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Best Of
Dean lewis replied to me and said my name
I know it sounds so sad but last night at like 3 I was crying my eyes out while scrolling on tiktok and one of deans posts came up so I commented and he replied all he said was josh my bro but it meant so much to me and then I went on his live stream and he said it again this is well sad but I'd thought I'd share
About this forum (Neurodivergence)
Welcome to Neurodivergence!
This is a space to discuss anything about neurodivergence. This isn't just a space for neurodivergent (ND) people - neurotypical (NT) people can post here too! (e.g. to learn more or for help supporting friends)
ND conditions are separate from illnesses, because people who have them are not unwell, they're just 'wired differently'. Currently, the most well known ND conditions are autism and ADHD, but definitions can also include dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and more.
Why did we make this forum?
As mentioned above, ND doesn't fit neatly into any existing category. We know that ND conditions aren't illnessnes in the same way that anxiety and depression are, so Health & Wellbeing doesn't quite work. Given this, we felt a Neurodivergent category made the most sense.
As always with new forums, we'll continue to tweak this and listen to your feedback while we roll it out. Feel free to share your thoughts on this new category here or via DM to @TheMix!
This is a space to discuss anything about neurodivergence. This isn't just a space for neurodivergent (ND) people - neurotypical (NT) people can post here too! (e.g. to learn more or for help supporting friends)
ND conditions are separate from illnesses, because people who have them are not unwell, they're just 'wired differently'. Currently, the most well known ND conditions are autism and ADHD, but definitions can also include dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, and more.
Why did we make this forum?
As mentioned above, ND doesn't fit neatly into any existing category. We know that ND conditions aren't illnessnes in the same way that anxiety and depression are, so Health & Wellbeing doesn't quite work. Given this, we felt a Neurodivergent category made the most sense.
As always with new forums, we'll continue to tweak this and listen to your feedback while we roll it out. Feel free to share your thoughts on this new category here or via DM to @TheMix!
JustV
10
A little message from me (thank you and goodbye!)
Hi all!
After a good few years and much deliberating, I've decided to leave the group chat mod team here. It's been a joy chatting with you all and getting to know you over the last few years, and I want to shout out everyone who makes the group chats as supportive as they are ❤️
I will probably pop by the group chat from time to time to say hey to everyone, so see you there!
Have a good one, and happy new year! 🙂
Grace
After a good few years and much deliberating, I've decided to leave the group chat mod team here. It's been a joy chatting with you all and getting to know you over the last few years, and I want to shout out everyone who makes the group chats as supportive as they are ❤️
I will probably pop by the group chat from time to time to say hey to everyone, so see you there!
Have a good one, and happy new year! 🙂
Grace
Re: Reflecting on 2023
i hope 2024 gets better cause on that year i start getting rights (im turning 16). but apart from legal matters not much changes since ill still be considered a child. also if youre wondering 2023 was just like 2022 for me but with more drama
Fuck off 2023!
No space for me?!
My mother has never cared about me much & for as long as I can remember typically treats me like an unwanted stranger who barged his way into her life, pretending to be her son. I know that I am her son & that she & my father planned me, so I'm baffled at her unjustified, hostile attitude towards me. The closest I've discovered to an explanation is that since shortly after I was born, my father treated her worse, so she has scapegoated me for his wrongdoing. She has always prioritised many people over me, sometimes 'justifying' doing so by telling me that they've been in her life for longer than I have. It's even worse since she told me: "I've made new friends; I don't have space for you in my life any more!" She has plenty of space in her life for many friends (she has greatly increased her number of friends since I was in my early teens), many relatives, hobbies, holidays etc. - but not me. She's never had or wanted a career; there's nothing that needs to take up loads of her time. She has a lot of free time, but chooses to exclude me.
Could there be a way forward regarding her? I'm not expecting great improvements, but is there a way to encourage her to care about me & want me in her life? I don't know anyone who is willing & able to be a middleman in any such conversation, so I don't know where to start.
She lives alone & is a proudly celibate, religious prude, so she certainly doesn't have a lover. According to her, any sex that isn't between a husband & wife, in bed, in private, is deviant. She is frequently outraged at people "breaking god's rules" by cohabiting, saying it'll destroy society & acts shocked by it as though it's new & rare.
