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Re: I feel more like a male than a woman
Re: I feel more like a male than a woman
Hey!
I can see that a few months are passed, but I wanted to check out how are you doing at the moment and if something has changed in the last period.
Gender identity is something that I haven't dealt with it, as I am a cisgender gay man, but I can relate to the hardest part, which is similar, to express the true you.
Did you experiment with a different pronoun? How's it felt?
The only advice that I'm feeling to give you is to don't rush up on things and situations, I know it could be frustrating and it is perfectly normal so don't feel like doing this big step yet. everything will work out, you're a beautiful human being!
Cosmo.
I can see that a few months are passed, but I wanted to check out how are you doing at the moment and if something has changed in the last period.
Gender identity is something that I haven't dealt with it, as I am a cisgender gay man, but I can relate to the hardest part, which is similar, to express the true you.
Did you experiment with a different pronoun? How's it felt?
The only advice that I'm feeling to give you is to don't rush up on things and situations, I know it could be frustrating and it is perfectly normal so don't feel like doing this big step yet. everything will work out, you're a beautiful human being!
Cosmo.
Re: I feel more like a male than a woman
It sounds like you have loads rushing through your head atm @Rose124 , you must be feeling so exhausted by feelings of uncertainty, particularly about how others might react. Firstly, I just wanted to say amazingly big well done to you for being able to explore yourself and starting to think about what your gender means to you. This is often not an easy thing to do in such a ciscentric world! Secondly, whatever 'conclusion' you reach or do not reach about your gender is more than fine, there is abso no rush to 'figure' it all out and we will be here for you throughout your journey 
In terms of experiencing the same feelings, thoughts and behaviours as you, I completely get what you're saying (which is not to say my experience is the exact same as your or anything!!) about wanting to feel like you're being true to yourself and who you actually are. I think it's wonderful that you have come to this place of understanding about yourself
Perhaps there is another member on here who will reply soon whose experience with gender specifically mirrors yours?
Finally, in terms of wondering what others will say, I was in a pretty much identical situation to you in regards to family in particular, being bi was okay, but would ***gender*** be 'too far'?? For me, I think the most important thing to do was to attempt to gauge what people around me's opinions were on trans and gender non-conforming people to understand whether my safety was okay. If it becomes clear that friends/families/partners' opinions are feeling good and safe then it is all about when you feel ready. There is no rush to disclose to others any revelations that you have had about yourself, you deserve time to process your emotions, thoughts and any changes you might carry out (e.g., you mentioned wearing binders maybe
). Once you do feel comfy talking to people, maybe start with one person whom you trust a lot (e.g., a best friend or your boyfriend?) as starting with one person can feel easier than sitting everyone down in one room
ultimately, I want you to know that I am beyond proud of you for your honesty, exploration and ability to speak your truth, as these can all be immensely difficult. We will be with you throughout, no matter what. I wish you so much peace and happiness in this life
In terms of experiencing the same feelings, thoughts and behaviours as you, I completely get what you're saying (which is not to say my experience is the exact same as your or anything!!) about wanting to feel like you're being true to yourself and who you actually are. I think it's wonderful that you have come to this place of understanding about yourself
Perhaps there is another member on here who will reply soon whose experience with gender specifically mirrors yours?Finally, in terms of wondering what others will say, I was in a pretty much identical situation to you in regards to family in particular, being bi was okay, but would ***gender*** be 'too far'?? For me, I think the most important thing to do was to attempt to gauge what people around me's opinions were on trans and gender non-conforming people to understand whether my safety was okay. If it becomes clear that friends/families/partners' opinions are feeling good and safe then it is all about when you feel ready. There is no rush to disclose to others any revelations that you have had about yourself, you deserve time to process your emotions, thoughts and any changes you might carry out (e.g., you mentioned wearing binders maybe
). Once you do feel comfy talking to people, maybe start with one person whom you trust a lot (e.g., a best friend or your boyfriend?) as starting with one person can feel easier than sitting everyone down in one room ultimately, I want you to know that I am beyond proud of you for your honesty, exploration and ability to speak your truth, as these can all be immensely difficult. We will be with you throughout, no matter what. I wish you so much peace and happiness in this life
Re: The Need and Want Dilemma
@Tigger2001 This is such a lovely thread, thanks so much for posting this.
Sometimes, it can be hard to see these things when we're consumed by negative thoughts or behaviours, but you're so right. If they're your friends, they will understand that you can't be around certain substances, in case you relapse, and make time to do other things with you that don't involve these.
