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I'm really sorry you're feeling this way @Rose113, and I'm grateful that you shared what you're going through, even though it must be hard to put it into words. It sounds like you're carrying so much pain and exhaustion, and it’s weighing you down in ways that feel unbearable.

I hear you when you say it's easier to tell people you're fine than to try and explain what’s really going on, especially when it feels like no one really cares or understands. That feeling of being ignored or left alone after opening up is so painful, and it makes sense why you'd want to just retreat and go silent. It’s like trying to protect yourself from more hurt.

I've often felt that saying, “everything happens for a reason” doesn't resonate when you're going through so much. It’s like, how could there be a reason for all the pain and struggle you've endured? It’s normal to question that, especially when it feels like life has just been one thing after another. You didn't do anything to deserve the pain you've experienced. Sometimes, things happen that are just cruel and unfair, and trying to find a reason for them can feel impossible. It's okay to feel angry and hurt about that - those feelings are valid.

The idea that there's a purpose behind suffering might bring comfort to some, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts deeply and that it's exhausting to keep pushing through. You shouldn’t have to justify or find meaning in what you’ve gone through. It's okay to just acknowledge that it was painful, and that you're still here despite it all - that in itself is a testament to your strength.

You’ve survived so much, and even though it doesn’t feel like it, that says something about your resilience. It's okay to be angry at the unfairness of it all, and it's okay to not see the reason in it. Sometimes, just getting through the day is enough, and that’s perfectly okay.

Reaching 41 days harm-free is a huge achievement, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I know you mentioned struggling with the thought of relapse, and that must be weighing on you too. I'm assuming you mean self-harm when you talk about relapsing?

Can I ask what makes you feel as though you may relapse after you birthday? How have you managed to stay clean this long? Are there things that have helped, even a little, to keep you going?

We can’t pretend to have all the answers or to know exactly how you're feeling, but we do care about what you’re going through, @Rose113. We're here to listen.

you don't ever need to feel like you can't ask for help, but you are incredibly brave for sharing your struggles

jesus christ your dad is so toxic. i hope you get to move out someday to get away from him @eylah

hugs toe hope your ok i care abt you .

Thanks for reaching out @TheNightmare I can really hear how you are struggling with this at the moment. You are definitely not alone in this though, as I myself (and I'm sure many other people), have felt the same feeling of anxiousness and frustration you describe about future career plans etc. You're so brave for getting it down and venting with us, it can definitely be such a confusing point in life.

Remember we are all here for you and it's important to be kind to yourself Often these things don't happen instantly but all of us here really believe in you and know you'll get there. Whilst it might seem like others are progressing around you, everyone is on their own path and there is no race to get there.
What might be useful during this time is creating more structure within your day - sometimes a bit of routine can help to clear your mind. Eg. Carving out specific time each day to do your hobbies, applications or go for a walk etc.

Keep looking after yourself, we're here for you

I'm really sorry for your loss, Chloe. Losing someone as special as your aunt, especially when she was such an important part of your life, is incredibly hard. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling this way, especially on her birthday. It sounds like she was an amazing person who made a big impact on your life, stepping in when you needed her the most. That kind of love and care doesn’t just go away - it stays with you, and it’s okay to miss her deeply.

Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and certain days, like today, can bring those feelings to the surface more intensely. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, there's no need to rush into distracting yourself if you’re not ready. Sometimes just sitting with those emotions and remembering the good times can be a way of honouring her memory.

As you prepare for college on Thursday, try to be gentle with yourself. It’s a big step, and it’s okay to feel a little off balance right now. Maybe you can find a small way to carry her with you as you start this new chapter - whether that’s through a keepsake, a memory, or even just thinking about the strength she showed when she cared for you. That strength is a part of you too.

Remember we are always here for you to talk to @Rose113 . All of us here care about you and value you so much How's today been for you?

So sorry to hear @AnonymousToe I can't imagine the weight this must put on you We are all here for you