My father is also awful, but he has no-one else in his life, so I feel obliged to care about him, even though he has never cared much about me.
Having an awful family means I feel much worse at Christmas & on Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day & my birthday. It's even more apparent then than it usually is that millions of people have close, supportive, loving families. I'm pleased for those lucky millions, but resent that many people - including me - never had that.
Could there be a way forward regarding her? I'm not expecting great improvements, but is there a way to encourage her to care about me & want me in her life? I don't know anyone who is willing & able to be a middleman in any such conversation, so I don't know where to start.
She lives alone & is a proudly celibate, religious prude, so she certainly doesn't have a lover. According to her, any sex that isn't between a husband & wife, in bed, in private, is deviant. She is frequently outraged at people "breaking god's rules" by cohabiting, saying it'll destroy society & acts shocked by it as though it's new & rare.
My father is also awful, but he has no-one else in his life, so I feel obliged to care about him, even though he has never cared much about me.
Having an awful family means I feel much worse at Christmas & on Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day & my birthday. It's even more apparent then than it usually is that millions of people have close, supportive, loving families. I'm pleased for those lucky millions, but resent that many people - including me - never had that.
Hopeless ramble
Hello there. I haven't posted a very long ramble in a while now (and by 'a while' I mean not even a month lol), so here you go cause I'm feeling extra sad right now.
I'm genuinely worried about my future, but not in a 'something bad will happen' way but more like the things and opportunities I'll miss. I've made a lot of mistakes in my past but I just didn't know better at the time. And I've wasted a LOT of time, a LOT of opportunities and experiences. I really don't want that happening any more, yet I don't see it being any different.
I want to talk about a couple of different topics so I'll split this post into several parts, cause I'm expecting it to be long. And if I say its gonna be long then it is going to be longggg.
My people
I've never had a friend, and I mean a real friend. Not even one. No one to want to spend time with, no one that I can be excited to visit. No one who I'm constantly messaging day and night, anticipating every message. No one to vent to, and go for a hug when things are low.
I genuinely can't imagine finding 'my people'. Like where are they, where do I even find them? I don't even know what 'my people' would even look like. I'm convinced the perfect friend that I'm imagining doesn't exist, it would be extremely lucky to ever meet such person.
I can try to get along with anyone, just to have some sort of friend. But even then there aren't such people. I have so many people I know online, so many 'friends' from uni. Yet none of them feel like a real friend, nor ever having the possibility of being a real friend. Everyone I ever known feels so fake, so robotic. It feels like people don't care, and don't want to care. It feels like people don't want friendships, yet somehow everyone has them. Like where the frick do they even come from??
Idk maybe I'm just unlikable. Maybe I'm not putting myself out there enough. But I don't have time to be going out to random events where I struggle to get any word out of my mouth and end up going home all miserable and depressed telling myself I'm never going to any event again.
Relationships
Not something I talked about much during my time on the mix, beside mentioning I've never been in a relationship. This takes most of the points from the section above and cranks them up x10. Like if I can't find a normal friend then how on earth a relationship??
I know I'm only 21, yet I feel like I'm too late for a decent relationship (also I will be generalising a lot so no offence to anyone here). It feels like all the nice, caring, understanding people at my age are already taken, cause why wouldn't they be? I have only one life, I want a relationship that I feel comfortable and good with, not just any I can somehow find. Yet that feels impossible and that it'll never happen. I'm not gonna have a random person come out of the ground one day and say "I have been waiting all my life for you, you are perfect". Cause I'm not perfect, I have a lot of flaws and I know I'll require a lot of care, understanding, and time. I know there are many much better people to be in a relationship with instead of me, so I assume most lovely people capable of being such a good partner to me are already in a relationship with someone else. These are just my thoughts btw, I clearly don't know anything about how relationships work lol. Also I hope I'm making any sense here and not just rambling nonsense.
