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Stressed. Trying to stay well. Peer support training.

245

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie <3 Just dropping by to send hugs and love x

    It sounds like you're feeling very stressed and doubtful about all this, is that right? :(

    I hope you'll be happy soon. I know that it's very possible.

    I also hate eating in front of people - not a fun trait really. I always get people nagging me to eat in cafes when I don't like it :unamused: I don't suppose doing it may help you get more okay with it? You could maybe start small, like with eating in front of someone close to you?

    You're not a nobody or a loser <3 If it helps, I'm jealous of you, if anything.

    I see you said you're feeling fine now - that's great. But I'm sorry you're having bad mood swings, I can imagine that that's really overwhelming. We're supporting you however you're feeling <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie

    How are you feeling? I know your course starts next week and I'm really excited for you. I understand how stressful it is to start something new, I started a brand new job a month ago and was horribly anxious before/during/after. It is totally, totally normal to freak out beforehand. It sounds like it will be a huge change in your life but one for the better because working at Primark doesn't give you much satisfaction/sense of purpose but I think this will!

    Also I just wanted to say:
    Shaunie said:
    But what i am scared about is on the time table it has a lot of "telling my story" which is where we have to say our story of mental health and our connection with the services. - to get used to "telling our story". Which i do not get how in depth youd need to go ect. But it is a whole day of it. And i bet everyone was discharged ages ago. Mine was very recent.  i hope they dont look at me weird. And sometimes i stutter or i phsyically cant speak from anxiety & i really hope that never happens 
    Remember the people who will be on the course with you have also been through 'significant MH struggles' (as you said yourself :smile: ) so I highly doubt any of them will be looking at you weird - in fact, I'm sure there will be a lot of them who are feeling a similar way!! The reason a lot of us are here on the Mix is because we have been through dark times so we can relate to each other. And also we manage to have conversations without thinking you are weird :grin: What I'm trying to say is that you're not alone. 

    Let us know how you're doing, sending you massive hugs <3

    - Lucy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you both!


    im not doing much better now tbh. Which is really annoying to write and i feel like i must be annoying because i feel like may think im not doing enough to help myself, if im still feeling bad. & all bored of my shit. But i am really trying :((((((which scares me. Feel like stuck no matter how hard i try. And need new brain.

    really frustating. Hurts my chest & brain Obviously I just want to feel better .... but i mean like over night so i can be a good peer support worker cause peer support workers are suppose to give hope of recovery, how can i even be a peer support worker & show hope when reality is all i wanna do is die. Id just be a fake :(((((((. I even know on "telling my story" im gunna have to make up some shit of how im doing better than before. I don’t know what to do. Really need help. Getting really suicidal again. But i dont think i will do anything because the nhs has put money into paying my dbs check and my training. And i know deep down maybe i could feel better once i start feeling more meaning to life. But my mind is also telling me i may just be sad forever no matter what happens in life. And i don’t know what to believe
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww, we definitely don't don't think you're annoying or aren't doing enough to help yourself <3

    Obviously I just want to feel better .... but i mean like over night so i can be a good peer support worker cause peer support workers are suppose to give hope of recovery, how can i even be a peer support worker & show hope when reality is all i wanna do is die. Id just be a fake :(((((((. I even know on "telling my story" im gunna have to make up some shit of how im doing better than before.
    I can really hear you on that buddy:(

    It sounds like you've shown a lot of doubt and conflicting feelings on becoming a peer support worker. I'm going to ask - do you feel you're ready for this? Sometimes, if we're desperate for things to get better or for some meaning in life, we may make quick decisions to try to fix it - but they don't seem to quite flow, and are not as satisfying or as good as something that was given more time and thought.

    I don't want to sound like I'm putting you down when I say that. Because I'm certainly not. I think you'll be a fab peer support worker:) And idk if this applies to you at all, either. So it's not a remark of doubt, it's just an open question - does your heart tell you this is the right path, or do you feel worried that maybe this isn't the best choice?

    And i know deep down maybe i could feel better once i start feeling more meaning to life. But my mind is also telling me i may just be sad forever no matter what happens in life. And i don’t know what to believe
    I can tell you that the former is right. There's a way out of how you feel and a way forward <3

    Life's got to have a lot in store for someone like you. You give off a very comforting sort of presence to me when you're online - lol, sounds weird, but not sure how to describe it other than I like you and think you're a good person. And your replies to me always seem heartfelt, honest, and make me feel less alone. So what I'm saying is, I know for a fact that you're really valuable and likable, and that you can help others a lot. So for one, being that person definitely helps you along in life, and not to mention you're useful.

    And for two, it's very much possible to feel better. I don't think you're going to be sad forever. I'm not living your life, nor can I predict the future or anything. But on the other hand, I'm viewing your situation from a different window that's not clouded with any suffering - and I can see potential for fun, happiness, meaning, whatever you desire. I promise you.

