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am i a dork if i don't have sex?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Ohhh... but I didn't say that any of those were my reasons for not having sex. I haven't had sex because my head was (and still kinda is) a little fucked. I could never think bout having a sexual relationship cos I was too concerned bout beating myself, s/h etc. Disagree about the purpose of living, maybe that's what the real purpose is, but I guess I see things differently then.

    Yep and you're heads fucked because of social issues concerning humans today. Depression is more evident now than it ever was.

    How can you disagree with the purpose of living? That is our natural purpose. Mainly to survive and then to reproduce. It's natue. From that you have all you sub-purposes like finding love and having a good career.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    Hold on a minute - not all of them. Ok, there are religious people, you get me on that. However, I feel that the atheists/agnostics nowadays are more blatant, if you see what I mean. They display their thoughts more conspicuously.
    .

    How many religous people do you know in the year 30,000 BC? :confused:

    The whole no sex before marriage and abstitence is a Christian thing that's only a couple of thousand years old at the most.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    How many religous people do you know in the year 30,000 BC? :confused:

    The whole no sex before marriage and abstitence is a Christian thing that's only a couple of thousand years old at the most.

    Yes, before that there was no such thing as religion, I assume. :p

    Take Germany during the reformation and counter-reformation. Loads of people were religious then.

    You were burned at the stake for heresy if you went against the church = did not hold the auto-da-fé ceremony (public statement that you believed in the Catholic religion, and not the Protestant).

    However, this proves nothing.

    My deck is out.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    Yes, before that there was no such thing as religion, I assume. :p

    Take Germany during the reformation and counter-reformation. Loads of people were religious then.

    You were burned at the stake for heresy if you went against the church = did not hold the auto-da-fé ceremony (public statement that you believed in the Catholic religion, and not the Protestant).

    However, this proves nothing.

    My deck is out.

    Ok thanks for that piece of information? wft like lol!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Ok thanks for that piece of information? wft like lol!

    I don't think this is necessary, as the point is really clear.

    There was a time when people are religious. People act as if they have proved religion wrong. This is how I take it. Now, I might be wrong, but I'm not ignorant.

    There is a thing called religion.
    There is a thing called morality.
    There is a thing called fucking around too.

    What's so great about sex then? You enjoy it right? However, you are telling others that they can't draw conclusions on sex because they haven't experienced it. YOU cannot draw conclusions on not having sex and being religious, as you are not doing this.

    I'm not directing this to everyone, just pointing it out. It's just... that... reading this thread... it's like everyone knows religion doesn't exist. Ugly people don't get laid...
    If you don't get laid... you're just not normal... you are, deformed of some sort.

    Correct me please, I can't stand reading this anymore.

    ETA: reproducing is natural.... but people are having sex for the satisfaction and not reproducing - or most of the humans do. You reproduced because you had to. Now, you don't have to. You can use contraception and pills and other stuff.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    Our ancestors were at it like rabbits? Hold on a minute - not all of them. Ok, there are religious people, you get me on that.

    He's obviously talking before the 'modern' religions became widespread.
    However, I feel that the atheists/agnostics nowadays are more blatant, if you see what I mean. They display their thoughts more conspicuously.

    And what's wrong with that? People should keep their opinions to themselves because you don't agree with them?
    "Just fuck around, man!" is the motto I hear every day. I feel depressed now.

    Jealous, more like. Jealousy = anger, anger = rationalisation, rationalisation = morality.
    There's nothing immoral with having sex, but blatantly shouting out: "Hey, enjoy, fucking 'round is the meaning of life!" IS, which is where my opinion lies on the matter.

    So what's the problem with people being open about the joys of sex, if it ain't immoral? Should people keep quiet about everything else they enjoy doing?

    No-one here has claimed sex is the 'meaning of life' in the sense you're talking about. It is the driving force in our lives though, read what Turlough says. Everything about us can be traced in an evolutionary sense back to sex.
    Ding-dong! You are pressuring Renzo, or at least I think you are. Show some decency and respect.

    Also, you folks actually managed to change my opinion on this.

