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I know I'm not a "real" person, but you do have my email. If you want to talk get in touch, I'll respond.
It's probably not SAD itself, but the winter months are darker and so the sun doesn't release as many endorphins into the bloodstream. That could be enough for you to slip.
ooo thats interesting i never knew that. I've been trying to target what it is coz this is the 3rd year its happened the same way:( but cutting patterns in general, i'm really obsessive with. Before i cut i know exactly how i want it to look, its strange but i always cut in the same place and to the same effect too.
I don't think it's that abnormal to kind of "plan" where you cut. And once you start cutting in one place I think it becomes the instinctive place to cut; when I've almost done it, I've gone back to where I always did it.
The oddest thing about my summer depressions is that I can't ever sense the sunshine. I can feel the heat, but what I remember and what I feel is not the bright summer-ness, but a horrible blackness.
Sorry, just rambling.
Its weird I mean I have little bad spells everytime of year but its a general recurrence (god I cant spell) that every spetember I start to hit a downer. Think it must be to do with going back to school, more pressure and stuff.
yeh see I always cut my lower arms, the tops of my legs and across my stomach. I only ever cut my left wrist. I'm such a predictable cutter.
Because you're such a lovely, helpful bunch of people (and I don't want to be flamed for starting another depression thread!), just thought I'd sound you out on summat.
As a few of you will know, I'm off to uni next week. I've been seeing a counsellor at home for a couple of years and in some ways I might as well not have, I'm just treading water. Things are still pretty bad so I guess I need to find another counsellor in London (should be easy!). I can't afford to pay so it'll have to be someone on the good ol' NHS - I'm seeing both my GP and my counsellor over the next couple of days, but I'd like to have some idea of where I want to be heading if they ask, does anyone have any ideas about different sorts of counselling that might be more helpful than "normal" talking counselling (I've been seeing a family therapist)? I considered asking either one or t'other about CBT specifically, does anyone have experience of that?
Also, my uni have sent me a form asking me to declare any disabilities or mental health problems - should I let them know I'm depressed? I'm a bit worried that if I take the form to my doctor he'll tell me I'm being a hypochondriac and that it won't affect my studies.
OK, that's enough from me. Thank you kindly!
x
If you're doctor says you're a hypochondriac then tell him to fuck off, basically. Depression can seriously impact on studies, it impacted on mine immensely, and it's always a good idea to let the university know as soon as possible if there are problems. I didn't, and only ever told them because I had a panic attack in the train station. Um.
I'd talk to your doctor about CBT, but you'll be waiting a long time for it on the NHS. To see any sort of therapist at the centre in Newcastle I was told eighteen months, and I was high priority, but luckily for me some jigging about found me a place in Durham.
As with Kermit, I was told the waiting list was about 18 months for CBT in my university city and that there was no availability in my home town. Definitely bring it up with them though and see what the situation is like where you are and whether there's any chance...
Good luck!
Do declare your depression on the form, it certainly won't be used against you and the better recorded your history in your student file, the more 'sympathetic' (for want of a more appropriate word) your course tutors will be if you struggle in any way with deadlines/ course work etc.
Remember that while you will be part of a large uni in a big city there is a lot of welfare support through the union and your student health centres. When you register with your GP ask about counselling facilities and what the waiting list is like for other forms of treatment.
Also make use of your student information officer/ tutor in your department on campus. Uni can be a stressful enough time for anyone, seek help as you need it rather than letting everything pile on top of you.
Finally remember we're always here
Take care of you
Susie xxx
swank, i totally know that feeling. i had one of those days today aswell. i was at work on the tills and had no customers so in my boredom i started thinking, and looking down at my scars (i had my short sleeved uniform shirt on) and almost cried there and then. i do this quite frequently though. eugh.
I see my scars and they are a part of me, a part of who I am. If you don't like it, then go and impale yourself on a pointy stick.
i dont want to get started in a circle of burning myself, but the way it made me feel when doing it was such a release of everything i was feeling, until afterwards, when i found myself feeling worse than i did before.
sorry for ranting but i really have nobody to talk to about it.
well thanks i guess for taking the time to read this.
[sorry about the lack of punctuation before, dont know if this is any better, not really thinking straight at the minute]
Secondly, it's very brave to come onto a message board and say this, even though the board are anonymous it still takes courage. Well done.
Sometimes the effects of bullying and trauma get buried very deeply, and it takes a long time for them to come out again. Maybe this is what has happened this time.
What made you start burning yourself? I doubt the idea came out of thin air, what did you expect to achieve from it? How long did you think about it before you did it?
If you are harming yourself you need to go and visit your GP< and tal;k to them about the options available to you. It is a very difficult thing to do, it takes a lot of courage, but the help is available if you look for it.
yeah, i want to go there and to think like that. i just feel that i can't, because it's still something i try to hide - in all senses of the word. it just seems such an enormous step to say 'this is who i am and this what i've done'. because it's just something i don't feel able to deal with, too many questions and people thinking what the hell. i just want to skip to the part where people know and it's been dealt with.
It will only hurt when my children ask "daddy, how dod you get those scars?"
Yeh i guess so. She's promised I will see before anyone else does though so at leat i can say if im really paranoid. I dunno I think it was more just talking about. I've havent talked about it in that much depth with anyone since i started 3 years ago. it was so much harder than i thought. explianin why and how i do it and all that.