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They need a kick up the bum, @Shaunie so phone them tomorrow and tell them they've got to do more! Don't take no for answer. Don't let them make excuses. Keep fighting. You got fighting spirit and we're behind you all the way.
Was so awks with isva today though and we sat in silence for like 20 minutes. Probably was 10 or something but felt like 20. After she asked me why i never drink when offers or gives it in like mcdonalds, cafes ect -were been to -i dont drink it ect even if water and that maybe have so low energy cause dehydrated. Then she asked if i dehydrate myself because i feel ashamed of body function, basically pee - and that makes me feel disgusting and reminder & hate myself. So then thought this is awkward and really embarrassing. And I stArted crying, so more embarrasing and then we didnt say anythinn for ages.
Then spoke about what support i want from her. I told her i didnt know cause i think i will kil myself - then lengthy pointless convo on that. Then she said this feels like couselling, & thashe doesnt mind speaking with me every week like doing until the pd service sees me, if thats the support id like. Then asked if i wanna see her next week. But i dont want to use someones time. So i told her not to book anything 🙃
Do really hate myself and my life is a mess and main trigger is something cant aviod so gues ill feel forever hate myself and want to hurt myself
By rights you should be entitled to legal advice not associated with the isva. Have you enquired? You should never be treated like this by the isva reps. They don't help you much. They should at least bolster your confidence instead of pulling you down.
I really do understand your want to si, but equally need you to see that every day you go without doing that (eg. 24 hours) is one more day of triumph. Partly my reason to si was hating myself. Take it away, stop feeling guilty for what caused me to injure made me actually stronger. I believe you can through this, Shaunie.
I used to keep a diary and noted the days I felt bad, these being approximately the week leading to my period time. When I got on edge more. To prevent si'ing I'd go for a walk, paint, draw, do any exercise - and count off the hours. Hours led to days. The first day being si-free was my triumph. The next day, too and I went without si for a whole three weeks. After that I stopped it. Because I knew I could do it again. I believe you can do this, too.
Stay off the booze. Only drink with meals if need be. But keep your liquids up, ie. milk, tea, water. Especially water. A little sip at a time, ok? And if you want to seriously rant, please pm me to get it off your chest.
Truly best wishes,
Mandy
I like my isva. Shes really nice. ah. Just started crying cause was a shocked for her to ask - quite observate. & cause she was right & i had no idea how to answer.
But Now she probably thinks am right weirdo 😔
& thank you for advice!
Goodnight and hope you sleep well. I'm off to bed now.
Tomorrow - tomorrow is anther fighting day. Take care and be strong.
Soo i had a letter this morning that says i have an medical review with the PD service on Tuesday 5th of June. Dunno why i was told otherwise.
I'm ok thanks. Just very tired lugging gear back from the airport. Might have an early night.
I just thought of something. Make a list of coping methods for when you hit a downer/meltdown.
Sorry to hear things have been tough. Sounds like your isva has been kind, though. How are you today?
- Lucy