    It's a well-intentioned backlash against religious morality - the boot having been on the other foot for much of recorded history, people's instinctual towards others missing out on the delights of sexual experience is "HAVE SEX!!". If you think that enjoyment and pleasure is virtuous, then taking the "have sex" stance is entirely moral.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i haven't had sex because i haven't been in the ideal situation yet. I've only just turned 16 so i haven't technically been legal that long. I've got someone who i know i want to sleep with...and i will - eventually. I don't think i'm better because i'm a virgin. Most of the time you get looked down on for being a virgin. Theres nothing wrong with waiting, people do what suits them. If having loads of sex suits you then fine...if you want to wait then fine. I don't see what people are moaning about because it doesn't really affect their lifes if other people chose to wait or not.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    "Just fuck around, man!" is the motto I hear every day. I feel depressed now. There's nothing immoral with having sex, but blatantly shouting out: "Hey, enjoy, fucking 'round is the meaning of life!" IS, which is where my opinion lies on the matter.
    The problem is, people today (and I include myself in this) live in an environment in which casual sex is not just tolerated, not accepted, but openly embraced. And I believe it to be wrong to embrace this as the norm. There is relentless pressure on people to lose their virginity, to be great in bed. This is ridicilous. Aside from the fact casual sex is more likely to lead to an STD, (and I make no apologies whatsoever for pointing this out) I feel casual sex also means you miss out on something. And before anyone asks, yes I have tried casual sex before.

    Of course it's a personal thing. If someone is 16 or over and having safe sex, I will not complain. For instance, I would never advise a 14-year old to lose their virginity at that time, partly because it is illegal. Neither would I advise anyone to lose their virginity at a time of another person's choosing. Let us remember the psychological side to sex. People say they can easily seperate their emotions from sex. Quite frankly, I don't believe this is truly possible and anyone who does is deliberately deluding themselves.

    The fact is, many people here subscribe to the "anything goes" culture sexually. They are unrestrained by conventional ideas like morality, self-respect, or self-discipline. Casual sex involves giving in to temptation, and it does not show any self-discipline or any respect for themselves or their partner. And I hate to say this, but I think TheSite.org is inadvertently playing its part in the "anything goes" culture as well. I'm all in favour of giving people the information they need to make an informed, sensible decision, but not at the expense of any sense of self-restraint or possibly at the expense of the law.

    The truth of the matter is thus. People should be allowed to decide for themselves when to lose their V-plates, provided they are over the legal age of consent. Otherwise, it should be strongly disencouraged. And individuals who believe that anything is now permissible should not be forcing their way of life down everyone else's throats. And no, neither should I. I respect people's right to choose whom to have sex with, and where. But that does not mean I will adjust my view when talking to them, and I would never expect anyone else to. To put this simply, live and let live.
    Also, you folks actually managed to change my opinion on this.
    There were times in the past I didn't enjoy being on this forum. It's evident that my opinions about sex, and sexual morality are very different to those of many here, and it has led to arguments. And I've conceded that some of my views in the past were wrong, which is more than I can say for some. Nowadays, I embrace debate here, even when people try to vilify me for daring to suggest they might not have it completely right on a topic. I'm enjoying this, even relishing it. Don't agree with me? Bring it on, prove me wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote:
    And what's wrong with that? People should keep their opinions to themselves because you don't agree with them?

    It's just depressing, as everyone are labelled as extremes. Either you fuck around all day or you wait patiently after marriage.

    "We fucked around before, why should we stop now?"

    What does having sex to survive have to do with having sex to enjoy? Sexual satisfaction... this is only opinion... some see it as a sin, others see it as something you enjoy and that there's nothing wrong with it.

    I see having huge amount of sex is immoral, you might not. Again, it is opinion that seperates the two sides, not fact.

    It is like food - enjoy it, but don't go over the limit.

    Oh God, it feels like I'm proving myself being wrong. :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    doddie wrote:
    u know what im just going to simply anwser the question no your not a dork if u dont have sex

    thank u! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Sorry but reading though this thread has made me realise something now more than ever.

    I fucking depsise people who take the moral highground...yeh so what if you choose not to have sex but don't think you're some God/Godess over it! Get over yourselves! :cool: I'm sooooooooooooooo cooooooool yah yah yah :cool: :cool: :cool:

    Does anyone spot the irony?

    i dont think ppl who choose not to have sex think highly of themselves :eek2: .... it's not like they don't want to have sex. they're just a portion of the population that thinks either that it should mean something, or it should happen when you're comfortable with whoever -ie;you shouldn't feel pressurized to have sex just to feel like you're "one of the crowd".....it's a personal choice after all..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [
    QUOTE=LacyMay]I definintely think it's better to experience all that early on.

