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Boyfriend makes me feel discusting
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey
i have been seeing this lad for about 3 months now, the only problem we have is he can't handle my past. when i was about 17, before i got with my first serious partner i use to have a "colourfull" sex life, basically i was a bit of a slag and i have regreted my behaviour ever since. i was young and naive and didnt realise that sleeping with lots of guys would get me a bad reputation and loose me resepct, i thought it would make men like me if i had sex with them and couldnt understand it when they never stuck around. anyway i realise now im older (22) that my behaviour was wrong and will never be repeated.
i live in a very small town and everybody knows everybody's business so therefore my bloke had heard about some of the shit i got up 2 years ago and he has basically said to me that he don't think i am good enough for him, in a way i understand where he is coming from, no blokes wants a "slut" for a misses but at the end of the day all that shit was YEARS ago and i am a completly diffrent person now and would never dream of behaving like that again.
when ever we argue he brings my past up and calls me every name under the sun, he makes me feel so small and so discusted with myself, i am ashamed of how i was in the past but whats done is done and there is nothing i can do to change that expect learn from my horriable mistakes.
my boyfriend says things to me like "you make me sick, i have never stooped so low, your the villiage bike, i can't belive i can actually shag you without throwing up, etc etc" all of this understanably makes me very upset but his attiude is i have no right 2 be upset becuase its all my own fault.
i have had boyfriends in the past but not a single one has ever said any of the nasty things to me as my bf does now, and nobody has ever made me have such a low opinion of myself in my whole life before.
the thing that really gets me angry about all of this though is he has actually slept with almost twice the amount of people i have!! whenever i mention this fact to him he says its diffrent becuase i'm seen as a slag around town becuase i'm female where as he is seen as a "stud".. what a fucking joke!!!!!
anyway, im really stuck here becuase when he aint being nasty i am so happy but he really makes me feel like i'm wothless and nothing. is he in the right to say all of these things to me and i just have to accepct them? thanks
i have been seeing this lad for about 3 months now, the only problem we have is he can't handle my past. when i was about 17, before i got with my first serious partner i use to have a "colourfull" sex life, basically i was a bit of a slag and i have regreted my behaviour ever since. i was young and naive and didnt realise that sleeping with lots of guys would get me a bad reputation and loose me resepct, i thought it would make men like me if i had sex with them and couldnt understand it when they never stuck around. anyway i realise now im older (22) that my behaviour was wrong and will never be repeated.
i live in a very small town and everybody knows everybody's business so therefore my bloke had heard about some of the shit i got up 2 years ago and he has basically said to me that he don't think i am good enough for him, in a way i understand where he is coming from, no blokes wants a "slut" for a misses but at the end of the day all that shit was YEARS ago and i am a completly diffrent person now and would never dream of behaving like that again.
when ever we argue he brings my past up and calls me every name under the sun, he makes me feel so small and so discusted with myself, i am ashamed of how i was in the past but whats done is done and there is nothing i can do to change that expect learn from my horriable mistakes.
my boyfriend says things to me like "you make me sick, i have never stooped so low, your the villiage bike, i can't belive i can actually shag you without throwing up, etc etc" all of this understanably makes me very upset but his attiude is i have no right 2 be upset becuase its all my own fault.
i have had boyfriends in the past but not a single one has ever said any of the nasty things to me as my bf does now, and nobody has ever made me have such a low opinion of myself in my whole life before.
the thing that really gets me angry about all of this though is he has actually slept with almost twice the amount of people i have!! whenever i mention this fact to him he says its diffrent becuase i'm seen as a slag around town becuase i'm female where as he is seen as a "stud".. what a fucking joke!!!!!
anyway, im really stuck here becuase when he aint being nasty i am so happy but he really makes me feel like i'm wothless and nothing. is he in the right to say all of these things to me and i just have to accepct them? thanks
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Comments
Ok, that aside.
Your past sex life is your business, and not that of your boyfriend or whoever else. I think you really need to be kinder to yourself in how you think of yourself and whatever you got up to in your youth. So you had sex with a number of people - did you kill anyone? Did you steal, mug old ladies for their pensions? It does not make you a slag, or a slut - as you said, your boyfriend has had far more women - what does that make him if he has the right to call you such names?
Your boyfriend sounds deeply insecure, and he's taking it out on you - what he's saying to you is not on and completely unacceptable. In all honesty, it sounds like the two of you have things you need to work on like self-esteem etc and what you have at the moment is unhealthy. Sure, you might be happy for some of the time - is it worth how he makes you feel when he calls you such horrible things?
Really feel for you hon. I'm sure at the root cause of whatever your boyfriend is feeling I'd feel for him too. But you have to put your foot down and let him know that the way he's behaving is not the way you treat someone you care about.
How would you feel if someone you really cared about was being spoken to like that?
Get someone better.
Agreed.
Get yourself out of that relationship, as soon as you can.
Stop right there! Why run yourself down? You're NOT a slag. All you are is a healthy, sexual young lady. If a guy had as many partners as you have had, no one would bat an eyelid.
This is the 21st Century and you should feel proud at how liberated you feel. If anyone has a problem with your 'colourful' past, it's you boyfriend. It's his insecurities that seem evident here. Dump him!
