Best Of

Sooo I’m going back to my hometown and seeing my birth mum and I know of one of my brothers going but not sure about the others. It’s safe to say I’m petrified but yeah 🥲 either it’ll go well or it’ll go crap 🤧

There’s not really anyone
I have a personal trainer
I ask about food, he helps me. Increasing my calories
I get anxiety
I met a youth group moderator man cried to him
That was something I guess
A drunk lady on the bus started talking to me then I cried

There are people I guess
lol
But yeah idk

Don’t have my community mental health team don’t have my psychiatrist don’t like my parents
lol
lol
They’re like my biggest triggers
I had a crazy debilitating anxiety induced stomach pain last week for over an hour it was totally debilitating - cus my mum came back from a work trip
lol
Can always call Samaritans
Yeah
I called lifeline and Samaritans when I had the stomach pain it was. Bad!

@Laura_tigger82 we talked but I still feel really bad 😭

Yeah I’m ok it’s just hard

Everything feels so pointless. Why should I put any effort in when I’m not even gonna pass my first year of uni?? I’ve got no hope. Why does success have to be based on things I can’t do?

I’m speaking to a professional from the NHS well-being services on Tuesday

I am able to keep myself safe

I’m gonna be very fucking depressed for the next few days. I’m gonna have low energy. I’m gonna lose sleep. I’m gonna eat very little. I won’t have motivation to do anything or find joy in any activity. And there’s nothing I can do to get myself out of this depressive episode. All I can do is let whatever happen, happen, and just be patient, even if it takes days for me to feel better.

I’m writing this post because I need someone to vent to. I won’t feel better afterwards, but atleast I can get my pent up emotions out.

With that all being said….

I feel as if I hit rock bottom. I don’t see a bright future ahead of me. I’m stuck in a workplace where everyone hates me (and understandably due to my stupid decisions). I keep getting job rejections. I don’t have a lover to help fill that void. I am nothing in this world.

I told my mum about the time I ran to the office door, n sed 1 word on how I felt which was the s word wen the opened the door. They came out n sed 'I dont no how to help' so I went back where I fester with my emotions, so i texted 'shout', how would others deal with tht situation? . Now the staff say I'm being rude in public n the manager wrote a snobby email to my mum. I can't remember bring rude. Why don't carestaff come n tlk? Me n my mum both think tht they r 'inadequate' which is was a newsartical I found said on web (last place he managed) the last place is under a different name now