    I'd personally hate to get older then suddenly realise i'd missed out.
    [/QUOTE]

    well depends really...i don't think i'm missing out on anything-probably because i havent had sex (if you don't know what you're missing, you won't miss it right?!) ...i mean all of you who've had sex can tell me i'm missing out..but i won't know it til i do it- n i won't do it unless i'm 100% comfortable with the guy n i trust him a 100%....n that's my personal choice
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    My heads fucked for several reasons, college, parents, family, relationships etc, don't know if they are social issues though.

    :confused:

    Of course they are social issues.
    your-babe wrote:
    I disagree because several older people I know have not had children, and are no worse off, in my opinion.

    :banghead:

    I've already said why things like that happen. It's social conditioning. All animals sole purpose is to survive and reproduce. It's nature. Humans have just evolved on from that but the purpose remains the same.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [
    QUOTE=LacyMay]No ones putting any pressure on Renzo to lose his virginity. I doubt he got offline yesterday and thought ooh must shag someone cos the people on thesite told me to :rolleyes:

    We were simply challenging his views on virginity. Nothing more.
    [/QUOTE]

    why challenge his views at all?..why can't people just bloody accept that others have different ideas on sex?..this is what made me start the thread in the first place...i thought uni would be the last place where i found narrow minded gits who thought people 'have issues' because they're not shagging!!...i mean it's like, the second someone sees a difference they point a finger at you n call you a 'dork' 'freak' n they assume that you might be 'butt ugly' or they think that you're all screwed up inside!.....i think these people should grow up!! :impissed:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tinydancer wrote:
    i dont think ppl who choose not to have sex think highly of themselves :eek2: .... it's not like they don't want to have sex. they're just a portion of the population that thinks either that it should mean something, or it should happen when you're comfortable with whoever -ie;you shouldn't feel pressurized to have sex just to feel like you're "one of the crowd".....it's a personal choice after all..

    :banghead:

    Re: Social conditioning.

    Ask yourself this, why does it have to be special? Why does it have to mean something?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    [
    QUOTE=doddie]At last someone who is talkin some sense
    [/QUOTE]

    yeah!!!!..... :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    :banghead:

    Re: Social conditioning.

    Ask yourself this, why does it have to be special? Why does it have to mean something?

    Because its traditionally thats been acosiated with love? Why is someone actually liking who they first sleep with such a big deal. Someone i like or a random chav bint in a park...i know what i'd rather...

    The fact that you guys seem to be trying to make anyone who doesnt fuck the first filthbag that offers it to them is surely more odd. mmmm STD's....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    :banghead:

    Re: Social conditioning.

    Ask yourself this, why does it have to be special? Why does it have to mean something?

    i don't think it has to mean anything, i just want to be 100% comfortable with the guy...n it's my personal choice, n people who do have sex shouldn't judge me for not having sex...i mean, i don't judge people who sleep around....if they can live with it, then who's to say that they can't do it?...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Bring it on, prove me wrong.

    No problem.
    Let us remember the psychological side to sex. People say they can easily seperate their emotions from sex. Quite frankly, I don't believe this is truly possible and anyone who does is deliberately deluding themselves.

    If people can't separate emotions from sex, the implication of that is for people to fall in love by default with people they've merely met, chatted up and fucked. In other words, utter bullshit :) .
    The fact is, many people here subscribe to the "anything goes" culture sexually. They are unrestrained by conventional ideas like morality, self-respect, or self-discipline. Casual sex involves giving in to temptation, and it does not show any self-discipline or any respect for themselves or their partner.

    You think religious morality is the only morality, which is a blantantly false view. Never heard of hedonism?

    Your opinion that casual sex diminishes self-respect is just that, an opinion, and one which usually stems from feelings of self-loathing. The opposite view is that by having sex, enjoying yourself and pleasing whoever you're fucking, you're reaping nature's rewards and maximising human pleasure (which is a highly moral act) and with added benefit that, through human innovation, (contraception being entirely natural, as a product of human intelligence) can avoid the quid-pro-quo arrangement nature would otherwise demand.