    That was probably just a bunch of unhelpful rambling. But I hope my thoughts are even a bit of temporary reassurance, or at least show you you're amazing <3

    You're not alone. Hugs x Keep us posted on stuff.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    Aw thank you Kathleen. <3

    but is definetly something i still want to do. I think id feel like this no matter when i did it because it is more out of my comfort zone and is change.  But i want to try and get myself a more meaningful life and i cant do that without going out of my comfort zone and changing.  & think need to change to feel better. Which will be uncomfortable at any point in my life. So dont feel have much chioce unless i wanna stay in bed feeling like im doing nothing with my life - makes me feel worse and no purpose.  If makes sense. Lol.  But get where youre coming from. I mean could wait til feel better myself but i dont think i can do that without trying to find a meaning ful life. And i just wanna help people and feel less alone. 

    But I guess i can have some truth to the difference in my self & made progress in recovering. Like i think last year my goal felt like to die & didnt care about changing my life just was tryin to kil myself. And didnt have confidence to go to many things so like just the group interview was def somethin i thought last year would never do. And i dont think they expect us to feel completely better to becone a peer support worker - they say how recovery is a juorney not destination....and all that - so which i can only guess means i will never get to a destination of feeling totally okay and to stay like that. But just learn. If makes sense

    (And im glad you asked cause it makes me question nyself & then realise it is something i do really wanna do)

    & i hope so thank you!
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Yeah, that totally makes sense <3

    It sometimes takes a lot of determination and fight to go outside of your comfort zone and change - yet it's a positive thing to do:)  Peer support worker sounds like a very interesting and helpful job, so I really hope that it helps you to find that meaning in your life.

    It definitely sounds like you've made progress, so well done on that. And you'll continue to make progress. If you like, couldn't the fact that you're a peer support worker be a hopeful story for others? - like, you braved going out of your comfort zone, and you got the career you wanted and it gave you more meaning in your life [etc]. Then, yep, you've got your story on your progress in recovery. And I wonder just how many coping tips you've found, how much advice you probably have? Also, I think that in a way, being a peer support worker who's not quite feeling better, but is trying, could be pretty motivating to some people - because it may make them feel they're not alone in their suffering, and inspired by you to try to get better. Basically, what I'm saying is that I think it looks like you've got plenty of experience to be a very helpful and great peer support worker, if you're keen to do this now <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    Yeah definetly!  That is stuff i wrote in application form & in my interview.  And Just being able to relate & emphapthy to someone - even if still partly present inself but still learning - may make them feel like they are not doing it alone. And accepting where they are in recovery & not trying to fix them but also still accepting will not nesscary stay there or go back to normal state of mind because learn things and seeing their strength for potenital cause can see it in myself and believing in them is empowering. & showing hope of progress. & give options of coping skills And also just knowing how scarey things like mental health hospitas are , the whole MH system and discharge and stuff. Its not something mental health professionals can give cause they may have never been there  or felt similar  to relate or understand to certain level - so think really great thing
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Feel bad. So bad. Very triggered for sexual abuse  & wanna die. Hate myself disgusting
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Ffs 
    Really sad. Really hatjng myself
    Self harmed my arm. Havent done for ages. How will i be able to cover this in the training if get too hot. 

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Im so sad. I think should ring 111 but i cant
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hi. Just need to say i dont deserve support because im a disgusting person who has been forced to wee on someone and did something disgusting and i dont think that i should be a peer support worker as is unfair to support people and them not know how disgusting of a person i actually am. That is pretty fake
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    edited April 2019
    Aww Shaunie, you're really not disgusting <3 And you do deserve support. You should be a peer support worker (well, if want) and are going to genuinely help people in need. I know those feelings can be really real - but they're not true.

    It sounds like you've been feeling up and down and overwhelmed?:( And may have been triggered by something just now - is that right?  

    I hope you're in at least slightly better spirits tomorrow. Keep us updated - we care <3 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks but i really think i want to di
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I really do wanna die and i can never tell anyone the actual reason to stop it
    theres no way out anymor
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    .
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    WE ARE IN SHIT WORLD. EVERYONE NO ONE LIKES ME AND THEY WANT ME TO DIE
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I cant ever get to real reason to why i wanna die so i don’t know why im still breathing and writn this tb
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KILL MYSELF. IS SO HARD IM SOSAD OMGG HURTS
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    No one truely cares everyonesshuts the fuck up when you are feelng okay because people only pretend to care if youre dying. Is true. Because they be like oh no youre dead i didnt care about you when you alive shameeee. No on gives a fuck. Uall just want me to die 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Only reply when in crisis. Is how it goes

    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Everyone thinking oh kill yourself you asshile ducking cunt
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Dont reply to me because ive spam the thread. Pls im not seeking attention. Because no one cares when i feel okay. 

    So dont pretend pls

    and remember i am the disgusting girl who wee on some sixk fucking sadist xoxoxozo


    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    But thanks for taking time
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,908 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie,

    awwww sending you lots of hugs, I am sorry things are so bad for you :( I know you said you can't tell anyone why, but if you change your mind and want to talk you know we are here for you. We care about you a lot and won't judge; you're part of the mix fam and we always have your back. 

