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Recovering from Eating Disorders: Ask us Anything - EDAW 2020

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 19 Expert
    Thank you for all your questions tonight everyone - I hope I could help! I'll be back on Friday evening at 6:30pm again to answer all the ones I missed and anymore you may have. Have a wonderful evening and thank you for having me x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 660 Incredible Poster
    edited March 2020

    Thank you to everyone who took part this evening, and thanks to Molly!  :)


    If you need any more support this evening, then you can call The Mix on 0808 808 4994 which is open until 11pm, you can also use the one to one web chat which is also open until 11pm. One to one chat allows you to live message our trained helpline supporters about any issue that is troubling you. Our team is trained to help you explore your situation and find organisations which might be able to help you further. We offer a non-judgemental service so you can speak to us about any issue.


    Also, the resources below are for eating disorder help!


    Anorexia and Bulimia Care (ABC) 03000 11 12 13 anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk
    Advice and support for anyone affected by eating problems.


    Beat 0808 801 0711 (youthline)
    0808 801 0811 (studentline)
    beateatingdisorders.co.uk Under 18s helpline, webchat and online support groups for people with eating disorders, such as anorexia and bulimia.


    Take care everyone  <3


  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Molly said:
    GreenTea said:
    At the moment I struggle to identify the difference between unsafe foods and foods I really just don't like. I don't know if this is something anyone else has struggled with? Is there any advice to work through this?
    Hey! @GreenTea

    I have definitely struggled with this in the past, don't worry, you're not alone! 

    I think I just convinced myself that I didn't like certain foods as I thought that they were 'bad' or 'unsafe'. When really, it was just my ED telling me that. I always used the excuse 'I actually don't like that food item' to get out of eating it when really I was just giving into my ED. 

    I think the best way to try and approach this is through challenging yourself with small goals to eat foods that you think are 'bad' or 'unsafe' - if your ED hasn't let you eat these foods for a long time you may have even forgotten the taste! It's good to almost try foods all over again like you've never eaten them before! 

    Cake was one of my unsafe foods and I had completely convinced myself I hated it, that I 'didn't have a sweet tooth' when I completely do! As soon as I challenged myself to try a little bit again, I found that really I liked it a lot. 

    Another thing to bear in mind is that our tastes change all the time and things we might not have used to like, we do grow to like! Just remember that NO food is bad, unsafe or good and safe. Food is our energy, our fuel, our pleasure. 

    If you decide to try and challenge yourself with an unsafe food or a food you think you don't like, let me know how you get on :) 

    I hope this helps in some way!


    Thank you, I think I need to sort a few other things out in my life before taking on the challenge of trying a food.
    I just get worried and scared that if it's something I dont like, will make me sick, but I feel like I've probably convinced myself its a bad food and that would be why I get sick if that make senses?
    But yes thank you, it was really helpful, I just am not in the place to approach this right now but wanted to ask because it's something that always does worry me
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I don't know if any of what I said made sense, I've not long woken from a nap. I do apologize
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    "NO food is bad, unsafe or good and safe. Food is our energy, our fuel, our pleasure" 

    So for over 10 years I've considered creme eggs as 'bad' well guess who just ate one cause of this 🙋‍♀️💃 thanks @Molly 😊
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    edited September 17
    Molly said:
    BubblesGoesBoo said:
    I have another one 🙋‍♀️😂 I have an eating disorder (weight restored) , I'm doing really well with it and am above my target weight, I still struggle with the thoughts though and every meal is a struggle, I want to lose a bit of weight (healthily) is that possible for someone who suffers? Like I'm worried about relapse but can't stand my current body, I don't know might be my Ed talking 🤷‍♀️ is there any advice you can give to someone who suffers but wants to lose weight healthily? 
    Hey @Past User :)

    Thanks for all your questions!

    Well done for getting weight restored - that's amazing!

    I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling with thoughts and meals, sending lots of positivity your way! I hope you don't mind me asking this - but do you really want to lose weight or is your ED telling you to? Remember your worth, value and beauty are not associated with your weight!

    I think it would be a good idea to seek support from a professional before deciding if you want to lose weight, maybe to work on body image and positivity! When you look in the mirror, tell yourself 5 things you love about yourself. Do this everyday if you can! It really helps instil some confidence and appreciation for yourself.

    Something that really helped my body image, and my mental health in general, was exercising (moderately). I really enjoyed dance classes and swimming in particular - group sports are so much fun too. Exercise is a great way to change how you view your body! Our bodies are strong and can swim lengths and move to music - they're incredible and we need to appreciate everything they do for us! 

