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Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Someone help me :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    Someone help me :crying:
    *hug* what do you need?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Stacey* wrote:
    Someone help me :crying:

    you ok now lovely?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    help, please,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Remember the frog and the engineer.

    In fact, some engineers are discussing the design of the human body, trying to work out what kind of engineer God is. One says, clearly an electrical engineer, look at the nerves and the brain, it's inspired. Another replies, no, He's a mechanical engineer, look at the muscles, tendons, joints, the whole thing is without peer. Then a third engineer speaks up. No, He's obviously a civil engineer, because who else would be foolish enough to put a waste pipe through a recreational area?

    Ok, so that one's a bit within the profession funny, but only up to a point. Chin up princess, we love you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    help, please,

    let me know if there's anything i can do my love x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou fiend and omg hi. I'm bloody amazed to say that I made it through, by myself :) Which I've never done before, I've always relied on others to help me, but somehow I did it on my own last night, with no SH. Calls for a celebratary drink laters me thinks. :)
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    your-babe wrote:
    Thankyou fiend and omg hi. I'm bloody amazed to say that I made it through, by myself :) Which I've never done before, I've always relied on others to help me, but somehow I did it on my own last night, with no SH. Calls for a celebratary drink laters me thinks. :)

    Congratulations.

    It's these small achievements that are actually really huge. Well done sweetie :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    omg hi wrote:
    you ok now lovely?
    I was...

    Sigh.

    Wish I wasn't so sensitive sometimes.

    Gawd.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gawd, I need a hug :crying:
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    *Stacey* wrote:
    Gawd, I need a hug :crying:

    *hugest hugs*

    I'm going to be around for a bit if you wanna chat for a bit through PM or you can PM me and I'll give you my msn stuff :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't been around for a few weeks so just wanted to send loadsa *hugs* to everyone that needs/wants them!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lolzabeth wrote:
    I haven't been around for a few weeks so just wanted to send loadsa *hugs* to everyone that needs/wants them!
    Aww, thankyou :) Hows you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think I can do this anymore.

    Everyone is on at me all the time. Its my own fault. I keep making stupid stupid mistakes and I hate myself for it.

    Its no wonder people hate me.

    Sheesh, if people online hate me then that pretty much explains why I'm so hated offline.

    I lead such a pathetic life.

    I want to give up so badly.

    I've never felt this low. :(

    I feel detached from my own body. Its like watching me do all this to myself. I don't feel in control. I don't feel much. Gawd.

    Sorry, I know I shouldn't be typing all this and this place is for better people, people who deserve it. l'm just a waste of space who gets loads of advice but never does anything about it because I'm stupid. I don't deserve help.

    I just wanna curl up in a ball in the corner and be left to die. Everybody would be better off without me. All I do is annoy people.
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    I don't think I can do this anymore.

    Everyone is on at me all the time. Its my own fault. I keep making stupid stupid mistakes and I hate myself for it.

    Its no wonder people hate me.

    Sheesh, if people online hate me then that pretty much explains why I'm so hated offline.

    People don't hate you online. People are very frustrated with you online. There is a huge difference. None of us want to see you hurt, dead whatever. However, we are just frustrated that you don't seem to listen or even care.
    I lead such a pathetic life.

    I want to give up so badly.

    I've never felt this low. :(

    I feel detached from my own body. Its like watching me do all this to myself. I don't feel in control. I don't feel much. Gawd.

    Sorry, I know I shouldn't be typing all this and this place is for better people, people who deserve it. l'm just a waste of space who gets loads of advice but never does anything about it because I'm stupid. I don't deserve help.

    Then why don't you start doing something about it? Why not start trying to help yourself. If you don't like feeling like this then there are many *many* different things you can do to try and make yourself better. Go to the doctors, seek counselling, go on ADs, stop making excuses why you can't do these things and just do them. Yes, they may not have worked in the past but by trying again and trying different counsellors, ads etc can make all the difference in the world. However, you cannot get by without even attempting to make an effort. *This* is why people are frustrated and feel like a broken record. We care. However, we get the impression that you don't. Which makes us start to care less. What's the point in giving advice if you ain't even prepared to consider it? It's a waste of our time and effort.
    I just wanna curl up in a ball in the corner and be left to die. Everybody would be better off without me. All I do is annoy people.

    People wouldn't be better off without you at all. However, you need to concentrate on getting yourself better now. Do it by phoning the doctors tomorrow at 8am.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LittleMissy is worth listening to, Stace :). Others can listen, advise, and be there for you, but only one person can make any worthwhile changes in your life...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Aww, thankyou :) Hows you?

    You're very welcome :)
    I'm doing alright, I think...
    You?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bollocks. I've been dumped. It sounds pretty final this time too. He's said how he's tired of things, me being so dependant on my parents, me being so dependant on having to please him, the arguements etc. But then he nicely finishes with a 'i'll always love u'. Sitting here in fucking tears. I can't fucking lose him. I love him. Can't do this anymore. Sorry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let him go. You should never have been doing anything for him in the first place. You getting better, sorting yourself out, was always for you.