I keep worrying that in order to have a nice relationship I have to find one now. For the reasons above, and for the fact that right now I have the most opportunities to meet new people my age, with how much opportunities uni brings itself. It makes me sad thinking that once I leave uni (and I'm on my final year), I will never again have the opportunity to be with so many people my age in one place. I genuinely wish I started joining societies and clubs much much sooner in my life, if I could tell my past self one thing it would be this, to stop wasting time and take every opportunity I'm given.
Study and work
And speaking of leaving uni. I'm struggling in uni so much right now. I can't concentrate or keep up with work, I don't feel interested anymore in what I'm studying and I'm not motivated enough to continue. With how much I'm struggling I'm shit scared of finishing this study year and starting a job, it feels completely impossible for me. All the pressure I will be put under with little to no margin for error. Like I won't be able to extend my time again and again when I need, its gonna be much more complicated and much more will be required from me in a shorter amount of time.
And this isn't even mentioning that I can't imagine doing what I do for the rest of my life, it seems absolutely miserable. I wish I chose a subject that I was more interested in, and I hate how long it took me to realise how much I hate this one.
Health
Yea this one is serious, but there isn't much to be said so I'll keep it brief. My health is bad, like really bad. Everyone is telling me to start exercising, going for walks at least, but I'm just not doing it. I'm really worried that my health is reaching the point where its unfixable, and I will never be fit for example There is definitely one thing that I won't be able to fix anymore, which I wont talk about cause theres no point. But yea, I hate feeling so weak and like my body is about to fall apart any moment. I think I was very lucky to be born with a really great body but I kinda just messed it all up.
Living in another country
Final thing I want to talk about for now, relating to the other topics above. I can't imagine living in this country (UK) for the rest of my life, I'll be honest, I hate it here. I've lived here for most of my life, I've studied only here. Yet I never felt like home in this country. I don't have family here beside the one I live with, I have nothing holding me here beside studies. I want to move out of here as soon as possible.
Now, what happens if I find decent friends, heaven forbid a relationship, a job? Moving would mean starting all the way from scratch, losing pretty much everything. So what, do I not look for friendships? Is it pointless looking for friendships that I'm probably gonna lose soon anyways?
Or do I start looking for clubs and societies where I want to move to? So when I finally move I won't be left all by myself. But how would I even do that while not being there? I really don't know how to approach this whole situation.
So yea thats about it for now. I'm just stuck, feeling extremely hopeless, depressed, and paralysed right now. And I feel like a horrible person too for feeling jealous of other people, the things they have and all they're accomplishing and experiencing. It feels like I'll get nowhere in this life. Its all just too much for me.
This might be one of my most serious and vulnerable posts so far. I'm really anxious about posting this, and having this stuff on the internet for everyone to see. But I have nothing to lose, plus this community has been super helpful and nice to me so I trust it way more than I probably should. Also I know I missed stuff out that I wanted to talk about but if I remember then I'll just add them. Sorry if I said something weird or wrong btw.
Sending big hugs
I'm genuinely worried about my future, but not in a 'something bad will happen' way but more like the things and opportunities I'll miss. I've made a lot of mistakes in my past but I just didn't know better at the time. And I've wasted a LOT of time, a LOT of opportunities and experiences. I really don't want that happening any more, yet I don't see it being any different.
I want to talk about a couple of different topics so I'll split this post into several parts, cause I'm expecting it to be long. And if I say its gonna be long then it is going to be longggg.
My people
I've never had a friend, and I mean a real friend. Not even one. No one to want to spend time with, no one that I can be excited to visit. No one who I'm constantly messaging day and night, anticipating every message. No one to vent to, and go for a hug when things are low.
I genuinely can't imagine finding 'my people'. Like where are they, where do I even find them? I don't even know what 'my people' would even look like. I'm convinced the perfect friend that I'm imagining doesn't exist, it would be extremely lucky to ever meet such person.
I can try to get along with anyone, just to have some sort of friend. But even then there aren't such people. I have so many people I know online, so many 'friends' from uni. Yet none of them feel like a real friend, nor ever having the possibility of being a real friend. Everyone I ever known feels so fake, so robotic. It feels like people don't care, and don't want to care. It feels like people don't want friendships, yet somehow everyone has them. Like where the frick do they even come from??