    You are beautiful the way you are and losing weight doesn't equate to happiness - never forget that! Choose life over weight :) 




    Hey 😊 thanks for answering, I think it is me wanting  lose the weight and not my Ed, like I appreciate all the things my body can do now and I don't want to lose that. Like the biggest thing I like about myself is my hair and I really don't want to be losing it again 😂 also don't want to spend any more time in hospital so I'm pretty sure it won't lead to relapse but not sure 🤷‍♀️ I'll speak to my team and see what they suggest 😊 I've ordered that bootea detox tea, I'm hoping just a detox will help, like maybe if I'm not bloated all the time I'll feel better... 
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    edited March 2020
    Absolutely delighted to be answering questions for the next hour and a half! Do get involved ❤️
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    BubblesGoesBoo said:
    Can you ever fully recover from an eating disorder?

    Do you think it's helpful having close friends with eating disorders and are at various stages of recovery /relapse while you are struggling yourself?


    hey! Thanks for the question - I think some people can recover fully from an eating disorder but for some it is about learning how to manage it. For me it is about managing my recovery, I know my coping mechanisms and triggers and know what to do to stay well. having a bad day in recovery does not make us weak or does not mean we will relapse but it is about how we manage ourselves on those days moving forward. It is worth thinking what recovery means to you remembering that it isn't always a straight line!

    With regards to your second question - I personally choose not to have close friends with EDs because I may find it triggering. It is important you put your own wellbeing first! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    GreenTea said:
    Ed_ said:
    *Update* We are delighted to announce our second expert, Hope Virgo, who is a campaigner to change the way the NHS supports people with eating disorders. Do check out and sign her #DumpTheScales petition, and drop any questions that you may have for her below :3


    Wooo been following hope on twitter for a while now! Love her campaign!
    Ahh thank you!! yesterday the campaign was debated in parliament which was pretty cool! But still lots to do!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    Kasa2103 said:
    Hope- what inspired you to write Stand Tall Little Girl?
    Great Question! I had always wanted to do some writing but hadn't really worked out what to do. Then when I came through my relapse I realised that there is a huge lack of understanding around eating disorders and I wanted to change that. By writing my book it allowed me to start educating people around eating disorders but also to show people that despite recovery being so hard at times it is so worth it! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    Aidan said:
    When in someone's life does an ED usually start? How does it manifest itself in the beginning?

    Given the alarming statistics about full recovery, what ways can someone trying to recover keep supported and stay hopeful?
    Thank you Aidan! There is no one cause to an eating disorder developing and people develop for a multitude of reasons. For me it was due to trauma and feeling so unable to cope with emotions. The anorexia gave me this real sense of control over all this. Have you seen the new EDGI study which is looking at the causes and links to genetics? 

    It is scary how many more people are developing eating disorders. For me therapy was key; having the space to actually talk about how I felt and what I had been through. Also focusing on your motivations - EDs make us feel like we are able to achieve anything but the reality is they are so dangerous. It is essential that we reach out for that support and remind ourselves all those reasons why we want to get well whether it is traveling, having a family, going to school, Uni... focus on those and they will help you push forward! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    Millie2787 said:
    How do you get professionals to actually listen that you’ve you’ve got eating issues , I’ve tried so many times in the past to get help and just feel like they all dismiss me and my concerns and now it’s beginning to really affect me .

    how do you overcome the times when your mind convinces you there’s nothing wrong and you don’t actually need help that your just making it all up ?
    This can feel so hard at times and I am sorry if you have had had a bad experience. Firstly remember that you deserve help and you are valued. If your GP dismisses you, go back! I know that can be hard but it is so important that you get the right support and treatment. The NICE guidelines might be worth looking at too depending on what ED you have and will act as a reminder for why you deserve that support. Make sure you have someone to talk to and whether thats a friend or a helpline both are important. The ED will try and convince you that you don't need help and aren't really unwell but you need to remember that it is lying and manipulating you. 

    Sending you so much strength! 

    About the second question I remind myself that what I see in the mirror isn't my reality, so I know that the ED might manipulate what I see which means I am not able to feel like I can access support. But if we don't feel okay it is vital that we reach out! 

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    BubblesGoesBoo said:
    Wait no just thought of another one, sorry 🙈 how do you cope with bad body image days? 

