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i am safe atm
Sounds like a really tough headspace to be in, hope you are doing okay
Do you think that you would feel able to reach out to someone about how you are feeling at the moment? It sounds as though you can recognise some of the physical symptoms that are impacting your mental health and that you aren't sure how your medication is impacting this. There are a number of options you could try to get some help with these feelings:
I also wanted to reply to other things you have mentioned, but also realise you may not be in the right headspace to read a long reply, so will put in a spoiler to keep the key options above easier to take on.
Take care Shaunie, we are all here for you
Ed
"You don't have to be that courageous, empathetic, good-natured person - you choose to be. That's who you are. Our choices are what define us, not the things that are inflicted on us."
It also feels like you are doubting yourself in terms of the peer-support role. During these moments, perhaps try to hold on to the fact that you have been open about how things are for you at the moment in your application, and they decided that you were the right person for the role. Self-doubt can be a big part of someone's mental health, and so the fact that you can relate to that will be a strength, not a weakness.
In my mind, recovery with mental health is all about progress and not perfection. When we think about progress, it doesn't have to mean that everything is continually getting better, but that we can learn from the ups and downs to slowly build the resources and resilience to get better. There is a lot of value in being able to be real with people about this and be on the same journey to provide support
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im a bit calmer now thank you. I will read your replies properly when my head feels like its less somewhere else
. And for some reason a lot of these times i feel like this is on a thursday at about 2 which is weirdd and dont know why. Will try to work out why.:///
im sorry. Is soooo embarrassing when i look back on times ive been v suicidal.
I just thinking being this tired is really magnifying everything. And think antidepressant. And i was suppose to make app for ECG & blood tests ages ago to see if my physical health has changed but hate just going into my gp clinic for some reason:(((.
& im also scared to reach out for help - by like 111 now because that will just mean i will less likely die and less likely die wont acitually get me anywhere - it will just make them think im not capable for being peer support worker and ruin that for me. So conclusion is to not reach out for help - is either die when feel that bad or get over it by myself.
And thank you @Jellyelephant for suggestions!! Think will try those! Esp writing things down & changing gp & Rape crisis said theyd ring me awhile ago but havent & sent them 2 emails & dont want to annoy them anymore
and thank you @Ed_ , sometimes i think is not my fault and sometimes think is al my fault but still have thought tbat is not my fault. Cause i didnt have chioce. So ive realised there is some difference in knowing and feeling. Know wasnt at fault but feel i could of been. Which maybe doesnt make sense. Just trying to rationalise my feelings with the facts. Hurts my head trying to cause is weird cause i just keep thinking "why is everyone still replying to me after reading i am disgusting" & thinkng youd say "you cant be peer support worker being that disgusting is fake" and then i think - did anyone even exactly read what i wrote but i am also thinking at the exact same time "i didnt do it, he did". Its kinda hard to process lol
i may make account to just post thread about what i dont feel comfortable sayin as myself.
I do really want to be peer support worker is just hard to support myself sometimes & feel disgusting & like a nobody and who wants to be supported by a nobody and disgusting person. Theyd rather speak to shit
But thankyou. Feeling bit better today. Just v tired
We all go through rough times in are life's, I had to talk my boyfriend out of sucide last night, that why I never online last night, thankful he hasn't
I'm happy that your feeling a lot better today, enjoy the weekend and get plenty of rest
Sending hugs forever
davcr0ck
i think may tell my gp how tired is making me feel because i dont want to be on it anymore. Wont say suicidal tho. Have to have a review otherwise they wont be able to get repeat prescription. And need to have ecg before it too
think loads of things making me tired. Mostly pills i think. But have been taking iron pills now.
I start the training on monday and i am sooo scaredd!!!!!!!!!!:///////////.
And i feel tired just thinking about how busy and tiring my month will be. wont even have the weekends
Do you think its okay to share my timetable on here?im goong to anyways lol hope Mods can delete it f they think i shouldnt. Not like people care but even my family wont look at it & feeling overwhelmed myself so just need to share lol.
