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Do you know anyone away from TS who has been through a significant break up, even if its not recent? Perhaps you do, but weren't aware of what they might have been going through at the time? If you can identify one, maybe extend the hand of friendship and see if you can hook up with them? Even if its an older person like an aunt or family friend...
Sometimes the most unlikely people can off comfort and might have experienced more than you think, but this relies on some openness from you towards people - try not to see your current situation as a weakness - its a time of healing and being as open and honest with people offline as you are online can help them to help you.
I'm really glad you had a day of feeling better recently and that you recognise you don't miss your ex - that's massive progress and there's still a way forward yet to be made.
Big hugs
I think I have made progress in terms of moving on from my ex. I'm not completely there yet, and still have bad days, but definitely better than a couple of months ago.
Sorry to hear today has turned out to be stressful. I know I keep banging on about your break-up, so I just wanted to emphasise that its because your response to it and how you're coping is wholly linked to your overall mental wellbeing - I wouldn't say they are two separate issues as how you feel and respond to events in your life is pretty much what makes up your mental wellbeing - does that make sense?
I went to a lecture today by a psychologist who talked about mental health on an axis rather than the typical scale - it said that people with mental illness can actually have better mental health than someone who doesn't have a mental illness, but lacks the tools and perspectives to flourish. I just wanted to mention it because you often say you're worried you won't be able to get better - that you'll just maybe feel less bad. What this guy was saying (his name was Simon Ward) was basically that the opposite has been proven possible if people engage with positive emotions and challenges. It's common that when we're feeling rubbish, we ruminate in negative experience which lead us to remember negative memories and then believe that the future is bound to be negative. The problem is that this is the sum of our negative perceptions, rather than a realistic reflection of what's possible.
According to research, it takes 3 postive thoughts vs 1 negative thought to have mental health. This makes sense, because if we are having one positive thought, and then a negative one creeps in, then that's enough to bring us down.
So, I take your negative thought about missing uni and raise you 3 positive ones:
1. You came and posted on TS where people care about you and now I'm replying... Do a search for Martin Seligman and let me know what you think.
2. You have worked really hard to move past the negative situation with your ex and have had positive emotional responses that highlight your resilience.
3. TV is pretty crap... Why not catch up on some reading for your course instead? Or if reading seems too dull, you could try writing a blog entry that explains one of the core concepts you've learned and how it works in reality? Or, if TV really is the only option, download a TV show that's really worth watching and will get you thinking. Breaking Bad rocks
Anyway, I mainly just wanted to let you know I am seeing the big picture rather than just the break up and hope you feel a little better later this eve.
[I'm physically ill at the moment (some icky virus) - sorry should have clarified that earlier. If I take tomorrow off I have Wednesday off anyways, so hopefully will be absolutely fine by Thursday.]
Yeah - it does make sense. Ultimately I know that the way I feel about the world (people, events) is unhelpful to say the least. I don't think the two are separate issues, but I do *know* that things were pretty shit before the break up, so even if the whole of that wasn't an issue anymore, it's hard to see things as all being OK.
I can identify certain unhelpful thinking patterns within myself, but I haven't managed to *do* anything with that information. I feel like such a failure that I know what's wrong with me but I haven't managed to do anything about it.
There's a recent blog on Mind which I can identify with. (The diagnosis is irrelevant really - everyone I've seen thinks different things about me). But it describes living life as if someone is covered with a third degree burn over 90% of their body. It reminds me of the saying "thick-skinned". I feel like I have a really really thin skin. Everything bad (and good) goes right through me, and I feel it really deeply and often painfully. Every day all these things happen that most? other people can just brush off, but for me, they stay with me. They all fit in to place and become evidence to back up my belief that I'm a terrible person. One minute I can feel on top of the world - like I'm achieving things with my life, that I make other people happy, and then BAM - it takes the tiniest thing and I'm back to feeling like total shit. And it's that fall from so good to so bad that makes me not want to think about the good moments.
I've googled Martin Seligman and am reading about 'learned helplessness'. I don't really think that's me
My focus was more on his 'learned optimism' theories
I'm constantly trying to do this. Just don't think it's something I can do without help. I've TRIED on my own.
It's ok that you need help to do it, what's really good right now is that you are trying.
:yes: this x100.