    You can't be angry with someone for being incapable, and clearly that's what he is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww Hun *hugs* That sounds very bloody familiar. I agree with Fiend on this, you might have to let him go and move on, just remember how far you've got and much further you have to get for yourself, rather then anyone else. You now where I'am if you want to chat, ok?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww Hun *hugs* That sounds very bloody familiar. I agree with Fiend on this, you might have to let him go and move on, just remember how far you've got and much further you have to get for yourself, rather then anyone else. You now where I'am if you want to chat, ok?
    I can't let him move on, I can't let him go :( I love him so much, He said he loves me. We're supposed to be going out on Sat night too. I mean we work together, how weird is that going to be?

    Admitedly I've gone far with no cutting. Further than I ever thought I would be able to, but now it all seems pointless. I just wanna cut. I'm fed up. I based it all on him. He told me he would leave me if I didn't stop, so I stopped so I wouldn't lose him.

    See the counsellor again on Tues. Not looking forward to it.

    Bloody hell- I've even emailed the Samaritans to occupy me, so I don't cut.

    What's the point in getting up tomorrow? I don't see any. He's gone. I may as well be.
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    your-babe wrote:
    I can't let him move on, I can't let him go :( I love him so much, He said he loves me. We're supposed to be going out on Sat night too. I mean we work together, how weird is that going to be?

    Admitedly I've gone far with no cutting. Further than I ever thought I would be able to, but now it all seems pointless. I just wanna cut. I'm fed up. I based it all on him. He told me he would leave me if I didn't stop, so I stopped so I wouldn't lose him.

    See the counsellor again on Tues. Not looking forward to it.

    Bloody hell- I've even emailed the Samaritans to occupy me, so I don't cut.

    What's the point in getting up tomorrow? I don't see any. He's gone. I may as well be.

    Without meaning to sound patronizing, this guy wasn't for you. He wasn't as supportive as he could've been and he didn't treat you as well as you needed at the moment.

    Break up *are* really difficult, particularly when you are low and recovering from mental issues. They have the potential to knock you right back down to your lowest point. However, I think you are stronger than that at the moment. You are showing that by being pro-active about not cutting - you are finding distractions, you emailed for help, you are talking on here. These are good things. Give yourself that credit.

    With regards to the actual break up - yes, it will be difficult and it will be awkward, particularly at work. But try and cut as much contact as you can from him. Trust me, this will help make it easier in the long run. Also, you are young. When you are better you will find someone who will treat you well, love you for who you are, share your problems with you are generally treat you like a princess. Like you deserve. However, you must get better first. And I think you will cope a million times better without this guy.

    If you ever wanna chat then feel free to PM me. Due to having very little life at the moment, I'm normally not too far away.

    But remember, you are doing so very well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou littlemissy, I've printed out your reply- hope you don't mind, so I can easily refer to it again. Think things may sort themselves out, as he is begging me at the mo :)
  • littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    your-babe wrote:
    Thankyou littlemissy, I've printed out your reply- hope you don't mind, so I can easily refer to it again. Think things may sort themselves out, as he is begging me at the mo :)

    Of course I don't mind. Anything that I can do to help I shall gladly do / allow.

    You know where I am :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just wanted to rant a little. I've not been feeling too good over the last week or so. Since Monday, I've been carrying on with work as best as I can, but having now formally complained about another member of staff, the investigation is taking its toll. I just want that that matter resolved as soon as possible. There was also an argument with me and my girlfriend, though that's been sorted. Her grandma's been in hospital nearly two weeks now, and I suppose she was letting off frustration. It's not an easy time for her.

    Unfortunately, for much of this week, I've been getting flashbacks. I’ve never spoken about this on TheSite before, but when I was in school, I was sexually abused. It wasn't by a teacher, a parent, or someone in authority, but by an older pupil. The events weren’t very pleasant, so I don’t want to go into that, but I've been crying a lot this week. Added to the fact things are very testing at work and at home at the moment, and I’ve been like a balloon that’s about to explode. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( Shit, this is the worst one I've had in a while. I don't know what's with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh.

    I've woke up feeling really down yet I was happier last night.

    I feel like I'm going up and down like a yo-yo all the time. I don't know whats wrong with me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bugger, have councelling on Tuesday. Don't know why I'm dreading it so much.

    Also, TRIED to go swimming with my Mum, only I couldn't do it. I was wearing a tankini top and shorts, but the scars were still showing, I just couldn't do it. Feel so weak now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Bugger, have councelling on Tuesday. Don't know why I'm dreading it so much.

    Also, TRIED to go swimming with my Mum, only I couldn't do it. I was wearing a tankini top and shorts, but the scars were still showing, I just couldn't do it. Feel so weak now.
    Some people aren't bothered by their scars, some people are. Ultimately, what I feel is the differentiating factor is the blame attached to them. How guilty you feel that they're their or how indifferent.

    When you can start to ignore the scaring, then you can start to walk away from the pain they deal with and cause.
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