Best Of

So I thought maybe venting about my intrusive thoughts and self destructive behaviour may help a bit, overall will it help me fully? I don't know. But lately I find my intrusive thoughts haven't been helping me at all especially to do with my self destructive behaviour. For example, I will tend to do things that will make me work 10x as harder eventhough I shoulden't do them. Like for instance recently my brain has been wanting me to press the refresh and power off button on my chromebook which turns the laptop off completely and back on again. Today I did this twice and I feel annoyed with myself. I have spoken to my mum about this recently and she said to be careful in case I lose stuff on there. I just hate myself that I do self destructive things all the time, I don't want to do them but I do sometimes and it hurts. I may have done this yesterday. I got so many silly habits recently and maybe thats because of a lack of routine and also the fact that lately I am not in employment so by not being busy my brain I guess rumminates and wants to do things. I don't know.

Thank you for your support, it really helped❤️

Hi Penny!

Here to echo what Shannon has said, she's given some amazing resources and advice there! You deserve to be heard, and the community here at The Mix are here for you too, your feelings are so important and we don't expect you to be okay, there's no time limit on how long it can take to start healing. But you do deserve to be on this Earth and get help, that's for certain

TW: suicidal thoughts and sh

im rly struggling with everything and it doesn’t seem like anything is getting better. every day is the same shit n im struggling daily with ongoing suicidal thoughts. im safe rn but its getting rly so tiring. im breaking down every day and bc im on my own 24/7 its getting so hard for me to cope with. i want to live a life where im happy and not living this life where im rly unhappy. i am supposed to be starting therapy soon but i rly dont want to bc its over a year long and i rly have 0 energy rn to do even eat let alone get up every week and go to therapy. im just rly puzzled abt everything in my life rn i just want to be fucking better. 😭 its so shit it rly is. im safe im just having thoughts no plans or anything.

I (probably) have selective mutism and it’s controlled my whole life. I can’t get assessed for it because they say ‘it’s just a part of autism’ and there’s no help for it once you turn 18. I didn’t get help as a child because nobody cared. My teachers couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to me.

Nobody knows what it’s like. Some people have patience and understanding about it, but not the people whose job it is to help me. I can’t get therapy or counselling or any actual help because everyone always just says there’s no point if I can’t talk to them. How am I supposed to get to a point where I can talk to them, if they’re not willing to make any adjustments for me???

It just makes me feel so fucking worthless. People can do whatever they want to me, because I don’t have a voice so I can’t stick up for myself and nobody listens to me. Nobody gives a shit about how it makes me feel. I can suggest adjustments to people and they’re just outraged that I’d dare to be so entitled. How dare I want to communicate just like every other fucking person gets to?

And despite the stupid name, selective mutism isn’t a choice. It ruins everything. I can talk to people I’m comfortable with, but there are some people I can’t speak to at all, as well as some things I can’t say out loud to anyone. But I’m technically physically capable of talking so that just makes it all my fault apparently. I’m so scared I’ll be like this forever. It’s hard to do anything about it when I have to fight to get any help 😕

So much for inclusion and autism acceptance month and all that shit about treating people equally 🙄