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Big hug for you Hiccup *hug*
It sounds like you're feeling really worn down and once we get tired phycisally and emotionally, everything in life becomes a struggle to cope with.
So, what you could do in the short term in the next day or two to look after yourself? A small treat, some time to yourself, an early night or your favorite film? Have a think and let us know if you have any ideas?
You seem to have a lot of expectations and pressure on you and you're using lots of energy to be there for people in your life and not getting much in return? That seems unfair and hurtful so it's no wonder you're fed up. I'd encourage you to put what energy you have left into a bit of care for yourself. You need it too.
Longing for 'normality' (whatever that would look like for you) suggests your motivation to improve things that don't feel right at the moment and there's no reason why in time you can't work on those things. We're here to help you in any way we can :yes:
Right now though it sounds like some emergency TLC is needed
Looking after myself is something I can't really do right now, there are more important people that I need to put first, they deserve it more than I do. I don't care about me, so I'd rather help people that I do care about instead of wasting my time on me.
I just, meh I don't know anymore, sorry
I don't even want to be me anymore, I'd give anything to be someone else, to be a better person, a better friend, to simply be enough.
I'm no good for anyone, I'm just a mistake. All I ever do is hurt people and ruin things. I fucking hate it.
I wish it was easier to leave
I'm really not sure what to say because I know nothing can easily change how you're feeling but I wanted to drop in and say that you really are more than enough - the kindness, compassion and love you give to others is absolutely incredible and that's exactly what you deserve yourself Hiccup. I truly believe that one day you will receive that from people who will make your life fulfilled.
Hang in there and please keep talking to us. I'm so proud of you and how well you're doing.
Sending so much love and hugs *hug* xxxx
I'm such a useless person and I really believe that everyone would be better off if they just forgot about me, if they just completely forget that I ever existed. Or maybe I just want them to forget me so it won't hurt them as much if I go.
I'm tired of being at home, the constant shitty remarks from my brother and sister about how I'm fat and just a waste of space, I already know I am. I don't need the constant reminder. I'm letting my eating get worse so I can be thin. At least if I'm thin people will have one less thing to pick at about me.
I'm tired of opening up to people because they all just leave, it happens all the time.
I'm so tired of everything
Has something happened? I do hope you're okay Hiccup - big hugs *hug* *hug*
People happened, life happened.
I don't even know why I'm alive, my mum should have never had me. I'm tired of people pretending to care just so they come across as a good person when in reality they don't give a shit. Or they just fuck off when someone new comes along.
I'm tired of people being so fucking patronising and treating me like a child, I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing. Plus, its my body, I can do what I want with it. If I want to hurt it, I will. If I want to not eat, I will.
Sometimes it feels like people are purposely trying to hurt me, as pay back or something. People are always trying to make me feel worse and now they've won.
This fight is pointless. What's the point in fighting when you've got nothing? When nobody would even care?
I don't know what to do anymore, none of this seems worth it.
'Friends' fucking bullshit, friends don't treat each other like that. Friends don't just care when it suits them. Friends don't fuck off when you need them most.
Just dropping in to check how you are? Big hug - remember we're here for you *hug*
Thank you. I'll be fine, I have to be. My feelings don't matter anyway so there's no point
I'm just tired and upset, I'll be finee
Thank you ❤️
Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
The thing is, we can't be of much use to others unless we look after ourselves
You mentioned your brothers ans sisters winding you up - how well do you usually get on? Are they older/younger? Siblings can be hard work and often know just how to push our buttons.
There are a lot of 'shoulds' in the way you talk - you should be able to cope for example. There is no rule book that says that any of us should be able to manage life on our own. In your head do you know who's telling you that you should? Is this something you personally feel you want to be able to do?
What's your week ahead looking like? Keep talking to us, we're listening
I'm not much use to others anyway, people don't need me. So it's pointless even trying to survive.
They're younger, we don't get on, some days are just worse than others. I'm compared to them all the time, I'll never be good enough because I'm not my sister and my family have made that perfectly clear.
It's something I tell myself, everyone else manages okay, so I should too. I shouldn't be spending every night on tears wanting to die. Nobody even cares, my friends certainly don't care.
My week just contains work and getting drunk and wanting to die.
I feel like shit, but oh well
How do your family behave that makes you feel like you're not good enough because you're not your sister? Have you ever spoken to them about how they make you feel? That sounds like a really tough situation to be in and can't be fair on you at all
Please know that struggling is not uncommon and it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of Hiccup - your feelings matter very much and we certainly care
I don't think I've ever felt so alone or unwanted in my life, no matter where I go or who im talking to I just feel in the way and I hate it. I hate being here.
I'm alone and I'm struggling and I can't cope. I don't know why I'm here anymore, I don't want to be here. All I can think about us how shit this year has been, the bad decisions I've made. So many people have left and I really don't blame them.
I'm tired of people pretending to care, or telling me I can get through things when they have no idea what's even going on. I can't get through it, I can't keep fighting. I can't.
Christmas is going to be shit. I'm dreading it already. I just want to go to sleep and never have to wake up, I'd be so much happier, so would many others.
I don't want to carry on this shitty fucking life
Sounds like emotions were running high last night *hug* how are you feeling today?
This time of year can be really tough, with expectations to be jolly and festive, when it might be the last thing you want to do. During these times, can you put aside some time to be alone? It seems like self care is pretty hard to do right now, but it can be as simple as sitting down and having some quiet time or texting someone who does care (hi
The end of the year also leads to reflection. I think most people have a list of things they wish they had done, I certainly do. I'm not belittling how you feel at all, negative feelings are hard to counteract. But you have helped lots of people, especially on here. Be kind to yourself.
