am i a dork if i don't have sex?

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Humans have evolved to be a species which relies on the 'trivial' things like true love to bring up it's children. It is hugely advantageous to the species that dad falls in love with mum and sticks around to defend the kids after the birth, not just go round trying to impregnate as many other women as possible. Humans and other related species like apes only have one child per pregnancy, so things like love between the parents become important for survival, and therefore completely natural, because it is hugely important that that one child survives, whereas other species only need a few of the litter to survive. Things like condoms mean that I wouldn't judge someone who sleeps with people for pleasure, but I assume that most people here wouldn't approve of someone going around shagging girls with the goal of getting as many pregnant as possible (which you suggest is natural behaviour for our species). So don't suggest that people who don't do that are somehow unnatural or have been indoctrinated by society, because I think you'll find that they are acting completely naturally. (Not an attack on you specifically, by the way).

The concept/idea of romantic love came about in the middle ages.

Former Member

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

The concept/idea of romantic love came about in the middle ages.

Yeah, but someone didn't just make it up, it's obviously an interpretation of something which was already there.

Former Member

stargalaxy wrote:

The fact is, many people here subscribe to the "anything goes" culture sexually. They are unrestrained by conventional ideas like morality, self-respect, or self-discipline. Casual sex involves giving in to temptation, and it does not show any self-discipline or any respect for themselves or their partner.

So by shagging whoever i please, i have no morality, self respect or self discipline?

My life isn't some kind of punishment, i don't need to refrain from something i enjoy doing just so i can say look at me aren't i special :rolleyes:

Former Member

LacyMay wrote:

So by shagging whoever i please, i have no morality, self respect or self discipline?

Well obviously. Did you not know?

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

The opposite view is that by having sex, enjoying yourself and pleasing whoever you're fucking, you're reaping nature's rewards and maximising human pleasure (which is a highly moral act) and with added benefit that, through human innovation can avoid the quid-pro-quo arrangement nature would otherwise demand.

That's a provocative statement, it's certainly got me thinking again. I'm not sure about "maximising human pleasure" but that definitely isn't immoral by any stretch of the imagination. I need to think again about this.

Former Member

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

The concept/idea of romantic love came about in the middle ages.

So stories of romantic love from Ancient Greece/Rome were what ... just way ahead of their time?

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Humans have evolved to be a species which relies on the 'trivial' things like true love to bring up it's children. It is hugely advantageous to the species that dad falls in love with mum and sticks around to defend the kids after the birth, not just go round trying to impregnate as many other women as possible.

That's true enough but it only highlights my point. We need the idea of structure to suit our positions within society. Our ancestors never went around getting as many girls pregnant as possible either. There was an extended family structure to them...sex however was never viewed as something taboo or trivial. It was something necessary for survival. Personally I think we're still sufferring from a hangover from the Church controlled days.

Former Member

turlough wrote:

That's true enough but it only highlights my point. We need the idea of structure to suit our positions within society. Our ancestors never went around getting as many girls pregnant as possible either. There was an extended family structure to them...sex however was never viewed as something taboo or trivial. It was something necessary for survival. Personally I think we're still sufferring from a hangover from the Church controlled days.

I agree. Human morality hasn't adapted quickly enough to cope with advances such as contraception and as such, people still view sex as a moral issue and link it to families and babys as well as fun. Even people who do enjoy casual sex still would consider it wrong to have sex with someone else when in a relationship, for example, and so it's still not quite at the same level as a game of badminton for these people yet either.

Former Member

Jon_UK wrote:

So stories of romantic love from Ancient Greece/Rome were what ... just way ahead of their time?

Nope, in those times marriage was for a different purpose... Not monogomous 'romantic' love.

The Greek word "Eros" means 'erotic love' not 'romantic love'. There are sexual relationships between characters, but how many are faithful to their partners? Achilles for example despite having a relationship with Patroclus (a same sex relationship) could be considered 'romantic love', but that is how we perceive it. Achilles had a concubine... Zues was shagging around... Heck he even came down to earth in the form of a swan to get some.

I honestly do not believe that we would 'fall in love' if it were not there as a fantasy. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to indulge in that fantasy, but that it isn't anything magickal.

I once read in a magazine that when you're around somebody you're attracted to your brain releases chemicals that cause an effect similar to a hit of coke... I can't remember where though.

Former Member

You must also remember that those stories where epic poems where everything was exaggerrated a hundred times to get effect.

Former Member

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

I honestly do not believe that we would 'fall in love' if it were not there as a fantasy. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to indulge in that fantasy, but that it isn't anything magickal.

It's bio-chemical, although parental socialisation plays a part. Evidence shows how parental factors in early childhood play an important part in future relationships. For examples studies of young girls have shown those with dedicated fathers are more secure, confident in their relationships and display of a greater desire and ability to be intimate with males.

Attentive parenting results in more accessability and success with 'love' as adults, so it is evidently an inherent aspect of human psychology.

I presume you've formed this view through reading feminist literature - bad idea. The feminist mindset underplays the value and importance of 'love' because the implications otherwise negate their worldview.

I once read in a magazine that when you're around somebody you're attracted to your brain releases chemicals that cause an effect similar to a hit of coke... I can't remember where though.

The dopamine system.

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

It's bio-chemical, although parental socialisation plays a part. Evidence shows how parental factors in early childhood play an important part in future relationships. For examples studies of young girls have shown those with dedicated fathers are more secure, confident in their relationships and display of a greater desire and ability to be intimate with males.

Attentive parenting results in more accessability and success with 'love' as adults, so it is evidently an inherent aspect of human psychology.

