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That does sound encouraging.
I'm mostly over my ex... But it still hurts to think about what he did, and how much he must have hated me. I try to believe that I didn't drive him to it, but I'm messing up my current relationship and I think the way I behave is enough to drive anyone to hate me.
I wish I was normal - I wish I could have stable relationships with people. I guess I had sort of hoped that my problems were exacerbated by the way my ex would sometimes treat me.... But all those problems are still there with my new guy and I've only really been seeing him a month. This means I now know all the issues lie with me. And there's nothing I can do about it. I tried and tried to change with my ex, but I couldn't. If anything I'm worse off now, and I'm just fucked when it comes to be able to act like a normal human being. I'm so ashamed that I'm this incapable
I don't know why I'm still talking. Things are looking more crap. Without help, I know I won't be able to cope with the demands of the career I've chosen. And now I also know that I'm incompatible with relationships and I have very few friends. People think I'm not worth spending time with. I don't get asked along to events etc, despite trying to make an effort and being friendly to people. And if I plan something, noone wants to come or they say they'll come and then they get a better offer. I clearly don't have anything to offer anyone. And no one wants to help me. Clearly they see how useless I am already and want to spend the time helping people who are nice and kind, and not horrible like me.
So I found out that my ex has gone through all the photos of us and untagged himself. I know I shouldn't care but I do. Like he actually spent time deleting me from his life. And he stayed tagged in all of my photos of just him, but any with me in went. I just want to look back on my last relationship and be like 'yeah, that was an ok way to spend 1.5 years, despite the shit ending and some shit throughout', rather than feel like he totally detests me, if that makes any sense. Feel totally rejected; like he's ashamed to have been with and is trying to erase me from his life.
Secondly, I know I shouldn't be all jealous and horrible. But he's getting fucking therapy. He saw a counsellor, who referred him on to a psych, and is now getting CAT. All in the space of a few months. I'm pleased he's getting help, I really think he needs it. But makes me feel even more shit about everything.
Knowing that your ex has untagged himself from photos is hurtful and understandably makes you feel rejected but it may be his way of trying to move on and a way of letting go. When I split up from a serious relationship with my ex I got rid of all things (including photos) that reminded me of him as it was a way of me being able to move on as it was too painful for me to see them.
You will be able to move on in other relationships it's just hard to get over the old ones
Have you had any news from your CPN about getting long term support?
purple_rain
Hmmm, he said that it was because he was ashamed of the way he treated me. And he had already moved on with someone else before we were finished
I haven't heard from my (old) CPN yet, or my psychiatrist who is meant to be calling. It's coming up to 3 weeks
I called again and talked to the receptionist, as its nearly a month since I first tried. He said that because now I'm off the books it's up to my CPN if he wants to call me back, otherwise I have to go through my GP. Even though I first tried to get in contact only 2 days after my last appointment with him.
Similarly, my psych was meant to be calling me because I had asked for an explanation about no therapy / discharge, but nothing.
Free service 1 were going to talk to my old CPN to also try and find out why I was recommended long term therapy and then not given it, since they think I should be getting what I need rather than short term stuff . Because they refused my referral on this basis. But they were going to phone me back when they'd heard, but haven't had a call back.
Free service 2 - waiting to hear back from them.
And I can't go to occupational health (for funding for therapy) until I have some sort of 'evidence' sorted. It's so annoying because I'm not asking my CPN for help, just a fucking letter.
A conversation that happened when I was discharged:
Me: Who do I call if I feel bad?
CPN: Well you can still call the home treatment team.
Me : What about when it's not out of hours?
CPN: Aren't you mostly studying / at uni during the day?
Me: Well I obviously won't be if I'm feeling suicidal and wanting to die.
-silence-
I don't even want anyone to help me. I don't need or deserve it. I've given up so now I just need to man up and give up completely rather than just whining about it.
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