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From reading your post quite a few times today I actually saw myself in you as this is something I am also struggling with right now too. I know how hard employment is at the moment for young people and it sounds like you are trying your hardest to get into employment. It can be also a challenge to get the motivation to keep trying as well despite having rejections and not finding the right company to work at. I understand how this must be making you feel right now and I hope everything gets sorted out eventually for you . As @JustV mentioned it may be a good idea to ask for feedback on your CV from peers because then you can collate feedback from different people to see how your CV is looking at the moment. I also know sometimes and this is what I tend to do when I apply for jobs (and say I dont get offered the role) I tend to email the company or recruitment office to ask if they can provide feedback so I can improve on my applications in the near future. I know not all companies may be able to have the resources to provide feedback but its worth a shot at doing though. Also, I am always here too if you ever want some help or advice on getting into employment or even a fresh pair of eyes to read over your cv's or cover letter's, im more than happy to lend a hand and help you on your journey.

I also hear that it has been impacting your moods and having an effect on your day to day life and its totally normally to be overthinking about getting or finding work at the moment. It definitely has a major impact on us too because we can often feel bad about not being in work and it can cause a lot of emotional inflictions upon us. It also sounds like your work coach has also been helping you recently which is good to here (work coaches are good at giving feedback on cv's and stuff as well). I also wish you the best for you work placement too as I hope it goes well and fingers crossed it may lead to a permanent position at that company as well . If not it's still good experience and is good to put on your cv at the end of the day as experience is normally what most employers look for in candidates applications.

I hope you are doing okay right now

Sending digital hugs,

Amy22

I can understand your anxieties Nightmare, especially when I imagine it feels like there's so much pressure on this part of your life - on getting a job like you've wanted for so long.

I wonder: have you ever sat down with someone to look at your CV, to properly think about what jobs you want to apply for and how to write the applications, and to get a second opinion on everything? I wonder if some external validation would help.

You could even do that here if you wanted - we have plenty of folks here who either have jobs or who are looking for work too, and they might be able to workshop your CV or an application with you if you felt comfortable posting about it (obvs with any sensitive info removed!)

On top of that, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to shake this low mood.

Hmmm do you have a sense of whether the low mood is because you can't find a job, or if you're struggling to get work because of your low mood / mental health?

No worries about the long/messy post by the way - plenty of those here!

Welcome to the community @bignosegirly0! Before I respond to your post I wanted to say I added a trigger warning to the title of your post, and then one just at the top. You did kindly add an edit of your own where it says 'quick edit' - I just wanted to make it super clear.

Mostly I wanted to say that this is really fair - the stuff you've described in your post is absolutely awful, and you can't ignore the systemic inequalities that women face. It clear that you yourself have really felt the weight of that in your life and it just sucks.

It's not the same but I have some guy friends who grew up with very similar experiences to the ones you described - being asked out as a joke, people laughing, etc. That level of mockery when you're growing up is really scarring and it's truly awful stuff.

This is a depressing fact about life that not even therapy can help with. Having a therapist tell you “beauty is subjective” and “no one is really judging you” is a nice thought. But when you get in the real world and face the same treatment you always do, you realise that it’s bullshit.

I think this is an understandable reaction. It's hard when a truth is being born out infront of you every day and you have someone trying to tell you the world isn't like that.

One thing I would say is that the people around you, the friends you make, and your workplace can make a big difference to how heavily you experience these things. I'm not saying the systemic inequalities won't always be present - that's just the nature of social issues - but something I learned in my life is that as I was able to get more independence and choose how my life looked, it was easier to pick the right people to be around, and that was a game changer.

But it's also understandle, when this is your experience, to not have much optimism that there are people out there who won't treat you this way.

I understand that this may not be helpful to hear, especially if you haven't experienced much evidence that these things can change, and maybe can't see a path forward (which feels like an important component for having hope for the future).

Can I ask - how old are you and what do you do for work/study?

i am so happy you got a reason for your discomfort and pain bc ik how much this is causing you issues i hope the things the dr have given you help bc you deserve a life of happiness and pain free hugs 🫂

Gosh @eylah sending you big hugs right now Thank you so much for sharing those memories of your mum, she sounds like such a lovely soul and I can't imagine how much you must miss her. I'm sure she is proud of you as you push through such a difficult time, and I can see that same kindness in you the way you support so many others here on the boards! Remember we are always here for you to talk through those difficult celebrations coming up