You would be deeply missed if you weren't to wake up. Try not to think about the big picture, but instead all the little pieces which make up that picture. Know that people care and love you, focus on them not the people who cause unhappiness.
You know where I am x
I'm not doing great, but I'm doing better than last night. Nights always tend to be worse recently.
I doubt I'll get much time alone, I'm working a lot over the Christmas holidays and when I'm not working I have to be with my family because it's Christmas and that's the 'right' thing to do and they'll just get mad at me otherwise and I can't really cope with that right now. I'm gonna try and make time to sit and just text people who care (the text earlier meant a lot, thank you)
I guess when things are hard, it's a lot easier to see the negatives and all the negatives that have happened throughout the year.
Thank you for your reply Ella, it means a lot x
You're not alone in finding nights harder. Would it be possible to write a list of things which keep you calmer or happier? That way you can have some distractions in place in event of those bad nights. It can be really simple things, such as wrapping a present, texting someone, watching a film, listening to your favourite song. What are your thoughts on sudoko? I find them great for distraction!
If I'm right, you have a scrap book, or similar? Maybe you could include things which you are good at, have succeeded at or are positive. Things which come to mind now are that you are very good at maths - you are able to use that skill and help others (one day I will be needing your talent when planning and teaching I'm sure), you are caring and compassionate and do whatever you can to help others, you're funny and you've continued to fight during the tough times. It's not easy and a lot can be said for simply waking up and getting dressed when all you want to do is hide away. That is a success. Carrying on is something to be proud of.
I can see this would be difficult. Do you find that working helps? Would it be possible to say to your family that because you're working so much, you would like half an hour when you can spend time by yourself. Phrasing it in a way which will benefit them is always an idea
Right now things are tough, but that doesn't mean that forever will be tough. You just need to get there and I have full faith that you will. *hug*
Nothing bad would come from me not being here. I'm so drained, I don't have the energy to fight through everyday, it's getting harder and harder and nobody seems to understand.
I'm tired of being there for people who are clearly just using me for when they're alone or have nobody to talk to because everyone's busy. I hate that I drop everything for people and they don't give a shit.
Home is horrible, I need to leave. I need to get away, dad turned around and told me he was happy until I was born.. Just what I needed to hear. As if I wasn't already feeling shit enough.
I want to disappear for a while, it wouldn't matter if I did. Nobody would notice.
I don't want to do any of this. I really can't cope.
Just wanted to drop in and give you some *hug*, how are you doing this morning?
It sounds like it's been pretty rubbish at home for the last few days, have you got anything to distract yourself with or just to take your mind off things? Maybe you got a new book for Christmas that you can get stuck in to, or maybe you could go for a walk and listen to music?
We'd certainly notice if you weren't coming on here. Let us know how you are doing, and keep us updated. We're always here.
People would notice if you disappeared, but as I have said to you before, having time out and space to just be is totally fine. The people who matter understand that and they also understand how damn hard it is to just keep fighting. Waking up is achievement, getting out of bed is an achievement, getting dressed is an achievement. They may be small things but I am proud of you for doing them.
What your dad said is horrible and I'm really sorry you experienced that. Was it said in the heat of the moment?
Take things one small step at the time - focus on things an hour or a minute at a time. People genuinely do care. I care *hug*
Hey Ella,
Sorry for taking a while to reply, I'm not very good at replying lately but I do appreciate you taking the time out to reply on here, it means a lot.
Fighting is getting a lot harder, I see life as pointless right now and I generally just don't have the energy to fight, sometimes it's too hard to even get out of bed which makes me 'lazy' according to family, they don't realise that I just physically can't face it, I can't face the world. There are too many shitty things and too many shitty people in it.
I think he meant it, it wouldn't be the first time he's made comments like that. It's very obvious that my family don't really like me, I'm not good enough for them because I'm not like my sister. She's perfect and I'm just a fuck up who can't even cope with getting out of bed.
I don't even know what's wrong anymore, I just don't have the energy or the motivation to do life. I went to see a friend yesterday and it was so lovely and I felt okay, I felt safe. But now I'm home again and I just feel like I'm breaking, I hate being physically alone.
I just tend to rant and complain about the same things each time I post on here. It's pointless, people probably get fed up of it.
I miss my bestfriend though, it's hard without her here. All I can think about is how I didn't do enough to stop her, how maybe if I was a better friend she'd still be alive. Maybe all she needed was one person to be there, I could've been that person, but I wasn't there and I will never forgive myself for that.
I feel lost, everyone has their lives on track and know what they want to do, they have plans in place, they're at uni, and I'm so jealous of those people and I know that I probably shouldn't be, but I am, because they've got a plan, they have the motivation to do it and I don't even have the motivation to get through one day.
Part of me wants to be young again, the age where you don't need to worry about anything, the age where you had really big drama about what you'd do when you grow up. Part of me also wants to be dead, I don't want to spend my life fighting through each day, I don't want to spend my life depressed. I don't want to spend my life defined by labels, it feels like the only way out of this mess is by not being alive.
The longer I go without cutting myself, the stronger the urges get, the harder it gets to resist it, surely it shouldn't be like that? Surely it's supposed to get easier the longer you go without it. I can't cope with the urges, I can't cope with life.
I'd just like to say, as hard as it is keep your chin up gal, tomorrow is a new day. X
I shouldn't have been born.