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Re: My boyfriend always wants sex and I don’t, can you help?
This is funny! I have similar problems, lol. I think it's funny that the response is always "communication is good. It's understandable how you feel. Try talking to him." Men can't hear it! They are so tired of us talking talking talking.... That's what all these ladies are saying. "I done told him"! It doesn't do anything buy piss him off and wear us out. I've noticed that most articles that come up in google searches about relationships are telling ladies how to deal with men, how to be better for men, how to understand men.... not so much the other way round. Maybe men are given far too much slack. Maybe it's time they start trying to be better for women. Maybe it's time that men get over themselves and consider adapting to the needs of their partners. I think that the constant access to porn has warped their brains. And society condones it! Recommends it! I swear sex was better before smartphones. Hell, mine can hardly get off with out verbally acting out some forced daddy daughter sex scene or dressing up in ladies undies. And he's so accustomed to his hand he can rarely stay hard when he's f***ing me. (Yeah, you thought you had it bad, huh?) I'm totally not that kind of kinky either, I dont like porn and talking dirty feels like more of a distraction for me. I guess I like it the old fashioned way and the extra stuff feels like too much work. So I make him do things or buy things for me now when he wants "sex". I kind of feel bad for him. It must be awful to be so hooked on a feeling that lasts less than a minute and makes you act so foolish. All this has caused problems in the relationship. More and more he's at his place too busy jerking off all night and I spend a lot of time at home with my cat. I really dont even know if I love him anymore, I mean he's really got a good heart and in a lot of ways he's everything I wanted in a guy but then he wants me to dominate him and he even got us a strap on (No, I didn't go there) and I just can't see him as the rugged, strong, sexy man I fell for anymore. I mean, people have their kinks and exploration is healthy but in 3 years we've never made love, maybe once... I miss that kind of stuff. I'd move on if I didn't think that all men have been porn-programed... at least this one is honest about it. In my last relationship I found out the hard way. He was screwing guys and girls from craigslist, the guy part was a real shock... And the guy before that I discovered was a porn addict and prefered girls that pretend to be waaayyyyy young (eew). So I keep my lingerie wearing lumberjack and say "no, daddy, no" while he jerks off. Then he buys me things.
Re: My boyfriend always wants sex and I don’t, can you help?
Hey @kikila
Sorry to hear you are in the same boat and that it’s been going on for years.
It sounds like you feel you are having sex that you don’t really like, just to please your partner. And when you refuse, your partner gets angry and feels that it’s okay to touch you sexually without your consent. This sounds unhealthy and you might want to consider checking out our ‘How to spot unhealthy behaviour in the bedroom’ article here: https://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/how-to-spot-unhealthy-behaviour-in-the-bedroom-22935.html
Communication is often helpful, more so when a partner doesn’t realise that what they are doing is off-putting. However, if you’ve tried talking to your partner about his behaviour and find that he gets defensive and hostile, it can be difficult to see any benefit to communicating. The article suggests that “If he remains defensive and argumentative about things it may be unlikely that you’ll find any kind of compromise. If this is the case, you may need to decide if you’re prepared to put up with things as they are.”
If you’d like to get more support, feel free to sign up to our discussion boards https://community.themix.org.uk/ and if you’re under 25 and in the UK, you can talk to our team directly https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team Alternatively, there’s always RAINN https://www.rainn.org/
Take care 
Maisy
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Re: I find it very difficult to do the transcriptions (TW: suicidal feelings)
Bless your heart @Kate_20 ! You must be beyond exhausted, writing out transcripts is literally so frustrating because it's so important but so much longer than you anticipate. I agree with @Laura_tigger82 's idea that chunking can make it easier, as can setting time limits, instead of word limits. So, 5 minutes of writing to 5 minutes of a break. You are not at all pathetic, I promise. Sometimes these tasks are actually the hardest, especially when they make us feel like we aren't good enough. Keep going
Re: I find it very difficult to do the transcriptions (TW: suicidal feelings)
Hi @Kate_20,
Sorry to hear you are experiencing so much difficulty with the transcription. As @Cosmo said, make sure you take lots of breathers. Chunk the 7000 words. I.E. 1,000 words an hour if it has to be by tomorrow or 1,000 words a day if you have a week. In terms of practical advice, does your university have a free version of NVivo? They have a transcription service inbuilt and the software is typically targeted towards students doing dissertation research/PhDs. Hopefully, it will help but if you want any more support, please just let us know
Sorry to hear you are experiencing so much difficulty with the transcription. As @Cosmo said, make sure you take lots of breathers. Chunk the 7000 words. I.E. 1,000 words an hour if it has to be by tomorrow or 1,000 words a day if you have a week. In terms of practical advice, does your university have a free version of NVivo? They have a transcription service inbuilt and the software is typically targeted towards students doing dissertation research/PhDs. Hopefully, it will help but if you want any more support, please just let us know
Re: I find it very difficult to do the transcriptions (TW: suicidal feelings)
Hey @Kate_20
I understand your struggle, most of the time we think that we always need to be the best version of ourselves, but we are human and not robots. Try to get some time for you, try not to worry more that you need. Recharging batteries is the first step to be more productive.
