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Stressed.- Being referred to an ISVA

13

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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    And they told me to go on support sites. I do and that’s clearly not enough when someone is actively suicidal. Support sites aren’t for crisis. Dickheadsdds
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey Shaunie

    So sorry to hear about this appointment - how disappointing after things were looking up. So your GP just sat and gave you life advice for the whole appointment? I know from experience how insanely irritating it is when people do that whole 'you're young free pretty just get out there and be happy' like yes great advice I hadn't thought of that before :grump: Was your ISVA there? Did she help at all?

    - Lucy :heart:
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Ah yeah my ISVA was there but my gp was speaking so much that could barely say anything. Like literally for 30 minutes she was none stop speaking 😒. After wards ISVA asked me what I thought about it when we was in the car. I told her it was overwhelming when I can barely get out of bed and she agreed.
    My solution isn’t to just stop being lazy😒even I’m not that harsh on myself and know it’s more that a matter of getting out of my bed
    ISVA was some what helpful when she could speak and she said she is going to be speaking with the person who co ordinates peoPle in there and gunna ask her if I can see someone face to face instead of having the option of ringing because hate it. But I’m sure any people hate phone calls but not gunna get that option so yeah I think that’s an unlikely thing too. & gunna have no support 😶💩
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I’m so sad. I want to leave now. No one can help. Tell me there’s hope but there isn’t hope. The world is too fucked up to feel so alone.

    I think I’m done now
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    & ISVA sent me a message telling me she forgot to give me a piece of paper including the forum sites (which I’ve already said I use & includes this one I think) and numbers to give me. And asked if she could pop it through my door
    I Told her to not bother

    Like what the actual fuck. I am in crisis and make out like I haven’t fucking tried. These forum sites are not for crisis. How many fucking times did I need to say that. Now I’m here thinking this is for support of how I feel
    No takes me seriously. Or listens. I’m going to die so atleast I can leave the world being heard
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I sent message to ISVA and was like I feel I have been told I do not try. When I have tried all these app and what not. And she said she didn’t mean I don’t try at all and think is great that I just get by each day


    And she just sent that The police woman who referred me, called the ISVA and said that they are not going to investigate, at present because I am clearly not ready to do interviews and such. And ISVA agreed.

    Well if staying in bed isn’t going to help and I can’t even go through with the investigation- anytime soon then I dunno what will help. Nothing. Never thought someone would be advised not to formally report sexual abuse.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Sorry to hear things are so bad Shaunie. Suicide seems like is actually your only chioce.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah thanks for listening
    It is.
    I feel so angry recently and am horrible person and I think only way i win is to kill myself and stop feeding into giving satisfation if feeling dirty and humated everyday. Like he wanted in that moment. Killing him then myself doesnt seem to be a chioce and i dont want to be in a workd where people get a turned on by humilation and suffering. Selfish bastads can go to hell but yeah i aint a murderer so i will have to kill myself. The world just makes me pretty sad. And i cant be in it anymore. So much suffering so many dickheads everywhere. My ideal plan was to report the abuse then kil myself but they wont even let me do an interview so looks like im gunna have to skip that part. Because waiting til i become stable to do interviews aint gunna happen any time soon and i cant wait any longer feeding into what he wanted. Idealy though reporting jt would of stopped him from doing it to someone else and then killing myself stops giving him what he wanted. But yeah i just hope that he isnt abusing someone at present and also hope that if he is the person wouldnt blame me
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Well Think have gone completely insane & feel discombobulated& disorietnated and everything so so far away but so so close
    And i dont really care about anything or anyone now. Just want to die now. Guess thats why they say suicide is selfish but im so sad. Desperatly cried out for help but seens am not worthy or taken seriously
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Never give up hope. Eventually something good will come out of all this even though days feel like weeks, but the process does take time. I am with you in your sadness for being a victim of crime myself. Please hold on. Hold on with me.
  • Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Shaunie

    Sounds like things feel quite confusing for you at the moment coping with these conflicting and confusing feelings. Can hear how frustrating it is for you to have been trying hard to reach out both for support with how you are feeling about everything, but also to try and make sure that the police are aware to try and prevent this guy from harming others.