    Great question! What I do is 
    - Talk
    - Find out whether something has triggered the bad body image days (normally bad body image days are my brain feeling stressed out etc.) 
    - Have back up clothes for these days so that I always get dressed on them 
    - Be kind to myself 
    - Wash my hair 
    - Text someone (normally my Mum) telling her I am having a bad body day! 
    - Remind myself that what I see in the mirror isn't my reality! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Really great questions so far folks :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    Kasa2103 said:
    How can I motivate myself to actually eat an entire meal without feeling forced and scared? Most of the time I feel like I am under pressure to eat because I feel scared to gain weight although I know that I need to gain weight.
    I used to have motivations written down on little cards in my pocket so if I got stuck in a meal I could get them out to remind myself of why I wanted to get well. 

    Also worth having a way to distract yourself after meals and someone to talk to. Remind those around you that just because you are eating doesn't mean that you are better! Important to keep that line of conversation open. 

    When I was unwell I had this fear my weight would keep going up, but it didn't! it stopped when and settled down. 

    Stay strong and keep fighting! Recovery is so so worth it! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert

    GreenTea said:
    At the moment I struggle to identify the difference between unsafe foods and foods I really just don't like. I don't know if this is something anyone else has struggled with? Is there any advice to work through this?
    This is something that I definitely struggled with for a while and do have to keep myself in check with it! 

    I normally have to stop and ask myself whether I am being 'silly' or not! The ED might convince us we hate all food or hate food that we find more scary so for me it is important to challenge that each day. Making myself have something that is scary so I can test whether I really don't like it or not. 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    I am here until 9.30am so please do send in any questions or thoughts! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Anymore questions folks? :smile: 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2020
    I feel like i have to be my label ("Anorexic")  around my family. And never get food on my own free will cause IM scared will draw attention. How do i stop thinking that ? And is that normal
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Thank you for your question Shaunie :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    Shaunie said:
    I feel like i have to be my label (Anorexic)  around my family. And never get food on my own free will cause IM scared will draw attention. How do i stop thinking that ? And is that normal
    Hey! That totally makes sense as it has been part of who you are and is your way of showing you aren't okay. Would you be able to start making steps forward to do this. And when you do tell your family that you are trying hard to do this but just because you are eating and getting your own food doesn't mean you are okay? 

    I was like that for so long but over time it got easier the more I challenged it but talking throughout this is key! if we talk and share our fears and worries it will mean we don't have to show people we aren't okay through not eating or showing our anorexic behaviour. 

    Stay strong! Recovery can be amazing! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    What first steps would you recommend someone take if they feel they may have an eating disorder? 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Great question Bubbles :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 12 Expert
    BubblesGoesBoo said:
    What first steps would you recommend someone take if they feel they may have an eating disorder? 
    Hey. Go to your GP and talk to them about how you feel and what you think is the matter. Then speak to friends and family using phrases like 
    “i feel ...”
    ”I have been struggling with food for ...”
    ”I want to get some support...”

    if you find talking hard, writing an email might be a good way forward too 

    it is important to act when you are worried you may be struggling as you deserve that help. 

    Please do also look at the resources on the BEAT website which Mayr have some more guidance! 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Thank you for your help @Hope

    And also thank you to everyone for getting involved, do seek help from the helplines that @Jade09 posted earlier in this thread :heart:

    Take good care everyone :smile:
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Thanks @Hope for all your answers, some great questions too :3

    *A final update* for this thread in terms of experts, we have Molly returning this evening from 6.30-7.30pm and she will be joined by Tom Rebair (bio updated in the thread), who can help shine a light on what it's like to have an eating disorder as a guy. @Salix_alba_2019 - Tom may have some interesting insights into your thread around how to help male friends open up about mental health...
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  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    How to develop a support network? I have no one to turn to, doctor refused to send a referral and also told me therapy is pointless. I don't have family to support me, my friends don't really support me and it's hard having no one to go to when I'm having a bad day etc
  • Former MemberFormer Member ☕🌻☕ Posts: 12,938 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    I don't know if that makes sense but like I struggle and not having a support network really is hard
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Champion Posts: 5,202 Part of The Furniture
    Do you have any advice on how to get your GP to listen to you , I’ve recently been to the dentist and had blood tests and it’s shown that I’m deficient in some vitamins and that I have decay and cavity’s starts and I’m scared this is linked into my B/P but then I’m also too scared to go back to the GP in fear that they will reject me again , last time I tried the GP said “I once struggled to get an underweight anorexic to be seen by the service “ and it’s just made me feel like I’m too fat to have an eating disorder 
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 54 Boards Initiate
    I struggle to eat around people but a bit easier by my self and even when I do eat I feel the urge to burn it of or force myself to lose those calories. How can I stop this, my dad has said he can see me losing weight but I can't see it. People say the mirror lies to you and you see yourself worce then you are but I can't see past that lie. 
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