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Confused ranting owl

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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Done with everything now, can't do any of this anymore. I just want to leave.


    Hey owly :heart: Just wanted to check in to see how you are lovely? We all care about you and want you to be okay and safe. *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woke up this morning and cried cause I was still here.. Mehh..

    As the Gp visit get's closer I'm becoming more and more nervous,I know it's not going to end well. When I was there a few months back he told me that I needed to gain more weight otherwise I would be admitted to hospital... I don't wanna go back again but I know I've not gained anything, lost it if that's even possible. He's gonna go mad over everything that I've done to myself..
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Woke up this morning and cried cause I was still here.. Mehh..

    As the Gp visit get's closer I'm becoming more and more nervous,I know it's not going to end well. When I was there a few months back he told me that I needed to gain more weight otherwise I would be admitted to hospital... I don't wanna go back again but I know I've not gained anything, lost it if that's even possible. He's gonna go mad over everything that I've done to myself..

    So sorry to hear how upset you woke up feeling. We would all miss not having a owly around on the boards and in chat, and we all really care about you :heart: So I am glad you are still around, even if it's difficult to believe right now. *hug*

    When are you going to your doctors? I understand how difficult it must be for you, and I hope your appointment goes okay lovely. I don't think doctors can go 'mad' over something, they have a duty of care, and should hopefully be supportive. Let us know how you get on at your appointment and I am hoping it goes ok for you lovely owly
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Naa no one would miss me being here, tis a fact of life my lovely.

    I go on Wednesday afternoon after waiting almost a month for an emergency appointment...He's yelled at me before over what I did to myself... I jst I don't even know I don't wanna go cause I know I'm gonna end up in hospital, I can't leave me family I can't.. :(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am going to continue to tell you that people care and would actually miss you til you believe me lovely :heart: *hug* You are not alone even if it may feel like it at the minute. I care about you lots and if I didn't care I wouldn't continue to support you and be here for you, and it's the same for others on here who have supported you, we all care about you lots and one day you will hopefully believe that :heart:

    He doesn't sound very professional if he yelled at you, could you maybe try and go and see a different doctor or maybe have a chat with him about the yelling at you thing. It can sometimes take a long time to find a doctor who you are comfortable with. I have been to a few different doctors, and the one I see at the minute is pretty good, and understanding.

    Why do you think you will end up in hospital? I can't imagine how difficult things must be for you at the minute, but don't give up, you can get through this. I believe in you *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you care... I'm just being stupid, sorry lovely.

    Over here, once we are like registered with a doctor we arnt allowed to change unless the doctor leaves the practice.

    He told me before, if I don't improve and 'get my act together' he won't have a choice but to put me into hospital. He knows that if he puts me there I will discharge myself, due to the fact that I've got a family to support, I can't just up and leave them, they need me for money and to pay the bills and stuff.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Don't be sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry for lovely. I just want you to know that people do care about you that is all :heart:

    Ooh, that sucks on the whole not being able to register with a different doctor. Is there an option to have a chat with somebody about how your doctor was yelling at you?

    I guess him telling you to 'get your act together' isn't that supportive and it isn't that easy I know. Could you maybe set yourself realistic goals with the help of your doctor to help yourself improve.. I guess it's about working together with your doctor, I understand how difficult that may be if you don't get along with him very well though.

    With regards to your family needing your support for the bills and things, is there anyway your family could get some help with the money stuff? It must be very difficult being the only source of income. *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to be sorry, for being a useless person getting in the way and all that.

    If it was easy to just 'get me act together' I would have done it a long time ago...

    There's not really a lot of support my family could get, we are incredibly lucky to still be living at home. My mother went to England not to long ago and left me and the girls behind with pile of money that she owned people and never told us, as we knew nothing about it, the letters and phone calls kept coming in, next thing we knew the debt collectors where at the door threatening to make us homeless... Once I became aware of how much money my mother did owe people, I then was forced to take another job and more shifts in order to pay the off as such.. It is hard, but it's just one of them things I guess. At the moment we are still facing being made homeless if we miss any payments, it just upsets me more than anything, I've got two 12 year olds to look after we can't be made homeless... I've even looked into where would we go if that did happen, the local housing office won't help as we don't meet the correct needs. So I'm just praying that they don't increase the amount of money they want a week, I can just afford to pay them off while paying other bills and stuff...

