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tw//: domestic violence. self harm.
eylah
Posts: 4,662 The Mix Elder
with my recent post. i was in a relationship with my now ex bf. was goin back to his often. it stated of ok. but he then got abusive. i reported to police couple times with the verbal abuse. but took no action. later in our relationship. he started physically attacking me. he left marks on my body. he did a lot to me. i didnt tell anyone. but police came out to me for wellfare check. and they asked me why i was harming myself. the lady said i was to pretty to do that to myself. i told her bc i trusted her of what he did to me. she said did i want to do a statment. i said no bc i loce him still. she said she would speak to her surgent. but she swid they take domestic violence seriously. and i am in mix minds. i love him. but i dont know if i am string enough to make a statment. i have never been through this before. so idk what im doing. i feel so attached to him. but i dont know. i feel so alone. isolated. 
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. keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
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Comments
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through all that. I can't even imagine how you feel.
It can be a tricky and confusing situation when the person we love is hurting us, as part of you wants to forgive and believe it will turn out okay, but part of you (i assume) recognises the way he treats you isn't okay.
At the end of the day, it's your call whether or not you make a statement or not. As for questionning whether you are strong enough - I'd argue you definitely are. The fact you've been open to us about it on here shows me your strength and I'm proud of you for that. If you did make a statement, I'm sure there would be people available to guide you through the process and stuff, you wouldn't be on your own in it. At the end of the day, the question is - is it going to carry on or is the situatio going to get better? and is he loving you the way you deserve?
But like I said, it's your decision on what you do about the situation. We'll support you with your decision whatever you choose, and remember you can always come to us for more support when you need. You are absolutely not alone.
Sending hugs
Sinead
thank you. police officer from that night. said she will call or email me. when she back. idk. i want tk do what best for me. and i dint want any other girls going through this. i have a lot happening atm so idk if i can handle a court case. i just feel isolated thank you.
I would also echo @sinead276 you have already been so strong by reaching out - it's not easy so well done!
Do let us know how it goes when the officer gets in touch. Hopefully they can provide you with a bit more information so you can start thinking through what is best for you. To repeat what was said above, take it one step at a time and do whatever feels right to you
Be kind to yourself and take everything one step at a time, you are doing an amazing job with an extremely difficult situation. Maybe you could try to imagine if it was a friend going through your situation, what advice would you give them?
Don't feel shy to ask the police lots of questions about things that you aren't sure about. You are right when you said you have never been through something like this before and so you deserve to have all the options and consequences explained to you properly so you can make the best decision for you.
You are never alone. Keep reaching out to family and keep us updated on The Mix. We are always here for you. Xxx
oh my. thank you so much. this means a lot. xx
thank you. after my appt will update here. thank you
It must have been really difficult to see your dad react like that. Having that support in person can really helpful. Have you got any other family members or friends that you would feel comfortable talking to about this?
It's super important to remember that you're not alone and it takes a lot of courage to deal with a situation like this
it could be the case that he is in shock, as i can't imagine its easy to hear your child has gone through this - so maybe he needs a bit of time to just process it himself first. (a possibility but i couldn't say for sure)
either way, well done you for being brave and speaking up to him. and we are all extremely proud of you and are here for you however we can be - you are absolutely not alone in this like Matthew said.
Sending you a big hug
Sinead
thank you. @sinead276
I know it might feel like you've caused him to be upset but it might not the the case.
it might be that the situation has caused him upset because he has learned what you've been through, but it is important to remember that you weren't the cause of the situation at all. you didn't want the things that happened to happen.
I know it might seem hard to get your mind to agree with, but you're not at fault in this situation. you haven't done anything wrong
I'm really sorry to hear what is going on for you right now and that you aren't getting the support you deserve from your dad or domestic violence support. You have been very brave to reach out and we are very proud of you.
I just wanted to drop you a message with some signposts you might be able to use if you're looking for some extra support
Solace: https://solace-uk.org.uk/ - Solace is an organisation which offers advice, practical help, emotional support and therapeutic services to women and children who have been affected by any form of male violence. Their advice line number is 0800 802 5565 and is open 10am - 4pm Monday to Friday and additional hours of 6-8pm on Tuesdays.
Take good care of yourself and let us know how you get on? I'm really glad to see the community has supported you so well here
Hope you're okay today
Sinead
and like Laura said and I've probably said loads of times - we are all here for you