want to tell your family or not? How about writing a letter to them and tell them how your feeling, however much you want. That way you can decide to give them it or not.
    Have you thought anymore about texting Samaritans? I think it could be really beneficial for you :)

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I text them two nights ago, I heard nothing back so I guessed they had other peoples to deal with :) Tis ok :)

    If I tell the family I open myself up to more abuse from them.. I don't think I could like allow myself to be hurt anymore by them... It's hard enough as it is trying not to let what they say affect me even though it's killing me what they are saying. Deep down like I know what they are saying is true, but it still hurts to be called it and stuff.. Sorry.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They had a technical fault, they explained that to me because the same thing happened to me. It's worth texting them back :)
    Have you told anyone about what they're saying? Bottling things up isn't good for you. That's probably not helping

    Sent by Sony Xperia
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Took a lot to text them.. Unsure if I could like do it agian.. I know how stupid that sounds, cause like I've done it once before so yea second time should be easier. I did do a thread on here about it, but I give up posting on it, just like everything else really.. I just desreve everything they are saying.

    We have had social services involved and I told the social worker what was being said, she spoke to the family and they aggreed with what I was saying and said it was true, but my mother managed to convience the social worker that she was changed and it never happened and that she no longer hit us and stuff... Which was bullshit. I guess help is just not something I deserve anymore.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Proud of you for texting them lovely one :heart:

    How are you feeling? *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tried... In a little pain with my legs and arms... I tried so hard last night not to harm.. Such a stupid person :( *hug* Hope your doing ok
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You are not a stupid person, just cos you have relapsed that doesn't make you stupid *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are not a stupid person, just cos you have relapsed that doesn't make you stupid *hug*

    My boss is gonna go mad.. So will daycare.. I'm sucha tube.. I should have thought about that before I did it... Silly person..:( I'll be fine, got to be :) *hug*
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*

    Sometimes when we feel low and are in that headspace it can seem like we don't think about the result of the harm. And it is only once we have had time to think afterwards we realise things.

    This is no reflection on you and it doesn't make you a horrible person or a stupid person. You are just struggling at the minute.

    Your boss? Do you mean your boss at the nursery, or somewhere else?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Both my boss at bingo, and the room supervisor person at nursery... I promised them :( Blugh.. Sorry.:/
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You don't need to apologise lovely :heart:

    They will understand, that relapses happen. I know you feel worried they will be angry but I am sure if you talk to them and explain they will be understanding.

    It isn't easy as just promising to not harm,
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do, but thanks:)

    I guess like with everything that's happened this week it like just knocked me down..Just messed with my head a lot.. Sorry D:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*

    You can get through this. Do you want to talk about anything? :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Doctors told us that they are now 99% sure they know what's wrong with me mother... I know me and her don't always get along, but it's the same as my nana.. I'm scared I'm gonna lose her too.. We've not even told the twins yet.. Sorry D:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I guess it doesn't matter how close or not close somebody is, the fear of losing them is always hard to deal with. :heart:

    How would you feel about speaking to your mum about it?

    *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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