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Best Of
Re: Feeling alone
@Redemption , thank you for your post here.
It sounds really positive that you're listening to yourself here, and to those feelings that come up when you find yourself craving connection - to care and be cared for - perhaps in a more long-term or intimate way. That makes sense, and I wonder how it feels to acknowledge that? To be noticing yourself thinking, hey, I might be ready for that! I might want a connection and a source of care that feels a bit more central in my life, and could be in my future!
You mentioned that using dating apps feels a bit conflicting for you because of the payment barriers sometimes, and you also mentioned some worries about your height possibly. You're doing really well to talk about this, and we appreciate your trust in sharing. It's really positive to hear you also naming things about yourself that you feel confidence around, like your loyalty or your humour too. What kind of attributes would you say you'd like for a potential future partner to have to? What are some personality traits that you often feel pulled to?
I hear you, and that feeling of being behind sounds like quite a lot of pressure too. As though there is something 'wrong' or not quite right about exactly where you are. I hear you, and at the same time, there truly are so, so many different and diverse ways to live a life - all of which are valid. Relationships, love, connection, intimacy - these paths will look different for every person, with some people for instance having a 'chapter' of their life where friendship really is the main focus, or other 'chapters' where a 1:1 romantic connection is their main source of support. When you hear yourself say that you have never hugged a girl, not had sex, not been in a relationship, what kind of feelings does that bring up for you? - I'm wondering if there's sadness there, a feeling of being left out, or maybe excitement, curiosity?
We're listening, and you're doing so well to talk about this!
It sounds really positive that you're listening to yourself here, and to those feelings that come up when you find yourself craving connection - to care and be cared for - perhaps in a more long-term or intimate way. That makes sense, and I wonder how it feels to acknowledge that? To be noticing yourself thinking, hey, I might be ready for that! I might want a connection and a source of care that feels a bit more central in my life, and could be in my future!
You mentioned that using dating apps feels a bit conflicting for you because of the payment barriers sometimes, and you also mentioned some worries about your height possibly. You're doing really well to talk about this, and we appreciate your trust in sharing. It's really positive to hear you also naming things about yourself that you feel confidence around, like your loyalty or your humour too. What kind of attributes would you say you'd like for a potential future partner to have to? What are some personality traits that you often feel pulled to?
It’s just hard sometimes, trying to get a job, find a relationship and move forward in life. Even though I’m focusing on getting into work, the thought of being in a relationship is on my mind constantly. I’m 23, nearly 24, and I’ve never had a relationship, never hugged a girl and I’m still a virgin, which makes me feel even more behind.
I hear you, and that feeling of being behind sounds like quite a lot of pressure too. As though there is something 'wrong' or not quite right about exactly where you are. I hear you, and at the same time, there truly are so, so many different and diverse ways to live a life - all of which are valid. Relationships, love, connection, intimacy - these paths will look different for every person, with some people for instance having a 'chapter' of their life where friendship really is the main focus, or other 'chapters' where a 1:1 romantic connection is their main source of support. When you hear yourself say that you have never hugged a girl, not had sex, not been in a relationship, what kind of feelings does that bring up for you? - I'm wondering if there's sadness there, a feeling of being left out, or maybe excitement, curiosity?
We're listening, and you're doing so well to talk about this!
Sian321
1
Re: Alcohol Awareness Week
To round up some of what we've seen from your comments!
There's a lot of insight from you all here, with @DonnerKebab @independent_ and @Amy22 mentioning less money and disposable income for everyone, so it not being a choice as such and an indicator of bigger problems in the world
@ellie2000 @AnonymousToe @Amy22 Have pointed out some reasons why people may make the choice not to drink such as social anxiety, it not being good for your health when used to excess, and it also interfering with medication for a lot of people (which I actually hadnt considered so thank you for pointing that one out!)
There were also mentions of bad experiences with alcohol whether that is yourself or family members, and I think it's true that even one bad experience can be a huge put off, which is so valid!
As a follow-up question, I wonder if you all had any insights on how you feel about the culture surrounding drinking at the moment? As in, do you feel comfy speaking about not wanting a drink right now, or having a drink if the group you're with might not to?
I know in the past it could be seen as something you 'had' to do in a social situation - I wonder where it sits now in your experiences?
There's a lot of insight from you all here, with @DonnerKebab @independent_ and @Amy22 mentioning less money and disposable income for everyone, so it not being a choice as such and an indicator of bigger problems in the world
@ellie2000 @AnonymousToe @Amy22 Have pointed out some reasons why people may make the choice not to drink such as social anxiety, it not being good for your health when used to excess, and it also interfering with medication for a lot of people (which I actually hadnt considered so thank you for pointing that one out!)
There were also mentions of bad experiences with alcohol whether that is yourself or family members, and I think it's true that even one bad experience can be a huge put off, which is so valid!
