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please please please love yourself as well and get yourself out whilst you can. Don't be a statistic
:yes:
If i'm too blunt forgive me but i can't think of any other way to say it.
You are not a slag. You are not a worthless piece of shit. You are not at fault. Your boyfriend is an abuser who is praying on an insecure, naive young girl who has low self-esteem. He is mentally and physically absuing you. The only way this will end if it carries on is (god forbid) you being put in hospital because the abuse will get worse. He does not love you. He does not care about your relationship. This sort of relationship does not deserve another chance. The new fresh start will not come. He will get worse and worse. The excuses he is using are typical of a violent abuser. Blaming it on you, making out he will change and that he won't do it again. Making you jealous and insecure. All he wants is to wind you in so that your whole life revolves around him. Making himself king of everything.
My bet is that if you really opened your eyes and listened and looked around you would find a lot of people in your village think he's a grade A prick, a violent person and i would imagine a lot of them probably feel sorry for you and dislike him. I'm from a small village too darling and we ain't all monsters. People see and hear more than you give them credit for. I really wish you could speak to a woman i know. Her husband is the same as your boyfriend. Word for word, action for action. She's stayed with him 15 years, ruled by fear and this idea that she loves him and he loves her. She's been put in hospital with so many broken bones, bruises, bloodied faces etc. All because he loves her and no-one else wants her. Her child has grown up realising daddy is the bad man and hurts mummy. It's terrifying that someone can hold so much emotional sway over one person. None of her friends can help her because she won't help herself. Not because she's so scared, but because she's still deluded enough to think one day he'll change. After 15 years.
I realise you cannot turn feelings off like a tap, that's one of life's hardest problems. But you have to stand up and be counted and push your fear to the back and realise that life is for living and not for being someone elses emotional crutch. You are the strong one. You are helping him in life, propping him up, emotionally supporting him. No-one else wants him i can assure you. You honestly need to turn to someone. You cannot face this battle alone. Please talk to your parents or a friend or even a support group. If you can tell us strangers on here and realise that in 9 pages not one of us has even entertained the idea that you're a slag, does it not make you hope deep down that maybe your family will not entertain this idea either? We don't know you, they do and they love you more than anyone else. By the way, you're basing all of this "slag" rumour on your boyfriends word?? Which obviously means nothing. So why not try and think of it that maybe he's lying? My bet is no-one has even uttered a word and probably doesn't even remember who you did sleep with or date? I know most in my village don't and i've lived a colourful fun life
Sorry it's long, don't usually get involved in lecturing people but i really needed to say the above
It's so evident that you're crying for help but you need to tell somebody who can actually help and protect you from this man. Parents, police, friends or some shelters, let somebody know and help you.
ok, first of all thank you for taking the time to reply xxx
refering to the above.. i AM a slag, i have always thought that about myself and nothing will ever change that, my bf is not the only one who has ever called me a slag, i have heard it from a few other people to so hes not just making it up, honest, i wish he was but the fact is i was a little whore and im paying for it now.
the bit i have put in bold is NOT true, he could go out to the pub or anywhere in fact and find a girl willing to go home with him. i see women looking ay him in the pub all the time becuase he is a good looking bloke and he attracts women all the time, its really hard 4 me 2 deal with... there are loads of girls who are on his case, texting him, flirting with him etc etc and he loves telling me that fact. what i am trying to say is he could get another girlfriend like that. he tells me about these girls he knows that have been to uni and are well edcuated and proper classy, nothing like me, and have only slept with a few guys in their life and he tells me how he wishes i could be more like them and that when we split up he has a line of them waiting for him.
about the whole violence issue, he has not touched me since xmas eve when he really hurt me... i dont think he will either, think he realises that its out of order, now he just leaves and dont look back.
hes walked out on me 2day because i got a text from my sisters ex that was meant 4 my sister and didnt bother to tell him, he found out, flipped out and accused me of being "sly" and now hes not going to come and see me for a week which im really upset about
What a cunt this fella is. Grade A, no questions.
he basically has, hes stormed out and said he dont wanna see me for a few weeks. i dont even know if hes going to come back.
I think you really need to work on your self esteem. Most people have done things they've regretted in their past and yet can get over them and not feel dirty or embarrassed. But as you are dating this guy who keeps reminding you, you can't escape.
I don't think anything of what people are telling you on this thread is really getting through - but some day you will figure it out for yourself, and wonder why you ever wasted time on this loser. Sorry to be harsh xx
If you ever get to think clearly on this one - trust me, it's no great loss. You're sooo much better without.