It's also really important to be gentle with yourself when weeing yourself off these substances. It can be so difficult and if relapse occurs, it's easy to just give up on your recovery all together. However, the fact you're trying is something to be commended! Recovery isn't linear, and relapsing is more common than we're led to believe! It doesn't have to be the end of your recovery journey, that's why it's important to be kind with yourself, and understand you're doing the best you can.
Sending love and strength to anyone who needs it right now
Sometimes, it can be hard to see these things when we're consumed by negative thoughts or behaviours, but you're so right. If they're your friends, they will understand that you can't be around certain substances, in case you relapse, and make time to do other things with you that don't involve these.
It's also really important to be gentle with yourself when weeing yourself off these substances. It can be so difficult and if relapse occurs, it's easy to just give up on your recovery all together. However, the fact you're trying is something to be commended! Recovery isn't linear, and relapsing is more common than we're led to believe! It doesn't have to be the end of your recovery journey, that's why it's important to be kind with yourself, and understand you're doing the best you can.
Sending love and strength to anyone who needs it right now
Re: General chit chat
lovemimoon wrote: »lovemimoon wrote: »lovemimoon wrote: »Damn. Jealous of your days now.
My mum's helping my sister revise tomorrow, and I'm preparing revision material for her.
Sounds not so fun.. but you could go do something fun after!!
Probably. But my sister has barely done her work since she started her GCSEs. So we're talking about a year's worth of revision crammed in a few months.
Oh gosh. Good luck
Thank yooou
Get some.audio tapes for when she's sleeping. Play them during her sleep. Apparently you still take on stuff in sleep
Re: General chit chat
@lovemimoon it does depend where you go, but we do have some nice places up here. I do like where I live even though it’s not the nicest bit of the country
Re: Care Experienced - Ask Me Anything
Really great thread idea @Anch0r33 - appreciate you being willing to share your experiences, I am sure it will help others. I guess in terms of a question, what things would you want to have told your younger self about being in care before that happened to you? You mentioned that there are quite a few misconceptions about being in care, what would you say are the biggest things people get wrong about what being in care is like or what it means?
Thank you Ed! I appreciate that. I'm hoping I can use my experiences to educate others, in a safe space of course!
I think the biggest thing for me would've been to not be scared of the consequences of reporting my mum. I took so long to do it that I inevitably suffered more. That the adults in your life are there to help and support you. I wish I had been able to open up more so I would definitely tell myself not to be scared. I think often about what would've changed if I had opened up more at the start and I really feel I would've received more support. Living in care isn't a bad thing unless you make it a bad thing. Make the most of bad situations and appreciate those that are trying to help you - often they are doing their job but they're doing it because they care.
About the misconceptions - children in care are no different to other children. Often care experience is a label used to describe people like myself but it carries negative connotations. Many people believe it's our fault we were put into care or that we are criminals but in reality we just want a place to call home and people to genuinely care for us.
Care kids are more likely to have experienced trauma and difficult situations at a young age which can make learning difficult. I think we're automatically expected to fail so when we do something good there is a lot of celebration - which can be a good thing but at the same time, we're not stupid. We've just been given the short straws in life.
Another thing is people assume that when you're put into secure care it's because you're a hardened criminal. That simply isn't the case. Often secure care is for high flight risks (so runaways) and suicide attempts. Sure there's people who have committed crimes but that's not everything.
Living in a group home isn't like Tracy Beaker/the dumping ground. I never lived in a social work group home but I did live in a group home none the less so will speak of my experiences there. I lived in a house with 4 bedrooms and there was 12 of us there. It could be very frustrating, there was rarely any alone time but there's not as much drama. Most of the time it was just like living in a house with lots of people. It didn't feel institutional at all, but it also didn't feel like home.
Another big one is there are many reasons people go into care. It can range from parental death, parental mental health problems or other illnesses, it may be that you're an asylum seeker without family or it could be because you've requested it for whatever reason, it may also be because of severe attendance issues at school or constant anti social behaviour. There's many other reasons including parents requesting you to be placed into care.
That's all I can think of off the top of my head but if there's anything I missed or anything you'd like to ask regarding anything I've said (or not said!) then please do fire away.
I'm proud of my care experience and hope I can do a lot of good with my experience
If you had...
Hi guys this is a thread I'm starting
The idea is if you had whatever And only one day to do it what would you do?
So I'll start us off if you had one hour left on this planet what would you do? What would you say? any regrets?
This thread will be updated every day so be on the look out! Or maybe just the weekends I'm not sure
The idea is if you had whatever And only one day to do it what would you do?
So I'll start us off if you had one hour left on this planet what would you do? What would you say? any regrets?
This thread will be updated every day so be on the look out! Or maybe just the weekends I'm not sure