As a follow-up question, I wonder if you all had any insights on how you feel about the culture surrounding drinking at the moment? As in, do you feel comfy speaking about not wanting a drink right now, or having a drink if the group you're with might not to?
I know in the past it could be seen as something you 'had' to do in a social situation - I wonder where it sits now in your experiences?
Leyla
1
Re: Alcohol Awareness Week
@Leyla wen u drink ur brain goes into defence mode, it says 'i dont like this' n it switches off n teleport safely tucked up in bed. i dont drink anymore coz life is kindof gd 
Re: I failed in life
@Blue_lily @Azziman most of my art and writing is me taking inspiration from my negative experiences and turning them into digital art or stories. It’s almost therapeutic, even if the themes aren’t happy.
Besides therapeutic art, I also got back into creating small paintings to hang in my room.
Besides therapeutic art, I also got back into creating small paintings to hang in my room.
Re: sleep study
@toffuna101 it sounds so positive that getting a better understanding of what's happening when you're sleeping helped to raise your self-esteem and boost your confidence! Sounds like you're feeling quite a lot of admiration right now for what your body can do!
How did you feel after listening back to last night's recordings?
How did you feel after listening back to last night's recordings?
Sian321
1
Re: Mental health sucks!!!!!! Please read this x
Hey there
I think I just replied to your other post but since this one has no responses yet, I’ll sat some more on this thread.
At the end of the day your mental health is always the most important thing – and if that job is only having a negative impact on you and you feel that you need to step away from it in order to protect your mind, then it can only be a good decision if you decide to take it. I know it may be a hard decision given you feel it to be disappointing your mum, but at least you have tried to stick it out for as long as you can. You’ve given it your best shot and that is all anyone can ask from you, and I’m sure you’d be able to find something else that hopefully is a better fit for you in the future.
As for the doctors appointment side of things, it can be as simple as ringing up and saying ‘I’d like to make an appointment about mental health struggles I’ve been having’. Alternatively I know some GP’s have the option to book appointments online through the NHS website/app where you fill a form, although I don’t know how long waits and things are or if it is even available for your local GP (but maybe worth exploring??)
It sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure at the moment too, with the expectations of being the one to ‘step up’ as you worded it. I think as much as your mum may have liked you to be the one at uni or full-time employment, I think her most important concern would be that you are happy and healthy first of all – the rest can fall into place when the time is right. I don’t think you have ‘messed up your life’ at all – it is just taking a bit of time to figure itself out. I know you definitely aren’t alone in feeling this way, both within the community here at The Mix, and in wider society. It is all just one big challenge of figuring things out. But we are all here for you and to support you however we can.
Sending hugs
Sinead
I think I just replied to your other post but since this one has no responses yet, I’ll sat some more on this thread.
At the end of the day your mental health is always the most important thing – and if that job is only having a negative impact on you and you feel that you need to step away from it in order to protect your mind, then it can only be a good decision if you decide to take it. I know it may be a hard decision given you feel it to be disappointing your mum, but at least you have tried to stick it out for as long as you can. You’ve given it your best shot and that is all anyone can ask from you, and I’m sure you’d be able to find something else that hopefully is a better fit for you in the future.
As for the doctors appointment side of things, it can be as simple as ringing up and saying ‘I’d like to make an appointment about mental health struggles I’ve been having’. Alternatively I know some GP’s have the option to book appointments online through the NHS website/app where you fill a form, although I don’t know how long waits and things are or if it is even available for your local GP (but maybe worth exploring??)
It sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure at the moment too, with the expectations of being the one to ‘step up’ as you worded it. I think as much as your mum may have liked you to be the one at uni or full-time employment, I think her most important concern would be that you are happy and healthy first of all – the rest can fall into place when the time is right. I don’t think you have ‘messed up your life’ at all – it is just taking a bit of time to figure itself out. I know you definitely aren’t alone in feeling this way, both within the community here at The Mix, and in wider society. It is all just one big challenge of figuring things out. But we are all here for you and to support you however we can.
Sending hugs
Sinead
Re: donating blood
Hey @toffuna101 - it's amazing to see that you're looking into blood donation. From a fellow donor, thank you for signing up for this, at a time when donations are in high demand!
I hear that you're excited but also nervous about the appointment, and that's a valid and common feeling to have going into this. I can't speak for all venues, but for all the ones I've been to, the staff are really welcoming and helpful especially for people donating for the first time.
Wish you all the best for your first session! Do let us know how you find the appointment once you attend!
I hear that you're excited but also nervous about the appointment, and that's a valid and common feeling to have going into this. I can't speak for all venues, but for all the ones I've been to, the staff are really welcoming and helpful especially for people donating for the first time.
Wish you all the best for your first session! Do let us know how you find the appointment once you attend!
Azziman
3
Re: sleep study
well that was interesting. i made some louder snores and i even snored before i woke up.
Re: sleep study
ok im going to go to bed now, lets see what happens tonight. hopefully my annoying neighbour wont play music.