Cosmo.
I understand your struggle, most of the time we think that we always need to be the best version of ourselves, but we are human and not robots. Try to get some time for you, try not to worry more that you need. Recharging batteries is the first step to be more productive.
Cosmo.
Re: Overwhelmed with anxiety
@DillyDally Hello, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. Relationship pressures such as this can be really difficult to navigate.
I am sorry that I cannot provide any helpful advice, but I would like to recommend a few professional helplines and online chat services that may be able to help greatly.
The Spark https://thespark.org.uk/relationship-support-for-couples-individuals/relationship-helpline/ (this is a free helpline for relationship counselling. you can go as individual or pair)
The Mix's service chats and helplines can assist you as well.
Here's a comprehensive list of various helplines:
https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/relationships-helplines
I wish you all the best.
I am sorry that I cannot provide any helpful advice, but I would like to recommend a few professional helplines and online chat services that may be able to help greatly.
The Spark https://thespark.org.uk/relationship-support-for-couples-individuals/relationship-helpline/ (this is a free helpline for relationship counselling. you can go as individual or pair)
The Mix's service chats and helplines can assist you as well.
Here's a comprehensive list of various helplines:
https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/relationships-helplines
I wish you all the best.
Re: Just want to drink
Hi @kels1278
Just checking in to see how you are doing?
If you'd ever like to talk a little more about how you are feeling or the things you have going on, we are right here for you. Take good care
Just checking in to see how you are doing?
If you'd ever like to talk a little more about how you are feeling or the things you have going on, we are right here for you. Take good care
Re: Just want to drink
Hope you're doing okay @kels1278
Do keep us updated with how you're feeling and remember we're here for you. I also wanted to share some additional places you can reach out for support if you feel you would like someone to talk to. Some of these services are open 24 hours a day, so they are just a call or text away when you need them
Do keep us updated with how you're feeling and remember we're here for you. I also wanted to share some additional places you can reach out for support if you feel you would like someone to talk to. Some of these services are open 24 hours a day, so they are just a call or text away when you need them
*Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, and are experiencing any painful emotion or are in crisis, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
* Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
* Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.
* If you have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E.
Aoife
1
Re: Just want to drink
How are you getting on, @kels1278?
Do you mind if I ask, is there anything you can share with us that might provide more context to how you're feeling? Is there anything specific making you want to drink (e.g. life challenges)?
You've done well to connect with us here. Reaching out for support is never an easy thing to do and this community is always here to support you where we can.
I cba to fight anymore man, I'm tired. I'm so, so tired.
I wanted to acknowledge some of the feelings behind what you shared here. It sounds like you're feeling pretty... exhausted? That feeling of tiredness and 'I'll always be fine in the end' is something a lot of people experience when they live with chronic mental health challenges. Dealing with these things for a long time is emotionally draining, and it's understandable and normal to want to drink.I’m fine, I always be fine in the end. If I don’t pick myself up no one else is going to do it
Do you mind if I ask, is there anything you can share with us that might provide more context to how you're feeling? Is there anything specific making you want to drink (e.g. life challenges)?
You've done well to connect with us here. Reaching out for support is never an easy thing to do and this community is always here to support you where we can.
JustV
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