I think my average mood is probably a bit better now, just the lows are still really low. Meh. I'm seeing my CPN and psych tomorrow and I'm so scared about what their plan for me is. I really hope they have good news.
Why is that?
Spanner linked someone to local Mind associations earlier, they might be able to help you. Link
Urgh. I would seriously suggest you give Mind's Infoline a ring, they might know of some options we don't. Likewise Saneline.
I'm sorry it's so shitty. *hug* for you
I was seeing my CPN every 1-2 weeks, don't have any appointments left. Just found out today that that's it. I had no idea they were even considering it. I'd still be seeing the psychiatrist for any med reviews etc. Psych will be calling pastoral tutor to discuss stuff, but I've already talked to my pastoral tutor and know there is nothing they can do.
I don't understand, last time I saw my CPN I expressed how frustrated I was at not getting better, and he said "that's because you haven't had therapy - wait until you have therapy to make that call". And today before the appt with the psych we talked about some of the different types. You know, I'm NOT going to get better because I'm not getting any help. I've held on and held on just hoping that some sort of professional help was around the corner. But it's not. There's nothing. I don't know why I bothered.
Will try MIND's line when I have a bit more energy.
did your cpn say anything after the appointment?? could you give her a call and ask her to explain what happened?
I don't think I was ever referred to a therapist. I was expecting/hoping that the 'plan' would be for me to get referred for therapy and then to see my CPN every so often until I reached the top of the waiting list. But no. My CPN just said to me that the medical school had a "duty of care" towards me and hopefully they'd help.
lots of hugs for you. you've got us at least *hug*
I'm just in floods of tears, knowing that there's not actually something that's going to make it any better. I've always been totally on board with receiving help, even though its been really hard at times. I've been trying to get professional help since I was 16 - and I saw my GP before then too. My level of 'functioning' has just been getting steadily worse. I really don't know where to go from here. I can hope that the med school can do something but I highly doubt it. I feel so abandoned and like nobody thinks I'm worth helping.
Maybe try changing gp to one you get on with? I find my weekly gp appointments really help me stay on top of things a bit better and when I get bad I see her more often. Even when there are changes to other types of care then you still have your gp.
:yes: That's true. Did you think about calling Mind? They just might have an idea.
Are you still under 25? Youth Access might have something you can use to keep your head above water.
That makes me really angry. Does your CPN not have a duty of care? Where do they think a university will get the kind of resources you need? I guess they have a counselling service, and that's something, but it's a shocking attitude from the NHS. And as omg_hi says, it's not as uncommon as we'd like to think (I've had the same in the past).
It makes me angry especially as your psych will know the college that you study medicine at.
I'm trying to be positive but I've spent the whole of this morning holding back the tears and am taking a long lunch break. People (CPN etc) have said I'm worth helping but then this happens? I just feel like no one thinks I'm worth it.
The option is counselling through the university. I sort of guessed this would be the option. I said how unhappy I was at this - I said how I'd been told that psychotherapy was the thing that would make me better and that I had tried counselling on 3 occasions prior to this. I said how I knew the waiting lists were long but I would like to be put on it anyway. He was very apologetic about the lack of services - wants me to try this counselling, and I'll think about it. I don't think he wants to put me on the waiting list before I've tried the counselling but I really want to be. Even if the counselling helps, I still think psychotherapy is the main goal.
He's going to have a chat with people and see if I can still have follow up with my CPN.
If I'm honest I feel even worse than yesterday. I kind of hoped that they'd come up with some sort of plan involving funding for psychotherapy. This is so shit, by the sounds of it I'm not even going to get on the waiting list, and it's 6months until an assessment and another waiting list after that. I feel so so crap.
don't give up on uni. it isn't the way round it should be, but sometimes you have to try to get better in spite of services, not because of them. sometimes they are so shit that they make you want to give up on it all, but you need to turn that round and show them that you don't need them anyway. there are other places that you can find support and there are some really good self-help materials out there. i know that doesn't make the prospect of going it alone any easier but it can be done. you can't say you're not going to be getting any better, you can't possibly know that. you do have an element of choice in it, even though it sometimes doesn't feel that way. you can chose to say fuck you to the psychiatrist who thinks he knows best and work on getting yourself better as best as you can, with or without their help. and i think staying engaged with uni is going to be a real help in that, it gives you a reason to keep going.