    You've been really brave in sharing your experiences with the police and your ISVA, it takes real courage to re-call these experiences and the fact you are trying to protect others from him, shows how caring a person you are. Try to hold on to the fact that you have done what you can to achieve this by talking to the authorities, ultimately it is their responsibility for protecting the public from people like him. I wonder whether continuing to seek support for yourself can be a way of it feeling like he is not getting what he wanted and you taking back control of things? Almost a way of flipping those feelings around, so what could you do in terms of self-care that would result in the exact opposite of what he wanted? Does that make sense? :chin:

    There are a couple of organisations that may be able to help, either with your feelings around suicide, or with talking about the assault. These may have been mentioned before, but there are people out there who will listen and talk through where you are with things at the moment: [LIST=|INDENT=1]
    [*]Samaritans are open 24/7 and can be reached by calling 116 123
    [*]Papyrus have a Hopeline where you can talk to someone via phone email and text
    [*]Rape Crisis have a helpline for all women survivors of sexual violence, perhaps speaking with someone who can help you unpick some of the feelings around the assault?
    [/LIST]
    It seems as though your ISVA feels like you aren't ready to go through the investigation at the moment, but is this something you agree with? If so, have they suggested what could be done to help you work towards this, if it is what you would like to do? Do remember, it's absolutely your choice whether you report this or not and it is completely okay to prioritise what you need right now. :yes:

    As Floxy has said, do try to hold on to hope, you've shown such strength and resilience to cope with all that has happened. You do deserve to be supported and we are all here for you *hug*

    Take care

    Ed
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    Hi @Shaunie,
    I can just say that I am really sorry for how everything went.
    If you want, we can try to find something positive starting from where you are right now. The GP clearly wasn't able to find a way to connect with you, but maybe ewe can save some "advice". The GP told you that having a purpose in life would be a good thing; here's what I believe: I agree with her, but I don't think you have to find one, because I think you already have! You are proving yourself as really brave going through all this in order to report the abuser and by doing this, you are saving someone else, preventing this person to do the same again!! I think this is an aim and that it actually is a great and noble aim!
    You should be proud of yourself for that!

    All the other things the Gp said, can be taken into consideration because they are useful advice, but they can't replace the medications and the help you may receive from others. I agree with the GP about the importance of your involvement in this process and about your willingness to take control of the situation as this is a first great step towards feeling better. But you can't and you shouldn't be alone in this! You need a network of people that face it all with you!
    How about talking again with your ISVA about that and explaining that you were annoyed by the decision to postpone the investigation?

    Stat strong Shaunie, you are not alone!! *hug*

    - Fran
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie, I'm sorry it got to that point this week :( please don't give up, you have come this far and you are worthy of having a life, a good life. Is there anything we can do or talk about that might help in some way? Did you get anywhere with the Maytree service you previously mentioned?

    Massive hugs *hug*
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you all v much.

    I stopped contact with the maytree service cause i couldnt handle the stress of them ringing me, they seem like a nice service though.

    Someone i know (who lives in the same area i do) told me they went to their gp- told them they was feeling suicidal and stuff and they are getting a refereal to the home treatment crisis team. Um like okay what the fuck. Why have i never got offered that. Ive tried to kill myself a few times this year & have got sectioned & stuff and they just tell them theyre suciidal and get help straight away. Umm Okayyyy then. I dunno past caring but i dunno i mean um like are they worthy and im not. What makes someone worthy of helps and others not-of that sort of help. Im confused. I dont want to try anither gp to be told the same shit. It takes a lot

    Anyway im just sad. We all die anyway so not really a tragic thing. Sooner or later i will be 6 ft in the ground anyway like what will all this mean then. Nothing. Even being happy then not wanting to die or it is living in hell. All pretty pointless to me & not worthy
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Thank you all v much.

    I stopped contact with the maytree service cause i couldnt handle the stress of them ringing me, they seem like a nice service though.

    Someone i know (who lives in the same area i do) told me they went to their gp- told them they was feeling suicidal and stuff and they are getting a refereal to the home treatment crisis team. Um like okay what the fuck. Why have i never got offered that. Ive tried to kill myself a few times this year & have got sectioned & stuff and they just tell them theyre suciidal and get help straight away. Umm Okayyyy then. I dunno past caring but i dunno i mean um like are they worthy and im not. What makes someone worthy of helps and others not-of that sort of help. Im confused. I dont want to try anither gp to be told the same shit. It takes a lot

    Anyway im just sad. We all die anyway so not really a tragic thing. Sooner or later i will be 6 ft in the ground anyway like what will all this mean then. Nothing. Even being happy then not wanting to die or it is living in hell. All pretty pointless to me & not worthy

    How supportive are your parents, @Shaunie ?