    Sorry
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You are not useless or getting in the way lovely :heart: I love talking to you.

    That sounds very tough sweetie. I am sorry that it has sort of all be placed onto you, that sounds rather tough. I know you say there isn't much support available but have you thought about contacting the moneyadviceservice. It offers free money advice, it could be worth checking out.

    It sounds so difficult for you to deal with it all on your own. Having that worry hanging over you all the time must be very worrying. Do you have any other family members or friends who could help you with anything?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Another linky for you to have a look at, I am not sure how helpful it will be but it seems to be quite informative.

    Here It has lots of different information, about lots of different areas.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First time I've ever spoke about it, telling friends is not really an option, I lack them massively. Telling family ahaha... They hate my guts, have done sence my nana passed away, said that I was only visiting her for her money (which was not true!) Have banned me from going near her grave and verything... So family's not really a choice.. Sorry lovely, your trying to help and I'm making it impossible D: Sorry D:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug* I am not gonna give up on you :heart: I will continue to help and be there for you.

    I am sorry to hear about the lack of friends, do you not have a close friend you can chat to. Even just one?

    Hopefully posting on here helps you, and we wont be going any where. :)

    So sorry to hear about your family treating you like that. They can't ban you from going to visit your Nana's grave though lovely. Is there a way for you to still go to it without them finding out? It sounds like not being able to visit her grave isn't helping your mental health. Sending you big owl cuddles right now *hug* You are not making it impossible for me to help you, don't worry. Hopefully talking is helping you anyway.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't, people don't really like to speak to the owl, their loss at the end of the day.

    We where told to stay away from her grave, I tried one time before about 5 months after she passed and my aunts and uncles give me a run of kicking. Me and my nana where really close, we always have been, and now I'm just not allowed to see her or leave flowers on her grave, it just hurts.

    My knees are just now refusing to be well knees... Tey just won't work or support me D: Every time I try to walk end up falling to the floor so I've decided I'm just gonna sit on the floor cause I can't get up... Stupid things :(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Well I like to talk to the owl :heart:

    *hug* That must be very difficult. I know it's not the same, but did you and your Nana ever have a special place or something that you did together, that you could do and that could be your way to see her and visit her in a way. Or trying to do something new that could help you remember her.

    How about making a scrapbook of pictures and memories and you could find yourself a really nice quiet place and that could be your time to remember your Nana. Does that make sense?

    I fully relate when you say you have problems with your knees. I would totally swap with you, but my legs are not much better to be honest. Hopefully they stop hurting soon for you.

    *hug*
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Suzy,

    It sounds like you have a lot on your mind at the moment - this doctors appointment tomorrow, the money issues and the fear of losing your home. Would it help to break things down a bit?

    So the doctors, I think Monkey has some really good advice here:
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »
    Could you maybe set yourself realistic goals with the help of your doctor to help yourself improve.. I guess it's about working together with your doctor, I understand how difficult that may be if you don't get along with him very well though.

    If you go in with a plan for what you'd like to get out of this appointment then it could help you to get some support in a way that feels realistic to you. I.e "I know I'm at risk of being admitted to hospital but I also have a responsibility to look after my family which comes first for me - I'm hoping we can work on what my options are together and I can perhaps have more regular appointments for starters?" - that's just an example of course but it's worth thinking about what would be helpful for you.

    It can be a bit scary being assertive like this but you are entitled to the support that your GP can offer so do try to keep telling yourself that.

    Working together is much better than being at odds with each other and although it feels like this should all be the GPs job (!) sadly, they can sometimes need a bit of a push in the right direction and some input from you to really understand your situation.

