Depression and Self-Harming - Please read

JsT

Bri-namite wrote: »

You're not a lost cause, you're anything but. Once you get through this (and I know you can and will) then you'll come out the other end much stronger.

So true.

Just take each minute and hour etc as they come and thinks will get better soon.

Former Member

rachael, how are you feeling? are you on your own or is your mum with you? are you going to be getting any help from the fricking useless mental health team?

Former Member

I'm sorry to any friends that read this but i've been lying through my teeth about how i've been for the past month.

I was quite suicidal at points, and have been and still am really struggling, though i'm not feeling low enough to do harm to myself. though i've had so many thoughts of litrally disappearing off the radar...just into the fabric of london and disapearing...

i really don't feel that i have very many people that care any more, i've alienated the majority of my friends, i've lost some of my best friends, and going to be loosing the only source of help i have and i do feel like i'm slowly and painfully falling down a big black hole.

i do feel very stuck and i'm not so sure that i want to change right now, it feels safe to not tell the truth to my therapist, because i really think that if she knew i would be sectioned and that is one of my re-occuring nightmares.

though, i do feel like i can't really cope for much longer... i've got 2 more weeks of college, and after that i think i might go "missing" for a bit and just go and re-evaluate what the fuck is going on in my life, and sort myself out before i do some damage, to myself, because i seem to have hurt plenty of other people. i say missing, but i think i might just go spend 2 weeks or so in spain or hopefully away from any relatives so i'm looking at going to spend some time with friends up north. I'll be safe, just i need some space, i need some help really, i know i do, but i need to know that it's not suddenly going to disappear like my surrent therapy is...

christ i'm fucked up...

Former Member

TT - that sucks and I'm in the same situation as you.:(

Am struggling again tonight.:( I know I need help but I don't want it and asking for it is impossibe.:(

I really want to hurt myself tonight but know that (as usual) I'll regret that in the morning.

And to make everything slightly worse, I think I'm going to lose a friend of mine because of my problems.:( :crying:

Former Member

right now, i just really want a friend of mine to come and give me a good hug and just sit me down and push me in the direction i need... but the help isn't there...

I FUCKING WANT MY FRIENDS BACK!

Former Member

Sofie wrote: »

TT - that sucks and I'm in the same situation as you.:(

Am struggling again tonight.:( I know I need help but I don't want it and asking for it is impossibe.:(

I really want to hurt myself tonight but know that (as usual) I'll regret that in the morning.

And to make everything slightly worse, I think I'm going to lose a friend of mine because of my problems.:( :crying:

you can do this you really can-i know you both can

Former Member

I can't.:( I gave in Sunday and am close to doing it again.

Former Member

Sofie - Asking for help is always the hardest part.

TT - I've done the 'gone missing' option as well. Sometimes you do have to get away from everything to sort your head out. Take care, and if you do want someone to talk to just drop me a PM.

Former Member

i'm starting feel like an attention seeker, i hate that phrase, but i just want someone that i know well (well i know exactly who i want but they seem to hate me) to come and tell me that he cares, just for someone to show me some love, even if just platonic. anyway, i've said to much already...

Former Member

Sikorah wrote: »

rachael, how are you feeling? are you on your own or is your mum with you? are you going to be getting any help from the fricking useless mental health team?

a dr is coming over tomorrow to give me more pills and im seeing a private dr on monday because i want to go to his clinic. monday seems like a long way off and it really feels like i dont have much time at all.

Former Member

well good night everyone...maybe i'll wake up and tomorrow i will have someone that cares and wants to help...i'm fed up of being used.

Former Member

i hope you feel better tt and let us know how you are tomorrow

Former Member

Still feeling the asme as last night. Somehow managed no to cut myself though.

Former Member

trying not to cut myself

Former Member

woke up feeling shit, had the awful stomach pains again, went and had a very long and quite painful talk with the ex (i really hate calling him that) and sorted so many things out. i do feel a lot better, but i really think i need to be surrounding myself with people... it is very tempting to just pop a syndol and sleep, but my nightmares are bad enough. ohhh i wouldn't mind shooting this bloke in my building, he's upsetting all the female residents and i feel quite protective of them cos i'm the oldest...ahhh all the pricks we meet in life...

Former Member

going to cut my face

Former Member

Rachael wrote: »

going to cut my face

would it be better to cut your legs or an area less visible? you are less likely to regret it.

Former Member

gonna so feel like shit this weekend...brother's gonna come round and start moaning about me trying to get a better job...i just cant be motivated....got nothing in my life...its like the only things that make me happy don't exist and i'm desparately trying to cling on to something...dont wanna cut myself but its the only thing ive got thats personal in my life...well maybe writing but even that's crap... i'm not good at anything...just dreaming...waiting for something to turn up i suppose...a girl ...

Former Member

How gross. I cut myself Sunday and had a shower just now and my scabs have turned a horrible brown colour and have started coming off.

Former Member

how is everyone doing-i should be feeling so good what with turning 18 tomorrow-i just feel so rubbish

sorry

Former Member

crap...dreaming of happiness...

happy birthday, anyway, for what its worth

Former Member

thanks

at the moment i just want to die-just feel like cancelling birthday not like anyone really cares

Former Member

how do you cancel a birthday?

Former Member

just wanted to forget what ive got planned-noone wants to come out really but hey why would they-im so useless

Former Member

i give up

Former Member

dont give up

Former Member

I want to give up. I really dont see any point anymore to this continued existance. I dont have any friends apart from the ones that are on the other end of this wire that disappears into the wall. No-one actually knows me. I know its not a god given right to have friends, but what i wouldnt give for someone that I actually see and talk to and stuff, And therein lies the problem I have always been really shy and cant talk to other people and have never really been close to anyone before.

Im sorry Sometimes im fine with it being that way but not always.

Former Member

sorry you feel this way firefly. I know it must be hard but the only way is to start being more social, talking to people and going out more. get to know some people.

take care.

Former Member

I know the only way is to go out and so on, And i have tried, But I just sat there like a stuffed lemon, I couldnt even bring myself to talk to anyone I just didnt know what to talk about or even how to approach anyone. Im so Useless:banghead:

Former Member

don't say that, thats not going to help anything. you just need to talk about certain topics like what they do for a living, interests, stuff like that. it may seem scary but you're OK after about 5 minutes.