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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And just to add to what Fiend said, dealing with the scars is about accepting who you are.

    My scars are part of me, part of who I am and where I've been, and I wear them knowing that I'm stronger and better because of them. Because of that I don't really care when other people notice them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My scars are all starting to fade now. Because I tended to reopen the wound there aren't many of them, and they're starting to look like scars that I'd pick up in normal life, like catching my arm on a sharp bit of plastic. No-one really looks hard enough to see if the scar is new or years old.

    But even when there was no doubt as to where they came from or what I did to get them, it was still just something that I ignored.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou, I've taken in what has been said. I don't feel stronger for self harm though. I hate my scars, and hide them pretty much most of the time, as they are on my leg. I have the odd one or two on my hand, but now since I've tried getting a tan they have became more prominent, as my hand has tanned, yet they have stayed white. It annoys me.

    Decided I'm not keeping count of how long I've gone without cutting now either. Just seems pointless to me. It must be about 3 or 4 weeks, but I honestly can't remember.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right at the start of the summer I had the same thing. I actually said to a mate "my scars show up when I tan" with a look of distress on my face. I can't remember exactly what she said anymore, but it was something along the lines of "ignore it, no-one else cares but you" but in a slightly more personal way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I don't mind the ones on my hand though. They look like I've hurt myself by accident or something, whereas I've stupidly picked at others, making them look more prominent- which are on my thighs. But that was my stupid thought. I just need to get over them, sort of.
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    At the end of the day they are a part of you now.

    I used to be *really* self conscious about my scars. They are on my thighs and I used to make a big deal about them. However, I soon learned to realise that I shouldn't. They are part of who I am, they make me up. And if people react to them then that is their problem, not mine.

    However, being like that is easier said than done. However, with time, when you stop hurting and being so self conscious, you will realise this too. I promise :)

    However, it won't happen overnight. It takes time. But you are getting better so it will come.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It takes a long time to accept them, I'm really only accepting them now and I haven't cut for years.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How insecure do you have to be to let posts on these boards get to you?
    Especially when they're posts from months ago?

    Fuckity, fuck fuck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Its not just posts on here, its anything in life

    if been through what has averagely been a bad month and a bit, and in the past week, had all sorts of stuff brought up about me, pretty much every piece of shittyness thats happened to me in the past 2 years, its been brought up

    most of it id never dealt with, put to the back of my mind, hadnt even thought about for months, some things id just simply forgotten about, things id even dealt with

    but when you get a big blow all at once, where the pain just doesnt seem to stop, if its out of the blue, something that you suddenly remembered happened in the past, or even just reading through old posts, it hits hard
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everythings much less painful when ya jus get drunk. why is that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    numbs the senses
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does anybody else ever have that feeling, that for once something is going right for you, or something just happens and makes you happy.

    Then the worst thing being, not that it went wrong, but that you expected it to go wrong, and it wasnt so much anything you would have normally done, but simply the worry and the pain and nervousness of having something go right for you, and you being scared it would fail, and that worry itself being the thing that causes you grief, and all the happy things to go away?

    Or is it just me being simple
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to die. Right now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Saw the counsellor, I convinced her that I was ok, that the chances of me self harming are low (which they are),... so I stopped seeing her. Counselling was helpful, don't get me wrong- I just hated every moment of it. I hated how she asked so many questions, and I didn't know the answers in some cases. Ah well, feeling better at the moment anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was just hitting a real low spot and then I had my first real break from therapy since last February.

    Things aren't good. I very nearly refused to leave the house last night because I couldn't stand to be seen in public, I keep fighting with my housemates and most of the time it's not their fault, and I keep breaking down. I don't know what to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know this may somewhat defeat the purpose of this post, but after reading these posts, does anyone feel like harming themselves again? i havent for around two weeks but i so want to right now. i'm fighting myself not to...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hazell wrote:
    i know this may somewhat defeat the purpose of this post, but after reading these posts, does anyone feel like harming themselves again? i havent for around two weeks but i so want to right now. i'm fighting myself not to...

    personally, no. but being triggered is a personal thing and i can see how someone might be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so what triggers you? i don't know anyone who self harms but i usually get triggered by a negative event, however small, or if i have something sharp in my hand. it's not something i activeley seek, but if i do have a knife or a letter opener (like last time) it's like a pavlovian reaction to all the negative things in my life at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being slighted always triggered me, if I felt like I'd been humiliated or abandoned it set me off. It made me so angry and upset, and I did it.

    It's not silly to be triggered by other people talking about it either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Home from work early.

    Again.

    I thought I was passed feeling like this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there anything the doctor can give me to stop me from feeling things and hurting?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anti-depressants. But you knew that already ;).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel like shite.

    I feel as though everyone hates me.

    I really would be better off dead.

    Nobody wants me here. I'm just a waste of space.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!

    That will be all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :crying: :crying: :crying:

    Why can people control my emotions like this? Its half fucking two in the morning. I can't sleep so have got up.

    I'm sat here shaking and crying.

    I fucking want to scream and shout at the top of a roof top how I'm feeling but I can't. I fucking hate them so fucking much. They've made me feel like shit.

    I'm just a joke to fucking everyone, just a joke.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just...eugh. Eugheugheugheugheugh.

    I'm pissed off, I have a real need to talk to people that aren't available to talk to, and my stomach where I burnt it nearly 2 weeks ago is no nearer healing than it was then. It's been hurting like buggery today and I'm just meh. It's just making me miserable now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Haven't slept a wink.

    Cut badly last night.

    Feel like shite.

    I feel like giving up so so badly. It would just be so easy to end things. I don't even care that it would be taking the easy way out anymore.

    People hate me. I'm just a an annoyance to people. People would be better off without me around.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    People hate me. I'm just a an annoyance to people. People would be better off without me around.

    who hates you? why are you an annoyance?

    even if you do annoy people they're certainly not worth you self harming for.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well actually you make yourself feel like you do.
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