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He puts football before me :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hiya
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we are in a long distance relationship, we only get to see eachother once every 2 weeks due to work commitments and the cost of travel as we are both pretty skint.
He plays football every Sunday morning and it has ALWAYS been the biggest arguing point in our relationship, I argue that it shouldnt matter if he misses the odd game if it means we get to spend time togther but he simply refuses to give up more than one match a month to come and see me where i live, when i go to his i get left on my own in his bedroom every sunday moring untill about 1pm, it fucks me off as we hardly ever get to spent time togther and when we do see eachother i get left in his bedroom watching TV.
I do understand that football is important to him as he has been playing it for ages and does enjoy it but why does it have to be more important than me? It really upsets me that he is willing to give up a WHOLE weekend that we could of spent togther just to play football for a few hours Sunday morning.
He rarely comes and visits me where i live and i think this is so unfair as i want it to be equal and travel is expensive and i don't earn alot of money, plus he has a car and i dont so i have to get a train which i hate doing as they are always packed/late/dont show up :mad:
It aint just about the travel either, it just takes the piss abit that i have to hang around his house all the time when i would much rather be at my house with him.
I think in the grand scheme of things that his own girlfriend is more important than some stupid sunday league thing, i have feelings that constantly get hurt when he chooses football over me, I'm sure football wouldnt get upset if he didnt show up as much
(sounds stupid but don't really know how to put my ppoint across)
ANYTHING football related gets put before me "oh no i cant come see you that night, I've got football training" and "no way am i coming down friday, im going out with the lads from football" and "oh yeah i prob wont be back untill about 3pm 2day as im going for drinks with the football lads after football, your train is at 5pm right? Can you come? hahaha dont be silly.. FOOTBALL LADS babe, u wont fit in!"
he is being unreasonable?? or am i??
oh yeah he gets to see these football mates every day, he only sees me for one weekend every 2 weeks
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we are in a long distance relationship, we only get to see eachother once every 2 weeks due to work commitments and the cost of travel as we are both pretty skint.
He plays football every Sunday morning and it has ALWAYS been the biggest arguing point in our relationship, I argue that it shouldnt matter if he misses the odd game if it means we get to spend time togther but he simply refuses to give up more than one match a month to come and see me where i live, when i go to his i get left on my own in his bedroom every sunday moring untill about 1pm, it fucks me off as we hardly ever get to spent time togther and when we do see eachother i get left in his bedroom watching TV.
I do understand that football is important to him as he has been playing it for ages and does enjoy it but why does it have to be more important than me? It really upsets me that he is willing to give up a WHOLE weekend that we could of spent togther just to play football for a few hours Sunday morning.
He rarely comes and visits me where i live and i think this is so unfair as i want it to be equal and travel is expensive and i don't earn alot of money, plus he has a car and i dont so i have to get a train which i hate doing as they are always packed/late/dont show up :mad:
It aint just about the travel either, it just takes the piss abit that i have to hang around his house all the time when i would much rather be at my house with him.
I think in the grand scheme of things that his own girlfriend is more important than some stupid sunday league thing, i have feelings that constantly get hurt when he chooses football over me, I'm sure football wouldnt get upset if he didnt show up as much
(sounds stupid but don't really know how to put my ppoint across)ANYTHING football related gets put before me "oh no i cant come see you that night, I've got football training" and "no way am i coming down friday, im going out with the lads from football" and "oh yeah i prob wont be back untill about 3pm 2day as im going for drinks with the football lads after football, your train is at 5pm right? Can you come? hahaha dont be silly.. FOOTBALL LADS babe, u wont fit in!"
he is being unreasonable?? or am i??
oh yeah he gets to see these football mates every day, he only sees me for one weekend every 2 weeks
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Comments
You can't expect them to rearrange the entire league around your relationship. He's made a commitment to the football team, and if you're missing half the games, then there's no point even being in the team. So I don't think that training and games are unreasonable excuses to not spend time with you.
But on the other hand, football-related social activities should be arranged around when the two of you can hang out. It's kinda hard when all of the lads are together, and they decide to go out, but he must be able to hang around with them during the week instead.
You've said he will miss a match every month to see you and you've also said you only see each other once every 2 weeks, so surely that pretty much works out that he misses a match out of the 2 weekends a month he sees you?
It is obviously a big part of his life and I don't think a few hours on a Sunday morning is much to ask; you could go and watch him play and support him or go out and do something yourself that morning if you don't want to be stuck at his house watching TV. Doesn't matter if its "football lads" that are out, no reason you shouldn't be able to go along to a match or go out with them afterwards every now and then.
But he isn't - so he is out of the house until maybe 1pm on a Sunday, it isn't a huge deal. I could understand if it was relentless and you literally NEVER got any time together, but it seems like its a few hours on a Sunday morning, he is willing to miss a match one out of every four weeks which seems quite reasonable to me. If it really starts taking over your life and he spends more time socialising with football people than you then I could see your point, but actually playing football seems like something positive in his life that he is dedicated to and that you as a couple should be able to work around.
