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Hiya. Sorry if this reply is a bit of a mess but I wanted to reply anyways.

River wrote: »

I dont know whats wrong with me these days. I dont know myself anymore. Everyone leave me, everyone lies to me, everyone forgets me, everyone replaces me and everyone hurts me.

First of all I want to point this out. You say you don't know what's wrong with you but you immediately proceed to talk about everyone else. That is on them, not on you! There's nothing wrong with you for needing extra support or attention, it's not your fault traumatic things happened to you in the past.

You ask yourself "am I really that bad" which is literally the exact question I've been asking myself recently. Like why does it feel like everyone doesn't care? It feels like people don't want to care, or be nice or understanding. I'm not sure why. But if someone doesn't care then do you really need their attention? I dont know why it's so hard to find people who actually care and will accept me for who I am. I like to believe they're out there somewhere. They are there online so surely such people must also exist irl.

River wrote: »

Im just someone who fills the gap in other people's life's until they dont need me anymore and they just throw me away.

You can reword the 'throw me away' part and yea, that sounds about right. It do be like that sometimes. Again brings me back to my previous point, why do people not care. I think it could be that people just look out mainly for themselves. But I really don't know, I'm just saying this to let you know I understand.

River wrote: »

ive been there for myself my whole life and looked after me my whole life.

That's is amazing and I'm proud of you for that! I don't know who's been telling you that, but you absolutely don't come last. You deserve better. And I hope people will start treating you better.

Btw a bit earlier I found out about a self care app called Finch from one of my societies. Not sure how useful it is since I've not used it myself but the reviews are really good so I thought I might share, it could be helpful.

Stay strong and stay hopeful! Sending big hugs