    Unless you're religious (are you?) then spouting off about temptation and self-discipline lacks any basis in logical thought.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Renzo wrote:
    Because its traditionally thats been acosiated with love? Why is someone actually liking who they first sleep with such a big deal. Someone i like or a random chav bint in a park...i know what i'd rather...

    The fact that you guys seem to be trying to make anyone who doesnt fuck the first filthbag that offers it to them is surely more odd. mmmm STD's....

    Don't want to sound like Blagsta but way to miss the point!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    quarfly wrote:
    It's just depressing, as everyone are labelled as extremes. Either you fuck around all day or you wait patiently after marriage.

    It's not like that. But if you find someone attractive and the opportunity presents itself, why not? If you derive pleasure from it...then it's good...to be encouraged..."embraced with open arms"...no?

    If you aren't religious there's no reason to be puritanical...end of story.
    "We fucked around before, why should we stop now?"

    Good question?
    I see having huge amount of sex is immoral, you might not. Again, it is opinion that seperates the two sides, not fact.

    And you're sitting on the fence - an illogical position. Why is some sex before marriage ok, but too much isn't? Who defines what is okay and too much? The two logical choices are no sex because of religious beliefs, or as much as is good for human pleasure.
    It is like food - enjoy it, but don't go over the limit.

    But sex isn't fattening. Maybe next time i'm due to meet friends or whatever i should tell them i'm not coming along in case i become overdrawn on my pleasure allowance?
    we might have too much fun? (that wasn't intende to sound homosexual btw ).Oh God, it feels like I'm proving myself being wrong. :lol:

    What does having too much fun entail?
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    SkiveSkive Posts: 15,286 Skive's The Limit
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Let us remember the psychological side to sex. People say they can easily seperate their emotions from sex. Quite frankly, I don't believe this is truly possible and anyone who does is deliberately deluding themselves.

    Absolute crap. Sex doesn't have to be connected to emotion - it can be. But the fact is sex generally feels good whether your in love or not - you don't have to be in love to have a wank do you?
    Weekender Offender 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote:
    Absolute crap. Sex doesn't have to be connected to emotion - it can be. But the fact is sex generally feels good whether your in love or not - you don't have to be in love to have a wank do you?


    exactly; sex feels good because it's umm..the stimulation of your erogenous zones. well, that type of thing. sure, if it's with someone you love it might feel different but it's always going to feel good (other than situations like rape). and skive's right, you don't have to be in love to have a wank do you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    How is problems between me and my boyfriend social?? And the same between my parents? Sorry if I'm been really thick. It's also nature that some people can not have children, hence why someone that I mentioned earlier hasn't reproduced and is not living out the supposed purpose of life.

    Relationships with partners and parental relationships are entirely social. Your relationship with these people 20 years would be very different just as it will be. It all depends on social factors influencing the relationships.

    Yes they're called genetic mutations and it happens in the animal kingdom too. What's your point?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    But I got the impression from what you were saying that people who weren't reproducing were abnormal- or whatever terms people have used, therefore not living out the 'purpose of live' that you were mentioning. So if they can't act out that purpose of life, perhaps they're living out another?

    Erm no I didn't say that. If you go to the start of our original debate you'll see I merely gave the reason for why people did this not what I thought about it.

    Ideas of love and sex have evolved way past their original purposes. That's what I was saying and what I think is that people look too far into the deeper meanings like "true love" and "finding the one;" when it's obvious that sex is a natural thing, it's evident throughout nature, it's pleasurable, it's essential for the survuval of the human race and that we shouldn't deny it for such trivial matters such as "wanting it to be special with someone I love." Because those trivial matters are a product of social conditioning and aren't really important in the grand scheme of things.

    Made myself clear? :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your-babe wrote:
    Ok, so my heads fucked because of the society I live in? Ok. Sure.

    Are you taking the piss or something I can't tell.

    Yea they have...you weren't born with a fucked up head where you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LacyMay wrote:
    Well lets see the only people not getting laid are er....kinda odd or people no one wants to touch yeah.

    I couldn't give a fuck if people wanna shag about or not, just pointing out that normal people get laid. Looks like you need some of that yourself love.