Idk maybe I'm just unlikable. Maybe I'm not putting myself out there enough. But I don't have time to be going out to random events where I struggle to get any word out of my mouth and end up going home all miserable and depressed telling myself I'm never going to any event again.
Relationships
Not something I talked about much during my time on the mix, beside mentioning I've never been in a relationship. This takes most of the points from the section above and cranks them up x10. Like if I can't find a normal friend then how on earth a relationship??
I know I'm only 21, yet I feel like I'm too late for a decent relationship (also I will be generalising a lot so no offence to anyone here). It feels like all the nice, caring, understanding people at my age are already taken, cause why wouldn't they be? I have only one life, I want a relationship that I feel comfortable and good with, not just any I can somehow find. Yet that feels impossible and that it'll never happen. I'm not gonna have a random person come out of the ground one day and say "I have been waiting all my life for you, you are perfect". Cause I'm not perfect, I have a lot of flaws and I know I'll require a lot of care, understanding, and time. I know there are many much better people to be in a relationship with instead of me, so I assume most lovely people capable of being such a good partner to me are already in a relationship with someone else. These are just my thoughts btw, I clearly don't know anything about how relationships work lol. Also I hope I'm making any sense here and not just rambling nonsense.
I keep worrying that in order to have a nice relationship I have to find one now. For the reasons above, and for the fact that right now I have the most opportunities to meet new people my age, with how much opportunities uni brings itself. It makes me sad thinking that once I leave uni (and I'm on my final year), I will never again have the opportunity to be with so many people my age in one place. I genuinely wish I started joining societies and clubs much much sooner in my life, if I could tell my past self one thing it would be this, to stop wasting time and take every opportunity I'm given.
Study and work
And speaking of leaving uni. I'm struggling in uni so much right now. I can't concentrate or keep up with work, I don't feel interested anymore in what I'm studying and I'm not motivated enough to continue. With how much I'm struggling I'm shit scared of finishing this study year and starting a job, it feels completely impossible for me. All the pressure I will be put under with little to no margin for error. Like I won't be able to extend my time again and again when I need, its gonna be much more complicated and much more will be required from me in a shorter amount of time.
And this isn't even mentioning that I can't imagine doing what I do for the rest of my life, it seems absolutely miserable. I wish I chose a subject that I was more interested in, and I hate how long it took me to realise how much I hate this one.
Health
Yea this one is serious, but there isn't much to be said so I'll keep it brief. My health is bad, like really bad. Everyone is telling me to start exercising, going for walks at least, but I'm just not doing it. I'm really worried that my health is reaching the point where its unfixable, and I will never be fit for example There is definitely one thing that I won't be able to fix anymore, which I wont talk about cause theres no point. But yea, I hate feeling so weak and like my body is about to fall apart any moment. I think I was very lucky to be born with a really great body but I kinda just messed it all up.
Living in another country
Final thing I want to talk about for now, relating to the other topics above. I can't imagine living in this country (UK) for the rest of my life, I'll be honest, I hate it here. I've lived here for most of my life, I've studied only here. Yet I never felt like home in this country. I don't have family here beside the one I live with, I have nothing holding me here beside studies. I want to move out of here as soon as possible.
Now, what happens if I find decent friends, heaven forbid a relationship, a job? Moving would mean starting all the way from scratch, losing pretty much everything. So what, do I not look for friendships? Is it pointless looking for friendships that I'm probably gonna lose soon anyways?
Or do I start looking for clubs and societies where I want to move to? So when I finally move I won't be left all by myself. But how would I even do that while not being there? I really don't know how to approach this whole situation.
So yea thats about it for now. I'm just stuck, feeling extremely hopeless, depressed, and paralysed right now. And I feel like a horrible person too for feeling jealous of other people, the things they have and all they're accomplishing and experiencing. It feels like I'll get nowhere in this life. Its all just too much for me.
This might be one of my most serious and vulnerable posts so far. I'm really anxious about posting this, and having this stuff on the internet for everyone to see. But I have nothing to lose, plus this community has been super helpful and nice to me so I trust it way more than I probably should. Also I know I missed stuff out that I wanted to talk about but if I remember then I'll just add them. Sorry if I said something weird or wrong btw.
Sending big hugs
