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Best Of
Re: (Suicidal rant but no plans) I yearn to be loved
@Sian321 hiya, really sorry for the late response. I’ve been really busy lol. I’m feeling better now, thankfully. I’m able to keep myself safe by distracting myself with my usual tasks and hobbies.
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 20.10.25
i’m tired of being alive (safe).
@mai i know this might not make much difference, but i really do understand what it takes for a person to get to that point. Where it's just something after the other, again and again, over and over, slowly breaking a person down over time, until it gets to the point where it just becomes tiring to even be alive. I really do understand what that's like, and whilst i know it might not seem this way at times, there's no guarantee it will be like that forever or will stay like that. You're still here, you're still fighting on day after day, still advancing and making progress by making it day after day, and you should be proud of that. It's one of the hardest battles there is.
I know this might sound silly, but i'm in the exact same place. And whilst it's scary, and exhausting, The thing that gets me through day by day is trying to find even the smallest moments of happiness i can, no matter how fleeting it is, and holding on to them for dear life. Even a 5 minute escape (i get mine from feeding the ducks at the park), makes the days a little more bearable. Sort of like an anchor in a storm, making it easier to hold on. It doesn't fix anything, but it does make things a little bit more tolerable, at least in my case it does.
I really hope this advice helps you, even just a little bit, mai.
Nathan
1
a new hour by mr kitty (vent, TW: suicide)
Everyday, a sadder face
---
My mood sinks each day.
---
New hiding place, something to chase
---
I run away from my problems and I remember how people were after me back then. The word "something" means that they didn't see me as human.
---
A week has passed, my wounds won't heal
---
I remember a week passing after I was released from the psychiatric hospital and my mental wounds weren't healing.
---
Remember when the pain was real
---
Everything that I experienced felt real and my mental anguish was certainly real.
---
I want to die alone tonight
---
I want to push people away, have no one by my side and perish.
---
(Please do not try to save me)
---
Please don't convince me otherwise.
---
Walking away from the bright light
---
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel but I'm deliberately walking away from it.
---
(Darkness will come to take me)
---
My negative thoughts will win. It will come and suck me in.
---
I want to die alone tonight
(Please do not try to save me)
Walking away from the bright light
(Darkness will come to take me)
---
Already explained my interpretation of these lyrics.
---
Eyes are closed, refuse to dream
--
When I sleep I don't have dreams anymore.
---
A silent scream, beneath the stream
---
I feel like I'm suffering in silence.
---
A month has passed, reopened wounds
---
A month passes since I was released from the psychiatric hospital and my mental scars are visible.
---
I sink below to pleasant doom
---
I fall into the ocean of misery which seems pleasant because then I'll finally succumb to my fate.
(im safe)
---
My mood sinks each day.
---
New hiding place, something to chase
---
I run away from my problems and I remember how people were after me back then. The word "something" means that they didn't see me as human.
---
A week has passed, my wounds won't heal
---
I remember a week passing after I was released from the psychiatric hospital and my mental wounds weren't healing.
---
Remember when the pain was real
---
Everything that I experienced felt real and my mental anguish was certainly real.
---
I want to die alone tonight
---
I want to push people away, have no one by my side and perish.
---
(Please do not try to save me)
---
Please don't convince me otherwise.
---
Walking away from the bright light
---
I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel but I'm deliberately walking away from it.
---
(Darkness will come to take me)
---
My negative thoughts will win. It will come and suck me in.
---
I want to die alone tonight
(Please do not try to save me)
Walking away from the bright light
(Darkness will come to take me)
---
Already explained my interpretation of these lyrics.
---
Eyes are closed, refuse to dream
--
When I sleep I don't have dreams anymore.
---
A silent scream, beneath the stream
---
I feel like I'm suffering in silence.
---
A month has passed, reopened wounds
---
A month passes since I was released from the psychiatric hospital and my mental scars are visible.
