(TW suicide) rock bottom

bignosegirly0

I’m not able to kill myself now since I’m with my family

I’m not intending to kill myself in the future to avoid upsetting my family

I’m speaking to a professional from the NHS well-being services on Tuesday

I am able to keep myself safe

I’m gonna be very fucking depressed for the next few days. I’m gonna have low energy. I’m gonna lose sleep. I’m gonna eat very little. I won’t have motivation to do anything or find joy in any activity. And there’s nothing I can do to get myself out of this depressive episode. All I can do is let whatever happen, happen, and just be patient, even if it takes days for me to feel better.

I’m writing this post because I need someone to vent to. I won’t feel better afterwards, but atleast I can get my pent up emotions out.

With that all being said….

I feel as if I hit rock bottom. I don’t see a bright future ahead of me. I’m stuck in a workplace where everyone hates me (and understandably due to my stupid decisions). I keep getting job rejections. I don’t have a lover to help fill that void. I am nothing in this world.

Orchid059

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way right now, and I want to honor how hard and overwhelming everything must be for you. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain, and feeling stuck in this place of depression can make everything seem so much harder. I’m really glad you’re going to be speaking with someone from the NHS on Tuesday- that’s a good step, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. It’s okay to feel like you need to vent, and I want you to know that your feelings matter and you don’t have to carry them alone.

Even though it feels impossible to feel better right now, just taking things one day at a time and being patient with yourself, like you said, is really important. I hear that you're in a very tough place right now, feeling isolated and overwhelmed, and I want you to know that these feelings, while real and valid, don’t define your whole life. You’re not “nothing” in this world, even though it may feel like that in the darkest moments. Your life is valuable, and even if it’s hard to see, there are people who care about you and want you to be here, whether you can see it or not.

The things you're experiencing are not your fault, and you're not alone in how you're feeling. It might not feel like it right now, but there is always hope for things to get better. You’re allowed to feel these emotions, but I really hope you can find the strength to keep holding on and reaching out for support, even when it feels like it’s just too much.

You are worthy of compassion, and I really hope you keep showing up for yourself, even if it’s just little bits at a time. Is there anything that has helped you in the past that has worked for you when you are experiencing these low moments? Have you considered journalling to express your emotions visually onto paper?

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Orchid059

@bignosegirly0 I've also added a spoiler or removed any triggering language in your post so it does not trigger anyone in the community

Matthew_04

Hey @bignosegirly0
How are you feeling now?

bignosegirly0

@Matthew_04 Unfortunely, I’m still feeling rock bottom. But I’m trying to make myself feel better by reminding myself that my family and I are going to one of my favourite places on the weekend. So atleast it’s something nice to look forward to 🫶