Best Of

Four years today,

the world kept turning

like it didn’t notice

the piece of ours that stopped.

I still catch myself thinking

you’ll be in the next room

Lying on the sofa,

mouth slightly open,

snoring like an aeroplane

just about to take off

You also had that laugh.

the one that filled every corner,

the kind that made everything lighter,

like even bad days didn’t stand a chance.

And your smile -

it wasn’t just something you wore,

it was something you gave away,

until all of us carried a piece of it

without even realising.

I think about the car rides the most.

Windows down, music up super loud,

Bohemian Rhapsody blasting through the speakers,

and all of us singing.

not well, not in tune,

but like it didn’t matter,

like that moment was everything.

And maybe it was.

Three years.

That’s all we had living together.

three years of you choosing us,

loving us like we were always yours,

like there was no difference,

no boundary,

no hesitation.

You made us a family.

Not just in name,

but in the quiet, everyday ways;

in dinners, in laughter,

in the way the house felt full

for the first time.

You made it whole.

And now…

it never quite fits the same.

There’s a space that doesn’t close,

a silence that doesn’t soften,

a version of life

that we can’t get back to.

And you’ve missed so much.

You didn’t see me push through my GCSEs,

didn’t see the relief in my eyes

when I realised I’d made it through.

that I kept going

even on the days it felt impossible.

You weren’t there

for my two years of college,

that are now nearly over.

for the stress, the growth,

the moments that I wished I could come home

and tell you everything.

I told you once

I didnt know what i wanted to do -

and I meant it then.

But life shifted,

and so did I.

Now I want to be the person

I had back then -

someone who listens,

who understands,

who stands beside young people

when things feel too heavy to carry alone.

I wish I could sit with you

and explain it all,

hear what you’d say,

see that proud look I like to believe you’d have.

I’ve applied to university now.

Can you believe that?

Sometimes I imagine telling you,

playing it casual

like it’s no big deal.

but secretly waiting for you to light up,

to celebrate it louder than I ever would.

Four years,

and I still wish you were here

for the small things;

the ordinary, life changing moments

that only feel this big

because you’re not in them.

I hope you still know,

how deeply you are missed

in every laugh that feels incomplete,

in every quiet car ride,

in every song we can’t quite sing the same.

Because loving you

didn’t end when you left.

It just changed into this.

this ache,

this remembering,

this quiet telling-you-everything-anyway,

this becoming someone I hope would make you proud.

This forever kind of missing

that time doesn’t seem to touch.