    You are worth it, and your life is worth the living if only you can just look beyond the fog of all these present feelings. I realise I am no way near the situation you're in, but even I must hang on in the hope that my own darling will get better. You have been a wonderful help to her, and I'm so grateful. *hugs* You are loved here, too. everyone looks out for you. So please hold on, reach out whenever you need and we'll all give you the support you richly deserve.

    In friendship,
    Mandy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    My parents arent supourtive at all.
    I dunno how people are happy tbh - in a world full of hate, dirt and crime. There is no hope. Could go out and get raped right now. Like why the fuck would i want to be alive
    I feel literally sick from stress.
    I just want to be at peace. Im so fed up 🙃😔😔😔😔
    But thank you v much
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Shaunie wrote: »
    My parents arent supourtive at all.
    I dunno how people are happy tbh - in a world full of hate, dirt and crime. There is no hope. Could go out and get raped right now. Like why the fuck would i want to be alive
    I feel literally sick from stress.
    I just want to be at peace. Im so fed up 🙃😔😔😔😔
    But thank you v much

    Aww, parents can be so insensitive - our's are the same. But pm me sometime, okay? You're always welcome to do so. Tomorrow night though we're in concert back in Mallorca, but I'll reach you whenever possible.

    Please don't harm yourself. Make a cuppa and sweeten it. It will help make you feel better. I do this all the time for me and my lovely ones. I'm in charge of a pair of lovely but fragile 12 year old twins. Can look after you as well *hugs* :)
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you.

    ((((Sorry this is so lengthy- never normaly write so much so probs no one will read)))

    I got really sad yesterday & i thought i was gunna die but yeah i am still alive. :(. Went to hospital after spending some time with the ambulance and police. Though i so nearly got tasered- the police were so lovely to me. And had been looking for me for awhile. When they came I just kept on crying & crying wanting to hurt myself and i would of hurt myself in specific way if they didnt get their taser out so had no chioce otherwise i would of got tasered. Cause they didnt want me to hurt myself but tasers hurt. But i went to a&e and sorted out my injures

    even though i wasnt under an police force the police men stayed with me the whole time because he was so sad for me. He spoke with me for ages and telling me he was so concerned when i was missing and that it was breaking his heart seeing someone so young who seems lovely to be so sad from something someone else has done and said that the guy is a an asshole —🙃—to be going around pretending nothing has happened but has ruined my life And he nearly started crying & was like wow this is awks and he was honest and said that he can tell some people do these things but said he knows that most people wont be doing a specific way to hurt themselves or kill themseleves & is for attention & that they want police to come (which maybe harsh) but said he could see my distress & that i wanted to die & was more than a cry for help. And then he didnt want to leave me incase i left hospital and killed myself but He said he tried to be clear to the staff that i need support..
    And idk yesterday made me realise there are quite few good people and people do genuierly care. Even though the world can be shit. And it was nice for people to actually understand & hear & take seriously how sad i was. Instead of saying i was seeking attention which have been told by a professionals before in a crisis

    But yeah is just a shame the crisis people are much less understanding. 😒😒😒Which is so so weird that the police are so much nicer & more understanding of my MH. I had the MH assessment and at one point the woman was like ““humour me of how you got here”” and i was like what does that mean- none of this is funny. But she didnt say anything & she just laughed. If anyone bothers to read this lengthy post —Does anyone know wat that “”humour me”” means? Does it mean to be funny or to understand? But She took me more seriously the more i talked They told me to email the BPD SErvice and ask to see someone and talk about medication. How many fuckin times do i need to talk about medication to then not be prescribe. No hope😭😭 and im still sad 😭😭and still want to die but im at home now. Trying to distract myself but want to die. But i saw ISVA this morning and told her what happened and she was really sad to hear that is why i didnt go to her appiontment yesterday. We talked about reporting ect and what it would mean to me. But i was too sad to verbalise much or think. But she gave me loads of lush products lol cause thats what they give for chairty or something.🙃🙃