    When it comes to the money stuff - being in debt can be extremely stressful and having some support with all of this could really help you to come up with a plan to make the repayments that feels doable. The Money Advice Service that Monkey suggested is a really good first step and their debt advice page is here: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-if-youre-struggling-with-debt?&gclid=CjgKEAjwuMmdBRDljdfi2_qQpxkSJADDCRwsyrK4HzeiYGUvWjKvGJpZb2sW6_ENQgq7645tKJ7I8fD_BwE

    They say
    If you’re having major money worries, the last thing you might want to do is talk to a complete stranger about them. But it can be the best thing you can do.

    Let us now how the appointment goes tomorrow and try to be kind to yourself today if you can *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We did have a special place, from when I was a little owl she used to take me to the beach then the the little park that was close by, it's like our special place, I've got a seat there in her memory :) I do have a scrapbook, I also have like a pile of photos of us on like a memory wall type thing, it's like full of different things.

    Knees have been an on going problem, so I'm like gonna demand when I go to the GP tomarrow that he does something to help... Rather than shove me from one place to the other. I go to Portugal in 18 days, I just want to be a little bit pain free..
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Love how I am now referred to as 'Monkey' now, thank you Jo ;) LOVE it.

    Also owly, I fully agree with what Jo has said here, and the being kind to yourself part is very important. We all care about you :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    The special place sounds beautiful owly. I am glad that you have that place and the seat in her memory sounds so lovely. Could you maybe visit that place?

    I am glad you have pictures and also a scrapbook. That could really help you :heart: From talking to you it seems like you do want to get better, but you don't know how to I guess with time and hopefully talking to your doctor that will hopefully change for you.

    Hopefully speaking to your doctor about your knees will help you, and get you the support you deserve, being in physical pain can really impact on our mental health.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got like a list of stuff that I'm gonna need to discuss with the doctor, like my knees and mental health is top of the list!

    Being kind to meself is not something I do really, just don't deserve it :)

    But I've also just noticed that we are now in July... And this is gonna be a rather hard month, it's gonna be my brother's birthday and my nana's first anniversary all within a few day's of each other. The family are going to Scotland to see James for his birthday, I was to go with him and asked for the time off but was told no, so I've gotta wait till December till I see him again.. It's just gonna be hard.. Sorry
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's good you know what you need to talk to your doctor about. I am terrible when it comes to speaking to my doctor about physical things, my legs never get spoken about. Cos I am scared of the outcome, so very proud of you for speaking to him about it.

    You do deserve it. You are no different to anybody else, and everyone needs some care and love in their life. :)

    I hope that you can get through things. Try and do some nice things for yourself this month.

    Please tell me if what I am saying isn't helping at all. I just wish I could do more to help you lovely :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My legs would not have been spoken about if I did not end up in hospital, even at that, they won't do the op that I need till I'm 25...

    I am different to everyone else though... I stick out like a hurt thumb. Sorry..
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Wow you have a long wait then, well hopefully they can do something else in the meantime. How come they won't do anything until you are 25? I had special shoes and physio for years growing up and I was only young. Hopefully something can be done. :heart:

    Everybody is different though, we are all unique, nobody is the same so you don't have to worry about not being like everyone else.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've got the knees of a 75 year old man, I need them replaced pretty much... But they won't do it cause I'm only a young owl, so I've just gotta be in pain and stuff till I'm 25...
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    *hug* Really wish there was something I could to help you, you know I care about you and I am always going be here for you.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry about it :) Tis fine :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wanting to just vanish and hide for good... Away from everyone this way, all I do is cause problems :(
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You haven't caused any problems on here lovely *hug* :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do though, I piss everyone off, why else would I be called a cunt every night. What's the point in all this anymore?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    You don't piss everyone off. I am sorry you get called that, that sounds very difficult. The point is that you will get through this, it's just a very long journey to get there. I know it sounds cheesy, but there is hope at the end. :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't wanna get through it... I just don't want to be called a cunt here and being told to shut up on a nightly bases... In just done with it... I'm sorry.
    Sent from my RM-914_eu_euro1_337 using Tapatalk
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