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this probably makes no sense and idk why im even writing this im just confused i guess idk lol

Actually, this makes total sense and I'm so glad that you decided to unpack it all here because these things are so so important to talk about.

I know from personal experience just how tricky these thoughts can be. When I was little, I was so sure that I wanted to be a zookeeper but somewhere along the time, I switched gears and decided on becoming a Dr. Now, i'm deep in uni, halfway through my course and recently i've been wondering if this is what I really want. That 'Wait, what am I even doing right now?' moment can be such a jarring feeling.

Do you know what makes it so confusing? I feel like it's because when you've been working towards something for so long, it almost becomes a part of your identity. It's not just "what you want to do"; it's "who you are". When that starts to unravel - because of external stuff, like setbacks, or internal stuff, like changing feelings - it can feel like the ground gets pulled out from under you. Of course it feels confusing and scary. It’s like standing in front of a blank canvas when you thought you were already halfway through the painting. What i'm trying to say here is that your feelings couldn't be more valid. This is what you had your heart set on and it's okay to grieve that dream.

t i think i do want to go back to the airport? i dont even know. i have no clue what i want to do anymore☹️

Sounds like a push-pull between 'Do I go back to something familiar?' or 'Do i push forward into something new?' and that must be really overwhelming? The airport clearly holds a special place for you and It’s okay to feel conflicted. Maybe ask yourself: What’s pulling me back? Is it the people, the memories, or the comfort of the familiar? And is there a way I can get those same feelings in a new role or setting? You might find there’s a way to have the best of both worlds.

I hear how much you hate college @shannonxg_ , It's hard enough for you to deal with the stress of college without the added pressure of things not being properly set up for you. With that in mind, it's totally understandable that you'd feel like throwing in the towel. I'm curious here - Is it the course itself making you feel miserable, or is it the lack of support around it? If it's the latter, don’t be afraid to kick up a bit of a stink to get what you need. You’re putting in the effort. You deserve to have the tools to succeed.

i also started a youth work qualification too which i am absolutely LOVING!! i

this sounds like the golden nugget This is the thing you sound most excited about, and that spark is SO important. Maybe this is a sign that you’re starting to uncover what really lights you up. Youth work is all about connection, empathy, and helping others grow - and from everything you’ve shared, you’re clearly a natural at that. Maybe this is worth leaning into more. What is it about the youth work qualification that feels so good?

None of this is a sign that anything is going wrong, rather, a sign that you're growing and evolving.

You've got to much to offer the world