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Everything feels so pointless. Why should I put any effort in when I’m not even gonna pass my first year of uni?? I’ve got no hope. Why does success have to be based on things I can’t do?

I’m speaking to a professional from the NHS well-being services on Tuesday

I am able to keep myself safe

I’m gonna be very fucking depressed for the next few days. I’m gonna have low energy. I’m gonna lose sleep. I’m gonna eat very little. I won’t have motivation to do anything or find joy in any activity. And there’s nothing I can do to get myself out of this depressive episode. All I can do is let whatever happen, happen, and just be patient, even if it takes days for me to feel better.

I’m writing this post because I need someone to vent to. I won’t feel better afterwards, but atleast I can get my pent up emotions out.

With that all being said….

I feel as if I hit rock bottom. I don’t see a bright future ahead of me. I’m stuck in a workplace where everyone hates me (and understandably due to my stupid decisions). I keep getting job rejections. I don’t have a lover to help fill that void. I am nothing in this world.

I told my mum about the time I ran to the office door, n sed 1 word on how I felt which was the s word wen the opened the door. They came out n sed 'I dont no how to help' so I went back where I fester with my emotions, so i texted 'shout', how would others deal with tht situation? . Now the staff say I'm being rude in public n the manager wrote a snobby email to my mum. I can't remember bring rude. Why don't carestaff come n tlk? Me n my mum both think tht they r 'inadequate' which is was a newsartical I found said on web (last place he managed) the last place is under a different name now

Hey @Summerjune15 thank you for the update on how you're getting on

I agree with @stardust444 , it really does sound like a lot to handle. I don't think you're a burden either Summerjune - you're experiencing a pretty scary health issue that you personally don't have any control over. You've got a lot going on, and it's not your fault this is happening to you.

Sending hugs your way (if hugs are your thing) And I hope you have a lovely time with your friend. I love having those big catch ups when you haven't seen a friend for a while, and it sounds quite comforting being able to spend quality time with someone who already knows about your seizures.

We're here if you want to keep us posted on how your EEG goes - I really hope you can get some answers soon

@Summerjune15 im sorry to hear about this, it sounds like a lot to handle and I can understand why you’re feeling overwhelmed! I wish you luck and I hope you have fun with your friend 🫶

Laura_tigger82 wrote: »

How did your GP appointment go @Lottie5433? I can hear how that was causing you a lot of anxiety.

Also, it is not really your job to ensure others respect your boundaries. It is your job to set your boundaries but it is other people's job to respect those! Even though I can hear the sense of pressure to ensure others follow your boundaries, despite feeling like your boundaries are unheard. You deserve to feel respected and heard.

It sounds really difficult that your thoughts are causing you to become overwhelmed with it all. Would you like to share more with us about this? We care and are listening to you

The GP appoint was kinda positive. I actually opened up about various things like my anxiety, depression, self-harm and suicidality. From the appointment they've basically said im moderate anxiety and chronic depression (although MH are querying this anyway). They've increased my medication to the highest dose - been avoiding this due to the increased risk to myself with my thoughts and past actions. Also been referred back to CMHT for assessment/2nd opinion for support; waiting for a call from them now 😬.

Idk how much I could share about my thoughts without causing concern or breaking guidelines so yeah 🙃

Thank you for your support and response @Laura_tigger82

Hiya @Sian321
Thankyou so much for your lovely response it means a lot 🌷💗I do think the guilt haunts me in a way because as time goes past I see the milestones I would’ve missed and how it would’ve affected my family. Thankyou for your compassion and kindness I think she needs to hear that she survived and no one is angry at her for that day and her parents would’ve forgiven her even if the outcome was different. I will try to offer myself some compassion.
Thankyou so much x

@Orchid059 I really appreciate you taking the time to write this and for understanding how frustrating and overwhelming this has been for me. It helps to hear that I’m not alone and that even small steps like volunteering still count as progress, even if it doesn’t feel like much right now. The uncertainty and pressure of time slipping by have been really hard to deal with, and when people ask about what I’m doing, it just adds to the frustration. I’ll try to focus more on the progress I have made and find something productive that isn’t just about job hunting, because lately, everything feels like it comes with pressure. Your message really helped, and I appreciate your kindness and encouragement.