I think id be pissed off too (rightly or wrongly) as I like to feel at least like ONE of the most important things in my mans life, but it doesnt sound like he gives that much of a shit.
Whats the rest of the relationship like?
the only thing I do not agree is, that you do not share travel costs, if he refuses to drive to yours or that he takes extra long off, cuz going for drinks with his homeboys. That might be a basis for a discussion.
sorry for shouting by mistake
Captian Capslock and his Shift Crew just convey every message lots better.
Says a lot about his character you know.
It may be upsetting, but theres not alot you can do about it. It would be nice to be at the top of his priority list but you can't force yourself there. He will just resent you if you try to stop him from going to football, and you will always know he'd rather be there.
If its only till 1pm on a sunday just take the time to have a nice lay in, and have a long bath or something, use it as me time and it will soon fly.
If you hate it that much then maybe you shouldnt be with him.
"Humans are bipedal primates which belong to the mammalian species Homo Sapiens, and are descended from apes. Compared to other species, some humans have a highly developed brain capable of abstract reasoning, language, and introspection. Humans come in two different forms - the female and the male. We will focus on the females on the next programme. Today, we concentrate on the male of the human species.
And here, we see, several specimens of the male species, playing a game that they widely refer to as football. It is the name given to a number of different team sports, all of which involve kicking a ball with the foot in an attempt to score a goal. Although there are regional variations across the planet Earth of the game, many males enjoy this form of recreation in its various forms. To an extent, football is a dividing line for the male species. At an early stage in life, both males and females attend something that is known as school. This is a place of education which most children on planet Earth have to attend for varying numbers of years. During break time, males may congregate to play football. It is at this time which the male splits into different groups. There are generally two groups in which males fit into, although there are a few exceptions.
The first group consists of males who have absolutely no interest in the game whatsoever. A variant of this group can appear later in life, during which males may watch games of football on large televisions. This is generally done when socialising in a place known as a pub, whilst drinking what humans refer to as beer.
The second group consists of males who absolutely love the game and everything about it. They generally play the game during breaks at school against other young males of similar ages. Scientists have ascertained that the game is particularly popular with males due to their more competitive nature. Many of these males will also collect cards, magazines, tickets to matches in stadiums and various other crap forms of merchandise that corporations make in order to exploit the popularity of football. When these young males have grown into adults, many will cease to play football. This is normally due to being too busy, too lazy, too fat or a combination of all three. Scientists believe that this is why most football commentators on Sky Sports tend to look like they have Pizza Hut on speed dial.
Many in this second group simply cannot help their love of football, much to the bemusement of males in the first group and also to the female of the species. For example, a male of the species may be watching a game of football on the television. Here, we see an attractive female specimen approaching the television and taking her clothes off. His eyes do not move from the screen. He picks up another can of lager, opens it, has a swig and resumes watching the game. Eventually, she realises that this is one prey she will not be able to win over, no matter how sexy her latest stockings are, and retreats..."
Or to put it in a nutshell, blokes generally can't help their love of football and they won't give it up for anything. To them, football isn't just about a game - it's a form of bonding, and that's something men need to do just as much as the women.
Good point, Poor execution.
:thumb:
Why don't you go and give him some support in his matches? Football obviously means alot to him and I'm sure he would appreciate your support. If you don't want to do that, then just use the time to relax or go do something you enjoy. Why not go for a swim or go shopping? Anything! Just don't make him choose between you and the football. Even if you do come out on top, you'll have taken away something that's clearly quite important to him. It's just not on.
Yes you are being harsh, very harsh! Like has being said he has a commitment; I help in the running of a football team and its not easy and it makes it even harder when people don't turn up for various reasons!
It costs a hell of a lot of money to run a football team for a season, more than you might imagine when its only sunday pub league footie, it costs in the region of £2000, and imagine if people made a commitment and then said "well I can only play half the seasons games", if a lot of players did this then there will be times when you can't even get 11 men out on the field and you're letting all your mates down!
On top of that if the team doesn't put a side on the pitch due to lack of numbers the club gets fined!
Every player pays subs to try cover the costs and if he's not there he's not paying, also you have to understand that clubs have to do fundraising events to get the money together and that could involve social events with the lads (but you should really be invited to these).
Its a Sunday morning, not the whole weekend, let him have his time with the boys on a footie pitch, its a great laugh and it'll make him a better person for it! Everyone needs some hobby otherwise life would be bleak, footies a good one cos it also helps keep you fit and healthy aswell!
But on the other hand. I play ultimate frisbee, of which the competitive format is a weekend long tournament. Most people who play ultimate would probably agree that for a frisbee relationship to work you both need to play ultimate, or one of you has to put up with the other being away for an entire weekend every couple of weeks. Especially during the summer.
