Best Of

im kinda sad for my past self now that i look back at my old posts because i didnt use the boards when i was in the psychiatric hospital. i mean back then i remember logging into the mix on my phone and my psychotic symptoms worsened when i was on this website. idk why but i remember my voice gertrude mocking me and my delusions were in full swing back then causing me to close the website completely. so unfortunately i couldnt document my time at the psychiatric hospital. in hindsight maybe that was a good thing since i wasnt mentally stable enough so i couldve broken some of the community rules on accident. but still. you cant really change the past so i might as well focus on the future. speaking of being in the psychiatric hospital its almost been 2 years since my first psychotic episode. i cant believe time is going so fast.

i just wanted to share with you all an ai image that chatgpt made for me. the image that they made looks a little like me, but not entirely like me as my blonde hair is longer, but the short hair can symbolise freedom:

i think the fact that i went from hospital to throne (mentally speaking) in the span of almost two years is amazing. in hospital i was scared, confused and alone, but in this image i think i have it all figured out now.

thats all i wanted to share with you all today.

I'd thought I would update you all on the internship that I have been doing. It's been going very well. So for those who don't know I'm currently doing a supported internship with a college and a local company in my area. It's for those who identify or have a diagnosis of autism or are neurodivergent.

I love what I do as I am currently working within the marketing department but the things I find hard is the early starts and that it is a full time course Monday to Friday.

To be honest I haven't had any time to relax or even do hobbies eventhough I have been doing more adhd friendly crafts and I did actually draw again which seems like such a long time ago since I have done my art.

I just feel like I'm always exhausted and it's not to do with my bedtime routine because my routine is perfectly fine and normal, I go to bed at 10 maybe sometimes 11. But I just feel this constant feeling of tiredness.

Not to mention that one of our tutors who was previously our tutor also left to do the other course which was a massive change. We were only told last minute so for someone with autism that was really great to deal with (actually not). But I'm aware that people come and go and that's part of life I guess. I shouldn't be too attached to people but I do, I guess it's to do with my empathetic nature or something honestly I don't even know.

After old tutor left we got a new one and she is so lovely, supportive and I say more understanding. Because at times while my previous tutor was great I don't think he really understood neurodivergent people to be fair. Then again my job coach is kind of similar because a lot of the classwork we have been doing seems to be more designed towards younger people rather than adults. However we are getting to ready to learn more proper life skills such as finding employment etc etc. Which is much more better and up my street than just learning stuff I would have learnt in primary school.

I don't know if it's me but sometimes I feel autistic folk tend to get patronised or spoken to like kids rather than genuine adults.

Also not to mention the whole attendance thing which I get punctuality is important but they get thingy about us having sick days or days off. Apparently on the college website it said my attendance was very high yet my job coach I had two sick days so I haven't have high attendance. Yet I always came in early every single day in the morning, put out the laptops and do the lights in the room before even my tutor and job coach enter the building!. Yet they were always late at times.

Again sorry for the long rant I don't really rant as much as I normally do in general. Wow that was a lot, I could go on but we would be here forever to be fair lol.

Hello everyone, this is my first post here so please forgive me if there’s anything wrong with the post :)

Im a third year university student with severe OCD, depression and anxiety. I am severely struggling and am overwhelmed with the course and my mental health. I am so burnt out to the point where I can’t leave my bed for days on end and I can’t get any work done. 

I hate my projects and am so behind/ stuck on all my work since my course tutors are horrible and keep telling me to change my projects last minute, even though they know my situation and that I’m incapable of the workload they give. They have no compassion towards what I’m struggling with, which is understandable since I know everybody has their own problems and things to deal with.

But I now have no motivation anymore. Pausing my studies is absolutely not an option for me since I’m so close to finishing in June and graduating in July and it would be a waste of money and time. I’m physically counting down the days until uni ends but it feels endless.

In my second year, I was the complete opposite to how I am now, I had straight As, a top student, great mental health and was overall incredibly happy. I usually try to have a positive outlook on things but now it’s completely gone. I now keep comparing myself to others and myself last year which is making me feel so disappointed and hopeless.

I can feel myself falling back into the same mental place as when I was a few years ago when I was self harming, suicidal, severely depressed and had an eating disorder. My OCD is becoming incredibly unbearable due to ruminating and constant overthinking.

I have no friends at uni or back at home due to bullying, I’m completely alone here and go days without physically speaking to someone. I’m almost 4 hours away from home and I do call my mum everyday since she’s the only one who understands, but this makes me feel like such a burden since my family is going through some really tough times. I really want to go home but can’t due to my course being very practical and ‘in person oriented’.

I’ve spoken to my GP and they prescribed light medication but it isn’t really helping. I’m currently on the waitlist for CBT but it will take months. I also speak to the unis mental health service but there’s not much they can do since they also have a long waitlist. I call samaritans and text shout everyday since being alone with my thoughts for too long is genuinely terrifying. 

But I feel no progress, i’m completely hopeless, i can’t eat or sleep properly anymore due to panicking about the workload. I’m so afraid of my thoughts and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m now starting to get afraid of myself.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I just wanted to vent since I’ve been keeping it in my head for months and I can feel I’m reaching breaking point. :(

I’m nervous anxious and scared to go to my DBT appointment on Wednesday, we have to talk about crisis plans and making one that will go on my file for everyone to see. I don’t want to do one I never know what works and what doesn’t like it seems so useless to do. Can I just skip out on the appointment again already missed last weeks due to training at work