    Maybe I got laid last night... Very mature of you to make a passing comment?

    Trust me... Anybody can get laid, some people have confidence issues, some people choose to wait, some people are simply asexual, some people are in denial of their sexuality. The world is more complex than an American teen movie I'm afraid.

    No, I'm not condescending you I'm sure you're adult enough to understand that if you tar people with the same brush you will piss people off. There are people here who are virgins and they are beautiful. At the end of the day different things make different people happy, be it sex, money, drugs, art, a family life and so on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Ideas of love and sex have evolved way past their original purposes. That's what I was saying and what I think is that people look too far into the deeper meanings like "true love" and "finding the one;" when it's obvious that sex is a natural thing, it's evident throughout nature, it's pleasurable, it's essential for the survuval of the human race and that we shouldn't deny it for such trivial matters such as "wanting it to be special with someone I love." Because those trivial matters are a product of social conditioning and aren't really important in the grand scheme of things.
    Humans have evolved to be a species which relies on the 'trivial' things like true love to bring up it's children. It is hugely advantageous to the species that dad falls in love with mum and sticks around to defend the kids after the birth, not just go round trying to impregnate as many other women as possible. Humans and other related species like apes only have one child per pregnancy, so things like love between the parents become important for survival, and therefore completely natural, because it is hugely important that that one child survives, whereas other species only need a few of the litter to survive. Things like condoms mean that I wouldn't judge someone who sleeps with people for pleasure, but I assume that most people here wouldn't approve of someone going around shagging girls with the goal of getting as many pregnant as possible (which you suggest is natural behaviour for our species). So don't suggest that people who don't do that are somehow unnatural or have been indoctrinated by society, because I think you'll find that they are acting completely naturally. (Not an attack on you specifically, by the way).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stargalaxy wrote:
    Let us remember the psychological side to sex. People say they can easily seperate their emotions from sex. Quite frankly, I don't believe this is truly possible and anyone who does is deliberately deluding themselves.

    Bollocks! I've had emotionless sex and I'm not deluding myself. I've had sex with someone who I plain disliked ... there was no emotion, just lust.

    To the original poster no your not a dork, whatever suits you ... if you're not ready then wait. If you only want to have sex when your in love then thats great to. Personally I like sex. Its a lot of fun and I get moody if I don't get laid in a while. I don't meet girls that I fall in love with very often so in the mean time fuck buddys and one night stands do just fine.
    quarfly wrote:
    I see having huge amount of sex is immoral, you might not. Again, it is opinion that seperates the two sides, not fact.

    I don't see how? If your being careful and not hurting anyone then why is it immoral? I'm not religous but I never set out to hurt anyone, I'm always honest about what I want and I don't fuck people around so why am I immoral for having sex? Perhaps its just vanity but I like to think of myself as a good person.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Humans have evolved to be a species which relies on the 'trivial' things like true love to bring up it's children. It is hugely advantageous to the species that dad falls in love with mum and sticks around to defend the kids after the birth, not just go round trying to impregnate as many other women as possible. Humans and other related species like apes only have one child per pregnancy, so things like love between the parents become important for survival, and therefore completely natural, because it is hugely important that that one child survives, whereas other species only need a few of the litter to survive. Things like condoms mean that I wouldn't judge someone who sleeps with people for pleasure, but I assume that most people here wouldn't approve of someone going around shagging girls with the goal of getting as many pregnant as possible (which you suggest is natural behaviour for our species). So don't suggest that people who don't do that are somehow unnatural or have been indoctrinated by society, because I think you'll find that they are acting completely naturally. (Not an attack on you specifically, by the way).

    Reasonable point, although evolutionary psychologists reckon that to run about impregnating as many women is evolutionary male instinct. This is why one of the most common male fantasies is group sex with various women, and why men attach less emotion to sex than women.

    16 is around the ideal time for childbirth, so it's logical to assume evolution 'intended' us to have sex from a young age. Today most people don't establish procreative long-term relationships as teenagers, so casual sex is therefore entirely natural as means of satisfying evolutionary instinct.

    Coupled with hedonistic philosophy (that which maximises human pleasure is moral, that which minimises human pleasure is immoral), the case for pre-marital sex as something to be commended is formidable.
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