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AWESOME. Dead pleased for you xxx
It has been a long time getting to this point but still a way to go yet but at least now i feel i am on my way.
Sorry i just assumed you realised i really didnt mean to decieve you in any way.
Thanks for your post it was appreciated.
I have been living in the female role 24/7 for some months now and have become very comfortable with my new life it all seems so natural but there are still aspects of being female i cant seem to get right.
Emotions and empathy are things that in my opinion are a major part of the female psyche, things that i don't seem to understand or be able to show.
Today a close friend of mine was upset by her boyfriend i offerd a shoulder to cry on spent time listening and gave her some advice, another friend then became involved took over the whole thing and gave diffrent advice which seemed to be accepted with open arms and was in fact what my friend actually needed to hear.
I realised that i totally did not get it at all, i was looking at the problem from a completley diffrent viewpoint.
I just dont seem to have that intuition and empathy and now i feel like a bit of a freak again.
I really am not one thing or the other and its upset me to realise that i am still so far from being that elusive person i need to be, perhaps i never will truely be her which is a very sad thought.
Do you think i should have these inbuilt intuitions, will i be able to develop them ?
Wow right now being me sucks again:crying:
You give great advice! And every body is different in how they give advice. It's easier to give advice on situations you've been in, and since (as far as I know) you haven't had a girlfriend or boyfriend, you aren't going to know exactly what to say.
But I know for a fact you give wonderful advice on here, there have been many times you've helped me I'm just a PM away if you need anything doll x
Hi Louise,
This is Ozzer's husband. Ozzer has been telling me about your posts and I wanted to respond to you.
First, the beginning stages of transition are always the most difficult. I spent a lot of time beating myself up, especially a lot of time telling myself "I'm not male/man enough because..." It's something that I've seen quite a bit amongst my friends who also are transgendered. I'm not sure if it's that we're scared that we're making such a large, life-altering decision and we worry that we may be making a mistake... or if it's simply because we've been so ingrained into thinking that a person's gender is defined by what's in their pants, and so it's difficult to make that bridge into believing the voice that's in our heads that's been screaming for years about how our bodies don't match out minds. In any case, it certainly is one of the most difficult leaps to make. However, 7+ years later, I look back on that time and I realize that I couldn't be in more of an opposite place of thought. It took me a long time and a lot of soul searching to find that there is no single way to define a person's gender, except by that intense internal feeling (of which, I still haven't figured out how to exactly describe it)
Back to your problem at hand: Giving good advice is not a matter of gender. Good advice is a matter of life experience. And even then, some people are really good advice givers, while others have their hearts there, but not necessarily the words (For instance, Ozzer wanted desperately to respond to you, but had no idea what to say, and handed the computer over to me. This makes her no less of a female, and me, no less of a male).
From what I understand of your posts, you have not had a boyfriend before, and therefore no problems getting hurt by a boyfriend. Just because you couldn't give advice for that particular heartache, doesn't mean you're less of a woman, it just means you haven't experienced that particular heartache.
As far as the emotions aspect, I've found through taking hormones, that they play a huge number on how emotions are regulated and expressed. Testosterone has physically made it harder for me to cry. It's not that I don't feel sad, but that it takes a lot more for my body to physically produce tears. I don't know why that is, but that's what I've experienced (and heard from others). I know that estrogen has the reverse effect. In my opinion, I would say that has more to do with your body not having the right hormones, and less to do with the degree to which you are female or not.
Empathy is another one of those genderless aspects. And maybe you're more empathic than you realize (and you're simply being hard on yourself). As I've grown up and have met more people, I've come to know a lot of very empathic men and a lot of cold-hearted women.
Your not having the ability to come from the same point of view as your friend is just a matter of the human condition. It all has to do with your personal life experience (separate from your gender) and being an autonomous being. No two people, whether they be complete opposites or identical twins, will ever have the same advice, experience or thought process.
If I had any two pieces of advice for you now: 1) Hang in there. I know it's rough, but believe me when I say “It gets better!!!!” 2) Try to see if you can look at the world as a gender spectrum. When you look at the world really closely, you'll find that it's not a matter of either/or. Gender is really one giant gray-area that society loves to try to categorize as black and white (I don't know why, I guess it's so that people are less scared). Sometimes you might find that gender plays a little to no role is some of the things that you previously thought were gendered.
Peace,
Ozzer's husband
Sometimes not rushing in and telling someone what they want to hear pays off and just because you approached a problem from a different angle, well, that doesn't mean you're necessarily wrong or didn't give good advice. It also doesn't mean your friend didn't take on board what you said or value your opinion. Just as there are different male personalities, the same applies with women. I'm female but have never really been a girly girl, so find it much easier to strike up friendships with women who are fairly laidback, not easily offended, won't care if I go out to meet them not looking my best, etc. At the same time I do have a few more girly 'high maintenance' mates too who I wouldn't be without. One thing I have learnt with girl friends is it's sometimes a wise thing to keep different personality types apart, that way you can have the best of different worlds yet avoid inevitable clashes down the line.
Empathy is probably something that generally women are better at, but it is only a generalisation and not true for everyone *hug*
*hug*
I think this is more to do with how you feel about the situation and nothing to do with being a female.
Exactly.
One can't expect to nail 'great advice' every time. Give yourself a break, Louise, 'cos you're a wonderful human being, regardless of gender. *hug*
I talked this over with a woman i know from another forum and she made me realise that i was actually feeling jealous and excluded rather than lacking some kind of female intuition or empathy, not sure that makes me a very nice person but i think looking back that is how i felt.
She warned me against comparing myself to particular gg's because i should allow my own personality and character to adapt and grow rather than trying to be that elusive perfect girl that i imagine others to be.
I have to learn not to lay the blame for every problem and upset i encounter in life on my gender its to easy just to say "oh that would not have happened if....."
I have been warned that i will probably become even more emotional and irrational when my treatment begins, so thats something for you all to look forward to :thumb:
I don't have any better advice/comments on the friend situation, but just to +1 what others have said- you are brilliant
Its just an assesment and even though i have wanted this for years i feel so nervous, i just hope they are friendly and we get along.
All the best Let us know how it goes!
Other than that, what katralla said. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I'm sure it'll be fine hun! *hug* and I bet anyone would be nervous in your position, it's a very big step.. and even though you've always wanted it, it is still a major thing and kind of makes everything more "real" I guess.
Like purple says, let us know how it goes xxx
How did it go?