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I can't cope

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thought maybe I could just sleep. My life sucks, I've got nothing really, I feel drained, sad, so why not just try and sleep it all away. But then my sleeping at night time will be even worse than it usually is and that will make my mood even worse. I'm sick of this sciatica, I'm sick of the bad dreams, I'm sick of all the lies. And here I go again.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have got people in your life who love and care for you. You have been through a really rough time and the sciatica must be really hard but you are stronger than it all and I know its hard but you have to find a way to rise above it. You deserve to get through this and we are all here to help you
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I have people in my life that care about me but that's why its even harder. I don't want them to see how upset I am by all of this, so I have to force on a smile and that's harder than it sounds when actually I just want to break down and cry.

    I've got my hot water bottle on my back, and I'm going to put a musical on in my bedroom.

    I think I'm going to struggle today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remember you don't have to hide how you feel to us. Hope the hot water bottle works and the music cheers you up
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just had the police at mine! How long is he going to try and drag this out for!? Don't really know how to feel... I think I'm more angry than anything
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just had the police at mine! How long is he going to try and drag this out for!? Don't really know how to feel... I think I'm more angry than anything

    Hopefully they will realise there is no case to answer and stop hassling you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They just wrote down what he has told the police. Apparently I'm causing him 'harrassment, alarm and distress'. They said he seemed a bit smarmy and that I have nothing to worry about. They only had to write it down so there is proof that the police have dealt with his complaint.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel sick, must be because I have had codeine on an empty stomach. I've got a bit of a head ache. I'm feeling a bit stressed out. Wish I could go to sleep :( I might put the tv on quietly and lie in bed watching it.. hopefully this might make me fall to sleep.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Been awake for a while but don't want to go downstairs because I can't put a brave face on :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ha! Her sons life is so much better now without me in it? 2-faced cow! At least I was always there for him through everything! She used to fall out with him all the time if something didn't suit her! Didn't get on with his stupid mother towards the end anyway but she needs to butt out because I will easily tell her what I think, and she won't like it.

    I feel so angry again! Why can't everyone LEAVE ME ALONE!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Uhhhhhhhh fuck this.

    Just harmed. Thought I was doing well but I can't take this anymore.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why didn't you text me?! Are you ok? you are doing well. you need to not see it as such a negative. I know you didnt want to but you need to pick yourself up again. I know its ironic me saying this when I am exactly the same but it will get better xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lauren92 wrote: »
    Why didn't you text me?! Are you ok? you are doing well. you need to not see it as such a negative. I know you didnt want to but you need to pick yourself up again. I know its ironic me saying this when I am exactly the same but it will get better xx

    I didn't text you because I'm supposed to be helping you to stay positive. I'll be fine lovely. I hope you're okay :heart:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crying: More lies! Why!? Everyone thinks I've turned psycho because now he is saying that he is under police protection and they're guarding his house. I haven't even been near his house! Yes I've walked past it from across the road A FEW times but that's it! And every time I do walk past it I keep my head down :( why is he saying all of this? I can't live a life like this
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crying: More lies! Why!? Everyone thinks I've turned psycho because now he is saying that he is under police protection and they're guarding his house. I haven't even been near his house! Yes I've walked past it from across the road A FEW times but that's it! And every time I do walk past it I keep my head down :( why is he saying all of this? I can't live a life like this

    These accusations sound really horrible butterfly and you've every right to be angry and upset. It's hard to know why he is doing this but possibly it's to provoke a reaction from you. It's really good that you're coming here to vent. It must be hard to focus on looking after yourself with all of this going on *hug*

    It's likely that those that really matter to you and know you well aren't going to believe these things that he's saying about you and hopefully if you can avoid contact with him as much as possible he will get bored eventually. Hang in there :heart:

    Have you got much going on this week to keep you busy?
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hugs. Really not sure what to say. But I am here if you ever need a chat!! ♡

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Jo :heart:

    I've gone back to not eating properly, and I'm living off codeine at the moment so I'm feeling sick on and off as I shouldn't really take it on an empty stomach.

    It's like he's still trying to hurt me and control my life even though we're not together anymore. It's horrible. I thought I was doing well but it's getting really hard.

    I like to vent on here. Probably doing it too much but it's where I like to come to.

    Erm.. not really. I think my sister and nephew are coming on Friday, and I'm going to the bonfire/fireworks on Saturday. That's all I have planned. I seem to be obsessed with musicals at the moment so I'm going to watch a couple of them. I think I might go and get some air today, got to post something anyway so I could walk up to the post office I guess. If I can find the energy. I've been awake for ages though but haven't been downstairs yet cause I'm too sad :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs. Really not sure what to say. But I am here if you ever need a chat!! ♡

    Thanks
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Struggling to fight urges :( trying to keep busy but there's sod all to do and I can't be bothered. Just moping about like an idiot.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Try and keep yourself busy lovely. Text me and we can keep each other busy and to give us something to do. Please try and eat something before you have coedine as otherwise you could end up with more problems and in extreme cases it can lead to stomach ulcers which are incredibly painful.

    You don't post too much and its good that you find venting on here helps you. So post away :)

    What musicals you going to see? I havent been to the theatre in a while but in the next few weeks I am going to see Ghost and Jersey Boys

    Keep your chin up KC*hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't care if I get stomach ulcers, would be a good distraction.

    Nope not going to see them on stage, just watching the DVDs. In the past 2 days I have watched Grease, Chicago, Sound of music and Annie.

    I went to see Chicago in London and it was amazing! Better than the film. I also watched Dirty dancing but that wasn't the best.. I'm not keen on the film though either. I want to see ghost the musical.

    I'm just waiting for chat so I can have a good moan. I haven't harmed because I don't want to break my promise. I think I might take some morphine tablets though, they make me VERY sleepy and relaxed. They make me feel ill though but.. oh well.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Please don't think like that. You really do not want a stomach ulcer as it will only make things worse. Have you been prescribed omeprazole at all? Its a stomach liner that when taking lots of painkillers like coedine you are given to protect your stomach.

    Don't take the morphine tablets if they haven't been prescribed for you. It could be dangerous so please don't. Talk on here and on chat and hopefully we can make you feel a bit better :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    AHHHHH I can't deal with all of this!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    remember what we said in chat lovely. Talk about how you feel rather than letting it get to you. I'm here to listen as is everyone else...*hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what do you mean?! we're here for you just remember that
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'll be fine
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not coping with this. I'm really struggling to come to terms with the fact that after tomorrow I probably won't ever see the kids again, I won't even get a glance of their beautiful faces. And yes, this probably sounds stupid but my dog was mummys little baby and I won't see her again either. It's not fair :( after 3 years of doing everything for them and now it's like I never even existed in their worlds. Uh, starting to cry again even just typing this. I don't know how to carry on 'coping' anymore :crying:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just hurt myself.. the pain is nice to feel but I still feel like crap.

    I know some days are better that others but today I'm really struggling. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to pretend, I don't know what's right to feel :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feeling a bit better. Been droning on about exciting stuff with my crazy (but lovely) friend :) and just taken some tablets which will kick in soon and make me feel relaxed
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