Best Of

Laura_tigger82 wrote: »

How did your GP appointment go @Lottie5433? I can hear how that was causing you a lot of anxiety.

Also, it is not really your job to ensure others respect your boundaries. It is your job to set your boundaries but it is other people's job to respect those! Even though I can hear the sense of pressure to ensure others follow your boundaries, despite feeling like your boundaries are unheard. You deserve to feel respected and heard.

It sounds really difficult that your thoughts are causing you to become overwhelmed with it all. Would you like to share more with us about this? We care and are listening to you

The GP appoint was kinda positive. I actually opened up about various things like my anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidality. From the appointment they've basically said im moderate anxiety and chronic depression (although MH are querying this anyway). They've increased my medication to the highest dose - been avoiding this due to the increased risk to myself with my thoughts and past actions. Also been referred back to CMHT for assessment/2nd opinion for support; waiting for a call from them now 😬.

Idk how much I could share about my thoughts without causing concern or breaking guidelines so yeah 🙃

Thank you for your support and response @Laura_tigger82

Hiya @Sian321
Thankyou so much for your lovely response it means a lot 🌷💗I do think the guilt haunts me in a way because as time goes past I see the milestones I would’ve missed and how it would’ve affected my family. Thankyou for your compassion and kindness I think she needs to hear that she survived and no one is angry at her for that day and her parents would’ve forgiven her even if the outcome was different. I will try to offer myself some compassion.
Thankyou so much x

@Orchid059 I really appreciate you taking the time to write this and for understanding how frustrating and overwhelming this has been for me. It helps to hear that I’m not alone and that even small steps like volunteering still count as progress, even if it doesn’t feel like much right now. The uncertainty and pressure of time slipping by have been really hard to deal with, and when people ask about what I’m doing, it just adds to the frustration. I’ll try to focus more on the progress I have made and find something productive that isn’t just about job hunting, because lately, everything feels like it comes with pressure. Your message really helped, and I appreciate your kindness and encouragement.

Hey @Meowmew2024 , thank you for making this post. I have found it so deeply moving to read your words here. What you have written feels so evocative and it sounds like watching Dear Evan Hansen felt very stirring for you. I really love that play

I hear what you are saying about how heavy the 'guilt of the future you might have left behind' weighs on you. You describe it so powerfully, and I hear how frightening it feels too to think about just how close things got to the alternative reality you have described.

What stands out to me here is the empathy you have for your family - the way you've imagined yourself into the shoes of your mother, your father, your dog so vividly. Coping with the guilt day-to-day sounds so hard, and I get the sense it haunts you in a way? And at the same time, I also feel a lot of compassion towards that part of you that came close to leaving your future behind - I can imagine that might have been a very frightening and overwhelming place to be in. It sounds like you were in a lot of pain - struggling to cope and having to bare that everyday. That sounds so hard, and to experience suicidal feelings is valid. I wonder how it might feel to offer yourself compassion around this too?

May I ask, what does the part of you that feels very guilty need to hear? I wonder what might help her to put the weight of this guilt and responsibility down for a moment, or to feel some relief from the heaviness of that all?

We're here to listen without judgement and thank you again for your trust in opening up to us as you have

i’m really anxious about tomorrow as i’m gonna finally tell my psychologist the complete reality of how much i’m struggling. i’m just terrified that it’s not gonna remain confidential though as i’ve told her something before and it nearly didn’t remain confidential and it wasn’t even that bad in my personal opinion so that’s making me really anxious:/

i’m also really worried about half term being over now too - it’s been a week where i’ve really hit rock bottom and struggled to even leave my bed, but the thought of not having classes to go to has been amazing but now i have that worry from tomorrow morning again. i’m not even back yet and im already stressed about deadlines.

i am safe, i don’t have any plans / intentions of hurting myself or nothing, i promise:)

@Katie hiya, I’ve applied for different ranges of jobs. Graphic designer, photographer, or a crew member at cafes, restaurants, retail shops, art galleries etc.

oh sry @bignosegirly0 was just worried abt you so tagged themix i hope your ok im always here if you need anything

Laura_tigger82 wrote: »

It sounds really difficult that you feel you may have to face and talk about things which you have pushed down @Lottie5433. It is really important to recognise the boundary of what you do and do not want to talk about. No amount of strength takes away from the fact you deserve to be able to have boundaries respected and feel heard too.

I can hear how you feel this is your fault. However, different people are impacted by similiar experiences in different ways. Your thoughts and feelings are valid, despite how your siblings may have thought and felt about the same experiences. Also, people can mask how they are really thinking and feeling which makes self-comparison particularly challenging.

How are you feeling at the moment? We are here with you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us

Thank you again @Laura_tigger82

I just dont know how I can begin to get people to respect my boundaries (especially my parents) coz i know they are just going to keep pushing me to talk and they know that this just makes me not talk and open up - as they've seen with my SH, SI and ED.

I basically get told by those around me that it's my fault so it's just what im use to at this point. Im constantly compared to my siblings so at this point I must be the issue and the one that caused it all - even though professionals have said its not my fault etc.

Im feeling alot of anxiety but idk why other than my GP appointment tomorrow. But also my thoughts are just going wild and causing alot of mess in my head and im becoming overwhelming with it all.
Thanks for asking ❤️