I'm sorry, but you're both wrong. Her boyfriend is a cunt. A class 1, Grade A oven ready cunt of the biggest order.
Who the hell does this sack of shit think he is ? To the O.P. fuck him off now, as soon as you've read all these replies. Don't put yourself through any more crap listening to the insults of some self-centred hypocrtical sanctimonious shit head. Better still do it Christmas Eve' so he can't get a shag Christmas Day !
You have to tell him how things are? Maybe you have to move on from him and find someone else that will treat like a lady. Insults in anyway shape or form are bang out of order. I get them from a friend and boy it does hurt. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing.
take care and feel free to chat more if it helps?
Forgive yourself for your past actions. (not that you NEED to do that, you were after all, young, dumb and perhaps full of cum
Tell your bf that you don't have to accept he's view. You aren't living in the past anymore hun, you've moved forward with your life and remind your bf that you'll keep moving forward - WITHOUT HIM in it, if he's not careful.
Don't allow others to put you down just because he's insecure within himself and can't handle things properly.
get rid, honestly.
Personally it sounds to me like he has no respect or love for you and you would be better off walking away now. Sod him, if he cares that little for you that he can be as abusive as that then you owe him nothing.
Please don't stay with someone who will make you feel like shit because you are not.
i have tryed telling my bf how i feel and how worthless he makes me feel when he says all these nasty things to me but his responce is "i aint saying these things to hurt you babe honestly, i'm only telling you the truth and letting you know how it is. its not my fault you were a get around in the past but i am the one who has to deal with it when people ask who my new girlfirend is. i honeslty dont mean to hurt you but nothing i say to you is a lie, i'm just letting you know how people persive you"
there is not much i can say to that really is there?
Tell him to name one person who says this.
it really wouldnt supprise me if he did manage to get a shag xmas day, the amount of women he knows and has had sex with in the past few years, i'm sure more than 1 of them would be willing to meet him for sex, even on xmas day.
i really would love to split up with him but i just can't do it. as i said in my orignal post i live in a very small town and if we broke up i would see him everywhere and would hear about all the girls he gets with and that would break my heart because even though he puts me down, i love him, and i wish more than anything i didnt becuase then this would be so easy to walk away from.
Yet you decided to stay with him, because you love him, and you live in a small town, and *meaningless excuses* ? ...
God, if this all is true I guess this is the best proof that there is no god.
i'm his first ever proper gf and i don't know if he realises that what he is saying is wrong or if he is just generally a nasty person. he said to me the other day "when i found my first girlfriend i wouldnt have expected her to have fucked a thousand people before me, if i had known what you were really like when we first got togther i would of just shagged you and never properly of got with you and yet you let me fall in love with you, making out you are something diffrent to what you actually are."
i'm not going to pretend i'm totaly innocent in all this, the fact is i DID sleep with lots of men in my youth and that is something i am going to have to live with all my life so i can understand why he feels like he does. he has slept with twice the amount of people i have yet i don't find him discusting, i know everybody has a past, its what makes them who they are now.
It'll only get harder the longer you leave it. He starts with little put downs. What next? Making sure you don't wear anything that makes you look attractive? Wanting to know where you are all the time, and who you're with? Cutting you off from your friends until you're totally reliant on him? You do realise that this is how proper domestic abuse usually starts, don't you? You need to get him to acknowledge that he has issues, and get him to address them, or leave him, for both your sakes.
But you are.
Flippin heck talk about the pot calling the kettle black
Errr honestly you are worth so much more than this - he is clearly very hyporcritical, demeaning and manipulative.
I even think that you could turn dumping him on his head by telling everyone straight out why you dumped him with a witty put down - something like "He couldn't handle me " - err i'm really bad at witty put downs but i'm sure someone here can help you out
i don't know if you mean phyical abuse but there have been a few things recently.... when we argue he trys to leave my house to go down the pub or something and i really don't want him to go becuase i just want to sort things out with him and for us not to argue so i jump in front of him and grab his arms to stop him leaving but now he has taken to grabbing me round the throat and throwing me on the floor to get thru the door, it really hurts and i have brusies up and down my arms and legs. i know i shouldnt stand in front of the door and should just let him leave but i don't want to cus i'm scared he will go 2 the pub and get smashed or something and end up getting into trouble
There's a surprise, it's already started. :rolleyes: Leave him, and just for good measure, make sure the "whole town" knows the exact reason why too, since you seem to care about what everyone else thinks. If you're sure you don't want to leave him, then the only other option is to give him an ultimatum. He has to get help with his issues, (I'm sure someone on here can point you in the right direction) or you'll leave. And that can't be a fake ultimatum, you have to be willing to stick to your word.
that would be way 2 embarasing!! i don't want everybody knowing i have left my boyfriend because he thought i was to much of a slag to be with...
i'm going to speak to him 2night and tell him he has to stop with the put downs because its not fair and makes me feel upset.
If for what ever reason you decide you want to give him a second chance and get him to sort himself out - these people might be able to help you find somewhere in your area that he can get the help he needs http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
It sounds like he needs some help even if you decide not to stay with him as he will just repeat this type of behaviour with his next girlfriend.
If you do decide to leave him then we are all here for you