I reckon he will be in touch sooner rather than later, and yet again, he will exert some power over you by getting you to admit you were in the wrong... which you weren't.
Okay let's work down this road. Even if in the darkest horriblest part of the world you were a "slag" just enlighten me as to what the fuck it really has to do with anyone else??? Your boyfriend admits and feels no remorse about sleeping with twice as many women as yourself but does he sit there kicking himself and repenting his sins?? No he doesn't because he doesn't care. I agree with Katralla and g-angels posts that one day, when this is hopefully in your past, you will sit, reflect on this situation and think why did i let someone mentally abuse me like this. Who gave your boyfriend the right to act as anyone's judge and juror???? No-one.
So as g-angel said, why is he not with one of these fabulously classy uni women then? If he honestly hated you as much as you say why stay in a bad relationship? Why would he put himself through so much "agony" in a bad relationship. Shall i tell you why? Because he knows he's onto a good thing. In you he has a sweet, loyal girlfriend who he can bully and abuse until his hearts content. He can bolster his own self-esteem by battering yours down. He can feel like God whilst making you unhappy. Sit and ask yourself what exactly is right about that? I'll tell you why he's not gone off with another woman, because not many other women would put up with the horrible mental abuse he gives you. We've all done silly things. The key to life is forgiveness and you have got to learn to forgive yourself. You've not raped, abused or murdered anyone. You slept with a couple of people. So what. So have i. Might reflect on it from time to time but christ, it's done, it's over, it's the past. Stop sentencing yourself to a lifetime jail sentence because you did some things as a kid. That's what life is there for. To enjoy and to learn and to be an individual. Not to be someone's emotional punchbag. :no:
i honestly thought things were getting better but the past couple of days have been a living hell. im shaking so much i can barely type and i cant see becuase of the tears.
he grabbed me round the throat again 2night and its really sore now, he pinched my 2 cheeks really hard and pulled them to the side so my top lip was really sore and streched. he pulled my hair and threw me on the floor, all this becuause he accused me of getting off with one of my male mates (who i have not) before i met him even though it was in the past and he refused to belive me when i said nothing happned. that wasnt the real issue 2night tho.
he started with the old "your a slag, a slut a whore" routine again but 10 times worse. all becuase i said to him i thought this girl we both knew was a bit of a dick and he flipped and went mental and said i had no right to call other women names when i'm worse than thay are. he said if he looked up the word slut in the dictonary then there would be a picture of me there.
he was meant to be staying at my house 2night becuase my mum and step dad asked him to help out with a few deliveries 2moro at their work as they are really short staffed and are relying on him to help, but hes walked out and gone home which means there going to be nobody to help with the lorry 2moro and i dont know whats going to happen as they need to get the deliverys out and im really worried.
he says its all my fault becuase i told him i thought he bullied me and i also said i thought he was a bad person for strangling me, he completly lost it and wouldnt accepct it and stormed out, he also said he didnt feel the slightlest bit bad for hurting me because it was all my own fault for standing in the way off the door, i should of just let him walk out.
i also told him that none of my ex boyfriends has ever made me feel so worthless or discusting and they have never said the nasty things he has to me.. his reply was "WAKE UP CALL!!!! God, i'm only telling you the truth!" he told me there is NO way on this earth he would ever think about marrying me as he does not want a wife thats done some of the things iv done in the past. i dont want him to propose or nothing but i still think thats harsh, telling me im not good enough to ever be his wife.
im in complete dispear. i feel trapped becuase i im so weak i cant cope on my own. its horriable living where i live, everybody knows your business and i can never meet anybody new and even if i did they proberly wouldnt look at me twice becuase of my reputation.
This disgusting excuse for a man is nothing but a worthless piece of shit. The sooner you realise that and move on, the happier you'll be.
yes i am, i'm just finding this so hard, i'm really emotionly involved, i'm a weak person and i can't cope with this. i want to get rid of him but i LOVE him and nothing can change that, i just wish he would respect me
i know you do honey, but he doesnt deserve your love. Hes taking your love, rubbing it in your face and using it as a tool to beat you with.
You love him but it just isnt safe for you to stay with him.
:yes:
I think you need to let them know what happened. They will be able to help you and they will in no way blame you.
Please get some help
i said, i stay out of this thread, better stick with it.
this isn't good for my blood pressure.
There's a checklist on the womensaid website that seems really relevant to your situation. Take a look and it might help form the basis for seeking further help.
*hugs*