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Best Of
Re: I’m so fucking pathetic (mentions of self harm and suicide)
Hey @bignosegirly0 , I just want to say thank you for your post and to echo what @Faolan and @Azziman have shared here 
It makes sense that you would want to imagine a different outcome or scenario with the people who have bullied you, and it feels powerful that in the scenarios you imagine, the bullies finally recognise just how much they've hurt you, begin to treat you with dignity, and ultimately grow to care for you a lot.
I know you feel ashamed of yourself for imagining these scenarios, but I can imagine that it feels really gratifying - to have these people who've hurt you finally see you for the valuable, loveable person that you are. I hope you can give yourself some grace because bullying can be a truly awful and even traumatic thing to go through, and sometimes the brain is going to try and process and make sense of it in different ways.
We don't think you're pathetic, @bignosegirly0 , in any way
Sending hugs
It makes sense that you would want to imagine a different outcome or scenario with the people who have bullied you, and it feels powerful that in the scenarios you imagine, the bullies finally recognise just how much they've hurt you, begin to treat you with dignity, and ultimately grow to care for you a lot.
I know you feel ashamed of yourself for imagining these scenarios, but I can imagine that it feels really gratifying - to have these people who've hurt you finally see you for the valuable, loveable person that you are. I hope you can give yourself some grace because bullying can be a truly awful and even traumatic thing to go through, and sometimes the brain is going to try and process and make sense of it in different ways.
We don't think you're pathetic, @bignosegirly0 , in any way
Sending hugs
Sian321
1
Re: I’m so fucking pathetic (mentions of self harm and suicide)
Hey @bignosegirly0, I'm sorry to hear what you've been put through. As @Faolan says quite rightly, you didn't deserve to be treated in this way at all. You deserve to be treated well, to be respected, and to be loved. It's sad to hear that you hear you ask what's wrong with you, when you're the one that has been wronged in these situations. Coping mechanisms are just that - ways for you to cope with difficult situations like these. They might not be ideal, but in the moment you're finding whatever way you can to handle the emotional impact of the situation. Be kind to yourself - what you've been through is difficult and painful. We're here to listen to you and support you through this
Azziman
2
Re: I’m so fucking pathetic (mentions of self harm and suicide)
You didn’t deserve the bullying you recieved and I’m really sorry to see that you feel so low ablut yourself because of the way others have treated you . No one deserves that and it really makes me frustrated because I don’t know why we cant all just be fecking kind to each other.
I don’t feel like any of this is pathetic at all. From my perspective it just looks like you’re been treated cruelly and your brain is trying to find a way to rewrite those painful narratives to make them feel less cruel and maybe more hopeful. I don’t know if that makes sense, it made sense in my head lol .
Anyway, I think it’s normal to crave kindness, even from eejits who think it’s great to bully us. And I guess when someone who’s hurt you has done something slightly kind it can be magnified because it contrasts so differently with the pain they’ve caused.
I can relate to doing this because I know well I’ve done it myself with my uncle who I don’t have a great relationship with.
I hope that in time you will realise that you are worthy and that you’re not pathetic and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just trying to heal from very real and painful trauma in the best way that you can.
I don’t feel like any of this is pathetic at all. From my perspective it just looks like you’re been treated cruelly and your brain is trying to find a way to rewrite those painful narratives to make them feel less cruel and maybe more hopeful. I don’t know if that makes sense, it made sense in my head lol .
Anyway, I think it’s normal to crave kindness, even from eejits who think it’s great to bully us. And I guess when someone who’s hurt you has done something slightly kind it can be magnified because it contrasts so differently with the pain they’ve caused.
I can relate to doing this because I know well I’ve done it myself with my uncle who I don’t have a great relationship with.
I hope that in time you will realise that you are worthy and that you’re not pathetic and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just trying to heal from very real and painful trauma in the best way that you can.
Faolan
2
Re: Next Steps in My Job Search
Hey @TheNightmare - thank you for sharing your experience with job searching. I know that this has been a difficult journey for you, but really well done for persevering and continuing to search for roles. It's not easy to keep going when the going gets tough, especially when we compare ourselves to others, but you're doing well to keep moving forwards! 
Developing skills sounds like a good way to improve your employability, while volunteering gives you a good opportunity to improve skills, work with others and get some real experience. It sounds like a key concern here is time. I guess my question here is, do you need to pick between them? Volunteering doesn't need to be full-time - even an hour or two per week can be a big help to a charity. How would you feel about that?
From my experience, I can also say that volunteering was helpful for me getting a job. It gave me a great opportunity to work with others and develop skills, as well as being something I could add on an application. The one thing it doesn't give you is money - but for employers, they'll care about what you're currently up to, what skills you have, whether you work well with others. In essence, they won't be asking you (at this stage) about the money you're currently making. Volunteering is also not something that you'll be stuck in - it's voluntary, so if you need to stop for a while or even leave, that's accepted due to the nature of the role.
It's easy to feel disheartened when we compare ourselves to others around us, or to an aspiration version of ourselves, and that's because we (knowingly or unknowingly) pay attention to the best things about those comparatives, and the worst things about ourselves. I know it's difficult, but remember that you're taking the right steps towards the role you want to get. Keep focusing on your journey and you'll get that role in time. We're here to support you through this journey too!