Maybe as a compromise you need to start getting into football. And similarly tell him that you don't mind coming up to him, but you'd like to have some help with travel costs and that you want to spend time with him when he doesn't have a match.
i can see why you are a bit upset by it all but its hardly that serious to me, i'd be mightily miffed off in my partner tried to stop me doing something i really wanted to do, as it might not mean much to her, but to me it would.
but forget about the football...i think the more serious issue here is that he doesnt want to come visit and all expects you to make the effort, if you dont think its worth it, maybe you should consider speaking to him and ask if things are gonna change, if not forget it, i would.
i couldnt be arsed with making all the effort and getting nothing in return
maybe it came across in my orignal post that i hate sitting at his till 1pm but i dont mind as it does give me a chance 4 a lie in
the last thing i want is to stop him playing football (altho it would be nice tho :P ) and i accecpt its important to him etc etc but its just not my thing and i fail to see how its worth so much arguing and tears, as i do get upset that he thinks its more importnant than i am
basically my MAIN problem is not the sitting around, not the being left out of drinks etc, the main problem i have is that he point blank refuses to come down and see me cometimes just because of football, he didnt come to my house for nearly 3 months recently because of it even tho we said he should miss one match a month. it really stresses me out that i have to beg my own boyfriend to come and see me
yeah well im hoping by the time next next season starts we will be living togther.
This is something you have to discuss with him. If he wants to keep the relationship running he has to make some effort like splitting costs of you traveling up, or coming to visit you, at least every once in a while. If he's failing to see that, question yourself about the relationship, how onesided it is, etc.
Big contradiction. I was hoping you understand him, for having this dedication. Like someone said, that he has the will to get up sunday mornings for sports, where others scratch their arse and turn around to keep snoring.
You fail to see how it's worth so much arguing and tears? Well, you are the one who has a problem with a fairly common thing (if you believe in the credibility of the unanimity of this threads adivce), so you sort it out. It's like I am complaining that my gf is going to college, getting education, while she could be here at home cooking me steaks and rubbing my belly, boo, not worth my tears.
That's a problem you have to address to HIM. If you travel all the way up just to see him a few hours, because he is spending the rest with his mates, ask yourself if he really wants to see you, or if he really want to have that relationship. If he spends more time outside the one football match sunday mornings by going to drink with them etc. refuse to travel up to him, because being bored alone isn't the purpose of your hassle and costs to come see him. Once again, if he's ignorant about that fact, question your relationship with him, maybe he doesn't take it as serious as you do.
Maybe you need to think whether you can stay in this long distance relationship cos if he is any sort of man he won't sack off his football for a girl!
I understand cos of the situation you don't get much chance to spend time together but that shouldn't mean he has to give up his footie!
If you want it more than him then maybe its time to think whether you should be with him at all!
Understandable, but being in a relationship means making compromises too. It's not like he just plays football on the sundays she's coming to visit. Nothing wrong with going out with the homeys for drinks. Actually, like you described, an important thing, but I guess those are the things you really can let slide once a month, if you g/f travels hours up to yours out of her wallet.
But she's said through implication that he already does once, twice a month, but wont do it any more than that.
I agree with your previous post though. Football is part of the package, just like if you had a long distance girlfriend who went college would have to go school and go off to the library to complete assignments. Yes, it's not nice for the OP but you have to see that's part of the boyfriend you've got. My last girlfriend went horse riding. Not once could I see her straight after school or in fact anything like that (except on the occasions I helped) because she was riding / feeding etc. She could never just pop round mind after school for a cup of tea.
But it's part of the person you're with, it's what they do. Just like any girlfriend I ever have will have to understand I play computer games, and like motorbikes, and yea I might stay in a few nights a week playing games rather than spending it with you - everyone is entitled to their own lives.
It's just unfortunate when it clashes - in your case the times you can see him (weekends) and the times he plays football. I think if you have to see him and he can't see you, he should pay half of the transport costs at least, that's fair. But really he's giving up one / two games a month for you, but you want more?
There's always room for compromise, but I think he's done his bit mainly - giving up games sometimes when you see him. You can't expect him to give them up every time you're down, it's unreasonable. So it's whether you are happy compromising to miss seeing him on a sunday.
Nooooo!! i AM NOT complaing that he goes to footballl when i am at his, i dont mind sitting in this room alone while he is at football so I DONT expect him to give up a game eveytime i am down becuase he dont do that!!!! the only reason i go to his so much is so that he CAN go off and play on a sunday, get what i am saying???
Also, i aint so much the cost of travel (although that is a bit part of it), its the sitting on trains and ferrys for hours on end, its boring and i hate doing it! on the RARE times hes comes to mine he can drive down cus he has a car.. i dont! yet i am the one who ALWAYS has to travel :eek2: so he can play bloody football
I did think about this but that still don't solve the problem of him refusing to miss a game to come and see me where i live.
i am not asking for much, i think i am being understanding by travling up to his all the time, the only reason i do this is so that he can play football! i just want a little respect from him and if i ask to come to the pub with him after his finished playing then he should bloody well let me as its unfair to leave me on my own.
And so he should refuse to miss a game.
thats tight as fuck, at the end of the day i do alot for him, i love him and i make alot of sacrefisies for him what why the hell cant he do that for me? football is only a game at the end of the day, i am a human being with feelings and i am his girlfriend and he should realise hes guna end up loosing me if this carries on cus i dont want to come second
relationships are about give and take, and compmerisise.