---
I sink below to pleasant doom
---
I fall into the ocean of misery which seems pleasant because then I'll finally succumb to my fate.
(im safe)
Re: Long term struggling
I have no idea what else to say other than I hope that job interview you have, correct me if I'm wrong, Tuesday goes well and you get that position. Also, block the people who are making hurtful comments, I presume it's some people in your family who are making these comments, the last thing you need right now are people making hurtful comments towards you in already pretty stressful time for you.
Re: Cutting contact
@Redemption it's absolutely no problem! I'm glad it helped even just a bit, it makes me really happy to hear that.
Re: Cutting contact
Hey @Redemption, thank you for sharing this here with us. I can hear how it was a difficult decision on whether to post this here - it's a brave thing to do. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your mum - I can hear how frustrating and upsetting it's felt to be constantly and unconstructively criticised and having your hard work dismissed. You have worked hard and it's important that you get the recognition for what you've done so far. Your efforts and struggles are valid and do matter, and being supported isn't an unreasonable request either.
It sounds like you've spent time on making this decision, and have tried to restore the relationship but that this experience has been a series that have led up to wanting to cut contact now. Well done for trying to make things work. Sometimes they don't, and it's important that you stand up for being treated fairly. You ask for peace, and I think that's a reasonable thing to want after your experiences.
You've done so much to get a job opportunity, and I'm hopeful that you'll be able to land something soon! It sounds sensible to have a safety plan in place as well, well done for reaching out to the organisation for this. We're here to keep supporting you on your journey!
@Azziman Thank you for your kind message. I really appreciate you taking the time to understand how I’ve been feeling. It means a lot to know that my efforts are seen and that what I’ve been through is recognised. It’s been a hard time, so your support and encouragement really help. I’m grateful to have a place where I can share things and feel understood.
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? w/c 20.10.25
i am rly going through so much atm. with shit in my head. i see my favourite dr next week so that’s gd but i am so alone. i hate my mind. i wish it never existed.
. Do you want to talk a bit about why you feel that way?We are all here for you @eylah ❤️
Long term struggling
I’ve been struggling for a long time now and really want to get sorted with work. I’m still healing from hurtful comments that were said to me, and it’s been tough feeling like I’m trying so hard in the job search but not getting anywhere. I’ve been stuck in this position for a few years, and this time of year always hits hard as it feels like another year has passed without progress while everyone else seems to be moving forward. I’ve had low mood, sensitivity, and self-esteem struggles, and I don’t feel like going out, going on holiday, or meeting friends much. Some of that might just be me, but I mostly stay home and don’t do things I used to enjoy. I know the job market is difficult, but I see others finding work while I’m still waiting for my chance. I’d even be happy with a temporary or festive role and have applied for a few, though I’d prefer something permanent. I just worry that after a temporary job I’ll be back at square one again.
I’ve had support from organisations and done courses on confidence, CVs, cover letters, and teamwork, but nothing much has come from them. Despite the effort, I’m still in the same position heading toward Christmas, just like the past few years. It’s all really tough, and while online spaces have helped me cope, it’s not the only reason I’ve stayed sane. I feel like a big change needs to happen and I’m strongly relying on that. I’ve had several interviews since early last year but no success, and I regret being late to a couple of them. I’ve learned from those mistakes and am determined not to let it happen again. I’ve been trying to keep going, but after so many setbacks, I just want things to finally turn around.
I’ve had support from organisations and done courses on confidence, CVs, cover letters, and teamwork, but nothing much has come from them. Despite the effort, I’m still in the same position heading toward Christmas, just like the past few years. It’s all really tough, and while online spaces have helped me cope, it’s not the only reason I’ve stayed sane. I feel like a big change needs to happen and I’m strongly relying on that. I’ve had several interviews since early last year but no success, and I regret being late to a couple of them. I’ve learned from those mistakes and am determined not to let it happen again. I’ve been trying to keep going, but after so many setbacks, I just want things to finally turn around.