I suppose some the titles dont sound that bad. But i mean dk what some of them would mean. Im scared about - work experience, "telling my story" part. Communication assessment - thats someone pretending to be a patient and i have to reply back. ---- like how much pressure is that. And scared of exam & trying to remember it all for exam. Mostly scared about communcation assessment
It's okay to share your timetable here. We tend to be a bit cautious just in case members post any information which could identify themselves or their location. It's good you've been careful and crossed out any information like that.
I just wanted to say good luck for your first day tomorrow. I know it can be really scary going into something and not knowing what to expect. Hopefully the intro session tomorrow will help reassure you about any concerns you're having about the course.
It sounds like you're feeling most worried about the communications assessment. I know it's feeling like a lot of pressure but they will be helping you towards that assessment and teaching you lots of new skills. Hopefully after the practice assessment the week before, they'll give you some feedback to help you for the real one. You always know the right things to say when supporting other members here and it comes so naturally to you. You can do this
I hope tomorrow goes okay. We're all so proud of you Shaunie! If you're feeling a bit nervous at any point, you can chat to us here. We're all here to help you through the day
Thank you for support xxx
On break and
Omgg gosh this is soooooo intense 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥
look how big our folders are.
I mean it says intro but omg loads of learning and remember and speaking and going to loads of assessments and home work. Generally is going well tho. Just feeling bit sstressed. Omggg.
And you can maybe see the smily face card in background which is good and have that and is a question mark on the back so we can hold it up for questions which think is good. But also talking about staying well ourselves too
Youe doing really well , it’s good you have those cards that seems like a good way of doing it but it’s also good your talking about how to stay well yourselves ❤️
my heart feels like is beating out my chest everytime i speak but i kinda like it cause know i start feeling more comfortable after and building confident.
Didnt know possible to feel sooooo stressed and anxious and postive at same timelol.
the peer tutors said "you will go home and think this is too much stress why did i do it, but this s so postive to even get on the corse and will change your life"
soo its good environement and postive vibe too. I think just realising and actknowldege i will be stressed is something. And is good because we are talking about words like "resilance" and strength. And what it means and to ourselves and how see it in others and is recovery focused so helps yourself to realise aswell. If makes sense
Finished first day and omg i have like 4 parts of home work to do when get home for to be ready tomoorrow. Mostly just reading stuff tho. And have w massive folder that doesnt fit in my only big bag i have.
Im soo stressed but hopeful and feel okay but stressed at sane time.
And its so nice at the end we do validations of two other people and ourselves. And they wrote to me i made their day enjoyable and other person wrote i was anxious and have quevered vioce but gave a calm friendly atsphome and fought through anxiety.
My challegene now is to get home on two buses with massive folder lol. And then prepare for tomorrow
And have massive head ache
but i am totally overwhelmed since properly looking at the folder and the questions. After EVERY module we have two essay questions with word limits of like 1,000 for our portfolios. And all needs to be done by like beginining of June 😥😥😥 the stress of it. Lol. Aswell of stressing about work expereince, commucation assessment, exam, lessons, assigments & being informally assessed through out. All in a month.
Do you think it would be pretty lazy of me to call in sick for one of my weekends at work?
just thinking about my black under my eyes this morning. Lol. Probs over dramatic
& im just thinking i really dont know if all will overwhelme me too much. And i need time to work on my spelling lol let alone the assigments. Everyone else has the weekends. And i need money but feel like this is more important than money & primark
This is what am doing today for "colour & connection"
Apparently lot of words to remember tomorrow
Also first time i posted on my social media that have mental health. - took picture of booklet and that was first day training as peer support worker so can use my struggle of MH to support others. & all that - that was on my instagram story. And Well i mean i guess im going to have be open about my mental health.... when its the reason im training lol & hopeful my career if dont die from stress lol. . Just never posted cause hardly post much anyways & never relevant & is not that am ashamed of it.But yeah anyway. My "friends" dont know have MH illness and was suprising how many people (i know from ages ago or know now) messaged me & congrats and all that !
which was quite nice
i am too stressed and anxious and feel like crying and going home 😭😭😭😭😭