I presume you've formed this view through reading feminist literature - bad idea. The feminist mindset underplays the value and importance of 'love' because the implications otherwise negate their worldview.
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From what I've read of some of Moonrats posts. Her father exactly hasn't been the greatest dad in the world. Maybe that's why she's so insecure about the whole thing.

Former Member

turlough wrote:

From what I've read of some of Moonrats posts. Her father exactly hasn't been the greatest dad in the world. Maybe that's why she's so insecure about the whole thing.

Could be man. No personal offence intended btw Moonrat.

You can usually trace things which fuck you up back to childhood. That's a big step on the path towards self-understanding. Drugs are good for providing deeper insights into such matters once the high loses it's magic i've found...total meditative self-reflection. :yes:

Former Member

Oh goodness, drugs are good mmkay :rolleyes:

If you're having fun, then there's no problem with casual sex. I always get the feeling that a lot of people aren't having fun, and are having sex in order to validate themselves, but that doesn't make the act immoral. I don't think that someone who has sex with a different person every night is doing themselves any favours, mentally or physically, but it's their body, their mind, their choice.

If you don't want to have sex yet, then that again is your body, your mind, your choice. I find the view that people who don't want to have sex are "backward" in their social development- a view stated by Turlough and Spliffie before now- deeply disturbing.

Whether or not someone has sex is a matter for them alone. "Challenging" their view on sex is not appropriate, certainly not on a website such as this with some very vulnerable young people on it.

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

Oh goodness, drugs are good mmkay :rolleyes:

If you're having fun, then there's no problem with casual sex. I always get the feeling that a lot of people aren't having fun, and are having sex in order to validate themselves, but that doesn't make the act immoral. I don't think that someone who has sex with a different person every night is doing themselves any favours, mentally or physically, but it's their body, their mind, their choice.

If you don't want to have sex yet, then that again is your body, your mind, your choice. I find the view that people who don't want to have sex are "backward" in their social development- a view stated by Turlough and Spliffie before now- deeply disturbing.

Whether or not someone has sex is a matter for them alone. "Challenging" their view on sex is not appropriate, certainly not on a website such as this with some very vulnerable young people on it.

Too right.

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

I presume you've formed this view through reading feminist literature - bad idea. The feminist mindset underplays the value and importance of 'love' because the implications otherwise negate their worldview.

Uhhh no... I formed that idea from reading other things.

You're not an expert on feminism are you.

Former Member

turlough wrote:

From what I've read of some of Moonrats posts. Her father exactly hasn't been the greatest dad in the world. Maybe that's why she's so insecure about the whole thing.

Uhhh no offense, but don't bring my father in to this... Who do you think you are to assume that I have issues with relationships? You don't know me, you're not my therapist, but it'd be nice if you'd respect me.

I'm a happy young woman and if anything I have learnt from my childhood experiences to love and accept people more.

I'm studying a course in the Theories of Human Nature and it came up there, I also studied Classical Civilisation (which covered Ancient Greek literature and some about their culture), I have also studied psychology...

Check this person out, it makes interesting reading. Maybe I am looking too deep in to it, maybe I am leaning towards cold academic facts rather than just ignoring them and falling in to the arms of the next gentleman who walks my way...

So my opinion is unconventional, it doesn't make me messed up just because I dare to deviate from the norm does it? I'm arguing a point here... A point that couldn't be further from my own childhood.

So yeah... I am pissed off that you hit me below the belt and make a personal attack. Get your head out your arse.

Former Member

Spliffie wrote:

Could be man. No personal offence intended btw Moonrat.

You can usually trace things which fuck you up back to childhood. That's a big step on the path towards self-understanding. Drugs are good for providing deeper insights into such matters once the high loses it's magic i've found...total meditative self-reflection. :yes:

Uh how's about I'm not 'fucked up' and just a young woman who has an opinion. Look, I'm twenty two years old, generally happy and laid back. A lot of people go through bad times but when you survive it makes you appreciate life even more.

I know people who have had family issues, I know survivers of rape and bullying and so on who have gone on to form happy relationships.

Former Member

Ah, but you are a feminist bitch Moonrat.

You don't think it's acceptable to grope and holler at women in nightclubs:)

Former Member

Kermit wrote:

Ah, but you are a feminist bitch Moonrat.

You don't think it's acceptable to grope and holler at women in nightclubs:)

Yeah I can't help it.

It's because I am so messed up from my childhood see.

Former Member

-[MoonRat]- wrote:

Yeah I can't help it.

It's because I am so messed up from my childhood see.

I know what you mean, I so feel your pain.

Your daddy left home, so you will never trust a man again. It's all his fault. You only want equality for women because your daddy didn't love you.

FEMINISM IS A MENTAL ILLNESS.

Skive

Kermit wrote:

I find the view that people who don't want to have sex are "backward" in their social development- a view stated by Turlough and Spliffie before now- deeply disturbing.

Really?

You don't think that having sex is a very real and natural instinct? Yes there maybe people with low sex drives and that's nothing but unfortunate, but people who abstain from sex simply because casual sex is 'immoral' are fools. Too worried about what others think.

If you have the urge take it. Why not?

Skive

Kermit wrote:

FEMINISM IS A MENTAL ILLNESS.

Why are you turning this argument to fit your Feminist crusade?

Former Member

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Former Member

Kermit wrote:

Your daddy left home, so you will never trust a man again. It's all his fault. You only want equality for women because your daddy didn't love you.

FEMINISM IS A MENTAL ILLNESS.

And you're a hysteric.

Skive

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