Developing skills sounds like a good way to improve your employability, while volunteering gives you a good opportunity to improve skills, work with others and get some real experience. It sounds like a key concern here is time. I guess my question here is, do you need to pick between them? Volunteering doesn't need to be full-time - even an hour or two per week can be a big help to a charity. How would you feel about that?
From my experience, I can also say that volunteering was helpful for me getting a job. It gave me a great opportunity to work with others and develop skills, as well as being something I could add on an application. The one thing it doesn't give you is money - but for employers, they'll care about what you're currently up to, what skills you have, whether you work well with others. In essence, they won't be asking you (at this stage) about the money you're currently making. Volunteering is also not something that you'll be stuck in - it's voluntary, so if you need to stop for a while or even leave, that's accepted due to the nature of the role.
It's easy to feel disheartened when we compare ourselves to others around us, or to an aspiration version of ourselves, and that's because we (knowingly or unknowingly) pay attention to the best things about those comparatives, and the worst things about ourselves. I know it's difficult, but remember that you're taking the right steps towards the role you want to get. Keep focusing on your journey and you'll get that role in time. We're here to support you through this journey too!
Azziman
1
Re: Next Steps in My Job Search
Job searching and being successful is tiring, long process abd is very hard! Im stuck in a similar situation abd just getting by with 0hr contract jobs.
Not being where you'd like to be and seeing others around you succeeding can havr a knock on self esteem but it's hard getting a job. You will get there though...
Personally volunteering has helped, 1 experience wise 2 self esteem wise. You'll find motivation in enjoyment. Start by committing a minimum then uf you can do more if you enjoy it. I started off 1 day a week even though I couldve done 2.
Volunteering you have flexibility as well
Good luck 👍
Not being where you'd like to be and seeing others around you succeeding can havr a knock on self esteem but it's hard getting a job. You will get there though...
Personally volunteering has helped, 1 experience wise 2 self esteem wise. You'll find motivation in enjoyment. Start by committing a minimum then uf you can do more if you enjoy it. I started off 1 day a week even though I couldve done 2.
Volunteering you have flexibility as well
Good luck 👍
Re: Did I mess up?
No you didn’t mess up
She wasn’t able to fully consent and you respected her body & state of mind by stopping. You’re a good man for that. Plus I doubt she had getting funky in the back of her sisters car on her bingo cards for 2024, you definitely did the right thing by stopping 🤣
She’s prob wrecked and nursing a hangover or maybe embarrassed. Give her a few hours and see how it all goes then
Hope you’re feeling ok
She wasn’t able to fully consent and you respected her body & state of mind by stopping. You’re a good man for that. Plus I doubt she had getting funky in the back of her sisters car on her bingo cards for 2024, you definitely did the right thing by stopping 🤣
She’s prob wrecked and nursing a hangover or maybe embarrassed. Give her a few hours and see how it all goes then
Hope you’re feeling ok
Faolan
4
Re: TW/ wish i wasnt here
Hey @eylah
I know that those feelings of worthlessness are so hard to combat and can feel super intense. I wonder if it's possible to acknowledge small victories as something that can contribute to your sense of self. Personally seeing how much you struggle (from what you've shared with us here) and knowing that you're still alive and trying despite how exhausting it is, I see that a victory. I've read online that if you're still alive while also being depressed then you're not struggling with depression, depression is struggling with you. It's corny but helps me from time to time. Right now your mind isn't being very kind or supportive, yet here you are still trying. That's huge even if it feels like nothing. You also don't have to do anything to earn a sense of worthiness. You exist, therefor you are worthy. I'm really proud of you keep going
I know that those feelings of worthlessness are so hard to combat and can feel super intense. I wonder if it's possible to acknowledge small victories as something that can contribute to your sense of self. Personally seeing how much you struggle (from what you've shared with us here) and knowing that you're still alive and trying despite how exhausting it is, I see that a victory. I've read online that if you're still alive while also being depressed then you're not struggling with depression, depression is struggling with you. It's corny but helps me from time to time. Right now your mind isn't being very kind or supportive, yet here you are still trying. That's huge even if it feels like nothing. You also don't have to do anything to earn a sense of worthiness. You exist, therefor you are worthy. I'm really proud of you
keep going
briannat
1
Re: After holiday
hey @ellie2000 howre you doing atm? remember were here for you bc you matter so much to us. i wanted to say its brave of you to reach out and tell us abt everything thats happening for you rn but im so proud of you bc no matter what your going through you always bounce back. keep going ellie you got this ❤️
eylah
1
Re: Moving on 💚
Thanks @TheNightmare! Really kind of you to say, man.TheNightmare wrote: »I remember you when I first joined and it's just sad to hear you're leaving but I and Im sure everyone wishes you the best for whatever you do next.
You've come a long way since we all first met you, and even though I know you struggle to feel optimistic about your future, you have a tonne to be proud of. You've put a lot of work into being able to better connect with people and generally grow as a person, and that deserves a lot of credit that I don't think you always give yourself. That work is important just like any other work, but a lot of folks (especially guys) miss out on it, which is a shame because those skills can really take you far in life.
It's been wonderful to see that development in you and I've no doubt you'll have life sorted when things line up for you. Best of luck with everything, and keep at it 😊
JustV
2