    Think i will email the bpd service soon to arrange a face to face meeting. They will have a report of what happened yesterday so they should be willing to. And i will tell them how much i am struggling but i doubt there will be anything they can do for me😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    And my sisters and parents are being suprising supportive. Which idk is good or not. Maybe too supportive and making me cringe like is forced. Cause never that supportive. Espcially when the police was round. It got awkward like they was acting and felt forced. But then they all started crying lots and i felt so bad and they made me feel so guity.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Um okay so the bpd service wont meet up with me. Okay then. But isva has said she will ask and say i gave consent
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    So i have been emailing the PD SErvice and they just keep emailing me back with the same shit. Ffs. The hospital told me i could arrange an face to face appiontment. But all they keep saying if is they could call me. Fucking hell the hospital told me they will not be wanting a call cause know i hate it and can have appiontmnet and now i cant even have an appointment. Gosh i really do want to die. Im so fed up of trying and getting no where. No one would give a fuck if i am peacefully 6ft in the ground soon
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Ffs they sent me an email saying theyre going to ring between 2-3 today. I told them i have already spoke so like what the fuck is the point then they said - yeah you spoke to us the other day and today is a different day. Um im depressed everyday, i think about killing myself everyday, i think about hurting myself in specifc way everyda. Not just one day. What the fuck else is there to know.


    Fuck my life.

    No one actually gives a fuck
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Feel like crying from stress. I dont want a phone call.
    Someone please kill me😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Well i answered it while nearly crying. How embarrassing.
    Managed to get them to ask for an appiontmenet but i can only have an medication review. Great. I will have something to overdose on soon🙃🙃 great support.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey Shaunie,

    I'm so sorry to hear how sad you were feeling on Monday. It sounds like things have been feeling really overwhelming for a while now. I can hear how frustrating everything must feel and not being able to get the support you're hoping for. It's really hard not to feel let down when things like this happen, but like you mentioned in your post, there are good people out there who want to help and who care about you. It's reassuring to hear how supportive the policemen was being to you. Sounds like he was really caring and understanding of everything you've been going through. Sometimes we need someone like that whose going to stay with us and listen and make sure we're going to be okay.

    It's a shame to hear about the crisis people not being supportive. You mentioned that the lady who did the mental health assessment took you a bit more seriously. Did she talk about any other support options for you other than the BPD service? It sounds like you're feeling quite frustrated today from the BPD service only giving you a medication review. Do you know what type of support you were hoping to get from them?

    In your post the other day you mentioned that someone you know who lives in your area got a referral to the home treatment crisis team. It sounds like the GP you went to before wasn't supportive at all. Do you know which GP they went to? With most doctors, you can request to see a certain GP. Do you think this would be something you'd like to try? I know you mentioned before that you don't want the same thing to happen again which is understandable. It sounds like you lost a lot of hope from seeing her before, but remember every GP is different and it sounds like the one this person went to was actually quite supportive.

    I really hope you manage to find the support you're looking for soon. Stay strong Shaunie, you've been through so much and have shown such strength to reach out for the support you have so far. Remember we're here anytime you want to talk about things. Try not to loose hope because there are people out there who really care about you *hug*

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you for listening

    Im not too sure which gp they went to but i know the gp pratice i go to - was ranked as one of the worst in the area & only 50% would recommend. But yeah i think maybe theyre all pretty shitty cause underfunded & wouldnt know how to change gp anyway.

    I don’t know what support am looking for. But like even just if one of my family members was willing to help me take medication, id feel a bit more supported. But ive asked them if they would be willing to watch me take a pill everyday and make sure i swollow it and the reply i got was that they wouldnt because “too much responsiblity” - (in other words - they dont care if i abuse the pills but they dont want to be feel responsible and say they wasnt properly checking for a few days. But they couldnt care less about how i feel). like okay right. If someone wanted me to see if theyre taking their pill i would do it everyday, like why does no one even care a tiny bit to take a few seconds out of their day😔😔😔😔 & just give some shit excuse Like wtf ill just suffer alone & Od instead. 😒

    And support from services - im not too sure. But they shouldnt be saying things like “oh you dont really have any support - and need support right now & to be referred to a care co ordiatior/cpn or someone to talk to” to then be told that support isnt avalable rn. Like just dont bother saying it then.

