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And it got deleted before I could read all but one post of it. Eugh.
Anyways, I was actually gonna post a proper post in here today.
My mum said to me this morning that I don't have depression. She said "depression is an illness, and it's a lot different to melancholy feelings, I hope you realise that after what's occurred in this family recently, and it's also a lot to do with self-help". It almost made me cry with frustration and not-happyness 'cause she doesn't get it AT ALL. Le sighage.
But I've realized how unhappy I've been. I have no reason to so when I'm in a mood I find a reason. Yesterday I yelled at my boyfriend because he did the dishes when I said I would. I just needed a reason to be mad. A reason to feel the way I did.
But I realized and I took the initiative to call the Dr. Obviously my meds are no longer working well enough for me. My sad spells are becoming more frequent and more severe. I promised Ed three weeks. One week to get me into the doctor and 2 weeks for the effects of something new to take place. We all need a relief from me. Need a different Amanda and I hope it comes soon.
fuck sake I just cant stop... I don't really want to.
My mum, this morning. She doesn't have a clue. Part of me wants to tell her, but then the other part thinks "no, don't be stupid, she won't believe you" *sigh*.
God I almost tore(sp) you a new one =\
(You spelt it right, btw ).
You know where I am if you wanna talk or anything, k?
I mean, I'm fine when I have people around to talk to. But as soon as I get a moment on my own... I just can't stand it.
If you wanna chat, just PM me x
Try not to think about it then.
It's bad for you to sit in a darkened room, not talking to anyone, listening to the Smiths or the Cure. I'm not being patronising, but if you get down when you think too much, then make yourself not think. Keep yourself busy, do things.
One of the best things is to just go for a brisk walk or a run, very therapeutic. Exercise releases endorphins that lighten your mood, and the act of running keeps your mind away from bad thoughts.
Why do you feel alone? It's not that you don't have anyone, so why do you think that you don't have anyone? That's not a question you need to answer to anyone but yourself, but bad thoughts don't come from nowhere, things trigger them. You just truthfully need to sit down and work out what the triggers are.
I have loads of friends and they are so good to me. I really am so grateful for them. I guess this is just the after-effects of my break up... It's killed what self-esteem I had left... I know I'm just having a bad day. It'll pass.
Being single isn't a disaster, it doesn't make you a sad old freak who'll die alone after being eaten by Alsatians. Relationships end, and its never one person's fault- in your case, it sounds more his than anything. You'll find someone else if you don't think that you're a loserfreaksadfuck, just don't sit in your room at uni moping. That's the worst thing you can do.
Get a few of your girly mates together, and go out for a full-on All Men Are Bastards piss-up or something.
As for the rest of it, you need to work out what causes your depression, and do something about that. Therapy is the best way of doing that, it doesn't always need to be with a pro but you do need to talk about things and work out how to deal with life. ADs can be good at stabilising mood- they make everything a blank mush- but they won't fix a poorly mind.
Counsellors sometimes aren't very good at dealing with the worst depressions, but that's not always the case. Why do you not think they're any good? Because they don't fix you in a week?
You know where I am hun, and you have no excuse for not ringing me if you ever feel like that again .
I'm sure you have, I'm not being patronising, but I've seen so many people who never get anything out of it because they decide it won't work before they even get there.
Uni/college counsellors don't tend to be that good for serious problems, because they're trained more for the usual academic stress, homesickness, etc.
You should ask your doctor about what he thinks about referring you onto a psych unit. My doctor was great and referred me as soon as I went back saying counselling didn't do anything, and then the psych unit bumped me right up the queue, so if you don't ask you don't get.
In all fairness to her what I went with was very unusual I would suspect.
ETA: Post 5,555 ;o
I know how you feel. No matter how hard I try I cannot control how I feel. Its been so bad the last couple of weeks. PM me if you ever want to. *thinking of you hun*