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Confused ranting owl

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do have to say sorry, i have to say sorry for getting in the way, i have to say sorry for being a stupid failure cause that's all i am.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No u don't SuzyOwl. You admired last night that ur weren't feeling like urself so people would understand. I wish people could understand me. Had one girl on here who I mistaked her name. Feel like I'm doing something wrong to eveeryone so ur not the only one. I'm glad to of got to know u, I was wrong about u and I'm glad that I got to know u better.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope im a selfish two faced cunt that no one really gives a shit avoid.

    What do you mean that you where wrong about me...?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What bad thing have u done to make people not like u? What is it that u have do so bad? I ment that I didn't give u a chance before but now I have and ur not what I thought u were.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just have...People have always hated me, I've done things to people that give them the right, I don't deserve people, I don't deserve anything anymore.. I don't deserve to even be here.

    What do you mean that I'm not who you thought I was...?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel horrible... Like really light headed and dizzy... Everything's spinning and my chest really hurts when I breath... I really don't know what to do... Feel a little scared if I'm honest.... I don't know what's going on anymore :(
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Suzy,

    It looks like you had a bad night yesterday. Were you feeling a bit panicky? Taking slow, deep breaths and really focusing on the feeling of air coming in and going out tends to help in those kinds of moments. (there are more tips here)

    You seem to be feeling really low at the moment and are taking it out on yourself - it's hard to read you being so hard on yourself. I know I speak for lots of people here (as well as myself) when I say that we don't hate you Suzy. You have as much right to be here as anyone else. Maybe it's hard to believe, but it's true :)

    I know you've been asked this before, but is there anyone you trust enough to have a chat with about how you're feeling? Do you think letting someone in a bit would help?

    Keep us posted :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey James,

    Little bit panicky, sorry.Still feel the same this morning,sorry.

    I always feel low just never really talk about it... Just normally try to put on this front make everything seem ok even if it's not, just something I have to do now. Always have taken it out on myself cause it's my fault at the end of the day.

    There is no one that I do trust that I could talk to... Sorry..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just saying thanks for everything... Sorry for being a pain and bye all.
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    JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    I always feel low just never really talk about it... Just normally try to put on this front make everything seem ok even if it's not, just something I have to do now. Always have taken it out on myself cause it's my fault at the end of the day.

    There is no one that I do trust that I could talk to... Sorry..

    Hey Suzy

    If we could always control our feelings perfectly then they wouldn't be feelings!
    Feeling low is horrible, and it can seem impossible to fight. For lots of people, feeling low makes it hard to want to feel better - is true for you sometimes? If so, it's certainly not your fault :)

    Again, I know I've asked before, but have you ever tried talking to someone on a helpline? Talking to a stranger can seem so daunting, but maybe writing down what you want to say beforehand would make it just a little easier?

    Hope you're okay :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes guess it is... The problem I've got with helplines is my English, to put it frank its shit... And like trying to like explain and express how I'm feeling is hard and people don't get that I've been speaking English for two years and its still hard. I just don't get things like everyone else does...

    I'm never really ok... I'm still alive which is shit.

    Saturday is James (brothers) first birthday, away from home... I miss him so much and no one appears to understand it,don't get me wrong im so proud of him and everything hes done... But I just want him home. This day next week its a year from my nana died... I don't know how to react to it, i cant get my head around the fact that shes gone a year... Only seams like yesterday... I just miss her.

    Sorry for posting and bothering you... Again.. Sorry.
    Sent from my RM-914_eu_euro1_337 using Tapatalk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why am I still here...?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can the world just like open and eat me... Please... Just so I can be gone? I can't face this week :( I can't :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Life can be cruel! I've not been feeling myself either but I know u always got someone to talk to on here. Can feel so alone sometimes and always need someone there but there isn't anyone. I'm glad I've got this place. Stay strong if u can Suzy Owl.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't deserve this... I don't deserve to have people, I don't deserve to have this place... I deserve nothing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel the same way two but we got to make the most of what we got even if we haven't got that much.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Here if you need/want
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you SuzyOwl :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tis my brother's birthday today...The amount I'm missing him today is mad, it's weird not having him here... Not jumping on his bed at 6AM to get him up, not having his birthday cards around the living room, just everything..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww SuzyOwl! :( hope ur feeling ok and letting u know that I'm thinking about u and so is everyone. Your brother would of loved to of seen u I bet. Please don't cry as it should be happy tears. I'm here if u wanna talk x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can i leave this world now please...? Pretty please? That's all i want.
    Sent from my RM-914_eu_euro1_337 using Tapatalk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I vanish please..? That's all I want... I can't face this week, I can't anymore.. It just shit news after even more shit news, I can't do it anmore, I can't keep acting like I'm the strong one when inside everythings hurts.

    Also now facing the chance of getting my knees replaced... Which could just fuck everything up even more! I could lose my collage place and everything, if I was to just vanish everything would be fine. It's that simple.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Crazykiss wrote: »
    People please hate me more on here please. Suzyowl is my friend so stop hateing her on here so hate me instead. You all hate my guts so pick on me.


    No one here hates you my lovely, like I said before you know where I am ok? :)
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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey SuzyOwl,

    This thread goes so quickly, I can never keep up, just wanted to reach out to you again! - It sounds like things have been really tough for you again, but it's positive to see you have a small bit of hope as you're reaching out on here. You mentioned earlier on in the thread, that you didn't deserve anything, would you like to tell us a bit more? For example, why you don't deserve anything? As I can assure you many users on here would think the complete opposite, including me!

    Happy Birthday to your brother :birthday: - It can be difficult when a family member is away, could you still send him cards? Would you be able to tell us more about the 'Shit news' and what else has been going on? It might help us offer you more support, have you visited your GP about your mental health yet?

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont deserve anything, I don't deserve people i don't deserve to be alive. I deserve nothing, im a stupid twat that deserves nothing, always have been always will be.

    Shit news is incredibly hard to explain, but.... Everything is kicking off over my end, pretty much if my uncle does what hes saying hes going to do we will have to leave the country due to the reactions and the stuff that will happen.

    Spoke to the GP his reaction was 'oh that's bad' was left at that...

    Tonight just feeling alone shitty scared, i just wanna leave this pain behind.... Is that to much to ask?
    Sent from my RM-914_eu_euro1_337 using Tapatalk
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Decided going for a walk is a better idea than sleep.
    Sent from my RM-914_eu_euro1_337 using Tapatalk
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I don't really have anything helpful to say right now, but I wanted to send you big owly *hug*s :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take a few deep breaths SuzyOwl and count to 10 once u do that count another 10 and u should feel a bit more calmer in urself. Keep doing untill u are ok again. Good to just shut urself off and do that everytime u feel like ur gonna get stressed. You still having problems with ur knees? Oh dear. Hope the hospital can sort this out for u. I'm here if u wanna talk x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    I don't really have anything helpful to say right now, but I wanted to send you big owly *hug*s :heart:

    Thank yu my lovely, hope your ok?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Much to my own disappointment I'm still alive... Which makes me want to cry.. When will this all flipping end..?
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