    & thank you😊
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hi @Shaunie :)

    Just a couple of things I can help you with, and first is how easy it is to change your doctor: You phone up the surgery's Practice Manager and request a change of doctors. Practice managers have a duty to patients if they want a change of GP, so that can be done if providing one of the other doctors have vacany for a new patient. It is simply a case of changing your doctor on their computer - as simple as that because I was shown. If, however, there are no vacancies to switch to another doctor, then you will be given one at the earliest opportunity.

    You might even be able to find a different surgery in your area: How do I change my GP? https://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1088.aspx

    My second suggestion is your parents have a wall mounted lockable medicine cabinet. When I was ill, Belle put up one for me and there was space inside to store certain sharp objects I was forbidden to use. It was a metal cabinet, so it would dent but not break. In the past I was known to be a bit of a.... ;)

    Belle had a set of keys as did someone else. When it was time for my meds, the cabinet was unlocked, med given me and prompyly locked back up. All the time you live under your parents' roof, they have a responsibility for your welfare. That said, you must abide by their house rules as this is only fair.

    I hope your weekend goes nicely 😊

    Mandy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you. Think all gps maybe a lil shit cause underfunded but maybe try.

    The Personality disorder service was suppose ti ring me yesterday or today. To make appiontmetn about meds and therapy or support. I doubt theyre going to ring at all :(. Nearly 5pm and stil havent so maybe i will ring them again monday.

    Im suppose to be making an appionment with my gp of follow up but i dont see the point. All i will tell her is suprisingly i havent had the energy to start suddenly voulnterring

    But saw isva yesterday. She was quite supportive. Until she started comparing myself with my mum. Told her i dont want to be compared with shit and she said she not saying i am my mum but pick up behaviours from parents. Um my mum is a bitch and a lazy shit and choses to stay at home and do nothing. I dont stay in bed out of chioce and enjoy it. And she said maybe i see it as the norm. Um no i dont. Im sad i see people having lives on instgram and all the that. But im too sad. So i didnt get or agree with shit she was saying and told her but yeah oh well
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Thank you. Think all gps maybe a lil shit cause underfunded but maybe try.

    The Personality disorder service was suppose ti ring me yesterday or today. To make appiontmetn about meds and therapy or support. I doubt theyre going to ring at all :(. Nearly 5pm and stil havent so maybe i will ring them again monday.

    Im suppose to be making an appionment with my gp of follow up but i dont see the point. All i will tell her is suprisingly i havent had the energy to start suddenly voulnterring

    But saw isva yesterday. She was quite supportive. Until she started comparing myself with my mum. Told her i dont want to be compared with shit and she said she not saying i am my mum but pick up behaviours from parents. Um my mum is a bitch and a lazy shit and choses to stay at home and do nothing. I dont stay in bed out of chioce and enjoy it. And she said maybe i see it as the norm. Um no i dont. Im sad i see people having lives on instgram and all the that. But im too sad. So i didnt get or agree with shit she was saying and told her but yeah oh well

    The ISVA lady should never have compared you to your mum, and anyway comparison to parents is inaccurate. For once reason they are miles older than you and your mum might not have always been as dreadful as you said. If your ISVA had made a case study on my mother, they would have had a very pale day. She was unspeakably terrible. I'm not the sort of person to be glad of people dying, but she was a piece of work and I'm very relieved she's dead.

    Anyway, I'm not going to nag you, but there'd be no harm done if you continued pressing to get a new gp in a different surgery. Anywhere else has got to be an improvement on the one you have, surely? There must be a more favourable surgery in your town that has a better rep than your's. I feel you'd do yourself a lot of good and feel better for having a better dig around.

    Instagram is like a fairy tale. Just because people on it look brilliantly happy, doesn't mean they have a better life than you or even me. We always smile at cameras, at least I do, but try not to overthink. Better still don't overthink later in the evening because thats when we're often feeling at our lowest. Avoid depressing music, too. Thats what I tell Belle and she always says I'm right.

    I got a concert to do and I've got pre-stage nerves. Hope your weekend gets better. you might not find a pot of gold at the end of this :rainbow2: but the thought of making one of those yummy steamed puds Belle posted earlier and your tum is bound to find gold! :yeees:

    Mandy
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Was meant to have urgent refereal appionment but they clearly couldnt give a fuck 😭😭😭😭and wont even ring me back
    want to kill myselfff😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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