Best Of

I know I’ve been repeating myself, but it’s been really hard not to dwell on everything. Over the past year, I’ve been stuck in the same place, trying to move forward but struggling to make progress. Before joining this community, I felt incredibly alone, and even though I’ve still had difficult moments since, having support just a few clicks away on my phone has made a massive difference. It has been a lifeline, whether it’s talking about my struggles or just sharing interests like cars, watches, and YouTube. The thought of leaving here one day is scary because I don’t know if I’ll find the same level of support elsewhere. I’ll always remember this place, and hopefully, I’ll be remembered too, but I know I won’t have the same kind of backup when I leave.

Right now, I’m keeping at it. I’m still applying for jobs, waiting to hear back on a couple of things, and continuing with volunteering. It’s okay, but not being able to go on tills anymore was a setback, and with other things not going to plan, it made me question if I can do anything right. It’s also frustrating not getting paid. I should be in paid work by now, and going to volunteering every Monday isn’t exactly exciting, especially since Mondays are already the worst day of the week for most people. Life moves fast, and it feels like society expects everyone to have things figured out by a certain time, which adds a lot of pressure. Social media doesn’t help either. There’s so much negativity, and sometimes I think about deleting it. But I use it to talk to people, so I keep it. The thing is, I don’t make any money from it, so it feels kind of pointless, just numbers on a screen. If I ever deleted it, I’d probably only keep WhatsApp.

All I want is to move forward, but it has been really hard. I know it will be worth it in the end, but there have been so many low points. I’ve had times when I’ve felt completely alone and hopeless. I’ve had tears, moments of feeling like everything is against me, and just negativity in my life as a whole, especially in the past few years. And on top of that, some people keep pushing me about getting a job, like I’m not already trying my hardest. Most people understand, but some don’t, and it’s frustrating because talking about my situation is already a sensitive topic for me. I’ve been struggling for so, so long, and sometimes I just wonder if it will ever get better. I just really hope that by the time I leave this community, I’ll be in the place I want to be, with a job, some savings, maybe even a newer car and a relationship. I’m trying to stay hopeful, but sometimes, with the way things have been going, I do doubt myself. It’s so easy to dwell on the negatives, but I have to keep pushing forward. I'm so sorry for being repeating myself if its getting fustrating, it's just the same feelings I have felt long term, you all do help though.

Sian321 wrote: »

Hey @Redemption ,

Firstly, it feels so positive that you took the opportunity to attend the recruitment day! It can take a lot of courage to do something spontaneous like that, and to put yourself in a situation where you're practising your skills and recieving feedback! That can feel vulnerable, and I wonder if you felt proud of yourself for going along? Using your volunteering and workplace experience to respond to the interview question sounds like a really positive and creative choice (thinking on the spot like that can be so tricky!!), and even if those experiences are not of 'paid' work, it is still valid and worthy work nontheless! It sounds like you were fast-thinking in that moment.

I also recently decided to start counselling, and I have my first session, an intro session, on Thursday.

This also feels so positive @Redemption , and I wish you the very, very best with your counsellor. It is valid that right now feeling optermistic day-to-day is hard, and I hope that your therapy room can be a space where all of your feelings, doubts, and worries are welcomed and listened to. These last few years have been hard in different ways, and it sounds really self-caring to be organising a space where you can process this together with someone else and to get support working towards your future goals.

Keep us posted with anything you like, Redemption. We'll be rooting for you!

@Sian321 Sorry for the late reply, I kept forgetting to respond to you thank you so much for your kind words and support! It really means a lot. The recruitment day was a big step for me, and while it felt nerve-wracking, I’m glad I went for it. I appreciate your encouragement, and I’ll definitely keep you posted.