Best Of

Do you ever have a song that you love to listen to, but the lyrics make you feel a very different way than the music?

Well recently I've experienced a song like that - its a Polish song called Mori. This may sound weird but I first heard it some time ago and thought to myself "hm nice song" and added it to my playlist. It plays occasionally, its just a nice song. But the lyrics always avoided me, came in through one ear and left out the other. The lyrics were just words, spoken to the beat, complimenting the melody.
Recently I'm not sure what happened, but I listened to the words carefully, I finally heard the lyrics...
They stopped being words and instead became emotions, meanings, teachings and experiences.

I rarely cry. But here I was, tears spontaneous crashing down my cheeks, to a song I've heard plenty before. There's a couple songs like that, ones that I'll listen to just a little too closely, where something 'clicks' and I'll just cry, seemingly out of nowhere. I really wanted to sing this particular song, but sometimes when I'm alone and get too into it, I struggle to keep myself together.

This is a song about death, as its title suggests. And one might think "how did you not understand the lyrics sooner?? Its so obvious what its about!" And to that, I really just don't know. Never paid enough attention to it, the song was just there, existing in the background.

I translated the lyrics as best as I could, but its not important reading them. Its a pretty heavy song:

I looked up the song on youtube, wanted to see the official video for it, out of curiosity - but the video is not what I stayed for...
I ended up reading through the comments, full of people praising the song, but also sharing their own experiences; losing parents, children, lovers, etc. It was really hard to read, and at one point I couldn't carry on. Many of them were saying it was cancer causing so much loss.
While I'm here all alone, and my dad is in hospital fighting for his life, all because of cancer...


Note: I wrote this a few days ago, I just didn't feel comfortable enough posting it yet. Today my dad is finally coming home. But its nowhere near over...

Thanks for reading

Oh and share your own music experiences too here! I'd love to hear them

I'm really sorry for your loss @Faolan Grief is a funny thing and is unfortunately something we all tend to experience at some point. Your feelings here sound really valid and understandable. Everyone grieves in a different way and it can be hard watching someone else respond differently to you. It sounds quite bittersweet that your sister will have that father figure to grow up with but it'll unfortunately not be your dad. Are there any pictures you can keep for yourself or any other items you can keep that remind you of him? I lost my nanna a couple of years ago and I still struggle looking at photos of her. Sometimes when I accidentally come across one in my camera roll it really catches me by surprise and I feel quite frozen. I've found more comfort in thinking about happy memories I had with her. Saying this, grief also changes over time. Maybe in a few more years I'll find that comfort in looking at the photos, but not just yet.

I don't actually know what the right way to grieve is - I'm not sure there even is one. I really hear you in feeling like your world stood still and the struggles that come with carrying that grief. It kinda feels like you're stood behind a window, whilst everyone else is on the other side and you're just watching them get on with their lives. I remember feeling so much heaviness and weight that nobody could see on the outside. You're being really brave to talk about this now and I'm right here with you in those feelings.

It sounds really positive you're making that effort to do better and feel better now. And whilst there isn't any pressure to get back to how things used to be (I don't think it ever really feels exactly the same as it did before such an immense loss), I know how good this can feel for our wellbeing. Grieving for someone who is still alive also makes a lot of sense here too. You're in a pretty big chapter of your life at the moment Faolan and at the same time you're navigating your teens. That's a lot, and you should give yourself credit for actively wanting to do and feel better. You're experiencing a lot of change to what you're used to, and I hope you're able to make plans to see your ma and sister when they do move away.

I must say you sound incredibly wise for your age Faolan and your self-awareness is extremely impressive. I don't think at 15 I could've made a decision about leaving a community with such sound reasoning. Those feelings of pushing away sound valid here too. It's a shame you did get along with her, but it's also considerate of you to be able to recognise that how you see your futures are completely different. And that's okay Faolan. It's okay to want something different and to picture your life differently - because it's your life.

From this post I think you're incredibly grown up for your age so I'm sorry your ma doesn't see that. I don't know your family so I can't speak for them, but if my (metaphorical) kid handled themselves like you did I would be immensely proud.

Be gentle with yourself Faolan and thank you for being so raw with us