    Have you been practising much self care? I used to feel terrible because I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to do and everyone else seemed to have it all figured out..... but I realised that if you are starting from scratch, as such, it is quite exciting! You have the chance to try out loads of new things and hobbies and activities and stuff and find new things that bring even a slither of pleasure to you. Doesn't really matter if you do something and don't enjoy it, cos there is no obligation to carry on and you can try something else.... it's a fun way to look at things.... well I think so anyway lol 

    Also I know you have probs heard this before but writing things down! Theres two things I find helpful: writing 3 things I am grateful for every day and what my therapist calls the 3 page blurt.... so basically you have to write for three pages and you just let every thought in your mind flow on the paper doesnt have to be coherant or anything just get it all out! Also I know I mentioned pen pals the other day in chat - I love doing it... I found a few pen pals on the facebook group I sent you and we write letters to each other and getting nice positive post really makes me smile! 

    I also really think that you should look into changing your GP as yours doesn't sound very helpful. Having a good GP would really make a difference as they can offer support and help you when things are difficult like this. What happened with the rape crisis counselling? That may also help. Also I think you should look into getting an adult social care assessment done - they can offer support and people to help you and do things with and can help with loneliness and stuff too. They paid for a support worker to come round every day and spend a few hours with me and take me to appts and go to the cinema or park or something. Whatever I wanted. Sometimes would even just stay in my flat and watch films! 

    Another idea I love is a dream board which is a great way to start believing in your own dreams again. Seeing our dreams every day on a dream board brings our dreams to life. Our dreams become real and we start to have believe in the possibility of achieving these dreams. Setting goals based on your dreams also is good.... you can set short term goals like shower daily, take meds, go for a walk every day, speak to a friend once a week... whatever you like.... and you can set long term goals so like a career or get your own house or move to a different city or meet someone.... and then work out steps that you can take to reach your goal. It can really help if you have a purpose and focus, something to reach towards.

    There are even little things you can do like free online courses with the OU, or sometimes charities offer courses/activities you can do. I think you said Princes Trust is in your area? They are a great charity and can really help you change your life around, they did for me and were so supportive and helped my confidence so much! Have a search in your area for opportunities, I dont mind looking for you if you want help with any of this stuff? 

    Finally, something else I have been working on through therapy and may be helpful, is really thinking about your needs and putting yourself first. Often we think it is selfish but you can't pour for an empty cup and looking after ourselves is so important. I used to stretch myself trying to please everyone else and realised it just made me unhappy. If you feel bad or stressed etc try and think "What would feel good right now for me?" Do you need a nap, do you want something nice to eat, do you need some human contact, do you want to be alone, do you want to turn down a family gathering etc... The more you listen to your body the more in tune you get with your own needs and the more you act on what you need the better you will feel about yourself and your life. 

    I am really sorry for how long this is! I guess I have rambled a lot but I just wanted to offer some suggestions of steps you could take, cos I know sometimes we can feel helpless and like there is nothing we can do, but there is! And there is always someone there who can help - you just have to ask :) Give teddy a big hug and stay stafe,

    lots of love,
    Jelly
    x
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    I like you <3 And think you're great and definitely don't want you to die.

    Not that long ago, I saw you made a post on the relatively happy/good news thread, saying you didn't want to die - that will come again. Mental illness/our heads can really blind, suffocate and confuse us. I've really wanted to kill myself many times - but even while I'm still struggling, there have been points where I've thought, I'm glad I didn't do it. Just yesterday, for example. Right now, after having felt a tinsy bit more optimism, I feel that there probably is a better life. And certainly for you, I think there is. No matter how you're feeling or what you think. Maybe I sound selfish. You're the expert and in control of your own life, and I respect that and what you may want. But I really hope that you can see the light and that you choose not to die <3

    I know you said not to reply - I just don't like to abandon you when you're suffering. Hope you don't mind. And post however much you like. We're here for you <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    Sorry deleted
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you. My concentraion isnt beat to read all but parts and thankyou

    I think is these anti depressant but i dont think can make me feel this extreme. But i feel tired wnd i just wanna die/sleep.


    Idk but either way i cant fix what i want. And i really wish i could tell you but i really cant because its disgusting and embarraasing. but i do know that is something that stops me from being able to speak to people for very long. And to do anythinng with my life - have friends have job as peer worker. You need to physucaly speak to someone for longer like 30 mins.

    so i just think i wanna die
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww, I think just knowing that the anti depressants may be causing/adding to how you feel is a step, bud - you can, should and will get through this, and there's so much point and better days that are coming <3

    I can hear that you don't feel able to tell us what it is :( But you're more than welcome to, and I highly doubt it's disgusting - and I know that I at least definitely won't be judging <3
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I have dreams that the guy who forced me to be disgusting by making him wee on him. Suffocates me and i used to hate the dreams and try to stay alive but now all i want is to die in it but i wake up instead:(((((((.

    i just really hate myself. Disgusting in more ways than one

     Its hard to breath and my chest hurts. :(((
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Ohh, I'm so sorry he did that to you:( And that you're having those dreams. It sounds horrid. And I'm really sad to read that now you just want to die in it:(

    None of us think you're disgusting at all. Hating yourself is hard, to say the least. Do you think it was him who made you hate yourself that much, then?

    If I was there, I'd give you a massive hug. But take a virtual one <3
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